Other How much toxicity can you live with in a community?

[Nagabe]

I’ve grown a huge tolerance to toxicity, but that doesn’t mean I tolerate it. Honestly, it depends on the level of toxicity. If it’s something like league of legends or some other game like that, honestly it’s expected since people tend to be mean under certain circumstances and the mute button is right there. That kind of toxicity sucks since you shouldn’t be muting teammates in a game where communication is key, but it’s whatever since it’s just a game at the end of the day and people get heated over things. I won’t quit the game outright since I like it and play it every now and then just because I enjoy the characters and won’t let people ruin the experience for me, but it does suck heavily when you have to admit that a game or website you’ve been on since you were little has the tendency to be pretty toxic… ^^”

Certain fandom’s toxicity though? That’s a whole different story… I share the same story of having to leave an online platform due to mere opinions on characters in a fandom I won’t name here since honestly I didn’t want the people to ruin a fandom for me. I never understand how people can be so toxic to someone else who shares the same love for something as them, but unfortunately all you can do is block and or report the people. It’s what led me to enjoy many things by myself and not go onto social media as often, or if I do, then small communities where everyone’s nice and respectful. It’s a shame, but I don’t think online toxicity can be fully avoided and might never fully cease

 

[Sonicxskylar]

Many of us would love to be in a perfect community where everyone is nice and kind. Unfortunately, such thing does not exist, and I doubt that it ever will. No matter where we are in, regardless of how nice it seems to be, there are poorly behaved people lurking around, waiting to ruin our day, or do something even worse. There are measures that we can take to minimize the chance that such incident occurs, or the negative impact if it happens, but the probability can never be zero. Bad things often happen at a moment, and in a way we least expect, and that is just a risk we have to deal with while being a member of any community.

What I would like to ask is: How much toxicity can you live with in a community? Here are my thoughts:

Livable: I rarely encounter toxic behavior (for example: once or at most twice a week). They are just annoying and cause very little to no long-term negative impact. Staffs are helpful, do not promote any toxic behavior and will take actions against it.

Borderline cases: I encounter toxic behavior very often (for example: almost everyday). Fortunately, they are just annoying and cause very little to no long-term negative impact. Staffs are helpful, responsive and trustworthy. There are just too many toxic members for them to deal with. For such communities, I will take actions on a case by case basis. If that community holds significant value to me, I will stay but I will minimize interactions with strangers whenever possible until the problems are mitigated. If possible, I will work with the staffs to resolve the issues that the community is having. If it is just a casual community, I will just move on.

Absolute deal-breaker: There are risks to one's safety and well-being and/ or staffs are unhelpful and untrustworthy and/ or toxic behavior is endorsed or promoted. This is the kind of community that I would stay away at all cost. If I need something from that community, I will seek alternatives whenever possible. If there are absolutely no alternatives whatsoever, I will take extreme measures to make sure that I am safe there. I will just come in, get whatever I need, and leave while drawing as little attention as possible. I am not going to try being a hero and saving that community from its downfall, because I do not have the bravery or what else it takes to do so. I know that there are people who do so. I really appreciate what they are trying to do, and they have my respect. It is just that I am not one of them.

So, I'm in a few different communities, but the most applicable ones are the trans community, plural community, and undertale fandom.


I wish I could say some good things about the Undertale fandom. But they're honestly so, so awful sometimes. I hate it too, because the game itself has such a beautiful message and fostered so much creativity in so many people. But nowadays, and especially now with the announcement that Underverse is cancelled (I was never all that connected to it, but still), it's so hard to say good things about the fandom. At this point I'm barely part of it, mainly only looking for roleplay opportunities with people that have more than 2 brain cells.

The trans community is usually fine. But as someone who isn't radically left (I'm a left-leaning centrist), it's hard to find other trans people who won't witch hunt me as soon as anything regarding that fact gets brought up in conversation. I tend to steer away from them honestly, because there hasn't been a single trans person I've met who didn't want someone else dead in some way or another. Some people deserve it, yes, but to witch hunt someone for not agreeing with you about murder? It's extreme, and I take caution to avoid extreme people in my life.

The plural community is fine for the most part. Ignoring the massive portion that seems to hate anything endogenic (We're clinically diagnosed with OSDD-1B, but still have some endogenic origin), they're fine. It's when you start digging into that part, and the folk who are using the plural community as a way to hide some very concerning shit, that it starts to veer quickly off into a bad direction. It's unfortunate, but it's even more unfortunate that no matter what, you'll never fix everything. You can't, every community has fakes and freeloaders. Anyways.


I can only handle so much. Once people start behaving in extreme ways, I usually disengage entirely unless I'm as invested in them as I am in these communities. And even with these ones, I'm only interacting with those I believe share some ideals with me. I believe it's important to have people around you who disagree with and even argue with you about things, it constantly forces you to eveolve and change your views on things. That's very important in life and especially so to me. But I don't want to hear someone talk with me about actual murder. There's a difference between well-intentioned discourse and snuff talk.

 

[Jannah]

So, I'm in a few different communities, but the most applicable ones are the trans community, plural community, and undertale fandom.


I wish I could say some good things about the Undertale fandom. But they're honestly so, so awful sometimes. I hate it too, because the game itself has such a beautiful message and fostered so much creativity in so many people. But nowadays, and especially now with the announcement that Underverse is cancelled (I was never all that connected to it, but still), it's so hard to say good things about the fandom. At this point I'm barely part of it, mainly only looking for roleplay opportunities with people that have more than 2 brain cells.

The trans community is usually fine. But as someone who isn't radically left (I'm a left-leaning centrist), it's hard to find other trans people who won't witch hunt me as soon as anything regarding that fact gets brought up in conversation. I tend to steer away from them honestly, because there hasn't been a single trans person I've met who didn't want someone else dead in some way or another. Some people deserve it, yes, but to witch hunt someone for not agreeing with you about murder? It's extreme, and I take caution to avoid extreme people in my life.

The plural community is fine for the most part. Ignoring the massive portion that seems to hate anything endogenic (We're clinically diagnosed with OSDD-1B, but still have some endogenic origin), they're fine. It's when you start digging into that part, and the folk who are using the plural community as a way to hide some very concerning shit, that it starts to veer quickly off into a bad direction. It's unfortunate, but it's even more unfortunate that no matter what, you'll never fix everything. You can't, every community has fakes and freeloaders. Anyways.


I can only handle so much. Once people start behaving in extreme ways, I usually disengage entirely unless I'm as invested in them as I am in these communities. And even with these ones, I'm only interacting with those I believe share some ideals with me. I believe it's important to have people around you who disagree with and even argue with you about things, it constantly forces you to eveolve and change your views on things. That's very important in life and especially so to me. But I don't want to hear someone talk with me about actual murder. There's a difference between well-intentioned discourse and snuff talk.

What do you mean by plural community? Polyamory?

Also, I'm not trans, but I have noticed even trans people being the victims of witch hunts within the trans community. This was especially prevalent last year when that Hogwarts Legacy game was released. Some transpeople were declaring that despite hating Rowling's views they were still playing the game because they like Harry Potter and carry a lot of nostalgia for it. These poor people were given death threats. It's like any community based around a specific identity expects everyone to be a hivemind. I have noticed this whole mentality of "you must agree with us on everything or you're evil" in groups I'm part of as well. It's sort of why I tend to stay away from identity politics type stuff these days.

All I can really say in response is to just be yourself. Don't try to change yourself to fit what others expect of you. It'll just make you miserable in the end. I've been there so am speaking from experience as an individual who is likely quite a bit older than yourself. Also, if you lose friends and community over being yourself than those people were never with you to begin with.

 

[Sonicxskylar]

What do you mean by plural community? Polyamory?

Also, I'm not trans, but I have noticed even trans people being the victims of witch hunts within the trans community. This was especially prevalent last year when that Hogwarts Legacy game was released. Some transpeople were declaring that despite hating Rowling's views they were still playing the game because they like Harry Potter and carry a lot of nostalgia for it. These poor people were given death threats. It's like any community based around a specific identity expects everyone to be a hivemind. I have noticed this whole mentality of "you must agree with us on everything or you're evil" in groups I'm part of as well. It's sort of why I tend to stay away from identity politics type stuff these days.

All I can really say in response is to just be yourself. Don't try to change yourself to fit what others expect of you. It'll just make you miserable in the end. I've been there so am speaking from experience as an individual who is likely quite a bit older than yourself. Also, if you lose friends and community over being yourself than those people were never with you to begin with.

Ah, no, plurality as in DID/OSDD. Formerly known under the now-decrepit Multiple Personality Disorder.

 

[KAOS]

Just for a broad reply. I think I am rather tollerant. There may have been a time I would have been easily discomforted but everyone lives in different conditions and you have to respect that. Everyone is just trying their best to live their lives. Dignity, is where I draw the line. You can live certain ways but you can treat people with dignity and that's not always respect.

I think in a crisis I could tolerate a lot but be it that would be survival mode.

 

[snicker_sage]

What do you mean by plural community? Polyamory?

Also, I'm not trans, but I have noticed even trans people being the victims of witch hunts within the trans community. This was especially prevalent last year when that Hogwarts Legacy game was released. Some transpeople were declaring that despite hating Rowling's views they were still playing the game because they like Harry Potter and carry a lot of nostalgia for it. These poor people were given death threats. It's like any community based around a specific identity expects everyone to be a hivemind. I have noticed this whole mentality of "you must agree with us on everything or you're evil" in groups I'm part of as well. It's sort of why I tend to stay away from identity politics type stuff these days.

All I can really say in response is to just be yourself. Don't try to change yourself to fit what others expect of you. It'll just make you miserable in the end. I've been there so am speaking from experience as an individual who is likely quite a bit older than yourself. Also, if you lose friends and community over being yourself than those people were never with you to begin with.

A group doesn’t care if you support someone or don’t, and i know the community well enough to say it, nobody know how to mind their business, you have to be silenced at all cost, and i went throught countless of death-treats (rape included), for opposing the current ideologies from the community.

If you disagree, you are litterally Hitler, you want to harm people, and this is what i got the most and i’m getting sick of their mentality online.

Yes, disagreements happen online, no, nobody will die over it.

It went sincerely downhill by a decade, i left that community and still is excluded from "inclusive spaces".

It went hypocritical and violent, but somehow, i am the 'problem' according to them..

Litterally everyone i know had their lives destroyed by them, and i’m getting real sick of it.

And that never disappeared, they become worse, i’m not recognizing anything anymore, and still refuse to associate with that.

I never was supported myself, my attackers were.

So, i understand what those players went throught.

 

[Jannah]

A group doesn’t care if you support someone or don’t, and i know the community well enough to say it, nobody know how to mind their business, you have to be silenced at all cost, and i went throught countless of death-treats (rape included), for opposing the current ideologies from the community.

If you disagree, you are litterally Hitler, you want to harm people, and this is what i got the most and i’m getting sick of their mentality online.

Yes, disagreements happen online, no, nobody will die over it.

It went sincerely downhill by a decade, i left that community and still is excluded from "inclusive spaces".

It went hypocritical and violent, but somehow, i am the 'problem' according to them..

Litterally everyone i know had their lives destroyed by them, and i’m getting real sick of it.

And that never disappeared, they become worse, i’m not recognizing anything anymore, and still refuse to associate with that.

I never was supported myself, my attackers were.

So, i understand what those players went throught.

Sorry to hear. This is a huge problem these days with identity politics type stuff. I'm not going to change my beliefs and values just to conform with what others expect from me. Nobody should have to unless they have obviously dangerous views, such as wanting to murder LGBT people or something.

 

[snicker_sage]

Sorry to hear. This is a huge problem these days with identity politics type stuff. I'm not going to change my beliefs and values just to conform with what others expect from me. Nobody should have to unless they have obviously dangerous views, such as wanting to murder LGBT people or something.

The more they keep it up, the more i will do things that i will regret, and i never had those thoughts, but i almost ended it because of their fault.

I NEVER got any problems with supposed "phobes" only from the community, and i am not allowed to talk about it, it wasn’t the case in supposed "roleplaying" sites.

Identities politics are everywhere, and i’d like to RP in peace without taking any precautions for someone who will possibly send me hate if i refuse to.

I sure will never stand with them ever again, i can’t stand the murderous hypocrisy from their part.

 

[Jannah]

The more they keep it up, the more i will do things that i will regret, and i never had those thoughts, but i almost ended it because of their fault.

I NEVER got any problems with supposed "phobes" only from the community, and i am not allowed to talk about it, it wasn’t the case in supposed "roleplaying" sites.

Identities politics are everywhere, and i’d like to RP in peace without taking any precautions for someone who will possibly send me hate if i refuse to.

I sure will never stand with them ever again, i can’t stand the murderous hypocrisy from their part.

Seems we have had pretty similar experiences. Personally I just want to discuss things and also RP without having to feel like I'm walking through a minefield.

 

[snicker_sage]

Seems we have had pretty similar experiences. Personally I just want to discuss things and also RP without having to feel like I'm walking through a minefield.

I feel less alone now, it’s so bloody exhausting, i can’t stand them.