Opinion Discussing shortcomings

[Arkaeis]

Have you guys ever done something, and then almost immediately regretted it. Whether it was a failure to communicate, realizing that you're were having unrealistic expectations, or just over all cringe worthy content, or other varied things. It becomes pretty demoralizing, this thread I guess it just to share those fml moments.

To get this started, the other day I posted a giant text wall of old work, and had the realization two seconds after I wrote it that it had literally zero reason to be on this site. *facepalm*

 

[Enkerzed]

Oh boy, I could tell you a thing or two about regrets. Just last night, I was asking someone to leave me alone. Not that they did anything wrong, but I had my own reasons and I was hoping they would understand. Big mistake. They ended up taking offence and it turned into a whole thing, right when I should've already been asleep.

Now I'm on break at work, operating on 4 hrs of sleep and feeling like I've got the sword of Damocles hanging over my head. I shouldn't have said anything at all.

Edit: now that I think about it, I'm probably going to regret mentioning all that too.

 

[Arkaeis]

Ouf, I've been there before. I wish there was a better understanding that when someone wants to be left alone, most of the time when it comes to friends it has nothing to do with the group or the person that you are around. Sometimes people just need their space!

 

[Enkerzed]

Oh in this case, it had everything to do with the group they were part of. I wanted to be proven wrong about the way I felt, I really did, but the whole interaction only soured things further and confirmed (to me at least) that I was right.

I know this is all sounding very vague without context, so I'll just make this one thing clear. I was being prejudiced. Logically, I know it's not the right thing to do, but it's like my head is saying one thing and my heart says the other, then it turns into a tug of war between the two until one side wins. In this case, my emotions got the better of me. What can I do, y'know? What's done is done and I regret it.

 

[Arkaeis]

I've been there a few times, realizing only after a frustrating situation that my feelings got the better of me. I do think what is done is done, but that feeling of regret to me is actually a sign of hope, and an opportunity for personal growth. We all make mistakes, but not everyone regrets them; and even fewer learn from them.

 

[Enkerzed]

It's a constant struggle for me. Talk about shortcomings, mine's that I'm always managing to tick people off without meaning to. Exhibit A above. I don't know if I'll ever learn from my mistakes since I just keep making the same one over and over. It's like, "Hey, it's important to be honest about how you think and feel," but then the side of me that knows better is like, "Ehhh, are you sure about that? It didn't go so great all those other times." And that bastard's right every single time. Maybe one of these days I'll finally get it, I don't know. I hope I do.

 

[Arkaeis]

I know what you mean, believe me. People always say they want honesty, but generally tend to want a watered down version of it; as it's easier to take on an empty stomach. I know what it's like to struggle with yourself, thinking one way and feeling another. I find myself looking inward when I can't seem to get it through my thick head and I keep making the same mistakes. I'm like "there has to be a reason why this has happened again. " I am either able to follow the trail back, and able to pinpoint why I feel the way that I felt; which caused the reaction I had... or I get lost in the weeds. I think that the looking at yourself part is what is really important, if you can come to understand your motives then there is a possibility to improve them. At least that is the standard I've come to believe about myself.

 

[Enkerzed]

I know what you mean, believe me.

I do. You've described the experience exactly, hit the nail right on the head. At this stage, I'm probably well lost in the weeds, but strangely I'm not feeling so anxious about it as I was before. I guess I'm just glad that someone else gets it.

 

[Arkaeis]

We live on a rock speeding through space, kept in orbit by a force we know exists; but can barely understand. In a delicate multi-biome ecosystem that we could potentially destroy. Having grown up in a multicultural system that has evolved to the point where near instantaneous communication can happen from anywhere from a device we can hold in one hand. In a time of general civil unrest, mania, and pandemics.

What can I say man, life is complicated. One of the most beautiful things about humans is that we can filter out all the complexity and focus on one or two things to make life simple. We can choose what we focus on, but we have the responsibility of working on ourselves, trying to be good people.. and generally giving a damn. That is what adulthood is, so yeah.. I get it.. and I feel for you.. and I'm sure given the chance to get to know people.. a lot of these folks on this site would too. :]

 

[0009]

Well, one of my personal shortcomings that were a lot more troublesome is to be stubbornly drawn to people who show behavioural signa that they have little interest in talking to me. I don’t go out of my way for them, but I find their presence being a stain on my mind even when I attempt to focus on other activities; though I suppose lack of restraint and proneness to impulsive behavior doesn’t really help. I remember one instance where I had started a friendship with someone from school, and the rate of our conversation changed from frequently to silence. When summer ended, they gave me an explanation of why that had happened and I became overwhelmed with intrusive thoughts about that said person, though it probably didn’t help that I was going through the end of my first relationship that crashed on a bad note– well, for highschool standards anyway. Without realizing it, the person became the topic of most of my personal writing and frustration, as if he was some sort of projection of my frustration with the fear of the responsibilities of adulthood, the growing realization that most of my personal connections with the people around me will diminish, and a yearning for emotional intimacy. That period of my life was embarrassing, as I experimented different ways on expressing and making sense of what I felt. Regardless, it was an experience of growth. I have grown to learn detachment and acceptance in the possibilities of loss– that being said, it sounds rather melodramatic, but I would prefer to learn from inconsequential yet embarrassing events such as these rather than to experience a great tragedy.

 

[Arkaeis]

I can actually echo several tones there, It's hard when you feel rejected by a person on any level. I think that it takes a keen observation of oneself to really begin to rationalize why we crave what we do from the people we crave it from. I never want to find myself at odds with someone to the point that there isn't at least something we can relate on. So I totally understand the inner turmoil of dealing with those sorts of situations. We are social beings, we need each other in a lot of ways that most people don't like admitting to.. or at least that's my theory as far is emotional intimacy goes.

On the other hand though, don't you find the rigmarole of casual social relationships rather unsatisfying? I mean to have an honest conversation with someone, is really something to behold.

As far as tragedies, my heart breaks for those that experience them.. I'm with you.. Let me keep the bumps and bruises in place of a deep void within my life. I can't even claim to have an opinion other than that on the subject, as my life is far from a daydream I have been spared many hardships that others readily endure.

 

[0009]

It's comforting to hear that you empathise with what I shared, and I agree that in regards to being drawn to certain people, there's usually an aspect of them that draws us in, perhaps as a result of a blindsided feeling of understanding or a sense of self projection.

And in regards to what you've mentioned on casual social relationships, that's exactly how I feel! I find great difficulty in traversing from small talk into topics that hold more interest for me that explore an insight within the person's worldviews or a sense of emotional vulnerability from both parties, which is challenging for me as at times I get a little overwhelmed by social interaction and attempting to forge myself some sort of deeper connection with those I find interesting and seem to reciprocate that interest. I have been content with keeping my distance, and exploring mediums that may or may not satisfy me, though this short conversation has been delightful. On a final note, I am glad that you haven't experienced anything traumatic in your life as of yet, though I think life has it's way of traumatizing all of us with the way it goes, however it's undoubtedly certain that those exist with heavier burdens and all we can do is recognize those we can help and make an effort to do so.

 

[Arkaeis]

(Will reply but needs sleep)

 

[0009]

Hope you had a restful night. Reply whenever you wish.

 

[Arkaeis]

I think more than anything we as a society tend to elevate that status quo in such a way that it discourages people to take their mask off and be real. I understand that not everyone will mesh with everyone else, and that it is an unrealistic expectation for anything else. However, getting to that point where you have a deep understanding with one another and are able to unmask; casting off fear of judgement, social constructs, where ideas can soar is in itself one of the most dynamic levels of experience that life has to offer. There is something deeply freeing about it, though it takes time as it is built on layers of trust.

I can understand taking a step back however, as it is rather naive to believe that everyone is compatible in that way. It's an easy path taken that leads to shattered emotions and downtrodden expectations. I do want to believe however, that there are those out there for each of us and it is worth striving for an understanding that isn't tied to a social expectation: to be able to connect to everyone on some level, regardless of differing perspectives.

At least that's one of my goals, though probably unrealized.. we still ought to believe in something, right?

On a far less sociological note, what brings you to RPN?

 

[Arkaeis]

Hope you had a restful night. Reply whenever you wish.

I forgot to quote you in my last post, sorry about that.

 

[0009]

The hunt for compatible human connection mimics this sort of thrill to me that whenever I do happen to come across it I get filled with adrenaline! I kind of feel like a dog in that sense; your words manage to capture the image of enjoying companionship in a rather rigid society rather eloquently. It’s freeing and frightening to unapologetically strip yourself in your purest form and being able to communicate parts of yourself that rarely see the light with someone else who happens to be compatible with you in this large, often scary world.

And oh! I was sort of having a roleplaying itch and I went through some familiar sites I used to go to when I was a kid, and I kind of hope to find a place where I can write for a while and play a character? But I tend to get overwhelmed by the amount of creativity the users on this site have on display, it’s somewhat intimidating to start off so I’m slowly trying to get used to the platform. Also, you don’t need to apologize and I’m terribly sorry for the late response! I read your post around 7am and told myself I would reply sometime later. Anyway, what brings you to the site and what do you like about it? And woah I can tag people. I’m not sure if this works.

Arkaeis

 

[Arkaeis]

I suppose I am in a similar situation, I'm in a new season of life I suppose and it has given me the availability to pursue old passions. Writing and roleplaying being some of them. So, I'm getting back into the writing scene and I can't really think of a better way to do that than forum based Roleplay. I totally understand being intimidated by the skill of people with places like this, many of them are so thorough with their posts that it's sometimes hard to think up a proper response. So, I honestly try not to think about it.. I figure if I get involved enough and take their advice to heart it will only sharpen my skills.

What genres do you like exploring with roleplay, cannon or OC?

 

[0009]

i tend to gravitate towards oc as i'm not very involved with much of the fandoms of the media that i follow,the sole exceptions being my third grade fixation with warrior cats series when i used to go on feral-front and roleplay happily as a cat. now i am searching for casual realistic or light lore based roleplay to ease myself into writing again.

what about yourself? what do you prefer? and what kind of media do you like? i've been looking for books / movies/etc to get into, so if you have any suggestions i'd be interested in hearing you out.

 

[Arkaeis]

I'm very much into OC, or shared setting roleplays. I'm not one for demonstrating my version of a beloved character or blending Cannon characters into a different setting. In general I would say that the creation part of roleplaying and writing in general is what I find so captivating. As for what I like, I am all over the place. I enjoy classical literary characters Holmes probably being my favorite, I like some anime, mostly serious dramas, with a dash of comedy peppered here and there. I do enjoy some satire, though I am not generally politically driven. I enjoy stories above most everything else. I like deep stories, complex characters with motivations that I can really empathize with, I like to think; to reevaluate my feelings on a context and explore facets of life though fictional perspective.

I love to create. I am here to find solace, and like minded individuals who want to explore the worlds we create through words.

 

[Arkaeis]

Off the wall, but both Flight of the concords, and what we do in the shadows are generally entertaining, If you are into anime, I recommend Trigun, Sword Art online (season 1), Cowboy Bebop, and Record of the Grancrest war.