Chitchat How Are You Doing Today?

I think I get agitated easily. There's always something annoying, it seems. Although, I'd like to find someone who doesn't annoy me so much.
 
im TIRED. for 3 nights now my brain decided that getting up early in the morning for school means getting up at 4 IN THE MORNING
 
ugh... trying to remain in a good mood when everyone irl is dumping their bullshit on me. They're not complaining about me, just TO me. It's kinda shitty, because I'm just trying to enjoy myself over here and it happens quite often where I can't just enjoy myself in peace. I should get a tattoo on my head, "NO Drama Allowed!"
 
Hyped from the four different games I bought yesterday
Probably wasn't the best idea but I mean I've been waiting to play them for so long so I mean yeah
 
Let me start off by saying that I'm not looking for advice or help. There is very likely nothing that anyone on this site can reply to me with that will provide any kind of relief. I'm also not looking for any pity, or to play at the strings of all you bleeding hearts. I don't need a pat on the back, or hugs, or any of those expressions of fleeting comfort. They don't do anything for me. So you can keep em'. Suggestions of what to do will almost certainly be met with excuses and rationalizations of why I can't/won't do it. That being said, I'll get to the point...

Life has become exceedingly dull. I feel myself wrestling with the onset of depression more and more often. I can't get into the things I enjoy. Switching from one hobby to another to another just leaves me a bit frustrated because I don't want to do any of them. So the escapes I use to get away from these feelings are equally unappealing. I find myself more and more at a schism with others in real life. And online even more so. I mean, I've never been a huge people person, but now I just can't wait to be alone. I simply can't relate to anyone anymore, and find my inability to connect to be both annoying and depressing. But then when I finally AM alone, I don't do anything. Movies and shows are boring and predictable trash. And that's when I even find something remotely interesting. Video games... I was picky about those even when I was a kid. Now as an adult, I don't even bother trying to get into anything. Also, I have obsolete systems, with no intent of getting a new one. So I pretty much just have the same old games from 5, 10, 15 years ago. I used to draw and paint in various media. I haven't been able to get back into that for at least three years now. And I also have a tall stack of books that I mean to get to reading, but when I pick up a book I can't get passed the second page. I feel like I'm on autopilot most of the time, a fucking zombie. I can't wait until the end of the day so I can shower and get to bed. But I know that as soon as I fall asleep, I gotta wake up to do this shit all over again. On that note, I've been having nights where I just can't fall asleep. I don't pretend to understand why. I'm not a doctor of any degree. But my guess is that I'm just anxious of having to go through the same bland, meaningless crap in the oncoming hours of the new day.

So, yeah... this is me right now.
 
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I have been getting better at exercising patience each new day. I owe the person I've become to all the knockbacks I've encountered, and I like who I am, so it's getting harder and harder to hold on to anger.
 
Hella stressed for exams so curing that with a wee bit of procrastination in role-play form. Otherwise, I’m doing alright.
 
I feel alright
Kinda hungry
But the main thing
Is being angry at everyone
I hate everything about everyone
And it's oh well or whatever
I just wish I were in charge for a few minutes
 
Trigger warning mention of death

To be honest today was a hard day for me. I work as home health aide, basically I go into my clients home and help them out with chores, basic activities of living (like brushing your teeth or cooking a meal), driving them to appointments, and things of that nature. Anyway I love the job, somedays are hard others not so much. But today one of the harder parts of the job happened, my client had to go to the hospital yesterday and passed away this morning. We all knew it was going to happen sooner rather than later, but man it still hurts.

I get close with my clients I like getting to know them and meeting their families, they become an important part of my life they become second grandparents and friends. It's always hard for me to say goodbye to them and I know that now my client is at peace which gives me comfort and I am happy for the good times I had, but I will miss the conversations, and being able to spend time with them. It will get easier and I know this, it isn't the first time it had happened but man I'm never prepared for how much it hurts and affects me. I do know that tomorrow will be better and I have my memories, so today was hard. But I am also grateful for all the wonderful people I've had the opportunity to meet and work with. I'm also grateful for my family and friends, and I'm grateful to have the place where I can come and get enjoyment and fun from. So thank you all for making this a lovely escape from some of the burdens of the day. I hope you all have a wonderful day/night ❤
 
Pretty sure a nursing student (or their teacher) stole my wallet. . . so about that well.
And also my coat. In a separate incident. It was a fifteen dollar coat from Walmart.
 
MindOfChrist said:
Pretty sure a nursing student (or their teacher) stole my wallet. . . so about that well.
And also my coat. In a separate incident. It was a fifteen dollar coat from Walmart.
Click to expand...
call your bank and freeze your accounts before anything happens. js
 
Already did that and got a new card. I'll have to write the cash and gift cards off as a loss, though. Along with all of my IDs and liscenses/certification cards that'll need to be replaced.
 
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