Feedback requested selfish/self-absorbed character that won't ruin the game for everyone?

[joeytwoeyes]

I've got this character I'm working on for a dnd game.

Background info
The campaign is about a rebellion against an expanding fascist empire, and my character is a young (18 or so) noble who defected to join the rebels. (One of several in the party, lol - we accidentally ended up with a rebel cell that's 40-60% defecting nobles trying to grapple with their privilege. I guess some irl movements have been like that.)

I have a pretty good idea of how my character’s noble upbringing affected him - he's deeply anxious and concerned with how other people see him, but because of the super competitive and emotionally unsupportive environment he was raised in, he tries to win approval through achievement and prestige, rather than kindness and compassion. He just wasn't raised in an environment where being 'nice' made people want you around.

The Problem
In practice, this means he can be self-absorbed and oblivious to other people's feelings, because he's so wrapped up in performing his own persona, and he does a lot of showing off, bragging, and petty one-upmanship because he genuinely thinks that's what will get him approval.

The problem is, I'm worried that playing these traits too strongly could cause problems at the table ( e.g. derailing conversations, annoying players irl, making unnecessary roadblocks that aren't fun to play around) and I'm actually so worried about this that I've been holding back from playing these traits at all. Unfortunately, that means that he's so far been really boring and bland - he's just a generic anxious soft boy now.

I'm having trouble figuring out how to strike that balance - behaviours that show his character flaws, but are still basically benign and not a huge problem to have around. Could anyone give me advice?

(Also I want to specify that this guy does, in fact, have redeeming qualities. The idea is that he's basically a decent person who wants to do right by others, he just has a very warped idea of what that entails and what he owes to others. Over the course of the campaign he'll mellow out.)

 

[Idea]

A) Be Friendly OOC
If you are friendly with people out of character, if you discuss things with people or even just show the clear distinction between your character and yourself outside, people are far more willing to give you the benefit of the doubt. A player who goes out of their way to be friendly and helpful in the group OOC is also one a person can give more leeway/trust in regards to seemingly negative traits of a character because it's easier to accept it's being done in good faith.

One important thing this includes is not getting too defensive. Your character's actions may be in the wrong at times, many times, which means they may at times be called out OOC. One should be careful that whatever your response is to such a situation is not too confrontational.


B) Have Him Show His Own Brand of Kindness, a Mismatch of Tone and actions
Back when I was a kid, one thing our school had us do during Christmas season was make these clays things and present them to our parents as gifts. While as I grew up I came to realize a lot of it could generously be described as the aftermath of abstract art melting, these things were still on display on our shelves for over a decade. When it's clear you're acting with them in mind I do think people will often appreciate even worthless things and at times even pretty bad things to do can be touching.

The important part here is to be clear that there are good intentions to his actions. Explaining his reasoning is one way to go about, but you could also have him be visibly hurt when the very people he was trying to help seem disapproving or even angry about his choices. Yet another way is him be flexible only when the person in question asks him to do not do it the way he is doing it, or to have him make a personal sacrifice in the name of it.


C) Have Him Conflicted But Strung Along By His Other Traits - or even better by his negative traits
One of the fan-favorite characters in the Fate franchise is King Gilgamesh: An extremely arrogant and prideful person who covers himself in gold and goes around referring to everyone else as mongrels. There's not one line from this dude that doesn't convey the fact that he sees himself as above everyone else, and yet like I said, he is a fan-favorite. Now this will no doubt in part be a result of his iconic ability, his tie-in with the mythological figure and his cool design. But many people love him for his arrogance as well, because this arrogance is also tied to what makes his most interesting, fun and even positive traits. He fights honorably, not because he is an honorable person, but because it would be beneath him to do otherwise, he can respect opponents who have no chance against him partially because he believes nobody does and therefore just making a valiant and worthwhile enough of an effort is enough to deserve some respect. He is also genuinely wise in a lot of respects, analyzing situations in a pretty objective manner even if ultimately his conclusions are based on his unshaking confidence in his own superiority. He'll acknowledge an enemy kicking his ass to that enemy, and he'll see through self-imposed confusion that others make for themselves. His spin-off form is perhaps where this is all shown best, where in his role as king because he sees himself as above he also sees it as his duty to work harder than any other, to make an example for his people, and to ultimately be their protector.


This is all a very, very long-winded way of saying this: You can solve the issue of a character like this stalling by using different traits the character has or even justifying things with his current traits. His petty competitiveness is one of the easiest here, you can use his need to show he is better to have him to do stuff useful to the party. Or you can even make it clear he has this trait and let the party string him along to do what they want.

Another trait you can use is his need for approval. You can use this to tone down his behavior if the party becomes angry at him, or to have him clearly actively making an effort to do things which are specifically pleasing to other party members - on paper at least.

You can mix in positive traits or use the flipside of negative ones.


D) Have him be the Victim of His Own Behavior
One way to have sympathy even for a very evil character - or at minimum to make them more enjoyable - is to have them pay for their actions. If you wish to avoid roping your party into this, but most direct way to do it is to have to do so when it would only affect your character. Have them refuse to eat dinner at a certain place that night and end up with his stomach rumbling through the night until they have to wake up and go beg for some leftovers from the inkeeper. Have them try to flirt or arrange something with someone during downtime and getting thoroughly slapped due to some rudeness they show.


E) Gradual Change
Naturally, one of the most important things to do with a character flaw is to have a character realize and overcome it. It doesn't have to be totally overcome, but it should over time be reduced as they grow as a person and grow closer to the party.


F) Don't be Afraid to Actually Mess Up
I'm a firm believer that flaws in a character exist for one purpose: To make the characters fail. A flaw that doesn't make you fail when something important is going on is just set dressing. This doesn't mean you have to cause a TPK or fail at the party's ultimate goal. But there are many opportunities along the way, like failing to find a clue, angering someone you shouldn't, etc... Ideally the environment will be controlled so that the party thinks "oh crap" instead of "wtf", but as long as (A) and (E) are at minimum being followed (showing you do understand this is a flaw your character needs to overcome) and of course you're not causing trouble ALL the time, then I think it should be fine to try to be consistent in the characterization over being exceedingly cautious to not have your character trait cause trouble for the party. Because part of the point of a flaw is to actually cause trouble.

 

[nerdy tangents]

So I co-sign everything Idea said but also wanted to add, give the other players/characters a little credit.

If the party is as you mentioned made up of a lot of people from similar upbringings then chances are a lot of the other characters will be able to track what he’s doing based on how they were raised.

As historically most wealthy families function exactly the way you described to greater or lesser extents. So while your character might trigger some of the party (i.e. remind them of abusive people in their own upbringing) that isn’t inherently a bad thing.

As you want to give other people the chance to shine and work through their own characters shortcomings too.

And I would focus on that in the OOC. Like oh hey Player X, your character is going to remind my lad of his mum, so here is how that might effect game play.

Or Player Y I really like your character I think they’ll be a good foil for my lad in Blah Blah ways.

Basically make sure that your talking to the other players about how to use interpersonal conflicts to make the story more interesting.

 

[nerdy tangents]

Also something else to keep in mind is that this group is made up of people with a shared goal but that doesn't mean they have a shared ideology. Your character could have any number of reasons for thinking "Fascist Empire is Bad" that don't necessarily have to align with the rest of the rebels ideologies or personal goals.

So again there being a lot of interpersonal tension within the party as people deal with petty feuds while simultaneously trying to work towards a shared goal is honestly pretty realistic. Especially since presumably these nobles know each other and have pre-existing relationship prior to defecting to the Rebels. And there is no reason to think all of those pre-existing relationships have to be positive.

So again don't be afraid to have your character make mistakes as Idea said and step on other people's toes. He's a very young man who is trying to do the right thing without any clear idea of what that means in a practical sense. So yeah he's going to make mistakes. He's going to be obnoxious. It just means he has room to grow.

** Also a tip for how to transition from him being super anxious to being more of his "true self" just play up that he kind of goes quiet and passive when he's in new situations. As doing nothing is usually a better play than messing up or offending someone in the environment he grew up in. So he's just been trying to get a feel for people and as he gets more confident his more obnoxious side comes out. **

 

[joeytwoeyes]

Thanks both of you, this is super useful! Will be mulling this all over for next game.