Coping with losing RP partners?

[VeeFox]

Just kind of curious, but how do you cope when losing an RP partner?


I've been RPing casually for a few years, but a few months ago I started RPing with a new friend, and I got really REALLY involved with that RP. I loved it, and I really got a kick out of it. I learned how fun it was to really like, have someone to bounce ideas off of and write with someone. I'd always just kind of written stuff by myself, and as much as I hate to say it, I got really attached.


Long story short she very suddenly decided not to RP anymore with that character, and left me hanging with a ton of ideas and unfinished plots, and now I feel weird writing this character alone.


It feels so dumb to say, but I'm really sad about this. I don't hold anything against my friend for this, but I'm having a hard time actually dealing with how I feel because I feel like I was stupid and just got too attached and that's my own fault.

 

[call me rae]

I'm one of those people who tends to flake out on partners a lot. I either get bored, burnt out, or busy ( the dreaded three Bs. ) but for those people that I really hit it off with? The ones that I connect with on a level deeper than just making characters and a story?


I tend to keep in contact with them for months on end. Granted usually this is through Skype but if she isn't comfortable with that try just talking on PMs or Email.


Just because your not writing a story doesn't mean you have to stop being friends.

 

[VeeFox]

I'm one of those people who tends to flake out on partners a lot. I either get bored, burnt out, or busy ( the dreaded three Bs. ) but for those people that I really hit it off with? The ones that I connect with on a level deeper than just making characters and a story?
I tend to keep in contact with them for months on end. Granted usually this is through Skype but if she isn't comfortable with that try just talking on PMs or Email.


Just because your not writing a story doesn't mean you have to stop being friends.

No no, it's not that I feel we can't be friends or anything, I mean she and I watch movies together like 3 nights a week and we hang out and talk a lot, and we're in general really close.


I just feel kind of sad because I've lost that connection that we've had RPing, and it was very sudden. I didn't really get an opportunity to say goodbye in a way? Like I feel really sad for my character I guess. We were about to make some HUGE steps in regards to progressing our story and very out of the blue it seemed she suddenly didn't want to.

 

[call me rae]

Ah well maybe you could ask her why? Like maybe she just got burnt out or had some kind of real life issue come up?

 

[VeeFox]

Ah well maybe you could ask her why? Like maybe she just got burnt out or had some kind of real life issue come up?

Yeah I mean I've talked with her about it extensively, but I mean it just comes across sometimes that she just doesn't want to, and I mean, that's fine of course, and I don't hold that against her.


But it doesn't change the fact that I'm sad about it still sometimes haha.

 

[call me rae]

You could ask her if you could reuse the plot?


Try to fine a new partner for the story?

 

[VeeFox]

You could ask her if you could reuse the plot?
Try to fine a new partner for the story?

Yep! That's what I've been doing so far! I've been looking recently

 

[Kenjinx]

I've never had a specific RP partner before, so I don't know exactly how it is, but I was in a tightly-knit group that had a sudden separation and formed back up later in a different place and minus a couple people. Eventually I left that medium of roleplaying and began to scour the internet to try and find active places to RP, leading me here to where I am today. I mainly dealt with it by simply turning my free time to other things for a while until the dust settled, then trying to make things work again with wherever things fell after that. I suppose if I had one piece of advice for such events, it would be to make sure you check all the connections to people you have, even if they're weak connections or if they're people you haven't spoken to in a while; they can often help get things back on track.

 

[Minnoh]

Oh goodness, I know where you're coming from! I've been roleplaying for 14+ years, and in addition to losing some amazing roleplays, I've lost some brilliant friends along the way too.


Definitely search for something new. It doesn't hurt to try recycling the plot/characters, but it can be disappointing to work with a new partner and find it's not the same. Distract yourself with something new, exciting, and totally unrelated to what you've lost. You might be surprised by finding something even better!

 

[Widget]

I know from experience that losing a close role play partner can be incredibly difficult and stressful, even if you are still good friends with that person. It's almost like you are losing an important part of that relationship -- a story in which it took two of you to tell.


My advice, like Minnoh suggested previously, is to start something new. Don't cling to that old story, because chances are, you won't be able to achieve that original feeling that you had when you first started writing it. You will only end up missing it even more. That's not to say that you should forget about those experiences entirely... You'll always be able to look back and remember how fun it was to bounce off ideas with your partner and come up with twisty plots. Just don't be afraid to welcome new partners and new ideas. There are many talented, wonderful people on this site, and I am sure that many of them would love to have the opportunity to work with you, perhaps with writing styles and preferences that you have never encountered.


So, with the looming possibility of devolving into a piece of cheese, I give you one last thing to keep in mind.


"One door closes, and a million other doors open." ...Or something like that.

 

[pixelblook]

i stopped rping with my best friend of five years a couple months ago, because we just weren't into the same things anymore....


it really just felt like a breakup because of all of those relationships we'd made and broken through characters, over and over again. it was really surreal to not get replies over texts anymore from her.


so i basically did treat it like a breakup, for better or for worse. i let myself go through all the weird post-breakup stages, and then slowly got back into casually rping with people on the internet. having a long-term rp partner is a kind of relationship, i guess, so it's best to treat it like one when things end.

 

[Lord Pug]

So sad. ( ) I've never had a long term rp partner. I WANT ONE, THOUGH!

 

[thewapakalypse]

I had one RP partner a few years back. We were great friends in OOC chat & we loved writing together. I loved our characters and our story. One day both of our lives got too busy..and over time we were pulled apart. I randomly email her now and then hoping she'll reply..just to see how she's doing.

 

[Lord Pug]

I had one RP partner a few years back. We were great friends in OOC chat & we loved writing together. I loved our characters and our story. One day both of our lives got too busy..and over time we were pulled apart. I randomly email her now and then hoping she'll reply..just to see how she's doing.

That's too bad.

 

[razorrabbit]

I get bummed about it but I do prefer that if they are just gonna drop they either just drop or say they're uninterested and drop the ones that really bother me are the 'hey some stuff came up but maybe later okay?' ones that don't seem to really mean that, I mean I don't doubt that things happen, stuff like that happens to me more than I'd like to admit. I get into slumps or depressed states a lot and don't have the steam to roleplay for a while and sometimes forget about a roleplay all together, but I try not to tell people maybe later if I have no intentions of trying it out later. Depending on how much fun I was having with the partner determines how I react, if it was something I really enjoyed, after a few months I'll shoot them a message asking how things have been or if whatever reason they said they left for was going alright for them. And if the quite goes on long enough and it was someone I do enjoy as bad as I feel about doing this I do send them messages asking if they would please just tell me if they want to rp with me still or not that is all I want to know so I stop wasting their time and my own. Though I can count on one hand all the times I've done that. It doesn't even have to be long term rp partners for me either, it just honestly depends on how invested I was in the rp or even more so if they left with something that says 'I'll be back in two weeks' and then I don't hear from them in six months. I go through a weird mope then a denial then a combination and just try looking for more partners again.

 

[Zaxs]

It is hard to find that person, with different ideas. The person that you enjoy and like sharing about your RP. The two people can bounce ideas, and won't critize you, unless needed. Which it is.


I wish to find someone like that. I hope to find them soon, cause I am impatient.

 

[SpamBot]

I've been roleplaying long enough where people have come and go so much... I just see it as something that comes with the territory, if I'm honest. The place I began my roleplay journey was not... pleasant. Some people loved it but I was one of those unfortunates who never really fit in but kept trying anyway.


Life happens. Some people just fall out of roleplaying, and don't go back to it.


But that's not to say that I don't think about them. It is sad when people lose their drive and I think about some of my old partners a lot, especially when something ina current roleplay reminds me of something that happened back in an old roleplay.

 

[Pariah Stark]

This is a subjective question, I believe.


One-on-one partners are rare for me and I either treasure them greatly or... well, not. If someone can weave an interesting tale with me, then they're who I value highly. Only a handful of people have met me one-on-one to do this and even further than that, this is when I feel like my literary skills are put to the test. Beyond coding, beyond roleplay structure - this is when my writing itself is pushed to its limits and I develop the most, and that's why I find the rare few to push me so far as valuable. If I lose one, I'm normally considerably irked. But, I move on.


If I'm in a roleplay that isn't mine, I care just about as much as if it was a one's partner that didn't challenge me.


But then, when I'm GM'ing, that's when I get into a whole different territory. Through design and structure, I normally can always find ways to stretch things to work for an inconsistent roleplayer if it's a life event - if it's a chronic issue, then a sacrifice might need to made. If a roleplayer really just can't get in or refuses to cooperate and compromise, well, I have fairly low sympathy. But then, we hit the roleplayers that get passed all of that. The committed, those that wish to learn and be challenged and use their character to help tell an amazing story - those that manage to impress me and help make something I feel is greater than the sum of its parts. Those players even more than the one's partners are the ones that I hate to lose - for any reason. As a GM, I feel I am given responsibility. Sure, sure, GM's have free reign in their roleplays, it's their creative domain, but if people can become part of that (and in my case, it sometimes takes quite a bit of effort) then I feel obligated to them. I feel any GM should be. Not to a character, not to a plotline, but to someone who sincerely wants to be part of the whole and is willing to work with you - write with you - and make those tooth-and-nail compromises to make something happen. GM's may provide a service in running a roleplay, but players give it life and in a healthy roleplay shape it just as much as the GM. For a world to ever become more than the sum of its parts, I feel like this level of respect should be given. So, when one of those parts is lost... well, I don't like it. I don't like it when a machine functions without a piece, and I don't like rebuilding or going on without it. I always find a way, but few things stop me in my tracks as much as this. If there is anything that can stop the massive, steam-powered locomotive that is my creative train of thought, it is losing a roleplayer I felt added a plethora of depth and intrigue to my world.

 

[UnderprivelegedChilo]

Well I guess the only thing you can do is breathe in and out and just keep walking forward. Losing an RP partner is hard (trust me I know) and the next couple RPs wont be the same but just view it like a TV series. Some of them get cancelled unexpectantly, sometimes a season ends on a cliff hanger. There isn't anything we can do but remember it fondly.

 

[Venus Vesper]

I roleplay quite a lot, and nearly spend all day roleplaying and waiting for people to respond. And I have gotten good things going then they just leave. But I've personally never left because if i get bored, I make something happen that interests me. I guess I kinda have a partner that seems to follow me around in roleplays. And we have played a couple a few times. But I don't think I've ever had a roleplaying partner, though the notion intrigues me. I would love to have one, but I haven't yet.

 

[Under the Bridge]

I'm usually the heartbreaker.

 

[ARSENIC]

One of my old flames threw me an email a couple weeks back. I stalked her youtube history through her google+ account a la gmail, and found out she's grown into a massive, zealous, religious nut. I didn't respond.

 

[The Mad Queen]

In one of my RPs I let people do their own mini story arcs. Some people straight up left the RP while they were in the middle of these arcs, leaving an unfinished story that was important to the rest of the RP as me and the other person would work the mini arc into the rest of the RP. Not even a word, they'd just get up and leave.


Needless to say this RP died.