Falling Crimson Petals (Midnight Abyssal)

[Hanat-Osul]

Approved by Stillborn


In an apocryphal text from the cult libraries of the Shining Path, called The Nineteen-Fold Theosophy of Those Who Came Before, a great apostate wrote that the Primordial called Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud, “The Many-Porous Squall,â€

 

[Persell]

Very good, Iliked it alot.

 

[DeepFlowingRiver]

good stuff

 

[Persell]

Very good, yes. I have one lil' problem with it: Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud.


.....That is on my Top Ten list of Horribly Annoyingly Cliché Evil Names now.


Other than that, it is quite a well- thought out and well- concieved character, with good story and such.

 

[Forn Clakes]

Cool character, Mr. Osul, very cool character.


At one point though, when reading through this part...

He instructed the girl in the many ways and preferences of the lost gods, and the manipulation of the unseen powers of the world which they had made.  He trained her body to be tough and flexible, with long bouts of exposure to the cruel Northern winds and endless drills of unhallowed yoga.  When at last she became a woman, he put out the joyous call to all of those who followed the Shining Path:  â€œBehold, thou churls!  The hand of Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud remaineth heavy upon this world!  Come and see, unletter’d Knaves, if thou art Worthy of the dead god and mine own Daughter!â€

 

[Hanat-Osul]

Very good, yes. I have one lil' problem with it: Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud.
.....That is on my Top Ten list of Horribly Annoyingly Cliché Evil Names now.


Other than that, it is quite a well- thought out and well- concieved character, with good story and such.

I wracked my brain, comrade, for something weird & original... but in the end I just stuck with that old standby, "The Many-Porous Squall."  And I don't think I'm alone in this.

 

[Hanat-Osul]

Cool character, Mr. Osul, very cool character.
At one point though, when reading through this part...

He instructed the girl in the many ways and preferences of the lost gods, and the manipulation of the unseen powers of the world which they had made.  He trained her body to be tough and flexible, with long bouts of exposure to the cruel Northern winds and endless drills of unhallowed yoga.  When at last she became a woman, he put out the joyous call to all of those who followed the Shining Path:  â€œBehold, thou churls!  The hand of Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud remaineth heavy upon this world!  Come and see, unletter’d Knaves, if thou art Worthy of the dead god and mine own Daughter!â€

 

[Persell]

...Unhealthly diet  :roll: ?

 

[Morninglight]

Way cool Abyssal!

 

[Hanat-Osul]

Way cool Abyssal!

For your kindness, comrade, many thanks.  I'm glad you like her.

 

[Cthulhu_Wakes]

I must say I really like this character. And the Primordial description, anyone who does more of that is ok in my book. I toast your Abyssal sir.

 

[Coyotekin]

Great character and great description.

 

[Solfi]

Nice character...

Very good, yes. I have one lil' problem with it: Ngrahk-Zim-Horrzud.
.....That is on my Top Ten list of Horribly Annoyingly Cliché Evil Names now.

I was also slightly annoyed with it. It smacks a bit too much of Lovecraft, and too little of Exalted.

 

[Hanat-Osul]

In my defense, aren't the Malfeans themselves lifted from Lovecraft..?  "That is not dead which can eternal lie" and whatnot..?

 

[Cthulhu_Wakes]

Yep.

 

[Solfi]

QUite obviously so, yes... the sleeping gods, waiting to swallow the world etc etc, but their names are not.

 

[Hanat-Osul]

I can see why you'd say "Ngrak-Zim-Horzud" isn't thematically appropriate, but he has another name.  The other Primordials have names like "She Who Lives In Her Name," "He Who Holds in Thrall," and "The Sea That Marched Against the Flame."  Personally, I think "The Many-Porous Squall" fits into that tone/ syntactical framework without getting too cheesy or derivative.  I was going for the kind of alien-mindset title that makes the Yozis' so perplexing and rewarding.

 

[Stormrider Jento]

Perhaps I'm twisted, and it would fit the character, but is "Falling Crimson Petals" is a hymen reference?


Regardless, cool character.  You've got a great (if long) background, and I would have preferred more of that space allotted to current plans, schemes, and ambitions.  But that's picking nits on a great post.  Your attention to character detail is excellent, she's ready to fall into any game with minimal storyteller work.


I also agree with the above that the Primordial pieces are a pleasant surprise and could be a post in their own.. very helpful for setting.

 

[Hanat-Osul]

Perhaps I'm twisted' date=' and it would fit the character, but is "Falling Crimson Petals" is a hymen reference?[/quote']
Aheh. It is if you want it to be, comrade.


For your compliments, many thanks.

 

[Cthulhu_Wakes]

Holy SHIT, he's alive.