Feedback on my new Character?

[Meiima]

Name: Adira Dravis


Nickname: Ads, Vis, Drav


Age: 19


Occupation: Hunter/Medic


Intro:


Adira like her name suggests, is a strong AND loud person. She loves anything bright and happy, being from a very happy family of fighters herself. Not until she got separated from them. From that point on, a part of her died, seeking the comfort and needed love that obviously cant be given when she woke up to the reality that she's away from her loved ones. But that didn't stop her from being thankful and happy, for she believes that if she's alive, there's still hope that she'll be able to find her family and reunite with them again.This present day, Ads trains as a Medic in the Spirah governmental school while working as a Hunter for hire.


Talent: Adira excels in strength required works with the help of her Gauntlets and her families training routines that she still practices until today. She's fast even with a heavy weapon but weak in stamina. Ads can be of use in terms of scouting or snooping around if she's not clumsy.


Worries: Adira's greatest worry or fear is that she won't be able to find her family, or even be part of a family. Adira lacks the attention, love, warmth that a family gives as to why she'll readily accept anyone she meets as someone close to her and makes her trust easily.

Any feedback would be greatly appreciated! //justcopypasted the character sign-up form I am so sorry ; u;

 

[Civetta]

Cute art




Start Critique...





I'm always pretty lean on how much information is available about the character, just from looking I think it could have a bit more. Backstory, motives and traits. Thing's of that nature. The format you've decided to go with is pretty basic and easy to understand, straight forward and such. The main thing that pops out to me so far is that your sheet is pretty moderate, neat and simple. Nothing too crazy. This is both a positive and a negative. Positive cause it's easy for anyone to read. Negative because it might stray away from catching the eye of someone who enjoys more details.


Name: Adira Dravis.


Pretty straight forward name. It has a nice adventurous ring to it, as her attire seems to compliment.


Nicknames... They're there but they aren't established as to whom called them these names. Why and for what reason. This is more of a personal point but it would be very helpful to include a bit of background to flesh out where these nicknames come from and what kind of people she interacted with in order for them to be nicknames.


Age 19. Alright.





Occupation: Hunter/Medic. These two professions are both highly skill based requirements and to have both of these at age 19 is pretty astounding. This can perhaps be something you touch up on when you get into her backstory. Explaining what made her decision to be a hunter and a medic. Perhaps she was prone to being injured during her hunts (Further ahead it is established that she is clumsy so this iv very very likely and believable to her character) and gained experience that way. This is just an idea though as I think there can be more added to this character sheet as a whole.





"Adira, like her name suggests, is a strong...".


From the picture, I was under the impression that she was a fighter pilot of some sorts, given the googles and red bandanna and lack of loose clothing. The fighter aspect is still there though so that's good. Now that I've read a bit more into it, we see she is a student medic and a proficient hunter. Hunting being her main profession and Medical being her secondary. The Intro is very short but it does get the main points out. However, I'd like to know more about the family. Where she lived. What made them so happy. What happened that separated them? Why did a part of her die? There is a lot of information here that could be touched up upon. Does she just not remember everything that happened? If so, that is more than a fine justification but it has to be mentioned otherwise the reader will be left with only a few details as if she just met someone and told them a bit about herself before leaving to go eat or something.


The Talent bit establishes that she is a tad clumsy but a powerful hunter otherwise, yet lacking stamina. This is a very up and down slope for a hunter because it does require a demanding amount of stamina to hunt. Were this more of a balancing factor, I'd understand. Like perhaps she is so powerful that she can hunt and kill a target almost instantly but if she fails, she lacks the ability to rebound. Again, you mention something about the families training. What was it? What made it difficult? What skills did she gain from them? Things like this are very important for character development.


Worries. So she has a bit of a disorder with being alone or unwanted. She is quick to jump to the closest person for the sake of not being alone. This is a perfect motivation for a character and it does suit her very very well from what has been established thus far. I honestly like this character a lot. They're very straight forward and blunt. Nothing to crazy but nothing too amazing either, but adding a background and a bit more detail can fix that in an instant.


It is possible to add a "Likes, Dislikes, Friends, Foes" Sort of attributes under "Personality" rather than "Worries". Worries is too limiting and it undermines the amount of information you can put out. because if you go with the "Worries" approach, then you may as well add a "Joys", "Tendensies", "Triggers", "Loves" and things of that nature and it would just become very convoluted with stuff.


Final Critique





5.2/10


The character is moderately thought out and the information here is pretty decent. It's very obvious that plenty more could be added to flesh out her character. She is an interesting character and I can see them becoming so much more. Their weapon of choice is interesting. Their character image reminds me of a friend of mine. Overall they're an appealing character and if I had just read this and left, I would leave feeling pretty at ease. Nothing too crazy happened but nothing too game changing happened either. More detail, more lore and more backstory. I want to know more about her world and about how she lives in it. You got the concept down, now bring her to life.


- Civetta



​

 

[DragonPrince]

This is a great character, however they definitely need more development. When reading through your form, all I see is her family, which is fine for a character. But what you want to see from forms is more about the person themselves. This character needs more attributes, more strong points, more flaws other than their talents and worries. Anyway, this is an excellent basis for a character and can be developed more with thought.

 

[Meiima]

Cute art




Start Critic...


I'm always pretty lean on how much information is available about the character, just from looking I think it could have a bit more. Backstory, motives and traits. Thing's of that nature. The format you've decided to go with is pretty basic and easy to understand, straight forward and such. The main thing that pops out to me so far is that your sheet is pretty moderate, neat and simple. Nothing too crazy. This is both a positive and a negative. Positive cause it's easy for anyone to read. Negative because it might stray away from catching the eye of someone who enjoys more details.


Name: Adira Dravis.


Pretty straight forward name. It has a nice adventurous ring to it, as her attire seems to compliment.


Nicknames... They're there but they aren't established as to whom called them these names. Why and for what reason. This is more of a personal point but it would be very helpful to include a bit of background to flesh out where these nicknames come from and what kind of people she interacted with in order for them to be nicknames.


Age 19. Alright.





Occupation: Hunter/Medic. These two professions are both highly skill based requirements and to have both of these at age 19 is pretty astounding. This can perhaps be something you touch up on when you get into her backstory. Explaining what made her decision to be a hunter and a medic. Perhaps she was prone to being injured during her hunts (Further ahead it is established that she is clumsy so this iv very very likely and believable to her character) and gained experience that way. This is just an idea though as I think there can be more added to this character sheet as a whole.





"Adira, like her name suggests, is a strong...".


From the picture, I was under the impression that she was a fighter pilot of some sorts, given the googles and red bandanna and lack of loose clothing. The fighter aspect is still there though so that's good. Now that I've read a bit more into it, we see she is a student medic and a proficient hunter. Hunting being her main profession and Medical being her secondary. The Intro is very short but it does get the main points out. However, I'd like to know more about the family. Where she lived. What made them so happy. What happened that separated them? Why did a part of her die? There is a lot of information here that could be touched up upon. Does she just not remember everything that happened? If so, that is more than a fine justification but it has to be mentioned otherwise the reader will be left with only a few details as if she just met someone and told them a bit about herself before leaving to go eat or something.


The Talent bit establishes that she is a tad clumsy but a powerful hunter otherwise, yet lacking stamina. This is a very up and down slope for a hunter because it does require a demanding amount of stamina to hunt. Were this more of a balancing factor, I'd understand. Like perhaps she is so powerful that she can hunt and kill a target almost instantly but if she fails, she lacks the ability to rebound. Again, you mention something about the families training. What was it? What made it difficult? What skills did she gain from them? Things like this are very important for character development.


Worries. So she has a bit of a disorder with being alone or unwanted. She is quick to jump to the closest person for the sake of not being alone. This is a perfect motivation for a character and it does suit her very very well from what has been established thus far. I honestly like this character a lot. They're very straight forward and blunt. Nothing to crazy but nothing too amazing either, but adding a background and a bit more detail can fix that in an instant.


It is possible to add a "Likes, Dislikes, Friends, Foes" Sort of attributes under "Personality" rather than "Worries". Worries is too limiting and it undermines the amount of information you can put out. because if you go with the "Worries" approach, then you may as well add a "Joys", "Tendensies", "Triggers", "Loves" and things of that nature and it would just become very convoluted with stuff.


Final Critic


5.2/10


The character is moderately thought out and the information here is pretty decent. It's very obvious that plenty more could be added to flesh out her character. She is an interesting character and I can see them becoming so much more. Their weapon of choice is interesting. Their character image reminds me of a friend of mine. Overall they're an appealing character and if I had just read this and left, I would leave feeling pretty at ease. Nothing too crazy happened but nothing too game changing happened either. More detail, more lore and more backstory. I want to know more about her world and about how she lives in it. You got the concept down, now bring her to life.


- Civetta



​

Oh my goodness thank you so much! I definitely saw some points I didn't consider and you gave me new ideas to tackle about her as well. As for lack of in depth character flesh, she's still a newly made OC for a forum roleplay here thats why everything about her is vague ; u; If I get accepted and as the RP progresses I'll be basing every fact and back story about her that applies to the world of the RP once I get a grasp of it. Thank you so so much!


 

This is a great character, however they definitely need more development. When reading through your form, all I see is her family, which is fine for a character. But what you want to see from forms is more about the person themselves. This character needs more attributes, more strong points, more flaws other than their talents and worries. Anyway, this is an excellent basis for a character and can be developed more with thought.

Will do! Thank you so much!