The Regal Rper
Mad Scientist
Daniel D. Rupertt,
Day: 7??
Time of Day: Late Afternoon
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Today....today I nearly lost the ability to write. And you know what's the real funny thing?
That's what scared me the most. Not being able to write again. Not being able to pick up this forgotten pen out of the stack I found on one of the hotel floors and not have the ability to write words-- any words down again.
Out of everything that's happened since I woke up today, the one thing that really scared me was not being able to pick up a FUCKING PEN.
....It's really messed up when I think about it-- which is probably the reason why I don't think about it or am always getting too caught up in other thoughts to even bother thinking about it. Which I suppose I should be thanking my brain for but uh-- uh...anyway...where was I?
That's right, dying. I nearly died today.
Not that I haven't nearly died before, it's just that all those other times I had other people there with me that I had to worry about and now that I'm on my own, by myself, it really puts things into perspective when I think about it and it's just...wow. It's just wow.
My greatest fear was not waking up again and picking up a pen. Because it meant I died out here. In the middle of nowhere. Fighting for scraps of food, after I just killed someone else who probably did the same thing I'm doing now.
Funny, right?
You know what else was funny and ironic? During my stand off with that chick with the bow and arrow, I forgot I didn't have bullets anymore.
Apparently I ran out of those months ago. Fucking amazing right? And I only found a note from two months back reminding myself why I kept this piece of junk. To scare people who didn't have guns. Guess I should've factored arrows into that thought huh?
My trump card was a bluff and if that girl hadn't wasted her first arrow trying to hit me behind my shelter the first time, then she would've killed me for sure if I hadn't had the sense to move the moment I realized my clip was empty.
Four seconds are my best estimate. That's all she would've needed to adjust her angle and hit me somewhere-- anywhere important and I'd be at her mercy. She couldn't have been any older than I was, hell she looked like she was 18 but I couldn't tell, her hair was a mess and the way she had it down made it hard to discern an appearance but--
...I uh...I strangled her. Had to. She wouldn't listen when I tried bargaining with her for food. Kept telling me there was so little, but what was I supposed to do? I'd been walking for two days (I think) and hadn't slept much during. Hadn't eaten or drank anything in that time. She just wouldn't listen when I told her I'd leave if she didn't try to shoot me in the back, as long as she could spare me some water but she kept refusing and pointing her arrow at me. I mean I-I..TRIED. I TRIED, alright!
....I tried...I tried talking to her. Even when I was throttling her I tried...but...she just kept struggling and wouldn't listen to me. Even when I gave her a little space to breathe she just kept on coming. Tried to even bite my fingers off a few times... she just wouldn't stop kicking, hitting, scratching and clawing-- we were like animals I was lion, she was a lioness- and that struggle felt like it lasted an hour as I kept squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and squeezing and-- and...
I felt so relieved when it was all over.
So relieved and so hungry. Food was the only thing I could think about so I just moved her body someplace behind cover.
Got to eat two small baby rabbits for my efforts....barely had any meat on them but at least it was something. I even licked the bones. It still wasn't enough...I'm still hungry...still thirsty...still worried.
...I shouldn't have held on....but that look in her eyes when I got to her throat...God...I just-- I was so sure that if I knocked her out and she woke up an hour or two later, she'd retrieve one of her arrows and just kill me. I- I couldn't let that happen. I still need to find that Tower. I still need to help Evan and the others. I have to. I promised myself I'd make things right.
I just...I can't die yet...I have to get them help.
I just...I have to make things right...I'll leave this place soon enough. Keep heading north. Maybe I'll find something there.