AgentFire
Senior Member
Not too far back, I posted a topic, and I decided to vent myself silly. Seeing as I am still really frustrated, I'm going to vent out more steam. This may even become a regular thing for me, idk, but here it is. Venting Session #2.
So, I'll be tackling all issues in my life currently, everytime I vent. And I will also be labelling them.
Medium: The Cold Weather
So for those of you that don't know, I live in the wonderful state of Ohio. And I happen to be farther north, to the point where I could go to the lake in less then half an hour... Not only have temperatures dropped below zero, but there has been a crap ton of snow, ice, and the likes. It's pissing me off, as I'm sure it is many, but I think my hands are actually getting dry because of this cold weather. And the worst part is, at times, I can't avoid going outside. I know this is winter, but goodness, how long is it supposed to last? Can't it at least be something like 20 degrees. I'd much rather have 70, but I'd take 20 compared to negatives.
Large: Exercise
I live in an apartment building, and I happen to have many neighbors. One of them, who've I've gotten on fine with for the most part, has asked me to go down to the exercise center with her. Now, I brought this up long ago, but kind of gave up on it, since things always kept getting in the way. However, on this particular day, they didn't, and I said sure. So stupid me thought she wanted somebody to show her to it, and show her the machines (it's actually a really small room, maybe a slight bit bigger than my kitchen), but when I got down there, she had a list of exercises. 8 sets of: 10 Toe Touches; 10 Side Bends; 15 Jumping Jacks; 10 Elbow to Knees; and the killer, 25 squats. And then, on top of that, we went on the machines. I played along the first day, but I didn't plan for that, expect that, or anything of the sort. And what's worse, she's trying to get me to go on a diet. Call me a typical man, but you ain't coming near my food unless you want to lose some fingers. And give up soda, no, no thank you. So, I'm putting in about half the effort for exercising, and saying screw dieting, because frankly, that isn't what I signed up for. Rather I need it or not, it's not up to anybody but me if I want to continue on. And I personally don't believe I need it, because while I'm a little overweight, I would not consider myself morbidly obese. I can still do a lot of things just fine with how much I weigh now.
Extra Large: Loneliness
While I covered this in my last venting session, I still need to go over it again, because it is still the main thing that is bothering me. Let me give y'all a good idea of my whole story too, so this might take awhile. In fact, let me divide this up into chapter-type things.
Chapter 1 - Mid-4th Grade, Where it all began
Alright folks, so I suppose before we get to that, lemme give you a brief recap. I was born, I was an obnoxious child, orange juice was the main cause because of all the sugars. I had an evil kindergarden teacher, some decent other teachers, and even a couple of girlfriends. Not too many friends in school or daycare, as I was more or less the outcast. And I tried too hard. And I was also really bright, meaning to say, 3rd and 4th grade were years I was in the gifted class. That about summarizes things.
So middle to the end of 4th grade, I was in a different elementary school than my previous 4 years, and I had to walk about a mile or two there and a mile or two back everyday with my older sister. For 5th grade, they had no gifted classes at that school, they couldn't get me back in with my old school, and they were pretty much just fucking things up. So, my sister had been in internet schooling since 6th grade, and my mom decided to set me up for that. At first I thought it was very cool, but I'd soon realize the true meaning of it.
Chapter 2 - 5th grade to about 13 yrs. old
Being me, I liked exploring things, and I discovered the magical internet, which I enjoyed the heck out of breaking, and getting past my school's feeble attempts to keep me from going to fun sites. (No, no nothing naughty. Just games and youtube mainly) And this was all good and fun, but being without regular school, while I didn't realize it, I was lacking the necessary social skills that you would normally learn. And I wasn't doing anything with other kids, so I was kind of just stuck. I'd sit around and watch TV all day, which was great, and I'd do homework by night (my mom didn't trust me with the computer for some reason...) I had done a lot of things, watched youtube, played games, and I even discovered IRC (Internet Relay Chat) This wonderful place where you could talk to all sorts of people. But being how young I was, I got banned, and I also got banned from wikiHow, because to be frank, I was a troll. I made lots of random friendships that never really stuck, and eventually, I kind of gave up, and focused a teensy bit more on my studies. And that's when 13 hit.
Chapter 3 - From there on, until now.
When 13 hit, I discovered 2 things I'll always hold dear in my heart. YouTube's Let's Plays, and WCF (A Roleplaying Forum based off of books) With those two things, my focus on school dropped, but I finally felt really happy. Let's Plays were funny to watch, as well as informative. And roleplaying helped me to meet new people. However, it also led to me falling in love with a girl, who had me on a hook, until I finally said enough was enough. Throughout the coming years, I would go back to that forum on and off. All the while, I made a return to a different IRC Network, with a different channel, and different people. This came from a Let's Player I watch, who I'm friends with. I was still a bit trolly, but as the time flew by, I began to change my ways (though never completely), until I could say I considered myself a decent user. I was acquaintances with most, friends with a few. Of course, there was a big problem, where I became an admin, and everybody left the channel, because they thought I wouldn't make a good admin, and it was a bit like a boycott. I held a grudge for awhile, but I got over it (for the most part). Anyways, yada yada, time flew on, I became better friends with people. Going back to the forums, I made some friends that we connected on skype. Since this in it of itself would be a chapter worthy topic, I'll give you the abbreviated version. They weren't good people, I continued to follow my desire to find love, had my heart broken many times. I had people turn on me, which I did some things I'm not proud of, but I did apologize for them. But they weren't good people anyways, they were bullies. So I got out of that crowd, but I still looked for love. I had a few lasting loves, but then, my 2nd to last break up (these were all online if you couldn't tell), left me broken. More broken than others. I kind of hit a dull spot, before going back to a girl I previously dated. I felt bad, because I left her too. And then, I made the big decision to leave the internet. Now you may be wondering, what the hell are you doing here if you left the internet. Truth is, I haven't really made friends here, just a few roleplaying partners I occasionally chat with about stuff and things. And they are awesome, let me make that clear. But I considered this okay since it is just roleplaying. But the whole point of leaving things, is so that I could focus more on the world around me, and make friends I can interact with better. Needless to say, that has been a struggle, and I feel lonely, because nobody's really available for me to develop a friendship with. Or to say, I don't have the necessary resources... I've been praying on it, and I'm still waiting for my prayers to be answered, but there are days where the world seems dark and dreary. Days where I just want to give up. Days where I dream about having friends, only to sadly remember I don't have them. Anyways, this has gotten overgrown, but the point is, I'm lonely, making friends in real life is hard, and it should be easier.
Large: School
These two actually go hand in hand. I'm falling behind, and I'm probably not going to reach my goals of graduating at an earlier age then normal. Part of it's no motivation. The other part is laziness. And going back to loneliness, I'd probably feel more motivated to do stuff if I had friends to deal with things with. But I don't. And I've told my mom this, and she says that the sooner I get to college, the sooner social opportunities will open up. But she doesn't understand that I need some friends now... I don't know, it just really bothers me, but I guess life will trudge on.
Thank you so much for listening to my rantings and ventings. I feel a little better now that I said all that. Post a comment if you'd like, if you don't, then thank you for reading anyways. Either way, that's that.
So, I'll be tackling all issues in my life currently, everytime I vent. And I will also be labelling them.
Medium: The Cold Weather
So for those of you that don't know, I live in the wonderful state of Ohio. And I happen to be farther north, to the point where I could go to the lake in less then half an hour... Not only have temperatures dropped below zero, but there has been a crap ton of snow, ice, and the likes. It's pissing me off, as I'm sure it is many, but I think my hands are actually getting dry because of this cold weather. And the worst part is, at times, I can't avoid going outside. I know this is winter, but goodness, how long is it supposed to last? Can't it at least be something like 20 degrees. I'd much rather have 70, but I'd take 20 compared to negatives.
Large: Exercise
I live in an apartment building, and I happen to have many neighbors. One of them, who've I've gotten on fine with for the most part, has asked me to go down to the exercise center with her. Now, I brought this up long ago, but kind of gave up on it, since things always kept getting in the way. However, on this particular day, they didn't, and I said sure. So stupid me thought she wanted somebody to show her to it, and show her the machines (it's actually a really small room, maybe a slight bit bigger than my kitchen), but when I got down there, she had a list of exercises. 8 sets of: 10 Toe Touches; 10 Side Bends; 15 Jumping Jacks; 10 Elbow to Knees; and the killer, 25 squats. And then, on top of that, we went on the machines. I played along the first day, but I didn't plan for that, expect that, or anything of the sort. And what's worse, she's trying to get me to go on a diet. Call me a typical man, but you ain't coming near my food unless you want to lose some fingers. And give up soda, no, no thank you. So, I'm putting in about half the effort for exercising, and saying screw dieting, because frankly, that isn't what I signed up for. Rather I need it or not, it's not up to anybody but me if I want to continue on. And I personally don't believe I need it, because while I'm a little overweight, I would not consider myself morbidly obese. I can still do a lot of things just fine with how much I weigh now.
Extra Large: Loneliness
While I covered this in my last venting session, I still need to go over it again, because it is still the main thing that is bothering me. Let me give y'all a good idea of my whole story too, so this might take awhile. In fact, let me divide this up into chapter-type things.
Chapter 1 - Mid-4th Grade, Where it all began
Alright folks, so I suppose before we get to that, lemme give you a brief recap. I was born, I was an obnoxious child, orange juice was the main cause because of all the sugars. I had an evil kindergarden teacher, some decent other teachers, and even a couple of girlfriends. Not too many friends in school or daycare, as I was more or less the outcast. And I tried too hard. And I was also really bright, meaning to say, 3rd and 4th grade were years I was in the gifted class. That about summarizes things.
So middle to the end of 4th grade, I was in a different elementary school than my previous 4 years, and I had to walk about a mile or two there and a mile or two back everyday with my older sister. For 5th grade, they had no gifted classes at that school, they couldn't get me back in with my old school, and they were pretty much just fucking things up. So, my sister had been in internet schooling since 6th grade, and my mom decided to set me up for that. At first I thought it was very cool, but I'd soon realize the true meaning of it.
Chapter 2 - 5th grade to about 13 yrs. old
Being me, I liked exploring things, and I discovered the magical internet, which I enjoyed the heck out of breaking, and getting past my school's feeble attempts to keep me from going to fun sites. (No, no nothing naughty. Just games and youtube mainly) And this was all good and fun, but being without regular school, while I didn't realize it, I was lacking the necessary social skills that you would normally learn. And I wasn't doing anything with other kids, so I was kind of just stuck. I'd sit around and watch TV all day, which was great, and I'd do homework by night (my mom didn't trust me with the computer for some reason...) I had done a lot of things, watched youtube, played games, and I even discovered IRC (Internet Relay Chat) This wonderful place where you could talk to all sorts of people. But being how young I was, I got banned, and I also got banned from wikiHow, because to be frank, I was a troll. I made lots of random friendships that never really stuck, and eventually, I kind of gave up, and focused a teensy bit more on my studies. And that's when 13 hit.
Chapter 3 - From there on, until now.
When 13 hit, I discovered 2 things I'll always hold dear in my heart. YouTube's Let's Plays, and WCF (A Roleplaying Forum based off of books) With those two things, my focus on school dropped, but I finally felt really happy. Let's Plays were funny to watch, as well as informative. And roleplaying helped me to meet new people. However, it also led to me falling in love with a girl, who had me on a hook, until I finally said enough was enough. Throughout the coming years, I would go back to that forum on and off. All the while, I made a return to a different IRC Network, with a different channel, and different people. This came from a Let's Player I watch, who I'm friends with. I was still a bit trolly, but as the time flew by, I began to change my ways (though never completely), until I could say I considered myself a decent user. I was acquaintances with most, friends with a few. Of course, there was a big problem, where I became an admin, and everybody left the channel, because they thought I wouldn't make a good admin, and it was a bit like a boycott. I held a grudge for awhile, but I got over it (for the most part). Anyways, yada yada, time flew on, I became better friends with people. Going back to the forums, I made some friends that we connected on skype. Since this in it of itself would be a chapter worthy topic, I'll give you the abbreviated version. They weren't good people, I continued to follow my desire to find love, had my heart broken many times. I had people turn on me, which I did some things I'm not proud of, but I did apologize for them. But they weren't good people anyways, they were bullies. So I got out of that crowd, but I still looked for love. I had a few lasting loves, but then, my 2nd to last break up (these were all online if you couldn't tell), left me broken. More broken than others. I kind of hit a dull spot, before going back to a girl I previously dated. I felt bad, because I left her too. And then, I made the big decision to leave the internet. Now you may be wondering, what the hell are you doing here if you left the internet. Truth is, I haven't really made friends here, just a few roleplaying partners I occasionally chat with about stuff and things. And they are awesome, let me make that clear. But I considered this okay since it is just roleplaying. But the whole point of leaving things, is so that I could focus more on the world around me, and make friends I can interact with better. Needless to say, that has been a struggle, and I feel lonely, because nobody's really available for me to develop a friendship with. Or to say, I don't have the necessary resources... I've been praying on it, and I'm still waiting for my prayers to be answered, but there are days where the world seems dark and dreary. Days where I just want to give up. Days where I dream about having friends, only to sadly remember I don't have them. Anyways, this has gotten overgrown, but the point is, I'm lonely, making friends in real life is hard, and it should be easier.
Large: School
These two actually go hand in hand. I'm falling behind, and I'm probably not going to reach my goals of graduating at an earlier age then normal. Part of it's no motivation. The other part is laziness. And going back to loneliness, I'd probably feel more motivated to do stuff if I had friends to deal with things with. But I don't. And I've told my mom this, and she says that the sooner I get to college, the sooner social opportunities will open up. But she doesn't understand that I need some friends now... I don't know, it just really bothers me, but I guess life will trudge on.
Thank you so much for listening to my rantings and ventings. I feel a little better now that I said all that. Post a comment if you'd like, if you don't, then thank you for reading anyways. Either way, that's that.
