• This section is for roleplays only.
    ALL interest checks/recruiting threads must go in the Recruit Here section.

    Please remember to credit artists when using works not your own.

Fantasy Bad guys are the good guys here! OOC

Main
Here
Characters
Here
Lore
Here
RoseAstasia RoseAstasia
I mean this in the nicest way possible, but to me, Samuel seems a bit like a Mary Sue.
I have several points to my conclusion, and will go through then as objectively as possible, and hopefully add some constructive criticism.
Again, this is my opinion. Feel free to do whatever you want.
  1. "Can control and shapeshift hyper dense nearly unbreakable metal with his mind. He can create and destroy as much of it as he wants" The hyper dense and nearly unbreakable metal removes the idea of limits, along with the indefinite amount of such that he can make. An easy fix for this would be that his metal is strong, but still breakable, and to have limits on how much metal can exist at a time.
  2. "Blade resistant, bullet resistant, heat resistant, cold resistant and pretty much immune to physical damage due to his metal layer" Having the metal be immune to physical damage removes consequence for mistakes, or the idea of loss. Without being able to lose the metal, it makes him, hypothetically, do whatever he pleases. Having the metal being weak to physical damage, or degrade over time could add back that sense that of consequence for actions.
  3. "Skin is blade and bullet resistant to everything other than his own metal due to his metal layer" From what it seems, you are making Samuel unkillable, making it that exclusively his metal that can breach. This shares the same removal of something essential to a character. Consequence. Have the skin vulnerable, susceptible to damage.
  4. "Hates screeching noises due to the possibility of losing focus and having some of his metal melt briefly, however this rarely happens due the mental training that he has done since he obtained his ability from the dragon" His arguably only actual flaw, apart from the electricity, his metal melting from high pitched screeching noises, but it rarely happens due to mental training. Flaws make a character good, and watching them overcome them is what makes them interesting. Have the mental training only work a few times, like in dire situations.
  5. The backstory. This is more inclined by my personal preference, but it's too sappy. "Has a wife who died in a fiery explosion, he lost a limb trying to save her.He has a daughter that he hasn't seen since before he joined the crew.
    His relationship with his father (the notorious pirate captain known as the Crimson Blade) is not very good (nobody knows that he is his father).
    He had a good relationship with his mother, but he has no idea where she is. Lost right leg from sirens (15), left arm from a fire attempting to save his 1st love (19), left leg from from frost bite (22), right from being ripped off by the dragon who taught him to use his metal abilities (24). He learned all of his basic abilities using metal arms and legs during the first month that he needed them. All other abilities except the ones mentioned as new at the exact moment they are used were learned during experimentation over the last four years. Could be a hero or a villain during any moment, it depends on his mood. His mood can change for no reason due to remembering random things. (He has PTSD from the different ways that he lost his limbs, but he pretends like he doesn't care)     " This suffers from the Dark and Troubled Past trope, where a character had a tragic event, or in this case, a series of tragic events, that has lasting effects. Smooth out the story, don't over saturate it with tragedy.
 
We've got
  • a daddy issues pirate thing
  • a bastard child elf thing
  • a talking blue goat fake demon thing
  • steve irwin thing
  • chris angel mindfreak thing
  • metal controlling 1/4 dragon thing
  • Stockholm witchcraft pirate thing
 
Cyberchaun said:
We've got
  • a daddy issues pirate thing
  • a bastard child elf thing
  • a talking blue goat fake demon thing
  • steve irwin thing
  • chris angel mindfreak thing
  • metal controlling 1/4 dragon thing
  • Stockholm witchcraft pirate thing
Click to expand...
Holy shit, I'm dying
 
Cyberchaun said:
We've got
  • a daddy issues pirate thing
  • a bastard child elf thing
  • a talking blue goat fake demon thing
  • steve irwin thing
  • chris angel mindfreak thing
  • metal controlling 1/4 dragon thing
  • Stockholm witchcraft pirate thing
Click to expand...
'A talking blue goat fake demon thing' HAHAHA

But in all seriousness, y'all have pretty great characters.
 
You must log in or register to reply here.

Users who are viewing this thread

Total: 4 (members: 0, guests: 4)

Similar threads

Lord Bradorian
Realistic or Modern The Deputies - OOC
2 3 4 5
Replies
111
Views
1K
Lord Bradorian
Lord Bradorian
CHUUYAS_HAT
Fandom Visons Go Overboard! - Genshin Impact OOC
Replies
0
Views
41
CHUUYAS_HAT
CHUUYAS_HAT
Jackson123
Fantasy OOC - The Last Dragon Riders
Replies
5
Views
88
Solivagante
Solivagante
MasterDAF
Dice OOC - Haven of the Stormlands
dice system: exalted3e
Replies
0
Views
9
MasterDAF
MasterDAF
KaiMedia
Realistic or Modern Echos of the End | Apocolypse RP | OOC
Replies
14
Views
133
madsiscool
madsiscool
Back
Top