Gus Gungus
One Thousand Club
"Well, I can certainly walk better naturally, which-"
He held a finger up without looking over. "Finish that train of thought and we can finally find out if you run better. Nerd."
"..."
He slowly craned his head over to the bird, his face a mask of pure suspicion.
"...Really? The evil me has a mustache? The absolute most cliched 'change one thing about a person to show they're evil' change? Really?"
"No, 'cause on the other side of the photograph there was a note written, and in it you said the reason you grew the mustache to begin with was to look less evil." The crow answered, still in a tone more befitting a sage mentor addressing his chosen one disciple.