Depressed didn't even begin to cover the way Arianna Jamison felt, driving down the achingly familiar street. She kept her eyes forward, watching the road, but everything she saw in her peripheral vision seemed exactly the same, down to the trees and flowers.
It hurt.
She pulled into the driveway of her newly deceased grandmother's home and drew in a shaky breath. It took a few minutes before she was able to pull herself from her car and make her way to the door. Her fingers toyed with the key in her hands, and she debated on running back to her car and letting someone else handle this.
But she couldnt do that. Her grandmother's livelihood was in this house, and Arianna owed it to her to go through it. Not some stranger. So with that in mind, she inserted the key into the lock and pushed her way into the dusty home.
She choked back a sob as the familiar scent hit her nose. Shutting the door behind her, she slipped the key into her pocket and took a few more steps inside. She could still see the woman that raised her in her later years walking around, making lunch or singing a tune or just... living.
Arianna closed her eyes, savoring the smells and memories. Opening her eyes, she saw the stairs. Without thinking about it, she made her way to them. Next thing she knew, she was upstairs, standing outside of her room. The door was open and she was able to see the fully furnished room.
Her feet carried her inside. The first thing she did was sit on the bed, and feel the sheets. Then she poked through the drawers. Mostly empty, though a few knick-knacks remained. A couple of CD's, a bouncy ball, some rubber bands. She couldnt help but wonder about some of the things she found.
Finally she reached the closet. Some of her clothes were still in here, and her spare sheets and blankets were folded neatly on the top shelf. They were sticking out so she went to push them back, but something stopped them from moving.
Confused, Arianna moved them aside and reached up. She felt a box. Confused still, she pulled it out and looked at it. Memories swamped her and she nearly fell over from the impact they had. She hadn't seen or thought about this box in years.
She sat on the floor, removing the top. Inside were pictures of her parents, some old pet from somewhere, and a journal. She moved the pictures aside and touched the old faux leather binding. Inside this journal, she'd written about her feelings. Her dreams, her fears.
And him.
Arianna had not thought of him in years. Her saving grace, her best friend. She'd created him when she was so, so young and alone. While her mother shot up and her father got drunk, she'd been mostly left alone. Arianna had thought up many imaginary friends, but none were as special as he was.
He'd been almost real. He'd held her at night when the loneliness threatened to overtake her. He'd even come with her to foster care after CPS removed her from her parents care after her mother overdosed. Arianna lived in a few foster homes as a young child and pre teen. It wasn't until she was thirteen her grandmother came forward to claim her. The woman was a godsend.
As Ari began to grow, she realized she could make real friends. Her grandmother was a big part of that. She'd thought of him less and less, until the day she'd packed this stuff up and put it in the closet. Even now, Arianna remembered him vividly. He'd been her age and height, his hair dark and his eyes a striking blue-grey. He was just like her- human in appearance, that is. But when she'd created him she'd also given him wings- beautiful, black, silky wings.
That way he could fly her away from the pain.
A tear slid down the redheads cheek. She wiped it away, flipping open the journal, getting lost in the adventures of her childhood.
Sleep. Long, unnatural hibernation that no creature of flesh could endure. How long had he been tucked away, pressed into the corner of Arianna's sub-conscious? A year? Three? A hundred? Time meant nothing to him. Only her... And she had forgotten him. But then, suddenly, something stirred him from his slumber. It was a tug inside of him, the urge to push out. Like a chick hatching at an egg he felt the sudden need for air, for light. He felt himself returning to the world of the living, and becoming himself again, whatever that may be.
Abe opened his eyes, and immediately winced them shut again. The light that flooded through the abandoned house's window blinded him and two great black wings shot up as silently as a whisper and covered his face. He jumped backwards and perched himself on one of her bedposts, toes curling around the wooden sphere to give him grip. As his eyes adjusted, he slowly lowered them and blinked around. It was her room, yes, it smelled of her, even under the layers of dust and cobwebs. It was as if he could actually feel her there again, like she was somehow in the room---
And then, there she was. Sitting on the floor, her back to him, holding their memories in the palm of her hand. It may have been her journal, but it was his life in those sacred pages. A flood of emotions overwhelmed him.
Joy was the first. He was seeing Ari again, his best friend, his whole world. He'd missed her for so long, wanted so much to hear her tell him how her day was, how school was, or even just hold her while she cried. It was what he was made for, his sole reason for existence.
But... But then she put him away. She locked him away in the corner of her mind like a cruel jailer. Any love, and sympathy, was withdrawn from him and he became almost nothing. He had become a ghost of a memory. Abe could feel his toes clenching tightly to the bed post, and his fists tightening together. His jaw clenched and teeth grated slowly back and forth. You don't do that to someone you love.
What was he to do now? Why was he even here? Could just remembering him have brought him back from his semi-existence? Those questions weighed heavily on his mind. He didn't have the answers, and didn't know if he ever would. All he knew was that he had his freedom now, and he wouldn't be forgotten again so easily.
With a few long strides, he stepped from the post to the bed, from the bed to the floor. Like an eagle scouting it's prey he circled, just out of her range of eyesight, until finally he came to stand beside her.
Words caught in his throat. Memories of them hugging, laughing, running, screaming together flashed before his eyes. Part of him wanted to embrace her immediately, but the other part of him--the dark part that had grown in her absence--wanted to tear her apart. Finally, he willed himself to swallow and spoke.
"It's been a long time." His voice was lower, much lower, than it had been, and it was hoarse from years of silence. He stood beside her not as a child she had played with, but as a man--as much a man as she was a woman. His wings were long, almost longer than his own body, and his dark black hair hung in curly tendrils around his shoulders. The brightness in his blue-grey eyes had faded, leaving them steely and cold. His physique was, as far as he could tell, whatever she desired in a man. Defined muscles, tanned skin--the body of a god. He wore only a pair of white linen pants that pooled around his bare feet. He was certainly a vision, but not nearly as beautiful as she was. Oh, no, he thought, not nearly.
Arianna started somewhere in the middle. She wasn't sure exactly where she was in her life here, in this entry. The date was from some eleven or twelve years ago. So she'd been... eleven? Twelve then? Somewhere around there.
She didn't speak of her parents in this entry. Instead she spoke of him... of Abe. They'd gone to the park that day. An innocent enough venture. She'd been with about five or six other kids, all fostered by the same family. She'd had plenty of people to play with.
But she'd only wanted him.
That family had returned her shortly after finding out how isolated she was. Returned, she almost snorted, like she was something they'd bought from Walmart. But she'd at least been clean and bathed and fed with them.
Arianna flipped back to the beginning of the book. Maybe she'd been ten or so when she started writing in this journal. Her writing skills weren't the best but she'd managed. She saw how dark the entries were, especially for a child. It saddened her.
She was so engrossed in the reading she didn't notice the scene unfolding behind her. Not until he stood beside her, and spoke, did she notice him. She jumped nearly a mile, the pictures that had been seated neatly on her legs went flying and the journal flipped over and landed on the floor.
She scrambled to her feet, backing up until she felt the wall behind her. She felt her arms stretching out, searching for a weapon, but there was none. Nothing she could use.
Her eyes drank him in. His bare chest, toned muscles, white pants, dark hair-- it was all foreign to her. But the eyes... the eyes were achingly familiar, just like this house. Though they were dark and cold now, there was no mistaking them. And even if she didn't have those to go by, she had the wings. They stretched out, touching both walls, and they looked as soft as she remembered.
"Abe." She breathed, eyes wide. She felt a rush of joy, but the feeling was squashed by the coldness in his eyes and that's what kept her from approaching him. "You're... you're here. But that's impossible!"
Abe's eyes narrowed as she jumped backwards and scrambled against the wall. He had scared her. Good, he thought, Let her be scared. He took a step forward, wings twitching and fluttering and aching to be used again. With much restraint he drew them in close to him and took one more step. He was an arm's length away now.
"Impossible?" He repeated her last word coldly. "Nothing is impossible, remember?" It was a phrase he had told her a million times before. When she said it was impossible to make friends, impossible to feel loved and cherished, impossible to be happy, he had always reminded her that it wasn't. The memories of those many conversations made the corner of his lips curve up into a smile, despite his anger.
He took a deep breath, collected his thoughts. "I thought I'd never see you again. I thought you were going to kill me for good." His arms crossed over his chest. His anger was contained, for now. "What are you even doing here?"
You're pushing her away. You're going to make her try to get rid of you again. He pushed the intrusive thoughts from his mind.
Arianna's eyes were drawn to his wings as they twitched. She found herself wanting to touch them, to feel them wrapped around her again. For a moment she was eight years old again, safe and secure in his arms, wings wrapped around them for double the security.
Him drawing his wings in and stepping towards her brought her out of the memory. She pressed herself further against the wall. "I do remember." She whispered, her lips trembling as she spoke. She remembered the same thing he did. All the times he told her he believed in her, and that nothing was impossible. Despite the fact she didn't remember him for years, the had always remembered those words.
"Kill you?" Arianna looked shocked, taken aback at the words. "I never meant to kill you. I just... I grew up, Abe. I did all the things you said I could." Her voice shook but she paused to clear her throat and gather her thoughts. "It's my grandmother. She..." Arianna choked back another sob, closing her eyes and shaking her head.
"She passed away. So I'm here to take care of affairs."
Abe had opened his mouth, ready to inform her that every day she went without thinking of him killed him a little. He wanted her to know how alone he felt, how utterly abandoned he had been. He was made for her, yes, but in his mind she had been made for him as well. She was his sun and stars and to take all the warmth away was just cruel. And he was going to tell her so, until she spoke again.
"Gram's... dead?" He felt a heaviness in his chest. Though he resented the old woman for her part in tearing them apart, his soul was forever connected to hers. Her pain was his, now and forever. The sorrow of loss washed over him. His shoulders slumped, arms unfolded and hung limply at his sides. Instinct overrode anger, and in a moment his wings were spread, covering them both in a veil of soft black feathers.
He didn't dare touch her, not yet, but he leaned his head against the wall next to her. His body was a breath away from hers and he could feel the warmth of her skin and her scent fully consumed him. His eyes closed. "I'm so sorry, Ari."
Arianna saw the anger in his eyes, the hatred. Whatever he was going to say wasn't going to be pretty-- but then it changed. The look on his face softened, and she saw her own sorrow reflected on his face. His beautiful features twisted and she felt her heart go out to him.
She knew he was angry. But she couldnt control the fact that she'd grown up. Her grandmother had made sure Arianna would be able to take care of herself. Now she was putting herself through school and had gotten a job. She lived a few hours away, which just added to the pain of her grandmother's death.
He rested his head on the wall next to her. She turned her head to look at him, unable to explain the sudden security she felt as his wings enveloped them both. Timidly she reached out and touched his face. He felt so warm, so inviting.
When Arianna's hand touched his cheek, a spark flew through him. He felt alive, whole, and fully real again. The large black wings quivered and he allowed himself to let loose his own greedy emotions, if only for a moment. Two strong arms clasped around her waist and he pulled her to him with an intensity that threatened to crush her. "Just let it out," he said softly, knowing that she would feel much better after a good cry.
If only he would feel better, too. He couldn't, though. He had cried, screamed, shouted for her years ago, when he began disappearing. How many nights had he stood by her bed, sobbing, waiting for her to notice him? Those tears never relieved his pain, only hardened him. Creatures of flesh were different, though. They needed interaction, needed empathy. It was the reason for his existence, after all. How ironic it was that all she needed, he had once craved as well. All he had given to her, she deprived him of in his moment of need.
He held her for a few more minutes, waiting for the crying to subside, before slowly retracting his arms, and then wings, and taking a step back from her. "So what now?" he asked. His face had softened, and the initial rage was gone and replaced with a look of broken sorrow. "Are you just going to leave again?" His head turned over his shoulder and he glanced at the leather-bound journal that lay on the floor. He, no they, were in those pages. Did those simple paper leaves have something to do with his return, or was it simply her remembering him? Could a little girl's dream really be that powerful?
Heart wrenching sobs erupted from Arianna as he held her. He pulled her close and she felt squished, but in the best way possible. She didn't care that she couldn't breathe, but it's hard to cry when you can't breathe. She coughed and he released her enough so she could breathe again.
Her own arms wrapped around his neck and she held him much like she had when she was a child. When her tears finally subsided and she didn't feel as though the world was closing in on her, she pulled back to look at him. He must have sensed the change before she moved, because he was already removing his arms. His wings disappeared from around her too, and she felt empty without both those and his arms.
Arianna took a deep breath, reaching up to rub her eyes. When she moved her hands her gaze met his, but she couldn't keep it for long. She motioned around the room, but included the house in her words. "I have to take care of this. Gramma left alot of stuff and I have to sort it. I have a week off work, and then..." She hesitated, her eyes landing on his again. "Yes. I'll go home."
One week, he thought. Seven short days to convince her that even though she had grown up, she still needed him. He had followed her everywhere while they were young, and was a constant part of her life back then. She had a life now: a job, a place of her own, probably even her own real friends. They would never know her like he did, though. They could never take his place. He just needed to remind her of that.
"Is there, uh, anything I can help you with?" he asked, looking around the dust covered room. He bent down and picked up the pictures that had been scattered around the floor when she jumped up. He stacked them neatly together and placed them on the small bedside table. His mind was racing, trying to think of what he might do to convince her to stay with him.
ooc;// sorry about the shitty post. had a bit of a block. >.<
Arianna let put a breath she wasn't awake she'd been holding. The anger she'd originally seen in his eyes had disapated, but that didn't mean it couldn't come back. She wanted to reach out and touch him again, but she wasn't sure quite yet what would set him off. So she refrained.
"No. I don't know." She watched him pick up the pictures, more tears shimmering in her eyes. She blinked them away with a shake of her head. "I have so much to do I don't even know where to start. I guess by getting boxes... I didn't even think to bring any kind of supplies with me." She heaved a sigh, leaning against the wall.
A minute later she was pushing herself off of it. "I have to go to the store."
In an instant, Abe was at her side. "The store?" he asked. An almost childish grin spread on his face. He hadn't been out with her in what felt like centuries. He remembered all the trouble they--well he--would get into during their childhood. Memories of opening up boxes of cereal in the middle of the isle and dumping the contents onto the floor, just to get the prize at the bottom, flooded his memory. Or the time that they started a paint fight at the art supply store. It had been all in good fun, just kids being kids, but it always seemed to go sour. No one could hear Abe whispering devilishly fun ideas into Ari's ear, and no one could see that even though she was covered in paint, he was the one prying open the jars. "Can I come with you?"
He wouldn't get her into trouble this time, he decided to himself.
Arianna jumped when he spoke, suddenly by her side. "Yes. The store." She looked over at him, lifting an eyebrow. A memory hit her, one when she was in one of her foster homes. She was covered in the rainbow, as she'd called it, which just meant she was covered with every color paint in the store. Literally.
Unbeknownst to her, his thoughts were on the same track as hers. She turned away, hiding her smirk. She'd gotten in so much trouble that day, even though she hadn't been the one opening the cans or dumping them on her. It had taken hours to scrub her body and hair clean.
"You need to stay here." She turned back to him. "I'm just running to get some boxes, markers, tape. Then I'll be back."
"How do I know you'll be coming back?" His voice rose, and was almost shrill with panic. Abe knew he couldn't let her leave him again. The solitude had almost killed him last time, and he'd be damned if he let that happen again. They were meant for each other, and now that they were together again... Well, him being pushed aside just wouldn't be an option.
Thinking quickly, he spoke calmly and sweetly. "I can stay in the car, if you like. We're grown-ups now, Ari. I won't cause trouble like last time." Or the time before that, or the time before that. And though he tried his hardest to sound convincing, the slight tightening of his fists at his side and the eager way he shifted his weight back and forth might give him away. "I've just been so lonely..."
Arianna felt her heart and her resolve melting upon hearing the panic in his voice. She smiled, and again found herself wanting to reach out and touch him. He didn't seem as opposed to it now, but she still didn't do it. "I promise I'll be back. You really think I'd leave Gramma's stuff like this? I couldn't."
She went to leave the room, knowing he'd follow her. When she got downstairs, she pulled her keys from her pocket. Everything else she'd left in the car. "Fine, you can come. But you have to behave. Somehow I don't think an adult covered in paint is as cute as a child covered in paint."
She locked the house on the way out, waiting for him to follow before she did so.
Abe did follow her down out of the room, so close it might even have been uncomfortable for her. For the first time in what seemed like an eternity, he was beginning to feel like himself again. His arms even swung back and forth as he descended the stairs behind her. "I already told you I'd behave," he said, grinning widely at her.
When the door opened. he took a deep breath. Fresh air. Sunshine. He was born again, ready for life with Arianna. Abe took a few steps towards her car. "Nice ride," he complimented her. "Better than the Playskool we used to drive." He went to take a few more steps and suddenly, he felt a tug. "Oof," he said under his breath, and stepped back. It felt like a hook had caught him through the middle and someone on the other end of the line was reeling it in.
Confusion. Anger. He looked down at his stomach, looked behind him. There was nothing there, but something had him. Desperately, he shot forward towards Arianna, then wailed in pain and flung himself backwards. He fell to the ground and wrapped both arms around his stomach, doubled over. His large black wings spread out horizontally above him. "FUCK." The curse was spat out rapidly. "That hurts."
Arianna paused in her steps when she heard his grunt. She'd been smirking at his comment about the Playskool, remembering the turquoise thing with its big black wheels. It had signified freedom even to her younger self, and she'd loved it. She'd also allowed Abe to drive it alot, which ended in alot of crashes.
Back in the present, she couldn't do anything except watch as he flung himself towards her, only to end up being pulled backwards. Confusion bloomed on her features and she hurried to his side, marveling again at his wing span now that he was older.
"Are you okay? What the hell just happened?" She reached out and placed her hand on his cheek hesitantly.