Misty Gray
Pessimisty
James Porter
~ Sunday 14th November 1971 ~
~ Porter Mansion ~
~ Sunday 14th November 1971 ~
~ Porter Mansion ~
James toyed with the Velcro of the the support strap around his wrist, though kept looking to Syd as he spoke. "Your mother and I said you can stay for as long as you need to, so I can't see either of us trying to ship you off back to your own house in a hurry," James assured him. "When you're ready to leave, then you tell us and maybe we'll consider letting you go. Though Luce might make you leave the twins with her so she can knit more clothes for them," he teased.
Syd expressed his concerns for his own mental state and that the kids might end up seeing him if he had one of his episodes. James let out a sigh before getting up onto his feet and facing Syd directly, placing his hand lightly on his son's shoulder. "You can't keep imagining negative things like that. You need to focus on imagining all of the things you want your kids to see and how you're going to do it." James pulled his hand away and instead rested it on the weight storage rack next to him. "But. I'm not pretending everything's going to be perfect and that you're going to be completely recovered, with all days good ones. That's why you're going to have to be honest with yourself, with Roxie, with your mother and with me. At the first sign of any kind of relapse or struggle, you need to acknowledge it so we can tackle it straight away. Don't be afraid of being judged or of anyone taking you away from your family again. We've all made mistakes and what we've learned from them is we need to start talking more. The slightest concern and you must talk to someone."
When Syd asked James if he thought he was ready to be a father, James let out a brief chuckle and shrugged his shoulders. "No... I mean, I don't think anyone's truly ready, no matter how much they think they might be. Having tried to look out for Elijah and been paid to protect the likes of Sinead when she was younger, I thought looking after my kids would be a breeze in comparison. When you and your sisters came to live with me and Luce, I realised I was so out of my depth. The tantrums, squabbling, homework, crying... fucking hell, it had been easier taking down a group of Vinnie's goons. It took a bit, but I like to think I got the hang of it." James folded his arms and rolled his eyes. "When Thomas came along, I realised I still wasn't as ready as I thought I was. A tiny little human needing me 24/7. It was pretty intimidating. But you know what? After the first few diaper changes and the first few struggled attempts to stop him from crying, it suddenly felt natural." James scratched the back of his head as he remembered the original question his son had asked. "I didn't read any books, so you're already a step ahead of me on that one and it certainly can't hurt to have that knowledge. But don't stress yourself about it all going in, because whoever wrote those books isn't you and they don't have your experiences, nor did they care for the babies you'll be caring for. I think you're as ready as you can be and the fact you're showing so much concern and consideration assures me of that. You won't get everything right the first time, but nobody does. As long as you're ready to commit to making sure your daughters have the best life you can give them, then you will be the best kind of parent. You'll surely be better than I was," he scoffed at his own expense.