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Unfortunately I don't think I have much to help. As I struggle with the same thing. Though, what I do try to do if it's something very important or big, I make it vague, reference it as a past thing. For example, my characters father was my ex rp partner. And I built this character around them...

Yeah, lost my rp partner of 5 years. It took forever to fix my characters back to being their original selves. :(