Advice/Help Getting the role-play you want without seeming weird

A

Abigail_Austin

New Member
So I am seeking advice on how to get exactly the type of roleplay you want without freaking people out because you're being too specific. For some reason, in my head, I imagine a roleplay going a certain way and it goes off in a different direction. To steer it the way I want it to go, I feel like I would have to make very specific requests that would sound...well...at least to me...kind of creepy and embarrassing. And I'm not even talking about anything sexual. Not at all. Has anyone been in that situation and how do you get what you want?

Example: In a romantic FxF hurt/comfort scenario, I picture certain phrases, or trigger words or actions being used by one or both parties that triggers that "oxytocin rush," for me, but asking for those certain actions/words/phrases seems a little...I don't know... awkward? Creepy? For example, how do you say "I would like your character to say x, y, z" to mine? The words "don't cry," or "i won't let go" or whatever. Without sounding like a dictator, or a very strange person (which in fact maybe I am?). Or is it impossible...is it only possible to enjoy certain kinds of magical emotional moments when it just rises out of a roleplay on it's own? Is it impossible to manufacture closeness in a roleplay, and it must just strike, like lightening, and you're lucky when you get it? And I making no sense whatsoever (probably)? Yeah.
 
Well, to be frank, some things are just weird. There is no way around it. But that doesn't mean they are wrong to be asked for either. Everyone has tastes and cravings of their own and for some people it's always gonna come off as offputting or weird. Still, it's not like I can't understand why you would want to avoid the awkwardness (after all, with my recent craving for genderbend comedies I've been going through a similar situation) so here are a few possibilities for breaking down what you want in a more digestible manner:

1.Sell it as a package
If your goal is to get a very specific idea or aspect try to wrap it within something else. If it helps to visualize it, it's like wrapping a pill in jerkey when you want the dog to swallow it. The most efficient way to go about this is to go to other search threads, see what those people are craving and slip your idea into compatible ones. Being described like this it seems a little underhanded, but the alternative to trying to disguise it is being open AKA confronting the awkwardness directly. Besides, you're making the other person happy with their own cravings.

2.Present it Late
Through this method, your goal is to first prove you are not, generally, an awkward person. That you are someone who is friendly and can respond to their requests, and a good roleplay partner. Then, you make the request. It's a method that requires patience, but helps to overcome biases against your request by showing your partners they have nothing to worry about beforehand. Again, a little seemingly underhanded, but I don't recommend you pretend to be nice, just that you first show them how you are, then present that specific craving once you're not exactly complete strangers.

3.Establish Planning
While very few people actually go through with it, by my experience, planning through a roleplay can be really fun. It's a method in which you discuss more or less how the plot is gonna be, and roleplay the scenes fleshing out what was discussed beforehand instead of coming up with what happens as you go. If this becomes the method by which the roleplay is decided, then proposing that something specific is said or done wouldn't in any be out of the ordinary.



Whether you take any of these methods or not, it's up to you. However, the main thing you should keep in mind is the following: It's ok to be a little awkward. It's ok to be a little or even very weird. Just know what you really want, be patient and you will eventually find it!

Hope this helps, good luck and happy Rping!
 
I think that is destroying and inhibiting the individuality of your fellow player, sorry. I don't think there is any way to 'control' your fellow player or their characters without robbing them of experience or enjoyment. The best laid plans are often the worst, and most often the best material comes from something completely spontaneous. You never know when the muses will strike!

That being said, you could consider creating a set cast of characters in a set world and try to work around it. A good roleplay partner, or at least one who looks to you as the DM/GM will follow your lead.

Short and sweet, yeah its weird and awkward. Specificity will rob the story of its joy.
 
smallnscrappy said:
The best laid plans are often the worst, and most often the best material comes from something completely spontaneous.
Click to expand...
I'm afraid I have to vehemently disagree there. I can see where you're coming from, in that most people seem to have more fun with more improvised roleplaying than with carefully planned. What's fun is subjective, everyone has their own ideas of it.

So the part I disagree with is calling it "the best material". A well laid out plan has structure, direction, organic progression and can highlight the important aspects of the charaters and the narrative. Spontaneous writing on the other hand has a much bigger tendency for sudden random umprompted development, disorganized action , quick stalling and contrived character dynamics. Despite what it may seem like, I am not saying all improvised material is bad or all planned one is good, but I simply can't agree to the statement that the best material, heck, even generally good material comes from a spontaneous environment.
 
Idea said:
I'm afraid I have to vehemently disagree there. I can see where you're coming from, in that most people seem to have more fun with more improvised roleplaying than with carefully planned. What's fun is subjective, everyone has their own ideas of it.

So the part I disagree with is calling it "the best material". A well laid out plan has structure, direction, organic progression and can highlight the important aspects of the charaters and the narrative. Spontaneous writing on the other hand has a much bigger tendency for sudden random umprompted development, disorganized action , quick stalling and contrived character dynamics. Despite what it may seem like, I am not saying all improvised material is bad or all planned one is good, but I simply can't agree to the statement that the best material, heck, even generally good material comes from a spontaneous environment.
Click to expand...

You're right, I suppose it is relative to how well you know your fellow writer and how much you trust their writing. For me and my partner, we know each other like the back of our hands we know neither of us will do something completely out of character, off plot, or out of the blue. We lay out a basic ground work and skeleton of a plot. "We are headed in this direction". Whatever happens in between, as long as we get from A-B, is just fine.
 
I do think this is also an issue of partner compatibility in terms of what the partner would find comforting in a scene like the one being described here. For example, I really dislike the phrase "don't cry" and find it just about the opposite of comforting. I've run into this kind of issue before where different partners will have different ideas and definitions of personal closeness and say, like they're trying to be romantic with their writing but it sets off all 900 of my Creep Sensors and I have to tell myself that based on the context no, this character is not being creepy.

With that said it might not be a bad idea to discuss things with your partner and tell them you like hurt/comfort scenes and show them what about these scenes specifically that you find comforting. Encourage your partner to do the same thing in return and I think it'd make for an interesting conversation.
 
So I view this like ordering an ice cream cone.

Say you walk into the ice cream shop. And you really want a chocolate ice cream cone.

Well you walk up to the counter and say "I want an ice cream."

You might get a chocolate ice cream cone. You also might get a ice cream sundae. Because you weren't specific.

Say the person at the counter offers you that sundae and you say. "No sorry I meant an ice cream cone."

Okay you will definitely get a cone. But it might not be chocolate. It could be vanilla, strawberry, peach, etc.

Say the person at the counter offers you a vanilla ice cream cone. And you say "Oh no sorry I really wanted a chocolate ice cream cone."

Well you finally got your chocolate ice cream cone like you wanted. But look how many tries it took to get you there.

Wouldn't it be easier to start out by asking for a chocolate ice cream cone?


Same idea here. Yeah being vague might get you more initial interest but chances are those people aren't going to stick around. Cuz they won't necessarily want the same kind of "ice cream" as you. So if you start off asking for exactly what you want than people can make an informed decision on whether or not they want to do your exact idea.

It might take a little longer to find that partner yes. But at least you know when you DO find the partner they are wanting the exact same thing as you.
 
But how do you walk up to another player and say "I want your character to grab my character's right butt cheek with their left hand and whisper 'Squeaky cheeks' in a low sultry voice" without steamrolling the narrative?
 
smallnscrappy said:
But how do you walk up to another player and say "I want your character to grab my character's right butt cheek with their left hand and whisper 'Squeaky cheeks' in a low sultry voice" without steamrolling the narrative?
Click to expand...

I mean if that's what you want then ask for it. I don't think it's any stranger than any other prompt.

You aren't dictating an entire relationship dynamic. Just a meeting. So from there your partner is free to build their character however they want.
 
To the OP's point specifically if you want your partner to have their character say a specific phrase absolutely ask them.

Make it into a prompt as smallnscrappy indicated. Ex. "Your character puts their arms around mine and whispers "Don't cry." in a soothing voice."

or whatever the scenario your envisioning is.

That's actually a fairly common type of roleplay prompt. I mean maybe not that exact prompt but the idea of having a roleplay built around a piece of dialogue or a random encounter isn't weird at all. I see it a lot in 1x1 romances actually. When people don't have like a set world or anything but just a specific scene they want to roleplay.

So yeah to me it's no stranger than the prompt

"I can't believe I married such a raging asshole." "Didn't your mom have that embroidered on our honeymoon gift?"

That's a pure dialogue prompt.

You look me straight in the eye and say "I know you killed the Rice Pudding. You are a rice pudding murderer. What do you have to say for yourself?"

That's sort of a scene prompt with specific dialogue.
 
Idea said:
Well, to be frank, some things are just weird. There is no way around it. But that doesn't mean they are wrong to be asked for either. Everyone has tastes and cravings of their own and for some people it's always gonna come off as offputting or weird. Still, it's not like I can't understand why you would want to avoid the awkwardness (after all, with my recent craving for genderbend comedies I've been going through a similar situation) so here are a few possibilities for breaking down what you want in a more digestible manner:

1.Sell it as a package
If your goal is to get a very specific idea or aspect try to wrap it within something else. If it helps to visualize it, it's like wrapping a pill in jerkey when you want the dog to swallow it. The most efficient way to go about this is to go to other search threads, see what those people are craving and slip your idea into compatible ones. Being described like this it seems a little underhanded, but the alternative to trying to disguise it is being open AKA confronting the awkwardness directly. Besides, you're making the other person happy with their own cravings.

2.Present it Late
Through this method, your goal is to first prove you are not, generally, an awkward person. That you are someone who is friendly and can respond to their requests, and a good roleplay partner. Then, you make the request. It's a method that requires patience, but helps to overcome biases against your request by showing your partners they have nothing to worry about beforehand. Again, a little seemingly underhanded, but I don't recommend you pretend to be nice, just that you first show them how you are, then present that specific craving once you're not exactly complete strangers.

3.Establish Planning
While very few people actually go through with it, by my experience, planning through a roleplay can be really fun. It's a method in which you discuss more or less how the plot is gonna be, and roleplay the scenes fleshing out what was discussed beforehand instead of coming up with what happens as you go. If this becomes the method by which the roleplay is decided, then proposing that something specific is said or done wouldn't in any be out of the ordinary.



Whether you take any of these methods or not, it's up to you. However, the main thing you should keep in mind is the following: It's ok to be a little awkward. It's ok to be a little or even very weird. Just know what you really want, be patient and you will eventually find it!

Hope this helps, good luck and happy Rping!
Click to expand...

That's great advice. Fantastically written too. Thanks for going to that effort.
 
geeking out said:
To the OP's point specifically if you want your partner to have their character say a specific phrase absolutely ask them.

Make it into a prompt as smallnscrappy indicated. Ex. "Your character puts their arms around mine and whispers "Don't cry." in a soothing voice."

or whatever the scenario your envisioning is.

That's actually a fairly common type of roleplay prompt. I mean maybe not that exact prompt but the idea of having a roleplay built around a piece of dialogue or a random encounter isn't weird at all. I see it a lot in 1x1 romances actually. When people don't have like a set world or anything but just a specific scene they want to roleplay.

So yeah to me it's no stranger than the prompt

"I can't believe I married such a raging asshole." "Didn't your mom have that embroidered on our honeymoon gift?"

That's a pure dialogue prompt.

You look me straight in the eye and say "I know you killed the Rice Pudding. You are a rice pudding murderer. What do you have to say for yourself?"

That's sort of a scene prompt with specific dialogue.
Click to expand...

That's a great idea!
 
geeking out said:
To the OP's point specifically if you want your partner to have their character say a specific phrase absolutely ask them.

Make it into a prompt as smallnscrappy indicated. Ex. "Your character puts their arms around mine and whispers "Don't cry." in a soothing voice."

or whatever the scenario your envisioning is.

That's actually a fairly common type of roleplay prompt. I mean maybe not that exact prompt but the idea of having a roleplay built around a piece of dialogue or a random encounter isn't weird at all. I see it a lot in 1x1 romances actually. When people don't have like a set world or anything but just a specific scene they want to roleplay.

So yeah to me it's no stranger than the prompt

"I can't believe I married such a raging asshole." "Didn't your mom have that embroidered on our honeymoon gift?"

That's a pure dialogue prompt.

You look me straight in the eye and say "I know you killed the Rice Pudding. You are a rice pudding murderer. What do you have to say for yourself?"

That's sort of a scene prompt with specific dialogue.
Click to expand...

"And LOL at 'Rice Pudding murderer'"
 
Abigail_Austin said:
So I am seeking advice on how to get exactly the type of roleplay you want without freaking people out because you're being too specific. For some reason, in my head, I imagine a roleplay going a certain way and it goes off in a different direction. To steer it the way I want it to go, I feel like I would have to make very specific requests that would sound...well...at least to me...kind of creepy and embarrassing. And I'm not even talking about anything sexual. Not at all. Has anyone been in that situation and how do you get what you want?

Example: In a romantic FxF hurt/comfort scenario, I picture certain phrases, or trigger words or actions being used by one or both parties that triggers that "oxytocin rush," for me, but asking for those certain actions/words/phrases seems a little...I don't know... awkward? Creepy? For example, how do you say "I would like your character to say x, y, z" to mine? The words "don't cry," or "i won't let go" or whatever. Without sounding like a dictator, or a very strange person (which in fact maybe I am?). Or is it impossible...is it only possible to enjoy certain kinds of magical emotional moments when it just rises out of a roleplay on it's own? Is it impossible to manufacture closeness in a roleplay, and it must just strike, like lightening, and you're lucky when you get it? And I making no sense whatsoever (probably)? Yeah.
Click to expand...

Thanks everybody for your ideas and sorry if I didn't get to properly respond to all of them. I appreciate them all! Every one.
 
geeking out said:
So I view this like ordering an ice cream cone.

Say you walk into the ice cream shop. And you really want a chocolate ice cream cone.

Well you walk up to the counter and say "I want an ice cream."

You might get a chocolate ice cream cone. You also might get a ice cream sundae. Because you weren't specific.

Say the person at the counter offers you that sundae and you say. "No sorry I meant an ice cream cone."

Okay you will definitely get a cone. But it might not be chocolate. It could be vanilla, strawberry, peach, etc.

Say the person at the counter offers you a vanilla ice cream cone. And you say "Oh no sorry I really wanted a chocolate ice cream cone."

Well you finally got your chocolate ice cream cone like you wanted. But look how many tries it took to get you there.

Wouldn't it be easier to start out by asking for a chocolate ice cream cone?


Same idea here. Yeah being vague might get you more initial interest but chances are those people aren't going to stick around. Cuz they won't necessarily want the same kind of "ice cream" as you. So if you start off asking for exactly what you want than people can make an informed decision on whether or not they want to do your exact idea.

It might take a little longer to find that partner yes. But at least you know when you DO find the partner they are wanting the exact same thing as you.
Click to expand...


Ha! That's a very good analogy. Indeed. What's the point of going through all the trouble of ordering an ice cream if you're going to get a flavor that you don't really want? It's like a waste of time and effort. Even if it does help you with your...ice cream eating skills. But to what end? So you're saying...just go ahead and be weird because if you're going to ask for something, you may as well ask for what you want. Yeah I was considering that. I'm thinking that's really the only solution when you come down to it. I've just got to work up my courage and write something up. It's just fear of rejection, that's all...plain and simple.
 
geeking out said:
I mean if that's what you want then ask for it. I don't think it's any stranger than any other prompt.

You aren't dictating an entire relationship dynamic. Just a meeting. So from there your partner is free to build their character however they want.
Click to expand...
Hahaha
smallnscrappy said:
But how do you walk up to another player and say "I want your character to grab my character's right butt cheek with their left hand and whisper 'Squeaky cheeks' in a low sultry voice" without steamrolling the narrative?
Click to expand...

Hahaha...well that was a creative example.

I was thinking about like a list of words or phrases that each player likes, wants, requests but leaving it completely optional so as not to mess up the freedom of the other player. Suggestions, I guess is the best word for it. I have a feeling some people might not like that though, but maybe if put in the original ad it might work.

You know, I think if I was a more skilled writer I could drive the plot toward the things I want. I've seen people able to do that with their own cravings...with amazing skill. In a way it's almost like not being skilled with conversation and coming up with a list of conversation topics...which would be disastrous for any conversation. But I'm going to try it.
 
Abigail_Austin said:
I'm curious...what is a genderbend comedy exactly? If you'd care to share. Sounds interesting.
Click to expand...
It's a sort of story (or in this case, roleplay) we a major focus on at least one of the character's gender change (typically unwilling) and comedic situations that arise from said change or around said change.
 
Honestly? I’d just straight up tell the person/people your doing the role play with “hey, this is how I want it to go and this is the end game I want” or whatever because personally? I really like it when other people contribute and are excited about the plot line because A) I won’t have to do all the plotting alone and B) if you’re excited about a certain idea it’ll show in the writing and characters and go for an all together better RP!
 
I completely support that idea that if you want to do something very specific in a RP, you need to ask your partner straight away, not leave it for later.
Some people will not like it and leave, it's okay.
Some people actually don't mind being lead through the plot to a certain point, so all you need to do is just ask and discuss it with them.

Communication with the rp partner is the key, after all, it's called 'partner' for a reason. You're supposed to be both (or more people if it's group) contributing to the story. If you want them to play out a specific scene with specific words for you, be prepared to do something for them in return, like play a situation they want too.

I've seen people use phrase prompts for rp quite effectively, so there is nothing wrong with that.

There are people who like to plan the whole character dynamic in advance, and you may find better luck with such players. Don't feel bad if someone walks away because they prefer to not plan at all, for example, and would find your request for specific situation boring. It just wasn't the right player for you. Happens.

Good luck!
 
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