Fantasy Ain't No Rest for the Wicked

[Axeykins]

"You told me to call her and I did. No bitchin on this one." Sisceal grumbled. Only to be silenced again by an errant hand to the side of the face.

"Don't worry dears it's much nicer on the inside." Una mused as she lead the way in. The house was beautiful inside. Decorated in crystalline structures and silken cloth draped over the strangest shaped furniture made of who knows what. In the center of it all was a large blazing fire floating freely in the air and warming the entire room. "I'm sure you boys are hungry as well? You can tell Sammy if you see him that he need not worry his little head. It's purely out of the good nature of my heart." She gave a wry little smirk coupled with the flutter of her eyelashes. "You won't be punished for eating this fae food. You've got the full permission of the Queen."

She took a seat at a throne in front of them and snapped her fingers for her strange amalgam of subjects to tend to the men. Staring down at them intently with her unearthly pink eyes. "So....Care to explain what you boys have been up to? You look like a couple of drowned rats and smell like the back end of a horse. I will bathe you both myself if I have to." She scoffed. "And not only that but you just happened to come from the direction of a town owned by the virtues. Don't even get me started on what I've been told you have on your person too. I know you've got nothing to your name Connor and Sisceal? Well I've known you long enough and seen enough to know how much of a tight ass you've gotten anymore. How did you get it and how much trouble do you want to know you're in?" She cocked an eyebrow at them.

"Well you see....Connor can explain it best it was his idea to rob that store."

 

[Soviet Panda]

Connor stopped looking dubiously at the food that was brought out long enough to glare at Sisceal as he casually passed explaining why they were there off on to him. Come to think of it, he had pretty much done the same back at the swamp witch's home. Perhaps he just got bashful around strong, magically powerful women? It was certainly a possibility. But, he supposed this Una didn't really give a rat's ass who spoke up. If anything, seeing how she treated Sisceal, it was probably for the best that he spoke.

"We ran into some.... How would Death put it? Complications? Yeah, that sounds right. We ran into some complications on our last job. Had to split. Me and Sisceal have apparently also been struck by some horrible luck. Had to ditch our horses, went over a waterfall, had to deal with a swamp witch that wanted to sell us out. We didn't have any supplies, came across a no name town and figured we could get us some supplies. And that's exactly what we did. We didn't know the Virtues had laid claim to it." The weight of the cold forged iron and silver bullets were getting awfully heavy in his inside jacket pocket. But she didn't need to know about them. They were just supplies, after all.

"We decided we had enough of running around blind and hoping to find a place to belly down, when Sisceal here can just call one up. And that's when you so kindly offered to help us."

 

[Axeykins]

"You were given permission, it's fine to eat. Weird ass fairy rules and all...you won't end up like me if that's the problem." Sisceal assured him. Thinking that that was what the glare was about before taking himself a generous portion. With his face stuffed with actual food and no more swamp nonsense he nodded along to every word Connor spoke.

Una sat still as a statue as he wove his tale. "I see. So what my subjects reported back was mostly accurate. Though I'm not sure what type of arsenal you procured. I've noticed you're very good and cautious about hiding that. Can't blame you knowing your owner out there. " She smirked at Connor. "I guess for now I won't pry into what exactly those bullets are but just know that I am aware you have them. I'll put my trust in you not using them long as you trust me. I may even do you a favor and find your horse! For a small fee. " Una put a dainty hand over her chest like it was some noble sacrifice from her. "I am a fan after all and still want my penny dreadfuls. I can imagine Sammy boy would be pissed off too if anything were to happen to his cash cow."

Finally shifting her position she leaned forward. Tapping the brim of Connor's hat playfully and giving Sisceal's face a quick 'loving' stroke with her long nails. "Now enough with the pretty words shall we? You boys have single-handedly managed to kick the biggest hornet's nest out there and I cannot wait to read about it." At the mere thought of what she was about to lay onto them she became more and more giddy. "Not only did you steal from a town owned by The Virtues but let me ask you. You only encountered this town following the river out of the swamp, right? So who do you think that little old swamp witch woman was going to report to hm? And even going on further than that. Please tell me who else in this world aside from yourselves you know to have powers, at least to the level she had? Aside from beings like myself or angels or demons or whatever you make a contract with?"

Sisceal legitimately choked on his food. "F-Fuck! Connor we're walkin dead men."

 

[Soviet Panda]

"Stepper can find his way back to me his self." Connor stated flatly. That big horse seemed to have a knack for finding where Connor was hiding no matter where that might be. He swore the damn thing could climb sheer cliffs if he was in a cave he had to climb halfway up to get to, if it really wanted to. So far the furthest it had gotten was the bottom of said cliff, and made enough racket to wake the dead. And the further Sammael stayed away from all this nonsense, the better. Though, the demon was just as likely to edit this interim out of his next issue as leave it in.

Connor remained fairly deadpan as she casually mentioned the bullets he had omitted from his little tale. "I'll use 'em only if I need 'em, ma'am." He was definitely going to load up on them now. He'd play nice only for as long as they did and it was better to be prepared than to be staring down a rather annoyed fairy queen and the entirety of her court and their retinue.

Then came the worst news he had ever heard. They had managed to kill one of them. "Shit," Connor swore under his breath, having half a mind to slap Sisceal like Una had done so many times before. "Nobody liked her at least, right?"

 

[Axeykins]

"There's no shame or harm in asking for help you know. No need to put a mule to shame with all that stubbornness." She looked down her nose at him with a mocking smile. Then narrowing her eyes at him at a more direct mention of the bullets. "That's starting to sound like a threat to me boy. It's entirely out of generosity that you're even here right now, saved by my own choice and allowed to eat my food. I don't want to see you ever use those bullets."

"Una, leave him alone. It's been a long few days an we were attacked most a those. It's all just stress. Get back to matters at hand." Sisceal spoke up in a very stern tone with her. Last thing they needed was one of her tantrums over nothing.
"Don't tell me what to do." She clenched her fist in the air and at the same time Sisceal clenched his chest like he was having a heart attack. She let him stew in pain for a good while before releasing it. Seeing Connor's reaction as the news of who the old woman was felt punishment enough for him given she couldn't do anything else to him. She knew she couldn't touch him otherwise Sammael would be on her ass about it. "She was well respected even after retirement. Even though she wasn't much of a fan of how much of a shill and sellouts the Virtues came to be. and critical of them. She definitely brought results." Una shrugged and relaxed back in her throne like chair. "Then there's her husband. Pawpaw you know? Also a retired Virtue and still very, very much alive. He's not going to be sitting grieving in that swamp forever. Most likely gathering what's left of their boys in that place and on the move. Unlike her, he kept in touch with others, knew they needed some outside protection still and trade for food other than the swamp. He knows both the old and new ones. Boys I may be powerful but even I can't keep them out forever just so you are aware."

 

[Soviet Panda]

"Fuck," growled Connor, slamming a hand on the table, frustrated at the situation they had just found themselves in. Killing one was fine and dandy, something to brag about to the others in between jobs. But having a whole damn posse of them after you was something all together. Connor wasn't afraid of getting shot, he didn't think he was even scared of dying. But Virtues didn't just kill you. They strung you up, wrung you out, turned you inside out and got every last little bit of you out before sending you off again. 'Making you a better person' they call it. He's seen the dead eyed stare of Tom Horn, the last War before Connor stepped in. Slack jawed, spoon fed, and with someone else cleaning up after him. That weren't being made into a 'better person,' that was worse than being killed.

"Fine, I'll take you up on that damn offer of yours. Find me Stepper, and get Sisceal his horse to," after a short, thought filled pause, he adds on "please." They needed to find the others. Then they could take them on, they had to, or else be hounded for the rest of their days. He could almost hear Sammael laughing at the ironic ending to Connor 'War' McKinley, from raging and violent criminal who's daring dos kept the readers coming for next weeks installment, reduced to a dribbling geriatric.

 

[Axeykins]

A sadistic smile crossed her face. The big bad Mr. War saying please to her, delicious. "Your steeds will be here by tomorrow, morning or afternoon. Some time around there. Powerful as I may be I'm not a miracle worker. I can't just find and transport such a large animal in the blink of an eye when I've no idea where it is." She snapped her fingers and many of the lights left the room. Her subjects flying off to find the beasts for the two. "You'll be safe here for the night I promise. Even if there is are signs of trouble I can get you out fast-ish. Pick whatever rooms you please there are plenty." She stood from her throne and readjusted her outfit.

"Are you absolutely sure Una? I can not go back there again. I ain't gonna be subjected to it." Sisceal flinched at Connor hitting the table. "First Claude, then Truth. Not again, ever."
She laughed at the desperation in his voice. Such an easy subject to keep around. Little sweet treatment, little bit of fear here and there, bit of a binding contract and bam. He was eating out of the palm of your hand. "Afraid of being leashed and whipped again little doggy? Or more afraid that you'll spill your guts and get your pals found like last time?"

He grit his teeth. It was not the time for her fae back and forth wishy washy bullshit. "That's not what I asked. Yes or no, are you sure about this. I know you don't want either of us to end up like some a their 'success' cases. It'd be more merciful to piss off Death to the breaking point than die their way. We got nobody else to go to aside from you and his demon. An pretty sure he's just laughin right now to whatever...Hell bank he's goin to."
"Ugh, when did you get so whiny and pathetic?" She scoffed. Knowing all too well how right he was but hating to admit it. She could tell by the look on his face too that Connor was thinking the same thing. Virtues do nothing but break men. Maybe in the past they did some good but now it was all about total control. "No. I can only guarantee getting you out of here, a head start and other small things. Anything past that is beyond my control. Can't have them hunting my kin seriously with those bullets or whatever else they have on their side. Get rest while you can because you are desperately going to need it."

 

[Soviet Panda]

Connor grunted his appreciation, mind more focused on their next steps than the conversation at hand. Though he did manage to snag the portion about Sisceal being responsible for getting them found. Which, honestly, was fine, it wasn't his first time, nor was he the only one to have misplayed a situation to get them all found out. But everyone kept each other around for a reason. Connor was good at shooting things, really good, and Sisceal could quickly enough get them patched up and moving again as well as being one of the more socially competent among them. All of Connor's negotiations devolve into a shooting gallery, after all.

"Thank you, Una." He said, standing up and taking off his hat, feeling his long hair tickling the back of his neck and being painfully aware of the stubble around his face. He then realized how much of a mess he probably looked, and hoped that there was a wash basin in there for him to get the worst of it off of him. And the more steps he took, the more aches began to settle in. His feet hurt, his legs hurt, his back hurt, his arms hurt, everything began to hurt. He needed a lie down, and a good night's sleep, one that wasn't interrupted by gunshots, a thunderstorm, or a swamp witch.

 

[Axeykins]

"You are very welcome Connor." She called after him in a singsong tone. "Rooms are at the top floor, take separate ones, the same one it doesn't matter. They should have all you need in them. Please for the love of the Gods above and below use every bit of the soaps in there. I don't have enough incense to keep up with your stench. You have no excuse not to the tubs I've made sure stay magically heated and with currents and bubbles in them. Let me know if you need anything else at all. I will be right here a call away." She winked at the two of them.

"Y-yeah. Thank you Ma'am." Sisceal breathed a sigh of relief as Una switched like a rail road track back to her reasonable side in an instant. Though he knew at some point she'd deal with his outburst as she always did. Right now was the time for them to get back to full force again. Least as much force as the two of them could muster combined. "Connor I am real sorry bout getting us into this. Sure it's happened before we both know that but this one really got out a hand. Now ya don't gotta say anything either I just wanted you to know I'm sorry and will make it up to ya however ya want if ya want whenever ya want." He offered a sincere smile. "Let me know in your own time cause don't know bout you, but for once I'm really startin ta feel my age...and the bullets."

 

[Soviet Panda]

Connor chose to ignore Una as he trudged up the stairs. It would be much better that way, he decided. Acknowledge her existence but don't take the bait. And as for Sisceal, he just gave him a hard stare and a grunt before shouldering past him towards the bath that awaited him. As he soaked in solitude, he contemplated what the night would bring. Samael would no doubt be visiting him, give him an update on sales and how much he looked forwards to this next adventure, hiding that snake's tongue and crocodile smile behind that fancy white suit of his. At least he'd be able to see his Elizabeth and his young Arin, if only briefly. That was what he really needed right about now.

 

[Axeykins]

He would take that as a maybe and a cold one at that. One less favor to do was no skin off his back which he would gladly take at this moment. Particularly due to the fact that he knew what was waiting for him behind whichever door he chose. Soon as the lock clicked shut the frigid stare of his own demon hovered over him. Despite his own height Una knew how to absolutely tower over him when she wanted to. He didn't even get a chance to speak as her nails dug into him through even a shirt and directed him toward the bathroom for an impromptu haircut.

She shaved him fully clean and chopped his frumpy pompadour styled hair into a disgustingly short crew cut like his father always wore and in law too. She knew damn well what she was doing. He hated what he saw staring back at him through the mirror and knew this look was going to stick for a while no thanks to the bitch. Even younger looking than before and a carbon copy of his dad, made him sick. Then with a hat on he looked damn near shaved bald so couldn't hide it. She didn't even care to do her little gaslighting routine of 'oh I'm doing this because I loooove you, for your own good so you know better next time!' either adding an extra sting to it. This one was full intent of punishing him for talking back.

Least the tub water was warm and the bed sheets soft. The bare minimum he could ask for in comforts. Soon as they got their horses, fed and supplies loaded he was gone. Connor was going to have to be the one trying to keep up with him this time around in prepping if he didn't get up early enough. He was planning on being up at the ass crack of dawn.