Fantasy Charries of Mine

[darkwolfmaster]

Ifrit

Introduction

Ih-freet

Basics

Name: Ifrit


Age: Ninety three years


Race: Ifrit


Gender: Female


Sexual Orientation: Pansexual


Occupation: Spy, Ninja, and Thief

• Appearance
• Personality
• History
• Magic/Spells
• Equipment
• Skills

• Appearance
  
  Height: 5'7
  
  
  Hair: flame red, long pinstraight
  
  
  Eyes: pure black
  
  
  Body: Athetic
  
  
  Attire: A black cloak that goes to her ankles, black low-cut tank-top, dark grey denim shorts, ankle high black combat boots, and black leather gloves
  
  
  A silver circular locket with a picture of her older brother around her neck, silver nose ring
  
  
  
• Personality
  
  Ifrit is a very quiet woman, she's more interested in listening than running her mouth. When irritated, she will openly glare at you. She doesn't trust easily due to her past and she is very hot-headed. When angered, she will not stop until her blood-rage has left. It isn't easy to make her laugh, but be proud if you do. When she does trust you, she will talk about anything and everything nonstop. It really just depends if she trusts you or not.
  
  
  
• History
  
  Her brother was murdered by Ifrit Hunters when she was a little girl on a hunting trip. He was all she had since her mother died in childbirth and her fathers whereabouts are unknown. She managed to escape with her life because her brother teleported her away with the last of his power. Ifrit carries that part of his soul in her katana "Ryu" that he had made for her the same day he was murdered. She hates the Grand Magistrate and its minions. She looks forward to the day she can take down the Head Magistrate with her own power.
  
  
  For now, she lives as a rouge ninja for hire. She doesn't care who she works for as long as they do not work directly for the Grand Magistrate. She also thieves from her employers, making her a criminal in certain areas.
  
  
  
• Magic/Spells
  
  Pyromancy, teleportation
  
  
  
• Equipment
  
  Claws, fangs, and a katana named "Ryukotsei" that she keeps hidden in her cloak
  
  
  
• Skills
  
  fast healing except for magickal wounds and holy wounds, and night vision
  
  
  

 

[Civetta]

The imagery I get for this character is wonderful!


The name is complementing their looks and even their profession.


Start Critique


Ifrit has a great set up with a tad lack of information, though


being a spy/ninja that would make sense but since you went with the


bio presentation of the character, there can be more told about the character.


Basics,


I tell this to everyone but I feel like the sexual orientation is irreverent unless it


directly is affiliated with something they've experienced or emphasis an important


character trait. I don't really see it being relevant and that's really my only complaint.


Spy, Ninja, And Thief is a tad generic.. I think you could get a bit more creative with a title.


Maybe "Rogue" for hire or something along those lines. Declaring yourself a Spy for hire is


a horrible idea, as well as declaring 'thief'.


Appearance


She's moderately sized and based on the image provided


she is pretty attractive BUT she has to stand out like a light bulb making


being a ninja more of a difficulty. The world that is established is not much


invested into so when I look ahead at her Skills and such, they mention magic


but I don't know to what extent that this helps her or if magic is


a commonality. My personal opinion is that she needs a hat or


to at least cut her hair because long hair does not make for good close quarter combat duels

which if she is a spy, ninja or thief: she shouldn't have such bright colors. She can


but she has to be really really good beyond believably.


Personality & History


You establish that she has a past but never really go into it in her history.


For me, there is just a lot more information that could be expanded upon.


She has a rage which is completely horrible for a Spy or Ninja to have.


A Ninja likely requires high discipline and A Spy requires a blocking of


emotions and staying true to the task at hand. A Thief requires frequent training in


experience and dexterity. In order for all of this to be accomplished she'd have to be


completely dedicated to this lifestyle and from what she has experience and how her life basically turned to shit


I think that is possible; Though, it has to be established. She is a character who requires a high amount of


trust invested in order to get close to her. Maybe establish who has gotten close to her and what they did to


destroy the trust that she once had. We need to learn more about her experiences


Oh nice, she is 90.


Though, there is ninety three years of information that isn't really mentioned.


We need to know what skills she learned to get her to where she is now.


All we know is her entire family basically died and now she is on her own


and making it somehow. If you can't explain how she did it then you


can't expect the reader to nearly feel it justified as well.


I do feel that the world desperately needs to be established.


Magic, Equipment, and Skills.


Establish how she learned these spells and the difficulty it took to do so.


Explain how she gained her equipment and what significance it has to her.


Emphasis on her skills and how they've helped her in the past.


Final Critique


Your character is lovely though there are plenty of places that

need work and I do believe this character has plenty of potential to be

something completely phenomenal. There are just details missing and


justifications and motivations for why the character does what they do


and why the act the way they do. We understand she had a bad start


and made due with that but what did she do to make up for it?


How did she survive and what other conflicts did she have to overcome.


What made her keep going more importantly.


Most of all, I don't really know what world she is in. Is this Fandom or just


something that involves magic? That has to be established in perhaps a "World" tab that


gives a brief description of how they live and what life is normally like.


I hope you've read this with an open mind cause I do like your character


but I believe you can put more into her as she deserves it rightfully so.


- Civetta





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