I Could Never Forget (closed)

[sumurset]

The commander stood hunched over his desk. His office was dimly lit by flickering candles. They offered light where the early hour could not.


He was studying a map, his focus characteristically sharp. There weren't many things that could sway him in such a state.


It had been a few hours since he had awoken. Nightmares often plagued him. They prevented proper rest. Those lost moments of recuperation were always spent working.


There were reports to write, to read. Troops to communicate with. Scouts to send off. Messages to send and receive. Maps to mark and study.


So many things.


His knuckles rubbed at his eyes. Their shadows.


A long sigh left him.


Before he could yawn a knock at the door drew his attention.


Cullen's brows furrowed. He cleared his throat and stood straighter.


"Yes? Come in."

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Sleep eluded the Inquisitor, darting away and leaving trails of nightmares in its wake. Demons and monsters etched into her mind, behind closed lids. The time did not bother her as she awoke, hair askew and mouth dry. Gwendoline wondered what she would do until the sun rose and Skyhold rose with it.


The redheaded woman dressed, brushed and readied herself for the day. Her footsteps and breaths were the only things she could hear. Her thoughts danced around her mind as she walked.


Gwen found herself strolling along the battlements, ignoring the cold and enjoying the silence. She walked through a few of the unused rooms and found herself above bridge. With a content sigh, that drew into a yawn, she leant against the stone and focused on the mountains gleaming underneath the low hanging moon. Her attention was drawn by a glow coming from underneath the Commander's office door.


On the chance that he was awake, she knocked gently. Her lips turned up in a smile and she opened the door. Though, her smile did die down as she caught sight of the bags underneath his eyes.


"Can you not sleep?"

 

[sumurset]

It was only Gwendolyn. His expression softened.


"Hm?" He caught what she had said a moment later.


"Oh, I.." The sentence trailed off.


Cullen cleared his throat. His eyes turned to a flickering candle flame.


"I woke up early to catch up with my reports. They don't write themselves, after all." He offered a dry chuckle.


A beat of silence passed.


"I'm also waiting on news from our scouts on the coast. They have yet to send word."


The commander turned his gaze back to her. He folded his hands behind his back.


"Was there something you needed of me?"

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwendoline's smile brightened slightly, at his crack at humour, her own chuckle following after his. Though there was still some concern laced in her expression, he had not quite answered her question. She let it slide, her eyes moving to the map he had upon his desk.


Her footsteps were practically silent as she walked forwards. Her fingers brushed against the wooden surface, her brow furrowed and she started nibbling on her bottom lip. "Perhaps the scouts have just run into some trouble. They will more than likely send word soon."


Her eyes darted back up, meeting Cullen's as she responded. "Oh...I awoke rather early and could not fall back to sleep." Her eyes returned back to the map, a flush of red going across her cheeks.


"I was walking, to clear my mind, and saw the light underneath your door...I thought you might need some company."

 

[sumurset]

"I don't mind it." He decided not to dwell on the scouts. She was right. They would send word soon. They always did.


Cullen carefully folded the map up. It was placed to the side.


Looking at Gwen, the commander offered a small smile. It was tired but it was also genuine.


He appreciated her company. Staying in that room all day was lonely.


And boring. Maker, it was so dull sometimes.


It was still very early. The wind howling around the towers was the only consistent noise.


He shifted his weight to one foot.


"How have you been holding up?"

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwendoline's heart fluttered, she enjoyed his smile, tired or no. Her eyes darted back towards her hands and she sighed, the sound drawing out into a small yawn.


"Sorry..."


If she was honest, she always came to talk to him. He was interesting and honest, which was refreshing once in awhile. In her own personal opinion, it was easier to talk with truthful words and an honourable heart. She admired him for that.


Gwen also that it would be lonely, being in the same place all day.


"I have been better, to be honest. What about you?"


Her eyes meet with his, sincerity in her expression. The Inquisitor actually cared about what he had to say.

 

[sumurset]

He listened intently to what she said. His gaze focused tiredly on her face.


Cullen spared no capacity for exhaustion. He put his energy into listening to her.


Her answer was honest. He was glad. It may have been an understatement.


He wasn't sure.


"I'm fine." Another smile, albeit more tight-lipped. He would not share the details. The commander did not like people worrying about him.


She would be fine in knowing he was all right.


Perhaps he was not at full capacity but he was still well enough.


"It's terrible, what happened, but I know we have to move on." A pause.


"Leliana and I had been discussing a monument. Would you support the construction of one, in Haven's memory?"

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

At his response, Gwendoline sighed and turned to rest gently on the table, her head and upper body tilted towards him. Her mind did not accept the answer, but she understood enough not to press the matter. Gwen started tugging at the hair that had fallen down her shoulder, eyes focused on the wall behind the commander.


She was the worrying type, about anyone she would consider herself close to. She kept her gaze from him so he would not see it, he would not see the concern. The question jerked her out of her thoughts, her hands lowering from her hair and into her lap. The Inquisitor sighed, before giving a slight nod.


"Yes, I would. People deserve to be remembered, whether it is by the spoken word or a statue. They deserve that at least."


She inhaled slightly, giving him another smile, tired but genuine. It even gave a hint to the dimples she kept hidden.


"Is there anything else you would like to discuss, Commander?"

 

[sumurset]

He thought for a moment. There wasn't anything he could think of. Not outside of the war room. That's where they kept any plans that were a work in progress. Missions they could do but had yet to send anyone out.


In his office he only had things involving completed missions and his men. There was no need for anything else.


The commander shook his head.


"That's all I can think of."


He placed a hand on a loose leaf of paper. It had fluttered in the mild breeze.


His lips pursed as he thought.


Was there anything else?


No, nothing he couldn't handle on his own. They were fine.


He chuckled.


"Other than that, this little visit is a social call, Inquisitor."

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

A slight nod, her own chuckle coming up. "That is what I intended this to be, Cu-Commander."


Gwen internally reprimanded herself. She shouldn't be calling him by his first name, despite being awhile since they had first met, she still wasn't sure where they stood. Her brow furrowed, her bottom lip became intimate with her teeth yet again. The Inquisitor got lost in her thoughts, until she decided to ask.


A few deep breaths later, her eyes flickered back up to Cullen, her lip still being nibbled upon. Her hand went through her hair, a few of the strands catching on her fingers and causing her to hiss in slight pain. But after a moment, she did focus on the current situation again.


"Commander, may I request something?"


Gwendoline did know exactly how nervous those words could make someone, but at that point in time, she just did not care.

 

[sumurset]

Cullen found himself amused at her slip. She almost addressed him by first name.


He wouldn't have minded if she had. Still, he felt they should be professional. At least to a degree. She would prefer that, right?


Considering she corrected herself, it seemed plausible.


The way she fiddled with her hair was distracting. For a moment he found himself absorbed in the way she worried her lip.


When she spoke his attention resurfaced.


His brow rose. "What do you need of me?"

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

"Would you mind if we addressed each other using our first names? Only if we are alone, of course."


Again, she worried at her lip, uncaring if she drew blood. She was nervous. "I understand if you would like us to use our titles instead, being professional and all that."


She wrung her hands, the calloused fingers tangling with one another. Her eyes darted between the ground at her feet and Cullen.


She liked the sound of his first name, and wondered what it would sound like coming from her. How it would roll off her tongue, how her slight Orlesian accent would twist the letters and sounds and how he would react to the way it sounded.


Finally, her attention drew to him, but not before her teeth had drew a slight amount of blood from her lip. She hissed at the stinging sensation, before dragging her thumb across it to rid the pink flesh of the crimson beads.


"Sorry..."

 

[sumurset]

His brows turned up. "I don't mind. I'll let you call me anything if it stops you from biting through your lip."


A small frown had settled on his features. It looked like it hurt. He hoped it didn't.


He realized that staring at the woman's lips might not be polite.


The commander cleared his throat. His gaze returned to her eyes.


Professionalism wasn't valid if it was them alone. He didn't think so, at least. They could be friends and colleagues.


He would like that.


Cullen often felt alone because of how busy he could be. There weren't many people who understood what he did. Few people to discuss his day with.


Cassandra was the only person he would consider a friend. They both respected each other's skills. Advice.


"You know, we haven't spoken much since this all began. Not outside of the war room or.. politics."

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwendoline gave him a sheepish look, her teeth staying behind her lips rather than through them. "Really?"


A cheeky grin, accentuated by dimples. Never a good sign. Especially if the owner of the grin was known for her teasing attitude to people she liked.


"Like...mine?"


She had moved closer, her grin still in place, her chin tilted upwards and her tongue running across her lip.


And then she burst into a large fit of giggles, her shoulders shaking and the giggles turning into slight snorts. "S-Sorry....Sorry. I couldn't resist, Cullen."


She looked back up at him, her eyes slightly watery, her cheeks red. "You know I mean well."


Her facial expression became more thoughtful and she nodded.


"We haven't. Well, politics are so interesting."


She hoped he could sense the sarcasm.


"Well...what's your favourite colour?" Random question, yes, but it was the first thing that came to mind.

 

[sumurset]

Her expression was not lost on him. Cullen watched her features take on the mischievous look. His brows rose.


What she said brought a blush to his cheeks.


She had said that. She'd said it.


With her voice.


Out loud.


When she brushed it off as a joke he exhaled a breath he hadn't realized he'd held. A nervous chuckle left him.


"You always do mean well, Gwendoline."


He cleared his throat.


Her next question was quite a shift.


His brows creased. He looked thoughtful.


Then a smile.


If she would be tricky, then so would he.


"Guess."


If he was honest, he told her to guess because he didn't have one. It wasn't something deemed important enough to consider.

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwendoline's heart sped up only a minimal amount from his use of her name. Her thoughtful expression lightened to a slight smile, her cheeks dusting with pink. It sounded so...beautiful and elegant coming from him, rather than a warrioress title. Her eyes darted downwards and towards her feet, which shuffled only a minor amount.


"Red."


It just popped out, but she was genuinely thinking he liked the colour red. Not because of blood, but because of the fierceness and vibrancy of it. Red meant strength and he was strong.


A little traitorous voice whispered that she had said it was so he could like the colour of her hair. She dismissed it almost instantly, but only slightly agreed with it.


Her eyes were hopeful and her voice excited. She even gave him a winning grin, because who could disagree with a smile like hers.

 

[sumurset]

Cullen's brows rose at her answer. She sounded so sure. So hopeful.


He considered it.


Red.


Red, like the lions of the Frostbacks. The beasts he'd always found fascinating.


Red, like fire, like passion and strength.


He smiled.


"You're right." Then he chuckled. "Correct on the first guess. Good job."


She hadn't been correct, but she hadn't been wrong, either. Cullen had not considered a favorite color before. Now she had given him one.


It wasn't a bad color. As he looked at her fair complexion and burning hair he decided it was a good one.

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

A triumphant, glowing smile grew across her pale features and her eyes twinkled with joy. It was brilliant, guessing his favourite colour like that. "Well, I have to be good at something."


She nibbled on the inside of her cheek, her grin still in place. "Mine is gold, if you wanted to know." Her eyes searched over his face and his hair, which was a brilliant shade of her favourite colour.


"Because it reminds me of what it means to be noble. Not like being a lord or lady, but to be altruistic and kind, to truly uphold the values and truth you believe. As long as it does not harm anyone or anything."


And it was true, because she had seen soldiers whose armour was plated gold, whom defended the weak and fought beside the strong.

 

[sumurset]

Cullen smiled. He liked the sentiment. A fine color.


It did not surprise him that she liked it. Perhaps they should consider changing the uniforms from green to gold. It seemed like more fitting for a religious order such as the Inquisition.


Gold, like the sunrise.


Like the sun itself, with its flaming form.


"Gold is a very good color." He needed to speak with Isabela about it.


A moment passed.


Cullen's gaze fell to his desk's surface.


There was work to do. Plenty of it, too.


But Gwen was there. He didn't want to cut their visit short.


He sighed.

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwen was about to continue when she noticed the sun peeking over the pale mountains, painting them the colours of a maiden's blush and a vibrant sun-gold.


She let out her own sigh, a tired smile on her lips.


"I really do apologise, but I fear I might have to cut this meeting short."


She returned to playing with her hair, the curls and tendrils catching and drawing against her fingers. It helped her think, that's why she had not cut it when she became a warrior, like her mother had been.


"It's Lady Montilyet, my lion. She needs the Inquisitor to entertain some nobles, in a pretty dress and jewellery. I do not mind, to be honest. I do see the necessity of it."


Gwendoline darted towards him with an innocently tired smile, her eyes not quite focusing on him in the manner of the overly tired. She raised herself on her toes, her lips brushing against his cheek gently and quickly, she turned to the door.


"Tea with honey helps with sleeping issues. I thought you might need the advice, Cullen."


Her face shared gentleness and a knowing look in her eyes, the soft curve of her mouth seemed to drop from its eternal grin.


It was the expression of someone who truly cared and understood.


"I shall see you in the war room, my friend."


And she left him to attempt sleep, with the assistance of tea.

 

[sumurset]

"Of course--" He was not paying attention. Not to everything. The ease with which she called him her lion and the smile that played on her lips baffled him. His mind was victim to it all.


Cullen did not know how he should respond to her mannerisms or if he should at all. Gwen was an enigma in that regard.


He watched her leave with a slack jaw.


"Honeyed tea." His fingertips brushed his flushed cheek. The place where she had kissed him.


He looked down at his desk.


"Maker give me strength." He sighed and sat down.


Talk about whiplash.

 

[amongfoxesandfaeries]

Gwen had given herself an hour or so of respite, but not without the lingering horrific images from the Fade. The lack of decent and consistent rest almost caused a few mistakes on her part, luckily it was salvaged by Josephine. The Inquisitor stumbled back to her room, the deep green gown weighing heavily on her shoulders and the gold jewellery feeling like a bag of rocks on her ears and neck. With a slightly dramatic sigh, Gwen removed jewellery, tossing it onto her desk and leaning against the wooden surface. It made her think of Cullen and for that moment, for that small amount of time, she allowed herself to admit that she cared for him. "Maker's breath..."


Her tinted lips curled into a sad, sweet smile and she closed her eyes against the burning behind them. With a muttered curse, she tilted her chin up and put on the appearance of a strong leader.


The War Room was minus one of their usual attendees, namely Cullen. Gwendoline was worried, because the Commander had never been the type to miss meetings and the fact that he was absent...


She met the gazes of their spymaster and ambassador, inhaling softly as she did so. "I shall go check what is keeping him." She gave them a respectful bow and started off to her destination.


As the sound of her booted feet slapping against the stone ground, her thoughts wandered, concern furrowing her brow and darkening her expression. She finally found his door, her voice announcing her entrance.


"Cullen, are you here?"