Halo: SPARTAN Odyssey

[Kyero]

Hello everyone and welcome to Halo: SPARTAN Odyssey!


This is an action packed adventure style RP taking place in the Halo world with all new locations, enemies, and character design options to most Halo style RP's. You are not limited to SPARTANs, ODST's, or what have you. You can be a civilian or military figure, but all characters will be human.


If you would like to join the RP, please say so before submitting a character. You make a good impression when you introduce yourself. If you just throw a profile up, I'll ignore it until you say "hello." If you never do, then your character will be ignored indefinitely regardless of how well put together the profile is.


Thank you!

 

[McFacePunch]

Hello there, Kyero. How ya doin'? I'd like to submit an application.

 

[Kyero]

Hello there, Kyero. How ya doin'? I'd like to submit an application.

By all means.


Read the instructions and rules and be sure that you're ready to commit before submitting though.

 

[McFacePunch]

Just wanting you to know that I'm still working on that character.

 

[Kyero]

Just wanting you to know that I'm still working on that character.

Take your time. The more time spent on the character the better.


 
To anyone who finds it odd (such as myself), the second "Organizations" tab (the one on the right) is actually the "Settings/Locations" page for you to view a little bit more info on the worlds we'll be visiting in this RP as well as pictures of each planet.

 

[BloodThunder27]

Is having an AI optional or mandatory?

 

[Kyero]

[QUOTE="Kawashima Thunder]Is having an AI optional or mandatory?

[/QUOTE]
SPARTANs do not require an AI to function, but it is highly recommended for the tactical advantages the AI bring to the table.


Oh, and nice Kirito/Asuna pic there!

 

[NeoStigma]

Hi this seems interesting, I'd like to join but I have a quick question. Can a civilian have a suit of armor or some type of protective armor? Not like MJOLNIR Armor, but like a protective suit that a mechanic would wear, like the armor from Dead space? It would enhance a persons defense and strength by just a little bit, the suit isn't made for combat. The suit is for lifting heavy machines and protection against chemicals and heat. Of course the armor would be nothing compared to MJOLNIR, and the person inside would be just a mechanic or a miner.


I was thinking of making a character like that, but I just wanted to check in just to be safe.

 

[Kyero]

Hi this seems interesting, I'd like to join but I have a quick question. Can a civilian have a suit of armor or some type of protective armor? Not like MJOLNIR Armor, but like a protective suit that a mechanic would wear, like the armor from Dead space? It would enhance a persons defense and strength by just a little bit, the suit isn't made for combat. The suit is for lifting heavy machines and protection against chemicals and heat. Of course the armor would be nothing compared to MJOLNIR, and the person inside would be just a mechanic or a miner.
I was thinking of making a character like that, but I just wanted to check in just to be safe.

Well technically such a suit isn't exactly enhancing human strength so much as allowing them access to mechanical advantage, but I understand what you mean. In a world such as that of Halo where the SPARTAN armor is a universally recognized icon of warfare, I don't see why a civilian wouldn't have a work-horse type suit like that, especially for jobs like mining and the like so yeah, go for it.

 

[NeoStigma]

cool thanks.

 

[Primordial Primrose]

Interesting. May I reserve a spot for a Doctor/Mechanic/Sniper? (Still Making CS)

 

[Kyero]

@Shiro Okami[/URL] @Goldwolf


Okay, so time for the promised analysis/critique of your characters (And no, this is not me picking on you or trying to point out nothing but mistakes so don't worry).


First off, I like how their backstories intersect. It's a rather uncommon feature for characters to have connected backstory and it's something I think people should do more often so I'm glad you two went that route. It gives both of your characters an extra bit of flare, so that's good. Another thing I am enjoying about them is that they're two very different people. If they'd had similar personalities, I'd likely have had a problem with them but you two did well to avoid that.


Now, onto the few things I found here and there which could use a bit of improvement or minor edits. Keep in mind that what I am about to say, I am saying for the purpose of trying to help improve your writing skills so please do keep an open mind and remain relaxed while reading this. There will be a few nit-picky spots here and there, but it's all to help so here goes.


First, something that both of you did in your biographies and description sections was make things just a tad too basic for an RP of this level. An example of what I'm talking about can be expressed in the following sentence taken from Alistair's biography:


"Though because of his survival training and his excellent marksmanship they made him a sniper and he became very good at it."


Something for both of you to keep in mind when creating characters is always to ask yourself why details are present in the biography. In the case of Alistair, why did he become good at sniping? Was it because his cold personality helped him maintain that sense of calm, which helped his breathing and steady hand on the trigger? Was it because he had developed an impeccable sense of distance, wind, and the other factors which conspire to prevent a sniper from hitting his mark? Why did he become a good sniper?


Does that make sense?


Some of the things in your biographies are fine, I'm not complaining. I'm just saying that I believe both of you have more to offer than the basics. I know that the fulfillment of the five sentence minimum paragraphs in your bios may have been a bit daunting, but now that you've done it you can add more to it by thinking about such questions surrounding the details you've put in the profiles and make them that much more dense. The thicker and beefier the details in the profiles, the stronger the characters become even before they become a part of this RP world.


Another thing I found in both profiles, though more in Alistair's (not picking on you, just pointing it out) was the misuse (or complete lack) of commas. So spelling/grammar nitpick incoming.


Example: "When he grew older his father an ex marine first taught him how to farm claiming that learning how to grow your own food was an essential part to being an adult."


A better way to phrase this would be the following: "When he grew older his father, an ex-marine, taught him how to be a farmer. His father claimed that learning how to grow one's own food was an essential part of becoming an adult."


When describing something, in this case the father, one should be wary of descriptive items. In the case of calling the father an ex-marine, the commas separate the father from the ex-marine part and it's still a complete sentence. Without the "an ex-marine," the sentence reads: "When he grew older his father taught him how to be a farmer." See what I mean? When it's a complete sentence that has an extra detail or two, separate those details by adding commas before and after the descriptive item ("ex-marine" in this instance). Making sense?


Also, something you might notice right away is that you can make the profile a tiny bit thicker by turning one sentence such as that into two with minimal changes. Does this make sense?


So what I'd like both of you to do is go back through your bio sections and check the details surrounding your characters and see what you can add to them.


For Augustus, I'd like you to consider the following questions when you go back through your profile and see about adding things:


* Where do both of his parents come from, Earth, Reach, or another colonial world under the UNSC?


* How and why did his parents die?


* I know it's explained in Alistair's profile, but remember that it's not Alistair's job to tell us how and why Augustsus's brother died. You should probably give a description, even if it's only two sentences, detailing the brother's death.


* What kinds of people did Augustus meet in training? People who were kind, obnoxious, helpful, hurtful?


* How did he develop a mind for tactics? Was it because of his listening skills whenever attending a briefing or perhaps his ability to observe the battlefield in training?


* How and why did Augustus become a top level ODST? Was it test scores? Field scores? Weapon accuracy records? Physical ability? All of the above? What set him apart from the others? Being an ODST is already a top grade soldier group, so what makes Augustus so special?


For Alistair, I'd like you to consider the following:


* Who are his parents and where do they come from? Were they born on Reach (remember to capitalize Reach as it is a proper noun), Earth, or some other colonial world under UNSC control?


* What did Alistair's father consider "of age" when he taught him how to survive?


* What kinds of obstacles to his survival training did he encounter? Did he ever fall from a tree and twist an ankle or break a wrist? Did he ever encounter a wild animal that frightened him or hurt him in some way? Did he ever eat/touch something poisonous that put him out of commission or caused some other kind of ailment for a time?


* How old was Alistaire when Robert was killed?


* What Covenant (capitalize Covenant as it is also a proper noun) forces appeared in the village first? Grunts led by an Elite, Jackals led by an Elite, some kind of combination of them?


So, if you guys are okay with all of this, then please do go back through your profiles and adjust some of the information while adding in details by answering the questions I gave you as well as answering questions you might come up with on your own about what you have so far. Remember that what you have so far is great, but I know you two can make the characters even better.


 
@Shiro Okami The profile looks much better. I made a couple very minor adjustments here and there as well with a bit of spell checking and spacing in the paragraphs. Otherwise I think you're good to go. Now I just need whoever else is joining to submit a character and wait to see how Goldwolf handles the changes I asked them to make.


 
@Goldwolf Definitely much better. I like the new detail about him losing to Joan and that arrogant partner of hers. It sets up a lot of interpersonal drama for him when and if they cross paths again. I don't really have anything else for you. The profile is fine so just sit tight and if I can get at least one more solid profile to show up we can get started.


To everyone else!!


If we do get started and you haven't finished your profile or haven't gotten it approved yet, do not worry. The RP is open ended so you can join in at any time. It's no difficult task to send in another soldier or discover a new civilian in the process of the adventure so please continue to take your time and make sure that your profiles are ready. Everything I've told Goldman and Shiro Okami in my analysis/critique should be taken into account when making your profiles so that you can make them as thorough and detailed as possible. Remember, the more detail there is, the happier I am and the less likely I am to actually need to give you a critique at all.


Thank you!

 

[Alligot]

Looks like I finally found you, Kumori.


Are you still recruiting? I already thrown Sophia to a different RP, but I could make a new character easily enough.

 

[Kyero]

Looks like I finally found you, Kumori.
Are you still recruiting? I already thrown Sophia to a different RP, but I could make a new character easily enough.

I have to admit I wasn't expecting this one Alligot. Lol.


If you want to join I'm all for it so long as you can keep up a relatively fast paced posting schedule. I'm going to be pushing this one harder than the other, so it's going to go by quickly.

 

[Phantom King]

Hello!


I'd like to apply to this one as well ^-^

 

[Naruyashan]

@Kyero


Greetings! I've just discovered this RP, and after reading through some of what you have already, I must say that I am extremely interested. However, I have some questions, etc. regarding characters and character creation. In the interest in keeping the thread from getting cluttered, though, perhaps we can discuss them via PM?

 

[Kyero]

@Kyero
Greetings! I've just discovered this RP, and after reading through some of what you have already, I must say that I am extremely interested. However, I have some questions, etc. regarding characters and character creation. In the interest in keeping the thread from getting cluttered, though, perhaps we can discuss them via PM?

Absolutely


 


[QUOTE="Phantom King]Hello!
I'd like to apply to this one as well ^-^

[/QUOTE]
I look forward to your application.

 

[Kyero]

Okay then, so I'm going to get to work on an intro post. I should have it up by Monday and it should explain the situation our characters find themselves in fairly well.


Here's to a hopeful future in this RP everyone! Cheers!

 

[Skelo10]

Might join. If I have time for the CS.

 

[Atom]

Anyone else as excited to star as I am? Lol


Also what characters are there right now?

 

[Kyero]

Anyone else as excited to star as I am? Lol
Also what characters are there right now?

So far there is my SPARTAN VI, yours, two ODST's, and a SPARTAN II in progress. If I can't find anyone to play civilians then I'll just take control of a few NPC's which I've designed on the side to become part of the team until we can begin filling out those roles as well.

 

[Atom]

Alright cool


I could possibly make a civilian if it comes down to being needed


Possibly like an HVP type civilian,clime an important scientist, maybe, idk.


If we come down to really needing one bough I can make one.

 

[Kyero]

Sorry for the wait. I was unexpectedly delayed.

 

[Primordial Primrose]

I can make a civilian character.

 

[Atom]

We've got space for civilians still