Story writing practice

[phillip1882]

i would like to try to create a 1,500 word post for practice telling an engaging story. I'll be writing it over a period of 3 days. after it's finished I'll post it here and i would like constructive criticism on what i could improve. thank you.

 

[phillip1882]

The Razor's edge


prolog:


Sitting here, tapping on my desk with my pencil, waiting for class to end,


watching that bastard clock tick its final seconds, I ponder the meaning of


school. I mean seriously? what's useful about the Polynesian war?


still, I guess it just must be borne. every day I do the same things. I get


up, brush my teeth, eat some breakfast, go to school, get incredibly bored,


doodle in class, go home, watch TV. play a little online, go to bed, and


sleep. Wash rinse repeat. But today was different. When I got home, there


was no home there. I don't mean it had burned down or sunk into a sink hole,


I mean there was no evidence a home had ever been there.


chapter 1: sorting out the details.


"MOM! DAD?!" I cried. There was no answer. There was some houses nearby. I


knocked on the door. "excuse me," I asked as someone opened it, "But um-mm,


do you know what happened the to house across the street?"


"What do you mean kid, there's never been a house there."


I was certain I recognized the man. while I had never spoken to him before,


I had seen him see me play in the yard, yet he acted like he didn't know me.


"Do you not know who I am?"


"No, should I?"


"I live here, or I guess I used to. Are you certain you do not recognize


me?"


"'fraid not. Oh I know several of the children who play around here in the


community, but I’m pretty sure i haven't seen you before."


panic went into overdrive. There was only one other hope. The other


children.


"um thanks, I guess.", Keeping my voice as level as possible.


I left. I headed over to one of my friends homes. Bobby Drake. he would


recognize me, surely.


I knocked on the the door. Miss Drake answered. "Oh hello, are you here for


Bobby?"


"um yes ma'am."


"okay, I’ll go get him."


Bobby came to the door. "Sam, it's you. we need to talk."


"Thank God you know who I am, no one else seems to, Do you know what


happened to my home and my parents?"


"yes, unfortunately I do."


chapter 2: the quest


"I'm afraid your parents have been kidnapped by time travelers."


"WHAT!!??"


"I know, it sounds insane, and you have many questions. let me explain


first, and then I’ll let you ask any questions you desire."


"Time travel was, err will be developed in the year 2075, approximately."


"I am a guardian of time, I am in the form of a child to be as invisible as


possible. here, let me show you my true form." he seemed to press a few


buttons on his hand, and then immediately transformed into a 30 year old man.


"What the hell!? is the world insane?"


"no, I’m sorry perhaps it was too soon for that."


"please let me continue. you are a very special person Sam. When you grow up


you will be an artist that inspires people to be their best. However, not


everyone's life is improved by this action. there are many in the criminal


element who want humanity to fail, who desire disorder and disobedience."


"They thought that by kidnapping your parents, you would cease to exist."


"In a way, they achieved their goal. now that your parents are gone, you were never born, you house never existed, and any actions you have taken have been undone. The future will be different now, if I traveled to it.


"I have preserved your existence, for a time, by using a technique we call the razor's edge." "It allows us to alter the time line in the present moment, persevering it, but only for as long as memory can last."


"What do you mean, as long as memory can last? Aren't memories permanent?"


"no, memories fade over time. Now that your parents are gone, you will begin to forget them. when you forget them completely, you will cease to exist, forever."


"w-h-h-h-a-a-a-t do I do?"


" I need you to come with me. We need to find your parents in the time line they were shifted to, and rescue them if possible."