Fantasy Demon Hunting: Welcome to the Rejects (CLOSED)

[Jin137]

Axel winces as she gets placed in the van. With the little movement her neck could do without pain, she saw blood seeping through the hoodie.
“How was I meant to know that that place was hell? Also do you have a spare shirt? And you were the one that told me to get into the car in the first place dimwit.”

 

[Da Doofus]

"You could've checked the driver, at least, the real one got whacked!" He shouted back, ramming his hoof into onto the gas pedal. "I knew it was fishy when he was late."

Snarling howls rang through the van as a group of the masked men sprinted for them, tearing off the masks to unveil the brutish, spiked demon creatures they really were.

"SHIT!" Shuck cursed, tossing a white-metal pistol to her. "Hold em off while I get this bucket going!"

 

[Jin137]

“I can’t move that much without being in pain and how am I meant to know what the driver looks like. Also I’ll do it if I get a shirt after! My hoodie is soaked in blood at the minute!”

 

[Da Doofus]

"Lady, I'll get you a pair of ruby-fucking-slippers if you'll kindly SHOOT THOSE BASTARDS!" He roared at her as the tower's base cracked and began to collapse.
They were on a time limit before they became buried in rubble.

The tiny man who provided her cape earlier took off his mask and in his place was a 10 ft tall ape-postures demon with a frothing maw of jagged teeth.
He charged with a guttural roar.

 

[Jin137]

Axel sighed as she began headshotting them left, right and centre, “I only asked for a shirt. I can’t walk in heels anyway. They hurt. Now how long until we get away? Wait, I’ve had an idea. Do you have a grenade anywhere?”

 

[Da Doofus]

The first three blocked her shots with their armored forearms, the large one took his shot in the eye, popping open the side of his head in a burst of blood and bits of skull.
Still, he only charged with enforced ferocity.

Shuck saw the encroaching beast and stopped his attempts.
"Get down." He warned as the demon was almost upon them.

 

[Jin137]

Axel did and she’d never feared anything more in her life. She never feared horror movies but this was too real. The pain was getting worse and worse, plus her position was increasing the amount of pain.

 

[Da Doofus]

What would have been a crashing impact that folded the van onto the two of them in a twisted coffin of metal did not come.
Only a spray of blood over the interior of the van, and the thump of the demon's head at Axel's feet.

Looking up, she'd see the beast's massive body fall backward with a small, hooded man holding a weapon that looked like a buzzsaw mixed with a spear.
Turning to glance at Axel, she'd only see a silver helmet, dented and scratched from wear.
The blue eyes behind them had a mad glint to them.

"Hellos!" He waved jovially to her in a voice that bore the tone of innocence despite that violent deed just committed.

The other demons froze at the newcomer.

Shuck looked outside.
"Took you long enough!" He scolded the masked man. "Got the coin?"

"Yessers!" He replied, pulling a severed hand of a demon with a gold coin in its fingers. He tossed it to Shuck and faced the group of demons currently debating in silence whether to charge.
The hooded man responded by tossing away his current weapon and hopping into the van in an energetic waddle. Rummaging through the boxes, he pulled out a firearm that looked scrapped together from parts. It bore a similar appearance to a Thompson machine gun, but the bulk looked to be too much for a man the height of 5"3.
He aimed it at the anxious demons.

"MERRY CHRISTMAS, BITCHY MCGOOS!" He screamed insanely, pulling the trigger.
The firepower that blasted from that gun was equal to a military grade .50 caliber, the recoil launching him against the other side of the van.
As he giggled madly, the demons screamed as their skin, bone, and muscle was pelted off piece by piece in the hail of bullets.
"HO HO HO!" The mad gunner hollered with a cackling laugh.

When the barrage was over, smoke and red mist lingered over the bodies of the assaulting demons.
Shuck got the van to start appropriately then, and glanced at the madman.
"You know Christmas is over, right?" He inquired with a raised brow.

"Shut up!" He barked, looking at Axel. "Who is you?! WHO IS YOU?!" He pointed at her while his head vibrated with excitable paranoia.

 

[Jin137]

“I am annoying and sarcastic. Who are you? Also you’re not much taller than me and do you have a spare shirt? Mine is drenched in blood. Also where can I get one of those guns? I only have a hand pistol, knives and a machette,” Axel replies back with a lot of excitement.

 

[Da Doofus]

He blinked at her until she said the word 'pistol'.

"YOU GOTSA GUN?!!?!" He practiall screamed in her face. "I CAN 'IMPROOVS' IT!" He hopped up and down, making the van shake.

"Nice to see those English classes worked out." Shuck said impatiently, backing the van up to align with the main gate. "Least that tower's still standin'."

"It is?" The odd man inquired, looking at the tilted building of the Devil. "Ohhhhhhh . . ." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a detonator. "I can fix."

Shuck had just stopped the van when he saw the detonator.
"SHORTY!" He panicked. "DON'T-"

With the push of a button, the foundation was decimated in a fiery blast that knocked the vehicle over, and sent the entire tower to fall opposite them.
All Axel would see was the body of the one Shuck called 'Shortstop' tumble over her with the van, and a wave of dust to accompany the near deafening sounds of the behemoth structure's collapse.

When she awoke next, she'd hear Shuck pushing the van back onto its wheels as she laid nearby in safety.
Shortstop was frolicking in the ash and smoldering rubble like a child in the snow.

 

[Jin137]

Axel giggles when she saw this. They made quite the pair. She tried to get up but the pain was still there, so shot a bullet in the air instead so they knew that she was awake.

 

[Da Doofus]

Shortstop pulled out his own pistol that looked like it shot rounds the size of tangerines, and shot at the source of the sudden sound.
The bullet whizzed by Axel's head, shaving off a few strands of her hair.

"Oh. Sorries." He holstered the pistol and waved.

Shuck grunted, and the van rolled back onto its 3 remaining wheels in groaning squeaks and cracks.
The windshield fell apart after a few seconds.

"Dammit, Shorty." Shuck scolded.

"Not my fault. That last one wasn't supposed to be needed. Bad batch o'bombs."

A figure hovered overhead, causing a burst of dusty wind to wash over them all.
What landed was a large, bearded man with feathered wings that were drenched in soot. A cigar smoldered in his mouth and a rusty metal warhammer rested in his arms.

Her two companions froze.
"Get in the van?"

"Yes yes the van." They said on que, just as a silhouette of a large, draconic creature rose from the rubble behind the newcomer.
Scarlet red, reptilian eyes flickered at the three, identifying the being instantly. The dust shrouded Devil huffed, and fire bursted at his feet.

Shuck turned the key to get the van sputtering to life, then looked at Axel.
"GET IN THE FUCKING VAN!" He shouted as the bearded stranger approached her, his hammer leaving cracks in the ground where he walked and hateful murder gleaming in his yellow eyes.

 

[Jin137]

Axel crawled away towards the van as fast as she could without causing too much pain. When she finally reached the van, she sat on the floor of it and rolled in.

 

[Da Doofus]

Shuck hopped out to grab her and carry her inside when she got close enough. Setting her down he hopped back into the drivers seat, awkwardly given his size, and stomped on the gas pedal as the black-winged man began to charge with the warhammer.
The fiery-eyed silhouette of Luci's true form glaring upon the scene with his every breath launching a burst of hellish flame, his head a crown of malevolent horns.

The van sped off, many inner mechanisms rattling from the damage and hood belching smoke from beneath.
They crashed through the front gate as the winged newcomer swung downward, leaving a circle of cracks in the ground as the trio barely escaped.

The shape of the Devil shrank and shifted, until Luci reemerged in his white suit.
The winged hammer wielder puffed his cigar and approached.
"We tracking them, sir?" He asked.

Luci smirked and shook his head. "No need, Sam. They got the drop on me fair and square." He turned and looked at the smoldering ruins of his tower.

"I'll begin rebuilding as soon as poss-"

"Nah nah. I was meaning to renew the whole thing anyway." He stroked his chin, his gaze transfixed on the fallen tower.
He was getting an idea.
"Although it gives me a craving to start the millenium off with a bang." He smiled darkly. "How is Belial coming along with the Middle-East? I heard he's orchestrating a plane hijacking."

"Um . . . Yes. Should be ready in August of next year."

"What if he were to add . . . Two more targets?"

"That would delay it by a month, I think."

"September?" Luci chuckled. "Call him. Make it happen. I think the ripple effect of this will be well worth the investment."

"Yes sir." Sam bowed, leaving Luci to continue to gloat on his current plot.
*****************

The van screeched down the dirty, cobblestone roads of Hell. Demons snarled when they passed, unaware that two humans were inside.

Shortstop was currently tending to Axel's wound, preventing ash from infecting it.
Shuck kept quiet as he sped through the demonic metropolis.

"You are so fucking lucky that Shorty found the real driver's body in a dumpster you know." He said. "Otherwise, we wouldn't have known to come her to save your ass."

 

[Jin137]

“Damn. I never would have thought that I’d be in a van with a demon speeding through Hell, also I don’t know your drivers. How was I meant to know that I’d get a golden pass into Lucifers office itself. Anyway, thank you for saving me and thank you for tending to my wound. How long to go now?”

 

[Da Doofus]

"Got to get to Styx." Shuck said. "Hopefully we can keep out of the patrols' sight. Most blokes may just think we're just a couple of Dregs out for a joyride in a snagged human car."

Shortstop looked at the view from the windshield.
"We could just-"

"We ain't shootin' our way out." Shuck said. "She's half-Fomorian. That makes her too valuable to risk getting snatched." He took a glance at the fellow half-breed. "I'll explain later."

 

[Jin137]

“Yeah, I think you do need to explain.” Axel sighed. He was withholding vital information needed. Why though? She knew that most people didn’t trust the fairfolk, but this was information that could possibly mean life or death.

 

[Da Doofus]

"I will." Shuck sighed. His words bore no ill toward her. There was almost . . . Pity in his tone.
They just cleared the city and were now on a hellish parody of a highway. Cracked concrete blackened by ash.
Shuck glanced at the passengers seat, seeing something glitter at the corner of his eye.
What he saw filled his heart with fear.

"Shorty . . ." He knew who was responsible. "What is that doin ere?"

"I gots it from the tower I blewed up." Shortstop answered, tearing a piece of his white undershirt off to use as a bandage for Axel.

"I was assumin, but why is it IN ere?" Shuck snapped, worry beginning to grow.

"Because it's mine. I gots it with hair and squares."

"That's 'fair and square', and WHY DID YOU SNATCH IT?!" Shuck turned his eyes from the road to snarl at his companion.

"Relax, it'll be a good bitsy before Big Bitch notices."

Shuck reached to the object of his dread and pulled it from its spot.
In his hand was a violin made of gold.
"Really? He's not gonna notice his prize possession missing immediately?"

"Probably not." Shortstop shrugged.

As though on que, a sky-splitting, screaming roar pierced the air across the land. It would send a chill down Axel's spine at its unearthly sound.
It was rage.
Pure rage.

"Ok so he noticed." Shortstop fastened the bandage, not phased by the Devil's recent unhinged temper.

 

[Jin137]

Axel was almost shaking with fear. Why was the violin so important to Lucifer? As the noise started to grow louder, the van started slowing down. This was really bad timing.

“WHY IS THE VAN SLOWING DOWN?” Axel shouted, trying to hide her fear with loudness.

 

[Da Doofus]

"Oh." Shuck noticed that he forgot to shift gears. "Sorry. Not used to stick shift."
He fiddled with the lever, causing the van to groan with damage, before they were back on route.
Shuck noticed the look on her face when he was scolding Shortstop.
"You have no idea what that is, do you?" He asked her, watching the road fervently.

 

[Jin137]

“No. Should I?” Axel asked, her voice cracking in the middle, revealing her fear and she was shaking a lot.

 

[Da Doofus]

Shuck shrugged. "Well just kinda surprising you don't." The van bumped over a pothole. "See, it happened around 1836. Some guy heard the story in the . . . I dunno, 1980's? He and his band made it into a song and got all the credit."
He looked at the cracked radio. "Hold on, lemme see if I can get it playin." He twisted the dials, getting staticky signals and sometimes garbled demonic language, until he landed on a station that sounded human.
Then a song started to play.
******************

******************

When it ended, Shortstop was bobbing his head and still humming the tune.

"What nobody knows is, a year after the contest, Luci went back and conned that guy into a rigged rematch."

"Cheating bitch." Shortstop growled, checking the road behind them.

"It was still a draw, so Luci pulled some legality BS, that since he couldn't have his soul, he'd take his whole body to Hell." Shuck sighed. "Made him into his own personal torture victim and trophy. The only human to best the Devil at something. Bound his soul TO the violin as extra cruelty, so he wouldn't age naturally. Eventually he went crazy and busted out of Hell and the two have been fighting over that fucking thing ever since."
He looked at Axel, and then pointed to Shortstop.
'That's him.' He mouthed silently, a sign that it was not a good idea to bring it up to the masked lunatic himself.

 

[Jin137]

Axel looked confused. “Could you say it slower and in an easier way to understand? All I got was that his soul is bound to that thing.”

She suddenly smirks, an idea obviously in her head. “Does that mean if we shoot it and break it that he’ll die?”

 

[Da Doofus]

Hands grabbed her head, and she was yanked face to mask with Shortstop.

"NONONONONO!" He practically screamed as though feral. "It's MINE! I WON IT BACK! MINE MINE MINE!" He jerked his head around as he repeated the word. "Nothing happens to it, see? It's mine."
His left eye twitched uncontrollably.
"Touch it, and I does bad things to you."

Shuck tossed a soda can, clattering off of his mask harmlessly.
"Ere, make that into a grenade."

That was enough to completely shift the mood of the silver-helmed maniac, as he plucked up the can and waddled to the corner of the van, muttering gleefully to himself.

Shuck glanced at Axel. "You ok?"

 

[Jin137]

“Yeah, just confused at how in the space of a few hours I ended up befriending a demon and another human after being dragged to hell.” Axel nervously giggles, “I also need to meet someone after we get out of here because I can’t go back to Jacksonville.”