goner | lashton x gavino

[lashton]

?i'm a goner, somebody catch my breath


i want to be known


by


y o u?


@lashton @Gavino

 

[lashton]

Tyler walked into the school building, the first day of junior year. And to put it simply, he didn't want to be there. He wanted to be at home, where no one would see him cry, where no one would bully him, and where no one would see the things he does to himself. His mom already gives him so much junk about it, and school just only seemed to make it worse.


His head was down, his shoulders were pressed tightly, and his books (his backpack had broken on the way here, it was a hand me down from his older brother) were pressed tightly to his chest, not wanting to drop any of them. He would sometimes bump into people, mumbling a "Sorry" or "Excuse me" as he made his way towards his locker. He looked at the number he had written on his hand and then quickly found it, trying a few times before he finally got it open. He just hoped and prayed that no one would say anything, but knowing his luck, it probably wouldn't happen.





"Hey, check it out, guys! It's the suicidal freak!" Matthew Anderson, the school's well known bully, yelled as he and his group of friends made their way over to Tyler. Tyler winced a little and felt a burning sensation in his eyes, and tried to ignore them as he grabbed his books and a pencil for his first few classes. Leave me alone, oh, please leave me alone. Tyler thought to himself, and then he felt the hands of someone push him into his locker, which caused his books to fall out of his hands and onto the floor.





"What? Are you gonna go home and cut yourself? Cry yourself to sleep?" Matthew said, and Tyler started mumbling "Leave me alone." "Are you gonna go hang yourself from the ceiling? Do us all a favor." Tyler felt tears start to form in his eyes, and then someone shoved Tyler back into his locker, him smacking his head off the door that was still open.


"Freak." One of Matthew's friends said, and then they all left. Tyler felt silent tears start to streak down his cheeks, and he quickly rubbed them away with the sleeve of his sweater.


"Hey... are you okay?" He heard someone ask as they set a hand on Tyler's shoulder, and he jumped a little before he recognized who it was. Josh Dun, also known as the happiest person at school. Josh and Tyler were total opposites, Tyler's depression had basically taken over his life and it wasn't getting any better. Josh found the bright side in everything, and always seemed to have a smile on his face. Unlike Tyler.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Josh had always been a happier kid. His parents always talked about how glad they were to have such a joyful son. The only reason he wanted to be happy all the time because he learned at a very early age how sad it was to see someone in pain or alone. So on his first day of his junior year he was all smiles, as usual, saying hello to his friends and even some of the incoming freshmen. Tons of people likes to be around him, finding his h naturally happy nature inviting.

As he walked down the hall he heard a couple guys talking and furrowed his eyebrows peeking down the hallway just in time to see Tyler being shoved into a row of lockers. He would have said something to those guys but they were gone before he knew it and seeing if Tyler was okay seemed much more important in that moment. He'd seen Tyler around a few times before, and had heard some rumours about him. But who could believe rumours? There were rumours about everyone and everything.

"Hey...are you okay?" He asked softly as he gingerly placed his hand on Tyler's shoulder, crouching down beside him. There was nothing he had more than seeing someone hurt and in pain and he could very clearly see the pain in Tyler's eyes and the tears rolling down his cheeks didn't help, "They didn't hurt you to bad did they? They're jerks, you don't deserve that." He told him wanting him to know he wasn't alone. He felt a very dire need to help Tyler and make him feel at least a little better.

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[lashton]

Tyler looked up at Josh, and then shook his head slowly. His head ached, when they had slammed his head into the lockers it had made his head begin to throb, sure that a bruise was going to form soon. "My... my head. That's... that's about all that hurts." Tyler softly said, and then laughed a little when Josh said that he didn't deserve it, because he did. He was a freak, a mistake, someone who deserved every single punch that people would throw at him.


Tyler let out a small sniffle, and then saw Josh's hand extend out to him, and he gladly took it, standing up and then wincing when his head began to throb a bit more. He saw Josh looking at him in concern, and then mumbled something about being fine. He looked down at his sleeves and saw that they had slid up a little while he was sitting, and his eyes widened and he quickly pulled them down, praying that Josh didn't see them. He didn't need pity from people. Pity just made him feel worse about it, and so he didn't take any from anyone when they tried to give it to him.


Josh had already picked up Tyler's books for him, and Tyler felt a blush go across his face as Josh handed them back to him, and he quickly took them, pressing them close to him as if they were his lifeline. He smiled, and then it quickly dropped.


"Thank... you, J-Josh." Tyler said, stuttering a little, giving Josh a small, soft smile before walking away, heading straight towards his first class of the day, which was English. He went to the farthest seat from the front and sat down, slumping down in his chair and trying to not bring attention to himself. That's the last thing he needed, attention. It just seemed to make everything worse.


He just couldn't stop thinking about how kind Josh was. How could a person be so happy all the time, never feel the kind of pain that Tyler went through every day? He didn't understand. Tyler raised his hand up to where it smacked against the locker and pressed it, the pain coming from it blocking all of his thoughts. The teachers thankfully never really said anything when Tyler would get bullied, because the last thing he wanted was the bullies thinking that he was weak, because he wasn't. Not one bit.


Well, maybe a little.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Josh frowned when Tyler told him his head hurt and was a little angry as well, wishing he had gotten there earlier to stop those guys before they had hurt Tyler. Seeing Tyler so upset made Josh's chest tighten in an unpleasant manner and all he wanted to do was wipe away his tears and tell him he wouldn't let anything bad happen to him because it isn't fair that Tyler had it so rough.

After watching Tyler walk away Josh headed to his first class of the day, but couldn't seem to get the other boy out of his head. The way that light blush had crossed his nose and cheeks and how his smile, even if it wasn't very big, was simply the cutest thing he'd ever seen. Josh wanted to help Tyler see the good in the world and was already planning something in his head so he would get to see a bigger and brighter version of that smile. And that was all he thought about all day.

Josh didn't understand how someone could be so cruel to another human being. Tyler was no less than those jerks who bullied him so what made them think they had any right to make him feel lesser. Josh was determined to set those guys straight if he ever saw them messing with Tyler again.

When lunch rolled around Josh walked into the cafeteria and saw Tyler eating at a table alone. He walked over and sat across from him, offering a lopsided smile, "Hey Tyler. Do you want to hangout with me this weekend? There is the really cool but also kind of lame carnival coming to town and I wanna go cause I think it'll be sick! But only if you come with me." He said charmingly. He really just wanted to make Tyler smile and if the carnival didn't do it he'd try everything in the book.
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[lashton]

Tyler had spent the rest of the day trying not to bring as much attention to himself as necessary. He didn't feel like it was good for him to bring attention to himself, because it would just end up with him being more hurt than he already was. So when lunch rolled around, Tyler had grabbed his lunch out of his locker, which basically consisted of a half of a sandwich, an apple, and a water bottle, which only about half of the food would be gone by the time lunch was done. But he sat down in his typical seat, which was a small table near the corner where he would usually sit alone.


He was brought to a surprise though when Josh sat down across from him and smiled, which barely anyone did. He then offered to take Tyler to a carnival, and that's when Tyler was surprised. Nobody wanted to hang out with him. The only time people would talk to him was either if they were making fun of him or asking if they could copy off Tyler's homework, which he would usually give to them. But yet here Josh was, asking if Tyler wanted to go to a carnival with him.


"Uh... uhm, I'd, uh, I'd have to ask my mum... but... I w-would... love to go... w-with you." Tyler said, and attempted to say it as confidently as he could, which clearly didn't work out very well. His face turned a bright red from embarrassment, and he just sighed a little and took another small bite of his sandwich.


He watched as Josh's smile grew even wider, and then he grabbed his notebook and wrote his phone number on it, handing it to Tyler. "Alright! That's great. You text me later, and we'll figure out everything, okay?" Josh said, and Tyler nodded, and then watched him stand up and leave, probably to go grab his lunch. Tyler felt his heart flutter a little, and then he realized how stupid he was.


Josh was probably being so nice to him because he wanted Tyler to tell Josh his secrets, and then Josh would spread everything around the school, which would basically be the last straw for Tyler. He's already tried about five or six separate times to take his own life, and none of them worked. He came close one time, but then someone ended up finding him and then he would wake up in the hospital, his family crying above him. He didn't understand why they would waste their tears on a freakshow like him. He wasn't worth them.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Josh was beyond happy when Tyler agreed to go with him. He had to contain his excitement as he got up to go and get his lunch. Tyler had said he's which he hadn't actually expected. He found himself feeling pretty nervous about it even though it was just going to be them hanging out. Nothing to be nervous about. For the rest of the day, and the rest of the week actually that's all Josh found himself thinking about. Everyday he'd see Tyler and say hello to him and make a point to talk to him about whatever was on his mind. He never saw those guys messing with Tyler again but he was almost positive it was still going on. And low and behold he was right.

While walking to his final class of the day on Friday afternoon Josh heard cold laughter from down the hall and quickly made his way down. He saw that same group of guys huddled around Tyler, staring down at him. One had his shirt bunch in his fist his free hand reeling back to punch him. But before he could Josh was running full speed down the hall yelling at them, "Hey knock it off!" He said pushing through two of the goons and forcing himself between Matthew and Tyler, "Step off man. What did he do to you?" Josh said glaring at the other boy. Matthew chuckled darkly, "Oh what do we have here? The suicidal freaks got a I'm uncultured boyfriend now, huh?" Josh bumped chests with Matthew, "You better back off or you'll regret it." He warned, "What're you gonna do? Gimme your gay?" He snarled. Josh bit the inside of his cheek, "No but I can give you this--" He said and like lightning pushed Matthew backwards sending him to the ground before grabbing holding of Tyler's hand and tugging him away from the group, "You wanna get out of here?" He asked although he was already pulling Tyler down the hall at a full run, zipping past the classrooms.
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[lashton]

Tyler had felt nervousness growing like a ball of hot magma in his chest for the rest of the week since the first day of school. He still got picked on, like usual, but no physical harm was done to him, until later that week. Matthew and his friends had found him again, and Tyler knew he made a bad mistake wearing a short sleeved shirt and his bracelets that day, because Matthew immediately noticed the fresh scars on Tyler's wrists.


"Oh, what happened now? Tried to kill yourself again? It should've worked this time, oh, how many was it, six? Seven?" Matthew said, and then his friends started laughing. Tyler felt his face burn a bright red, and pressed his arms tight against his chest. Stop. Please. Leave me alone. Josh, where are you? You promised. Tyler thought to himself, and then suddenly felt one of Matthew's friends grip the front of Tyler's shirt tight, his hand being reeled back to punch Tyler. He braced himself for the punch, and then suddenly felt himself being let go, hearing a familiar voice as someone pushed between him and Matthew.


Josh.


Tyler smiled a little to himself, and then suddenly heard Matthew being pushed to the ground and Josh grab his hand, starting to tug Tyler away from the boy on the ground and down the halls, quickly passing by classrooms. Tyler had no clue where Josh was taking him, but he felt the tears running down his cheeks again as they finally stopped infront of the closed doors to the cafeteria. "Josh- h-he called y-you a..." Tyler sputtered out, trying hard not to sob, and found himself unable to repeat what Matthew called Josh. It was too terrible for him to say.


He suddenly felt Josh's arms around him, and that's when Tyler broke. He began to sob, heavily, into Josh's chest, his fists clenching the fabric tightly, sure that he was going to ruin it. He wanted them to stop. He wanted everyone to stop picking on him. He didn't want to feel this way anymore.


"It's okay. I've got you." Josh said softly, and Tyler cried a bit harder at those words.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Josh didn't care what those boys said about him. The only thing that matter to him in that moment was Tyler and Tyler alone. He wanted to make sure he was save and unharmed and that's all that mattered. Josh knew he took a pretty big risk helping Tyler out like that because now those guys had a reason to pick fights with him, but he could think about that later. He encircled Tyler in his arms holding him tightly, listening to him cry. Just hearing him cry made Josh want to cry himself. He pressed his face against Tyler's hair gently, running his fingers down his back lightly, "I've got you, Tyler. It's alright. I'm not ever gonna let anything happen to you."




Josh looked at Tyler and used his thumbs to wipe away Tyler's tears. He pursed his lips and sighed softly, "So...let's just go. We can skip the last class of the day. No biggie." He said quietly really just wanting to get Tyler as far away from this place as possible. He reached down and took Tyler's hand, lacing their fingers together and gently pulling him, to the exit of the building. Normally Josh was one to follow rules but he was making an exception for this because he couldn't bare to let Tyler go to his last class alone. He walked out to his car, an old beat up pickup truck. He opened it up and helped Tyler inside, "Wanna go for a drive?" He asked and went he got the approval from Tyler he got into the drivers side and started the car up. Because it was an older truck there was no center console in the truck, just one long seat, so Josh reached over and beckoned Tyler closer to him, putting his arm around his shoulders carefully, "I've got you now, okay? Do you trust me to take care of you?" He asked softly watching the road, but glancing at Tyler every now and then.


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[lashton]

Tyler was silent the entire time Josh led him out of the building, not quite sure what to say, and pretty positive that if he tried to speak he would end up sobbing. So he just stayed quiet and listened to the sounds of the truck's tires on the road, and to Josh's breathing. When Josh asked if Tyler trusted him, Tyler thought on it for a minute, and then nodded his head, whispering a soft "Yeah, I trust you." It was probably the first time that he had ever said something like that in a while, and he just focused on the way Josh's thumb would rub against Tyler's shoulder, and his face flushed a little red.


He wiped his tears with his short shirt sleeve, and then looked at Josh. "Where.... where are we g-going?" Tyler asked, as he was genuinely curious. He wasn't sure why he felt like they were just going to drive everywhere, but he just decided to not think about it. He leaned his head on Josh's shoulder and closed his eyes, soon feeling himself fall asleep.


He was woken up not more than ten minutes later by Josh shaking his shoulder softly, saying, "Tylerrr, wake uuppp." Tyler's eyes opened fairly quickly, and then he realized where they were. They were in the parking lot of a state forest, and they were near the overlook. Tyler smiled a little, he loved going here when he just wanted to be away from everything and to just think.


"Josh.... I'm, uhm, I'm sorry ab-about crying earlier." Tyler said, but Josh just shook his head in response as they climbed out of the car.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Josh drummed his fingers against the steering wheel as he drove, thinking of a place that would be nice to take Tyler for a bit. That's when he thought of going to the state park. It was always calming to him to go there and he liked to go there and read sometimes, just to be on his own. When he parked he almost didn't want to wake Tyler up because he looked so cute, but in the end did because he wanted to see him smile again.

Josh shook his head a little looking at Tyler, "You don't have to be sorry, Tyler. It's okay to cry sometimes. And those guys were gonna hurt you. I'd probably cry if I was you to." He said trying to reassure him. Josh reached over to once again take Tyler's hand in his own. He led him down the short path to the overlook, "Tyler I want you to know that I've got your back now." He chuckled, "And I'm always gonna be looking out for you now." He said softly, "If that's okay with you, of course. I don't wanna be weird or anything. I just want to make you smile.." he said and blushed lightly at his own words, rubbing the back of his neck.​

 

[lashton]

Tyler was silent for a second, and then nodded, giving Josh a small smile. Bigger than the ones before, but definitely not considered a very wide one. "You... you want to make me smile? And no, I don't m-mind. I... I think that's kinda... cute." Tyler said, and for once he didn't stumble over his words. That much, anyways. But he felt his face flush red, and then he walked a bit closer to Josh and intertwined their fingers, beginning to walk down the path. They soon arrived at the overlook, and Tyler let go of Josh's hand to go admire the view.


It was so pretty up here, and Tyler loved to go up here, even if it was raining, snowing, or even hailing. That was an interesting time. But besides that, he was happy that Josh was up here with him. He had wanted to tell Josh why he was bullied, but he just wasn't sure how to say it. How would he be able to say that? Oh yeah, I've tried to kill myself at least six times and everyone bullies me because of it, but yanno, no worries.


That's a pretty bad way to tell someone, but he wanted to tell Josh. He just had no clue how. But he took a deep breath, sat on a rock where he usually did, and then gestured for Josh to sit next to him. "Josh... I, I guess I should explain w-why I've been bullied so much. There's so many different things to say and you've probably heard a lot, but still."


"When I was thirteen, one of my best friends, his name was Anthony, killed himself. He had left me a note, over text message, actually, and it just told me about how he felt about things. How this world was so cruel, and how people never really thought twice about each other. I went over to his house as soon as I could, but.... I found him. I f-found hi-him Josh, h-he was h-hanging from h-his f-f-fan with cuts a-all d-down his wrists and h-he was.. he was gone. I didn't save him, and I should've. It should've been me there, not Anthony. He didn't deserve it, but I do. And so... I've.. I've tried so many different things to see him again. I've tried to kill myself s-six times. None of them worked. I failed, Josh. I'm a failure. I.." he was cut off by Josh immediately hugging him, and Tyler began to cry again. The only other person who he had told that to was his mum, and his therapist.


He just didn't understand why he thought Josh was trustworthy enough.

@Gavino
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[Shannon]

Hearing Tyler tell his story was heartbreaking and Josh could feel his own eyes sting with tears. When he pulled Tyler in for another tight hug he held onto him for dear life as if if he let go Tyler would disappear, "Tyler you are exactly where you should be right now. I know things are rough but I've got you know okay? It wasnt your fault that your friend did that and I'm so sorry you found him. But it shouldn't have been you. You are alive right now and that's how it's supposed to be." He whispered to him softly cupping Tyler's cheek gently. He wiped his tears as gently as he could, sniffling a little himself, "Please just stay alive. If not for yourself then for your mom. Or Anthony because I'm sure he'd want you to live for both of you guys....or for me." He said softly.


Josh held Tyler for a long time until his sobs slowly calmed down and became quiet cries then just sniffles. Josh looked at him and pursed his lips. He wiped away the final streaks of tears on his face and sighed softly, "Well now I think you're stuck with me because there is just no way I could ever leave you alone now." He said trying to lighten the mood up just a bit. Josh gently ran his fingers up and down Tyler's back wanting to protect him from all the evil the world had to offer. He never really understood people who seemed sad all the time, that is until now.


After a few more minutes Josh stood up and brought Tyler with him, putting his arm around his shoulders. He walked over to the overlook railing to look at the view, "I really get that life is awful sometimes. I do. My dad left my mom when I was 8 for some other family and for years I thought it was because I wasn't a good enough son. But I learned that there are people in the world put there as an obstacle and I've just got to put on a smile and overcome those obstacles, I did that with the help of my mom. And I want to do it with you. You don't have to do it alone anymore Tyler." He said in his ear running his thumb up and down his shoulder.
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