Axel Carogon

[Johnny B Good]

Axel Carogon. 'A mind set I have for a few character types"




Axel always seemed to have had a dark life. His father, Michael Carogon, was a drunk, a large drunk that like to use his family as his punching bag. His mother, Sarah Carogon, told him that '

Your daddy is a good man. He spent all his life fighting and now he just doesn't know how to stop. Don't hate him son, please don't hate him.

' and Axel tried.



Axel spent most of his childhood in and out of the hospital. It was rather impressive how good at lying his mother was about his late injury. Often blaming "Those damn gang bangers." for attack him and taking his things. Axel was forced to go along with these lies to stay at home and not wind up actually on the streets of worse in an orphanage to be forgotten like his mother said.




The only thing that kept Axel sane most days was taking care of his baby brother Aaron. Aaron was only a few years younger than him. All he knew though was that he wanted to give him the best life he could in this house. Axel ad dropped out of school at the age of sixteen. Often doing whatever it took to make his next dollar to pay for Aaron's lunch. Since it was hard finding a job at sixteen with not a lot of education under his belt, Axel turned to the less legal side of life. He was willing to do anything for his brother except tell him where he got the money. Often stealing and mugging people. Typically his victims were from out of town or old people he could easily handle. Even one year stealing a couple of bikes to give one to Aaron and him to ride around with.




Axel loved nothing in the world more than he could love his brother. Even through his blacked swollen eyes from his father's latest beating; Axel could look at his brother and smile. Axel didn't have the dreams of boy his age. He didn't dream of being a football star, he didn't want to be in the movies and he didn't want to be rich. He wanted his brother to be happy. So the day Aaron came home with a black eye after school, Axel was enraged.




Axel had always did what he could to take all his father's wrath and avoid injury to Aaron. Some beatings much worse than others. Leaving him broken and sore in bed for a few days. As he grew older though Axel began studying ways to defend himself and his brother. Watching a mixture of Bruce Lee and Rocky movies Axel did his best to learn proper fighting. Of course when it came down to it Axel knew there wouldn't always be a come back victory.




After a few hours of giving Arron the third degree on who had gave him the new black eye, Axel was on his bike looking for a mess of trouble. There he was this kid fit Aaron's description perfectly. This heavy set red neck kid wearing a cut sleeve ACDC shirt was just who Axel was looking for. He didn't waste time, Axel jumped off his bike and walked towards the large boy and his group of friends. "

HEY YOU!"

Axel scream at the boy. Before he even responded Axel had already swung at his face. Axel's mind went blank as he pinned the boy on the ground and began beating on him. The boy's friends backed away in fear. "

Listen up you inbred puddle of piss. If I ever hear about you laying a hand on someone else again. I'll come back and slit your thouat and bleed you like the pig you are."

Axel leans in and whispers into his ear just before slamming his head into the ground knocking him unconscious.




When Axel got home Aaron was long asleep. His father was like most night drunkenly passed out in a chair. The only one up was his mother washing dishes. "

Where have you been son?

" His mother asked as he shut the door."

Out."

Axel said while moving up the stairs going into the bathroom. His mother was extremely light, he didn't even hear her following him up. Axel was washing the blood off his hands when his mother pushed open the door. "

Who's blood is that Axel?!"

She says in a shocked voice. "

Don't worry about it Sarah."

Axel said full of spite. He blamed his mother for a lot. He wasn't sure why but he often felt like she could have made a difference instead of standing around helpless.




'

Happy birthday bro!

' Aaron shouted eagerly at Axel's sleeping head. '

Huh... Wha... That's today? I thought it was your birthday.'

Axel says ruffling Aaron's already crazy looking hair. '

Thanks buddy. Now whaddga get me?'

Axel says jokingly. Aaron had a glowing smile Axel hadn't ever seen on his face before. '

I did get you something big brother!'

He shouts eagerly pulling out a box. Axel was shocked. He slowly opened the box to find a very nice knife. One he had eyed a few times in the store he and Aaron always went to. '

But how did you get this?'

he says '

I skimmed a little of the money you gave me each time and put it back so I could get you this!'

Aaron gives a big toothy smile to Axel. Axel's eyes water a bit. '

Thanks buddy, I love it and I love you. always.'

Axel says holding onto his brother

.




Axel stood upstairs staring into the mirror. His frowned face looking at his mess of a head. '

Mmm... I need a hair cut...

' He eyes himself for a few minutes. Axel had taken good care of his body over the past eighteen years. He kept a routine of push ups, sit ups and running. Not to mention his constant shadow boxing. He had finally gotten his father to a point that he thought twice about fighting with Axel. He ran his hands down he tattoos he had done himself. His favorite by far was the one Aaron drew for him on his forearm. It was a rusty knight's helm on an old stump and vines growing onto it. The words '

A knight in shining armor is a man who's metal has never been tested.'

written in circle around it. His tattoos stayed in the knightly tales of King Arthur. Many of his adventures were now tattooed on his body. The sword in the stone, Meeting Merlin and the Knight of the Round table all had a place on his body.




He drags his hand down his face, tugging his eye lid and bottom lip down. Picking up some old scissors Axel begins to chop away at his hair and slowly his long shaggy hair vanished. "

Aaron his gonna have a laugh with this one...

' His hair now a patchy spiked look. He does his best to brush it back against his head. Over the years the only thing that Axel felt kept him gripped to this world was Aaron. He smiled thinking of all the times they shared in the brief moments they were out of their home. Axel had even taught him how to defend himself pretty well. Gently brushing his own cheek from when Aaron caught him with his first punch.




The faint sounds of his parents fighting can be heard through the creaky wooden floors.With a heavy sigh Axel places his hands in his pockets and begins making his way down stairs. By now he can almost predict what his parents will say before they come to blows. '

THAT'S ENOUGH YOU BASTARD! LEAVE HER ALONE!

' Aaron screams out. Axel is stunned for a moment, this was new. He rushed down.




As Axel rounds the corner, he sees his father holding his brother by the neck. Aaron's eyes are panicked, his nails digging into their father's large hairy arms. With the little strength Aaron has left, he rears back his leg and shoves it into his father's crouch. His father is too tough and too angry to let that stop his need to fight. Turning and putting all his weight into it, Aaron is tossed into the wall and a sickening crack fills the room. Axel just stands there and stares in shock.




'

Getup ya little brat

' Axel's father said before unleashing a kick into Aaron's unresponsive body. '

Boy! Get up!....Aaron?...

' His father then leans down and touches his son's face. Axel's body begins to tremble and tighten all together."

Oh God...."

Their father whispers he fingers gently pressed against Aaron's neck. '

You... you kil.... you killed him.... You killed MY BABY BROTHER!

' Axel's whimpers turn into a heart shattering scream. His lean body drives into his father with all he has. On the ground he begins striking over and over again and all he can see is red. He can feel as each bone snaps and break between his hands and his father's face Hot blood soaks him as each fist makes another sludge of flesh and blood,




Minutes go by maybe even hours. Time just seems to have frozen. Axel just sits there staring at the pulp that was his father's face. His mother just laying on the ground, face half purple and yellow. He still hasn't brought himself to look at his baby brother. Finally his head slowly twists towards the limp lifeless body of his little brother. Tears fill his eyes as he slowly crawls over to him. He slowly pulls him in and holds him close. '

It's okay buddy... You're gonna be somewhere safe now. You can forget all the fighting I taught you. You get to be a happy normal kid!

' a mixture of laughter and crying fills his voice. '

No more fighting... No more pain... You're gonna be just fine without me now buddy... But I don't think I'll ever be fine without you little guy. You can rest easy. I'm proud of you Aaron and I love you buddy.'

Axel brushes Aaron's hair from his face. Smiling gently as he lets go and stands up "

Always."




With his brother gone, Axel felt no need to stay anymore. He didn't really feel anything now. All his anger, his happiness all of everything he use to feel was gone. He didn't want to be here anymore is all he knew.




Five years have now passed since Axel left his home and vowed to never return. Working a dozen different jobs and always using a different name.He did manage to get a GED. He always chose to work under the table to avoid his actual name popping up somewhere it shouldn't. After all, they were probably looking for him for the murder of his father. He had recently bought a motorcycle. He currently lives in a one room apartment. Working in a run down tattoo parlor. He hasn't fully given up on he illegal skills often still using them to make up in the lack of cash. Not a day goes by that he doesn't think of Aaron.





Personality-

Axel's mind is very messed up. He often lives in his darkest thoughts. Knowing that anything he cares about or anything that could be good will die and corrupt. His humor is dark and doesn't like to make bonds with people. He is slow and unlike to trust in people. Very hard headed and always eager for a fight. He has also learned to lie very well and doesn't mind using that.





Appearance-

He has a leaner build. Often he wears blue jean and older biker boots. His knife rests in his boot most days. Almost all his shirts are plain and have no real design on them. He has an old black leather jacket that he wears most places even during the summer. Whenever he is outside he will be wearing his silver aviators, if not the rest on the outside of his pocket. He hair was still short and he often kept it combed back much like the old school tough guys in tv.





Famous quotes-

'

Shut up you inbred puddle of piss.'




'Can you do me a favor and just stop being that for, I dunno, fucking ever?

'




'

God your voice is like two nails fighting for a spot on a chalk board.





General Info- Age-

23 Height- 6'0'' Weight- 195 lbs Hair- Black Eyes- Green





Likes-

Old boxing and martial arts movies. Old muscle cars and motorcycles. Fall time. Breakfast. Rock music. Sitting outside at night.





Dislikes-

Tight pants and the people who wear them. Law enforcement. Big cities. Father figures. Country music and red necks. Musicals.





Meal of choice-

Pancakes and coffee





Habits-

Smokes, drinks, workouts, bad sleeping habit





Skills-

Auto repair, experienced fighter, lock picking, pick pocketing, lying and trivia on old martial arts movies. Also does a pretty good Rocky impression.





Unskilled in-

Cooking (other than pancakes), cleaning, general education, making friends, keeping calm, sleeping (leaves him less aware most days), trusting people and


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[Johnny B Good]

I'd love any and all feedback please! This is my first time doing this sorta of thing outside of D&D.

 

[hikosa]

interesting character, i have to say. while the story could do with a makeover, it serves a purpose in defining axel and setting the scene. the main problem i can see is that you lack direction: what's he doing now? where's he going? what are his goals? seems like you've thought of some stuff he's done post leaving home but not mentioned it. you probably could answer those questions in/with a rp, which is fair enough but my take is to have something slightly more solid before you start.


now the golden rule is not to make characters based upon yourself. i hope he's not based on, but i'm going to take a stab in the dark and say you share the same name. that's not really going to detract from the character, but it does lead towards it being a self-insert which is hardly ever a good thing. there's not much to go on, but i think it's likely this character is a bit like you. not sayin' you're a bad person, just observing.


personality seems pretty weak. i think you've got more there in the story, you just haven't properly translated it. he clearly does have it in him to be loving and caring, obsessing even. though i can't think of anything apart from that, i'm sure you have more. if it helps, just write down a list of things he'll do and then think "why does he do this?" so for example if he always gives a coin to a homeless person he passes then he's got some compassion. if you sit down and think about it, i'm sure you can get some more stuff there. the quotes can give you something too.


appearance needs some work, i think. what does he look like? as in: what are his facial features? what's his hair like now? what about his build? limb length? hand and feet size? i think you should say more than "typically wears bikers clothes": what exactly does he wear? name each piece of clothing, mention them all. also tattoos, you could describe any visible and/or notable ones there. does he have any piercings, too? they'd be worth mentioning. more detail about his fondness of sunglasses would help too: what kind of sunglasses? does he have multiple pairs? how does he wear them (on head, always over eyes, clipped in shirt)?


"early 20s" is really vague. just say how old he is, lol.


so! i think you've got something here, it just needs some more attention to detail and expansion. certainly not the worst first character i've read.

 

[Johnny B Good]

interesting character, i have to say. while the story could do with a makeover, it serves a purpose in defining axel and setting the scene. the main problem i can see is that you lack direction: what's he doing now? where's he going? what are his goals? seems like you've thought of some stuff he's done post leaving home but not mentioned it. you probably could answer those questions in/with a rp, which is fair enough but my take is to have something slightly more solid before you start.
now the golden rule is not to make characters based upon yourself. i hope he's not based on, but i'm going to take a stab in the dark and say you share the same name. that's not really going to detract from the character, but it does lead towards it being a self-insert which is hardly ever a good thing. there's not much to go on, but i think it's likely this character is a bit like you. not sayin' you're a bad person, just observing.


personality seems pretty weak. i think you've got more there in the story, you just haven't properly translated it. he clearly does have it in him to be loving and caring, obsessing even. though i can't think of anything apart from that, i'm sure you have more. if it helps, just write down a list of things he'll do and then think "why does he do this?" so for example if he always gives a coin to a homeless person he passes then he's got some compassion. if you sit down and think about it, i'm sure you can get some more stuff there. the quotes can give you something too.


appearance needs some work, i think. what does he look like? as in: what are his facial features? what's his hair like now? what about his build? limb length? hand and feet size? i think you should say more than "typically wears bikers clothes": what exactly does he wear? name each piece of clothing, mention them all. also tattoos, you could describe any visible and/or notable ones there. does he have any piercings, too? they'd be worth mentioning. more detail about his fondness of sunglasses would help too: what kind of sunglasses? does he have multiple pairs? how does he wear them (on head, always over eyes, clipped in shirt)?


"early 20s" is really vague. just say how old he is, lol.


so! i think you've got something here, it just needs some more attention to detail and expansion. certainly not the worst first character i've read.

Actually the reason we share names on here is because when I first made my account, for some reason I thought I'd get one character so I picked one of my favorites too be. xD Really personality wise we are almost completely different aside from I cut my own hair. I do note that you said the story could use a makeover, I admit it isn't the best story and I tend to change my mind a lot when I am writing. Often times I was worried I'd be too stereotypical with it. If you don't mind, I'll be rewriting it and would love your feedback again on my revised story!