Character Critique Thread

Natealie Natealie

I feel like however powerful the constructs are, this does not make sense as an S class power if the maximal volume of the construct is a quart and a half. What if she could control any blood that her blood touched though? (So not blood inside another person, but once it was out of them, she could co-opt it for constructs.) This would raise the power level dramatically, and frighteningly. The worse a massacre became, the more powerful she would be, but at horrific cost.
I'm currently in the process of revising the powerset with Welian. And so the actual sheet doesn't really reflect what the final version will be as of yet. The blood content in her body and blood touching other blood were brought up in the discussion and making her powerful enough and balanced enough to be an S rank is the main thing we're trying to do now. Sorry if I wasted your time by having you critique a sheet that's still under revision.
 
no worries, just browsing the thread and popped into my brain that a literally pint sized construct is still just an animated garden gnome, however fiesty it might be.
 
no worries, just browsing the thread and popped into my brain that a literally pint sized construct is still just an animated garden gnome, however fiesty it might be.
Fair enough. We did figure out a way around that though so that she's still usable.
 
Daniels, S.

  • Heroism Statistics
    AspectScaleTotal
    Courage08
    Altruism07
    Order08
    Kindness05
    Proaction06
    Diplomacy05
    Composure09
    Ability Statistics
    AspectScaleTotal
    Health04
    Strength06
    Defense06
    Agility09
    Intelligence07
    Willpower07
    Energy07

No idea of what came over me, but I suddenly had this urge to do something that I don't normally do, character critique. That being said, please bear with me >w<

Other than the request to change the picture in the OOC, which I completely agree with for the very same reasons, here are my concerns about your profile:

I see that you're going for something in the lines of Perception Manipulation for the power, I like it, it's a very nice idea, but then it got a bit iffy when you said his ability made him weightless as well (I'm not even going to mention the lasers, how would you trick the perception of those?)... That'd make it a weird blend of Perception Manipulation and Intangibility which IMO would trespass on the one power per character rule...
I just can't explain how one thing would affect the other you know? It's unrealistic... Unless you're trying to go for intangibility instead, though that's not what your CS is telling me, especially with the first limitation...

Then there's the 'In my Sights' support power which honestly, again, sounds like a second power all together, some type of vision manipulation. It doesn't seem to go well with Perception Manipulation at all. My advice is that you take it out of the support powers and just give him a fancy schmancy binoculars that does essentially the same thing. A lot easier to explain it like that, if you ask me!

And I think that's it power-wise. I do feel like the limitations aren't enough, but this and other people's critiques might give you new ones to write down...

Now, I'm not sure how the backstory you presented would tie into the setting as I'm not the GM nor have a wide knowledge of it apart from the more Commonwealth and 108-centered areas, so I'm not dabbling with that.
I do, however, think that the concept doesn't work for a student, at least not a normal student. First, if they're a student your limiter shouldn't be inactive as you may only have it like so after graduation (and some other rules).

Now if it was me, I'd either disregard the student part completely and go straight for vigilantism, police force anything like that OR make it clear that they're taking the Blue Card-directed classes, meaning that they have graduated from AEGIS already (thus the limiter can be inactive) and are merely training further to ultimately get a Blue Card, which allows you to use your powers as a profession (law enforcement, vigilantism, etc...)

That being said, I do like the concept you're going for and don't think there's anything blatantly wrong with it. A couple tweaks here and there and might just work!
I also adore the way that your stats are a gradient, making them fade as the number goes down. Delightfully amusing and a stroke of genius >w<

Again, I don't normally do these and think I'm bad at them so, maybe wait for more people to either agree or disagree with these points before doing anything ^^'
 
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The Fabulous Emerald The Fabulous Emerald Welcome!

I see you met Nessy, the closest thing AEGIS has to a conscience, and as such she under-rates herself constantly. Don't let her fool you; she is super wise and stuff. And I should know because I am old as dirt. Necessity4Fun Necessity4Fun spot on and beat me to it point for point.

Here is my suggestion, story wise: Rewind to when he first got his powers. Make this the beginning of his training. Rather than a hardened assassin, make him that innocent kid with powers who is being courted by sinister forces, grooming him to become that assassin one day, but let that decision play out in game instead of assuming it. This also allows you the space to expand the character organically rather than have him narrowly focused on being the best in the world at what he does with nothing else that sets him apart as a personality beyond a power set.

I agree with Nessy on everything else, especially that the power is cool, just needs to be pared down and focused a bit. Drop the auto decoding thing and the weightless thing and decide whether his power is physical or mental.

if it is mental, he'd still show up on cameras and would have trouble disappearing to multiple people probably, but would be more absolutely undetectable to those people, and would have some basis for the super tracking powers as well.

If it is physical, then he could evade cameras and lasers and such, but maybe would need training to avoid being heard or tracked by smell, and it would be hard to explain the super tracking as being connected (though probably not impossible?)


I really like the invulnerability to illusions thing, and I think that could work within either framework. Mental power lets you see what is there, past what your senses tell you, and physical allows you to detect holographic fuckery that normal senses would miss. I like this especially because my one villain is all about illusions and misdirection, and he will have tons of fun trying to trick you anyway in spite of the handicap.
 
Oh, also, stat limit for B rank is 21 points total and he is way past that, or was when I last looked.

Maybe do something like 3, 2, 3, 4, 3, 2, 4? High agility because his senses are better attuned to not make a misstep and high energy for messing with perceptions and or light and sound energy.


3 is the maximum for normal humans and should not be exceeded unless impacted by the power set.
 
The Fabulous Emerald The Fabulous Emerald Chiming in as well, go ahead and re-read the RP Manual and pull back Steven accordingly. You'll need to think about what you want to do with him in the story based on the plot, narrow down the superpowers you're interested in until he has one distinct ability/gimmick, and then adjust his stats accordingly. I made a stat calculator using Google Spreadsheets that anyone can use, just plug and chug.
 
actually, welian welian , i might have to drop out - at least, temporarily. i little too busy ATM with other RPs and RL to start another one like this. it is great though, and i do want to join in, its just i won't be able to in the next week.
 
Weissplus Weissplus So it's like, 11pm where I am and I am tired but I've given the sheet a skim and it actually looks fairly alright for a first draft which I can congratulate you on and appreciate very much because some of the first drafts this RP has gotten have been....a bit of an issue in the past. Power seems decent without being overly complicated or anything like that, Personality section is clear and concise, and they don't have the magical ability of being a Krav Maga master because they learned from their sensei since they were five which is deeply appreciated. A good character, if i do say so myself.

I'll give it a proper, more in-depth looksee tomorrow when It isn't near midnight. Good work so far though.
 

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