Experiences Dealing With The Over 18 Rule

[Sibelle Grey]

I'd like to chime in as someone who is 25 and strictly does not roleplay with minors. My absolute minimum age requirement for a roleplay partners is 18, and I would actually prefer people be at least 21.

I have a lot of reasons for this, and I hope I can reassure OP by saying that minors being "bad writers" is absolutely not one of them. I've absolutely seen writing samples from minors that have excellent prose. I have no doubt that there are plenty of minors who are just as good if not better writers than me, and I've also seen plenty of adults who aren't what most people would consider "good writers."

Here are my actual reasons:

1. Nearly all of my roleplays have some element of romance, and I'm less likely to stay interested in a roleplay with no romantic subplots. As an adult, I feel that roleplaying romance with minors would be deeply inappropriate on my part. Yes, even if there's no smut, even if the characters themselves are all appropriately aged... There's still a minor on the other end of that computer, and I would quite frankly feel like a creep if I were to roleplay with that level of intimacy with a child.

2. If a minor's parent/guardian were to find out that I was roleplaying with them as an adult I could get into serious trouble. All it would take is for your parent to read my post over your shoulder, feel like it's inappropriate, and decide to take action against me. My reputation could be severely harmed, and my life could be outright ruined. Even though the chance of that actually happening is probably tiny, I'm not willing to take that risk when there are plenty of adults I can roleplay with instead.

3. This is the biggest one. In one on one interactions between adults and minors, adults have a huge amount of responsibility imo. I'm not willing to take on that responsibility for a hobby. As an adult, I have to be very aware that I have some level of power over this minor that I'm interacting with; any line I accidentally cross, and any mistake I make in our interactions can have lasting consequences for them. So I would feel the need to carefully monitor every single thing I say, every joke I make, every tone I take, to make sure I don't accidentally hurt this young person. When I'm just trying to have fun with my favorite hobby, I am not willing to take on that level of responsibility, so I simply don't interact with minors in that kind of environment.

Furthermore, minors do not have the same life experience adults do, and it is a scientific fact that minors' brains have not finished developing. It would be irresponsible and unfair of me to expect every minor to have the same level of self-awareness, impulse control, and judgement that an adult should have. A minor might be literally unable to tell when someone is being inappropriate with them, or realize when they themselves are being inappropriate; therefore, I would feel obligated to police their behavior as well as my own in order to be sure that neither of us is being inappropriate. (And yes, I'm aware that not all minors have poor judgement and some are quite mature for their age, but I won't know that about you for sure just by talking to you for a short while. So I need to err on the side of caution to ensure that minor's safety as well as my own comfort.)


Sorry if this is too long or comes across as aggressive, but this is something I have given a lot of thought and feel very strongly about. I've seen some people imply that people with a "no minors" rule are wrong or bad, and I strongly resent it. I have this rule for my own comfort and safety, and there is nothing wrong with that.

Thanks for this, it hits a lot of points I agree with, as well. Ultimately, even when I wasn't officially a minor, people who were older than me put me in some very uncomfortable positions online. While I know I would never harass a minor, I also don't feel comfortable roleplaying the themes I usually roleplay with anyone isn't an adult. No, I don't want to play simmering, slow-burn romantic tension on a war-torn backdrop with a sixteen-year-old. I'm twenty-two.

And the term roleplay has enough sexual connotations with it to the point that when I mention to someone that it's one of my hobbies, I have to specify exactly what I mean and that no, my biggest hobby isn't all smut with strangers online. I understand why someone's parents would be wary. I grew up in the era of the internet where adults being creepy online was one of our biggest fears, and it happened so often that just about every young woman I know who was internet-savvy back in the day has a bad Omegle experience up her sleeve. I swear I'm not trying to patronize any younger people here, but people are right to want to keep you safe, because there are people out there who would prey upon you. It happens every day. Because roleplays, many of which are 1x1, are by nature a closed, personal space, there's room for a lot of harm to take place if you happen upon the wrong person. It doesn't have to be harm around mature themes, either. It can be someone being able to pressure you, or thinking they can because they're older, into replying faster or more often, into making you doubt your ability to write compelling plots because you're younger so you go along with what they want to write. There's a power imbalance when there's an age imbalance. I would be very careful in partaking for that reason.

Like Werepunk said, whether we know it or not, we're influenced by older people when we're younger. It doesn't mean you're weak, it doesn't mean you don't have worthwhile things to contribute to a roleplay, it means our societies are set up to make us give older people and their opinions more weight. So adults do have more responsibility in exchanges with younger people. I come here to have fun and write, and making sure I'm not accidentally being inappropriate to you on the basis of your age is not an exercise I signed up for. I don't want to be watching what I say OOC in case you interpret it wrong or measuring the darkness of what my character is about to say to make sure your parents wouldn't be uncomfortable with that in-game interaction. That is entirely my right. I agree that the line between minor and technically an adult feels arbitrary and you don't gain a ton of maturity the night before your eighteenth birthday. It's still valid for me not to want to roleplay with you if you're under eighteen.

And I guess that last part is the part that's really important to me. There are so many threads about how people having an age preference is exclusionary and discriminatory and makes younger people feel bad. Fair. But when I examine my reasoning for not wanting to roleplay with you, I don't think any of it is inherently cruel or bigoted, so I find it perfectly valid. And honestly, even if it wasn't, the same way people are allowed to only want to roleplay fxm pairings which I don't agree with, I'm allowed to roleplay with only the people I want to roleplay with. You're allowed to be annoyed by other people's preferences. They're allowed to still have them. It's not against you personally.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I think part of it is trauma response, as I mentioned previously. Another part of the problem seems to be toxicity in romance roleplays in general.

I spent years deliberately avoiding romance centric roleplays, and as such I avoided the traumatic experiences that a lot of people bring up as their reasoning.

There was never anything inappropriate about me writing with older players as a minor or vice versa because I never wrote romance. There was never any drive to sexualize my stories or push boundaries in that direction.

If anything the most frustrating part was ironically bad writing and character creation. Precisely the thing most people complain isn’t their reasoning for age limits is the only real issue I ever ran into when role playing outside my age demographic.

But it was never any more prevelant than when I roleplayed with my “age mates” so to speak.

So all this to say I think the issue isn’t so much with age limits as it is with sexualizing roleplays. And if my own experience is anything to go by, more minors would benefit from a period of time doing platonic roleplays in general. As it helps you form friendships and prevents the association of roleplay as a sexual activity from cementing in your head.

 

[TheGraySonReturns]

I can understand the frustration that people have with this rule, but it's there for a reason. Personally, I won't rp with anyone under 18 because I don't feel like it's appropriate. I try not to treat teenagers like little kids, because I remember how frustrating that was, but I can't see them in any other light. And that's really how it should be.

 

[Charles Cheese]

No, I don't want to play simmering, slow-burn romantic tension on a war-torn backdrop with a sixteen-year-old. I'm twenty-two.

And the term roleplay has enough sexual connotations with it to the point that when I mention to someone that it's one of my hobbies, I have to specify exactly what I mean and that no, my biggest hobby isn't all smut with strangers online.

Sibelle put my words into a post better than I could've.
I was on the opposite side of the spectrum where I was underage doing a roleplay with an adult who I planned a romance between our characters with. Said adult tried to groom me and another underage friend of mine into doing a nsfw roleplay among other things, knowing we were underage. Since I became 18, I only feel comfortable joining roleplays with romance that are labelled 18+ because an adult having a romance with an underage person's character strikes me in a bad way. Even roleplays with horror themes or a lot of death make me uncomfortable to play with underage people because I don't want to be blamed by someone's parents for exposing their kids to blood and gore

 

[R.Storytale]

I'm on the opposite end of this. I love to write with anyone regardless of age! All I ask is that one is up front with their age and isn't disrespectful. I do see why some why people prefer a certain age range but that's on em.

 

[Jannah]

I'm on the opposite end of this. I love to write with anyone regardless of age! All I ask is that one is up front with their age and isn't disrespectful. I do see why some why people prefer a certain age range but that's on em.

I'm not sure which sort of stuff you RP, but I feel like the content people like to RP can definitely factor into this. It seems like a lot of those looking for more fluff based RP's are less strict about the ages of their partners, while those of us wanting to get into deeper and more mature themes prefer 18+.

 

[VXNTAS]

Not going to lie about this one, I really hate this rule. It's like everytime I find a good partner, they only want over 18 people. Now I get that it's for reasons I already know but I don't like it that's is extremely common nowadays. I really hate it that's the rule is common all the time. Has anyone experience the similar thing with the rule or it is just only me?

I understand you completely! A couple of years ago when I first started roleplaying, I never once saw an age requirement, so I roleplayed constantly. Life was good! My copious amounts of free time were soaked up by my 10+ RPs going on. Then Quotev got rid of its group search. When that happened, a mass migration of Q users to RPN and other websites, though mostly here, occurred.
On RPN was the first site I saw age requirements- though few of them existed, to my memory. It was quite shocking and slightly frustrating, considering I had never seen it before, but I still found a good number of people who would RP with me (even though at the time I was 13. Looking back, I came off as way more mature than I feel like I am now, which is probably why I was so successful- because I never mentioned my age and acted older than I was. I'm not trying to brag or anything. Trauma tends to age people haha.)
I recently came back to roleplaying with strangers on the internet because... well, all of my two friends ghosted me, so I was incredibly lonely and also in a bad place. Roleplaying (especially oc x canon) has been a huge comfort to me, so I decided to try to find partners!
Lo and behold, age requirements. EVERYWHERE. Holy crap, nearly every post I had any sort of interest in asked for me to be 18+. Any time a minor found me, they either A.) were only interested in their side of the RP, B.) ghosted me immediately, or C.) talked with such unreadable grammar that I didn't want to persist. That's not to say every minor on the face of the planet was like this, but let's just say... it kind of gave me an idea as to why we have a bad rep. This was so frustrating that I gave up on finding partners.
I returned recently to the RP world aaaaaand... It's still the same! But oddly enough, I'm nowhere near as pissed off as I was before. I like to think of both sides. Although a lot of mature minors exist, there are a lot of immature ones as well. So much so that they've given us a bad reputation- kind of like the Undertale fandom. A few bad apples spoil the whole basket. It's also always on the adult to be wary of how they interact with minors, and I imagine this would be like a chore. You can't really be yourself or make jokes or such, because there's always the risk of being misinterpreted. The law is very unforgiving. The risk is not worth the reward. I get that the age requirements everywhere completely ruin the experience, and most adults don't seem to get it because they aren't the ones dealing with it, but you can't just think about your own interests. We all have boundaries and those boundaries are valid.
This minor situation isn't exclusive to roleplaying- I'm also a gamer, and let's just say that a mature minor is so rare that most adults will kick you if they suspect you're under 18. I do have some adult friends who love me because I'm ~not like other teenagers~ and tend to mostly stay quiet in chat to avoid irritating anyone. Also, I don't suck at the game. Okay, this got off topic.
All I have to say is... don't give up! Or at least don't give up completely. Maybe wait until you're closer to 18 or 18+ to jump back in? It'll be far more welcoming then. If you're a persistent rp cockroach such as myself, however, I encourage you to continue looking for the right partner! Even if it takes forever ;u;

Whew! Hopefully this rambling about my situation doesn't come off as narcissistic or whatever. I find that it's best to give your own experiences to get to others. At least, that's how it is for me :0

 

[nerdy tangents]

I'm not sure which sort of stuff you RP, but I feel like the content people like to RP can definitely factor into this. It seems like a lot of those looking for more fluff based RP's are less strict about the ages of their partners, while those of us wanting to get into deeper and more mature themes prefer 18+.

I would say it’s less fluff and more platonic roleplays. It’s not that those of us who roleplay with minors don’t do mature topics. We just don’t do mature topics tied to romance or sexual themes.

I have zero problems for instance writing a roleplay about say smuggling people out of a country during wartime or people who are octracized due to fantasy racism.

I am just not gonna focus on sexual assault or romantic situations that are any more explicit than effectively hanging out. But I wouldn’t do that any way cuz romance isn’t super big focus of mine.

 

[VXNTAS]

It's also always on the adult to be wary of how they interact with minors, and I imagine this would be like a chore. You can't really be yourself or make jokes or such, because there's always the risk of being misinterpreted. The law is very unforgiving. The risk is not worth the reward. I get that the age requirements everywhere completely ruin the experience, and most adults don't seem to get it because they aren't the ones dealing with it, but you can't just think about your own interests. We all have boundaries and those boundaries are valid.

I also want to jump back here and mention some other things (because I've thought about this thread while cleaning, haha), and I want to add more things as to why minors may be undesirable as partners- regardless of maturity.

1. The risk of getting in trouble for roleplaying with a minor. An angry parent discovering your romance RP with an adult would most certainly piss them off, even if the RP clearly centered around the characters and not the child and adult who are RPing. This is the most obvious of them all, and has already been stated numerous times, but I figured I'd add it anyway.

2. Even if a minor is mature, their brains still aren't fully developed. I'm sure just about every adult regrets a lot of things they did as a teenager- hell, I'm not an adult and I STILL regret almost everything I do. Our brains still need time to actually mature themselves- this includes things such as impulse control, which you'll likely have less of if you're a minor. Also, hormone imbalance is real. You're going to react irrationally to something(s) at some point, because minors typically have SO. MANY. HORMONES. It's a part of growing. This will appear in interactions.

3. Life experience. A minor, especially one who's never worked a job, gone to an adult party, etc. will not be able to properly portray characters in these settings or just characters who aren't their age in general. This limits the options of your partner, who is not a minor. (Also, I gotta say, minor's portrayals of being drunk are fucking hilarious. I found one who thought getting drunk made you high?? Some of y'all clearly don't know what you're even talking about. Obviously, it's a good thing most minors don't know how to play drunk characters but this is just one example of not knowing how to play themes that may appear in an adult's RP.)

4. The adult may just straight up be uncomfortable! Like stated in the original reply, everyone has boundaries, and those boundaries are valid. Adults, even if treating said minor respectfully, may feel like they're the predator- despite not being one! I've actually experienced something similar to this before, and let's say that it's weird! I completely understand why some may feel like this and why it would prevent them from engaging with minors.

There are likely more reasons, but these are the extra few that I brainstormed (on accident).

 

[Jannah]

3. Life experience. A minor, especially one who's never worked a job, gone to an adult party, etc. will not be able to properly portray characters in these settings or just characters who aren't their age in general. This limits the options of your partner, who is not a minor. (Also, I gotta say, minor's portrayals of being drunk are fucking hilarious. I found one who thought getting drunk made you high?? Some of y'all clearly don't know what you're even talking about. Obviously, it's a good thing most minors don't know how to play drunk characters but this is just one example of not knowing how to play themes that may appear in an adult's RP.)

Oh man, this is valid af. I'm in a RP now that has plenty of drug references. Not just smoking and drinking, but consumption of drugs like cocaine and acid. The RP is with another adult who has experience with these things and had my partner been a minor then I would not feel comfortable exploring these themes.

 

[Merciless Medic]

3. Life experience. A minor, especially one who's never worked a job, gone to an adult party, etc. will not be able to properly portray characters in these settings or just characters who aren't their age in general. This limits the options of your partner, who is not a minor. (Also, I gotta say, minor's portrayals of being drunk are fucking hilarious. I found one who thought getting drunk made you high?? Some of y'all clearly don't know what you're even talking about. Obviously, it's a good thing most minors don't know how to play drunk characters but this is just one example of not knowing how to play themes that may appear in an adult's RP.)

Haha, I have been drunk, and I do feel extremely high when drunk. Head all light and airy, I feel like I can do what I want without feeling horrible about it (until I sober up), I say the funniest shit, I feel like I can view things in a much different light due to my unhindered brain (I know that's not how that works, but inhibitions are gone)....

And then the munchies. I do get the munchies when drunk. I constantly want to eat. I swear whatever was in the alcohol wasn't weed. XD I'm also allergic to weed, so I mean. XD

But getting drunk is an experience that everybody goes through differently. So most people get emotional or violent when drunk. Me? I get super bubbly, witty, and hungry. XD

 

[VXNTAS]

Haha, I have been drunk, and I do feel extremely high when drunk. Head all light and airy, I feel like I can do what I want without feeling horrible about it (until I sober up), I say the funniest shit, I feel like I can view things in a much different light due to my unhindered brain (I know that's not how that works, but inhibitions are gone)....

And then the munchies. I do get the munchies when drunk. I constantly want to eat. I swear whatever was in the alcohol wasn't weed. XD I'm also allergic to weed, so I mean. XD

But getting drunk is an experience that everybody goes through differently. So most people get emotional or violent when drunk. Me? I get super bubbly, witty, and hungry. XD

Oh yeah, the experience varies. There are also different "levels" of drunkenness, some of which really, uh... change people? I'm gonna leave that there, lol.
It sounds like you got the good drunk variant! If that's what it would be called?

I meant this kid had the impression drunk people acted like a dude who got baked. Someone out there may have this reaction, probably. Also, to be fair, I've never smoked weed or had the desire to, so I can't really compare the two when it comes to personal effects, but, from what I've seen, drunk people and high people act differently.

Oh man, this is valid af. I'm in a RP now that has plenty of drug references. Not just smoking and drinking, but consumption of drugs like cocaine and acid. The RP is with another adult who has experience with these things and had my partner been a minor then I would not feel comfortable exploring these themes.

Golly gee! (Idk, I needed something other than "Oh!".) I agree completely. There's a lot of things minors shouldn't be involved in, even if fictional. I'd imagine some minors even romanticizing the idea of being a drug or alcohol addict, because their favourite characters in an RP did it or it sounded fun. They should obviously be taught it's bad, but exposure through areas such as RP would be harmful, I feel. Minors (myself included, shamefully, but I'm working on it!) are often very impressionable. They see something, they wanna do it because it's "cool" or "edgy" or it gives a new aspect to their forming identity. This often isn't even a conscious thought process.
EDIT: I thought about this a little longer, and I probably shouldn't have said "shouldn't be involved in". More like... shouldn't be exposed to when it can be interpreted in a positive light? I feel like impressionable people, in general, can be shown content that may contain bad stuff like drug abuse and still be aware it's not an admirable practice. It would be sort of hard to explain my exact position with minors and roleplaying these subjects, just because there's always a way to do something right... and also I like dark themes. It's hard to have a solid opinion.
That being said, an adult with experience in the topic and a clueless minor should probably not RP that matter. I imagine it'd be an uncomfortable mess.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So just gonna make a counter point on “life experience” thing. Shared age is no guarantee of shared experience. From the situations listed in this thread, the ones I share I shared when I was a kid.

- men making uncomfortable sexual advances ( kid )
- getting a job to pay the bills ( teen )

And that’s pretty much it. The rest of those experiences I still don’t share despite being in my mid thirties.

So the idea that it’s just kids that don’t understand your exact experiences is silly. I have roleplayed with enough adults that I can assure you that we don’t all get a universal experience package along with our ability to vote (in the US).

So while I can respect that your personal experiences have led you to be wary of specific situations. I don’t like the idea that as a fellow adult I have to share them by virtue of being in the same age bracket.

 

[Onmyoji]

So the idea that it’s just kids that don’t understand your exact experiences is silly. I have roleplayed with enough adults that I can assure you that we don’t all get a universal experience package along with our ability to vote (in the US).

I think there is some degree off generalizing. But still...
For example, imagine you work full time every day. Who is *more likely* to share your full-time work experience, a 13-year old or a 30-year old? Of course, there are 30-year olds that never worked for a single day in their lives and a 13-year olds that did some part-time jobs (still probably not full time though because full-time child labor is not allowed in many places). But chances are, a 13-year old will not understand it as well as someone who also works full time.
Or imagine that you study at school and have a test on Friday. Who is *more likely* to share your experience, a 15 year-old who is also at school and has a test on Monday or a 45 year-old who finished school years ago?
The point is, it's more likely to find someone with similar experiences closer to your age which makes it more comfortable for some people. That totally does not mean that there are no exceptions, but there are less chances to come across them.

 

[CookieGalaxy]

I also want to jump back here and mention some other things (because I've thought about this thread while cleaning, haha), and I want to add more things as to why minors may be undesirable as partners- regardless of maturity.

1. The risk of getting in trouble for roleplaying with a minor. An angry parent discovering your romance RP with an adult would most certainly piss them off, even if the RP clearly centered around the characters and not the child and adult who are RPing. This is the most obvious of them all, and has already been stated numerous times, but I figured I'd add it anyway.

2. Even if a minor is mature, their brains still aren't fully developed. I'm sure just about every adult regrets a lot of things they did as a teenager- hell, I'm not an adult and I STILL regret almost everything I do. Our brains still need time to actually mature themselves- this includes things such as impulse control, which you'll likely have less of if you're a minor. Also, hormone imbalance is real. You're going to react irrationally to something(s) at some point, because minors typically have SO. MANY. HORMONES. It's a part of growing. This will appear in interactions.

3. Life experience. A minor, especially one who's never worked a job, gone to an adult party, etc. will not be able to properly portray characters in these settings or just characters who aren't their age in general. This limits the options of your partner, who is not a minor. (Also, I gotta say, minor's portrayals of being drunk are fucking hilarious. I found one who thought getting drunk made you high?? Some of y'all clearly don't know what you're even talking about. Obviously, it's a good thing most minors don't know how to play drunk characters but this is just one example of not knowing how to play themes that may appear in an adult's RP.)

4. The adult may just straight up be uncomfortable! Like stated in the original reply, everyone has boundaries, and those boundaries are valid. Adults, even if treating said minor respectfully, may feel like they're the predator- despite not being one! I've actually experienced something similar to this before, and let's say that it's weird! I completely understand why some may feel like this and why it would prevent them from engaging with minors.

There are likely more reasons, but these are the extra few that I brainstormed (on accident).

Okay I get it! I was manipulate by everyone around me! Because of one episode and classmate. Actually, I'm pretty sure that my entire school is extremely toxic. The only reason I roleplay is because I have no life outside of the internet. But now the more my life is getting to a low point, the more scarce that minor roleplayers become harder to find. I think that roleplay's only for adults because it's populated by them. Man, I really got to unwatch this.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Onmyoji I think part of the problem is the specificity of the experience being referenced.

Let’s use your school example, there isn’t functionally any difference from saying “Oh I have to study for this test.” when you are sixteen and when you are twenty six. For that matter the 45 year old might not currently be in college (although people do take classes older in life so that’s no guarantee) but they will have gone to class at one point.

So I think for me the confusion comes in at this idea that the person I am roleplaying with has to be going through the exact same thing as me at the exact same time.

Like I am not currently at school but plenty of my adult partners are. And it doesn’t in any way interfere with my ability to relate to them since I ,you know, went to school at some point in my life.

 

[CookieGalaxy]

Onmyoji I think part of the problem is the specificity of the experience being referenced.

Let’s use your school example, there isn’t functionally any difference from saying “Oh I have to study for this test.” when you are sixteen and when you are twenty six. For that matter the 45 year old might not currently be in college (although people do take classes older in life so that’s no guarantee) but they will have gone to class at one point.

So I think for me the confusion comes in at this idea that the person I am roleplaying with has to be going through the exact same thing as me at the exact same time.

Like I am not currently at school but plenty of my adult partners are. And it doesn’t in any way interfere with my ability to relate to them since I ,you know, went to school at some point in my life.

Cheese Louise. I really need to uneatch this.

 

[CookieGalaxy]

I think there is some degree off generalizing. But still...
For example, imagine you work full time every day. Who is *more likely* to share your full-time work experience, a 13-year old or a 30-year old? Of course, there are 30-year olds that never worked for a single day in their lives and a 13-year olds that did some part-time jobs (still probably not full time though because full-time child labor is not allowed in many places). But chances are, a 13-year old will not understand it as well as someone who also works full time.
Or imagine that you study at school and have a test on Friday. Who is *more likely* to share your experience, a 15 year-old who is also at school and has a test on Monday or a 45 year-old who finished school years ago?
The point is, it's more likely to find someone with similar experiences closer to your age which makes it more comfortable for some people. That totally does not mean that there are no exceptions, but there are less chances to come across them.

Learned that one the hard way. Most of my classmates are incredibly toxic and it makes it impossible to hang out with them. Finding another roleplayer whose my age, it's going to be impossible.

 

[Onmyoji]

I apologize if I couldn't bring my point across, English is not my native language.

I never said that you have to be the same age or have to have the exact same experience. I mean the probabilities are higher that you will relate to someone easier if you are of similar age and/or have similar experiences. There is nothing wrong with having age gap, but the higher the gap is, the harder it is to find common points sometimes.

I had rp partners with large age gap. And while we still had amazing roleplays, the gap still affected some OOC interactions while we couldn't understand each other in some things. Again, it did not affect the roleplay itself because the theme of the rp had nothing to do with age or personal experiences at all (I mean, if we started the rp it already meant we had some common ground), but it still was apparent OOC sometimes. And while some people are okay with that, for others it's important to be able to relate to their rp partners more. There is nothing wrong with that, just a personal preference.

I'm sorry you have toxic people your age around you, but not all people are the same and if you're patient enough you will be able to find good rp partners eventually, whether similar age or older.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Onmyoji i think we just mean different things when we say life experience. I roleplay with all ages and have never had a difficulty relating to people of different ages, different ethnicities, different sexualities, different socio-economic brackets, etc.

If anything people tend to enjoy learning about the differences in our experiences. They also are happy to learn about real life experiences with things they might only know about from popular media.

A good example of this is a roleplay I did that was about two ex-wives that had to reconnect after their daughter gets super powers.

I played the single mom character and my partner played the girl-child ex who had superpowers of her own. Now the person playing that character was younger and had a very shallow understanding of relationships.

I had at the point two step dads and my mom was on her fourth marriage. So I had a lot of real life experience with the dynamic in play.

Here’s the thing : my mom married my first step dad when I was sixteen and my last stepdad when I was eighteen. (And yes at least one marriage lasted only six months)

So the fact that I was I believe twenty when I did the roleplay had nothing to do with my relevant life experience.

For that matter I found the partners I talked to in that time had no problem empathizing with my family craziness without having to be my same age or having similar life experience.

Even the partner in this case (the one playing the ex) was just excited to get a real life perspective of the dynamic.

So I guess I just struggle with the idea that you can’t just talk to people regardless of their experience.

 

[VXNTAS]

Okay I get it! I was manipulate by everyone around me! Because of one episode and classmate. Actually, I'm pretty sure that my entire school is extremely toxic. The only reason I roleplay is because I have no life outside of the internet. But now the more my life is getting to a low point, the more scarce that minor roleplayers become harder to find. I think that roleplay's only for adults because it's populated by them. Man, I really got to unwatch this.

I kind of feel like a dick saying this, but you're sort of demonstrating the emotional response common from minors that deter typically more rational adults. Nobody said you're manipulative- nobody even said anything about you! This thread is covering minors in general, and is answering the question you asked- very politely, if you ask me. Also, toxic classmate stories don't really relate to what's being said here?

 

[BlazinGemstone]

I’m an adult and honestly I get a little uncomfy when people who are 30 or over ask to roleplay with me. Honestly it’s just an age thing. I do roleplay with minors, but I don’t like dipping below the age of 17 with most of them, as it makes me feel uncomfortable and a tad worried.

It’s just boundaries and what makes everyone comfortable. I’m sure you can find under 18 posts if you word your searches correctly, or even advertise your own search post

 

[CookieGalaxy]

I’m an adult and honestly I get a little uncomfy when people who are 30 or over ask to roleplay with me. Honestly it’s just an age thing. I do roleplay with minors, but I don’t like dipping below the age of 17 with most of them, as it makes me feel uncomfortable and a tad worried.

It’s just boundaries and what makes everyone comfortable. I’m sure you can find under 18 posts if you word your searches correctly, or even advertise your own search post

Your all giving me good advice but I stopped reading them a few weeks ago and I'm done with this post.

 

[Merciless Medic]

CookieGalaxy
Well, it's still good for other people who have a similar question and are needing this advice. This isn't just for your own questions, but now it is for the questions of all. That's what happens when you make a public thread like this. You get a lot of advice and many different viewpoints on the matter. If you don't want to watch it, then click the Unwatch button at the top of the thread. Other people will find this thread very useful, though.

 

[Nihilum]

My problem with writing with minors is that a mature sixteen/seventeen year old is still a sixteen/seventeen year old. They're not adults. Can they act like one? Sure, but that doesn't change the fact that they're still kids and are extremely vulnerable to manipulation, pressure, and influence of those older than them. There will always be a subconscious power dynamic that verges on the line of being toxic. I am speaking from first hand experience. Let me tell you a story:

I was about sixteen-ish when I got REALLY into RP. I was "mature" because trauma makes you age quickly, and due to my advanced writing levels at the time, I didn't fit in with the other kids who were roleplaying. I turned to adults, who were more than happy to write with me because I was equal with their writing. They told me "wow, I would have never guessed you were in high school!", fed into the presumption I had that I was capable of handling friendships with adults because I was so "mature" - after all, these guys told me I was all the time! I didn't realize, however, that I was so, so vulnerable to the subtle manipulation that grown adults are capable of. When they crossed boundaries, I turned my head the other way because they clearly knew more about the world than I did. When they demanded me to deal with their problems that were way over my head, I agreed because that must have been what adults do for each other. When they put an uncomfortable amount of pressure and idolization onto me, I didn't think anything of it because they must just really like my writing!

I got into hot waters. I had grown men pressuring me into writing explicit content with them by sneaking it into the RPs, and I was too nervous to tell them to stop because I didn't want to ruin my "mature personality." I had people EXPECTING me to act the exact same way an adult would, which meant that the cheeky behavior or unstable emotions any other teenager would have were unacceptable because it was immature. People in their late twenties and beyond were shoving adult problems onto me, and I didn't know how to help them with it because I was sixteen, seventeen, and they got increasingly upset with me over it. The worst scenario I had was at 17, where I had a grown man get uncomfortably attached to me to the point of jealousy and accusations that I was "flaky" and what not. Literally pages and pages of "hey" "hi" "hey (Username)". They were a mutual, so cutting ties off with them could directly affect my relationships with other friends. I was put on a pedestal, and it was awful. Someone older than me could have probably recognized the guilt tripping and manipulation, but I, as a teenager, could not. I didn't have that life experience yet.

Kids think they can handle RP with adults, but they don't know what comes along with a close friendship with people much older than you. You're not ready for it. We all have that mindset of 'oh, it won't happen to me' - but it will. I guarantee it. I thought the exact same thing. Even if you don't notice it now, if you think everything's fine, you may be like me and only notice how messed up things were years later. I'm 19 now, and sometimes I still feel weird and not able to connect with my friends who are close to their thirties. I can only imagine how awkward it would be for someone like them to RP with someone multiple years younger than me.

Can things be different? Can you have a healthy friendship with an adult that doesn't result in toxic behavior? Yes, but that's the minority. You are always better off being safe than sorry. People who are ill-intentioned have a way of hiding what they're doing until you're emotionally invested in them, and until you're older, you will have a very hard time identifying the red flags before it's too late.