Unsent Letters

[PunkPrince]

Marilyn lay on her back in bed. She had hardly gotten any sleep the night before. She'd spent the night tossing and turning. She felt the woman next to her snuggle closer to her side. At least Tammie seemed to be sleeping well. One of them would have some energy for the day. Good. Marilyn rested her arm across Tammie, gently rubbing her girlfriend's shoulders.


She was mostly just trying to keep from having an anxiety attack over today, and Tammie helped. Her daughter was coming to stay with her. She had lived with her adoptive parents for her entire life, they were dead, and now she was to stay with Marilyn. Marilyn hadn't seen the kid in years, though she had longed to. And now that she was to see the girl again, she wasn't sure she was ready to.


The last Marilyn had seen her, she'd only been about two, but the girl's foster parents had allowed her to visit every day. Marilyn had loved that kid, but knew she couldn't care for her. It wasn't like they'd been some picture perfect nuclear family. Marilyn had come out as transgender to her parents, they'd kicked her out. Having no money and no job, she'd been forced into prostitution to keep herself live. Her pansexuality had meant she was open to basically anyone. Women were rare, but she did see them on occasion. An hour of nervous fumbling with a woman she had hardly known for ten dollars and a loaf of bread had brought the girl into existence.


Her mother had given her up, and if she could have, Marilyn would have taken her. She'd known better. The girl deserved to be raised by somebody stable and well equipped to do so, not a transgender prostitute stuck in a motel room who was constantly having her life threatened by people who were not so open to the way that she was. So she'd let the child go.


She had a box of letters in her closet written to the girl over the years. Most of them never sent. Mostly out of fear of what her daughter might think of her. The few she had sent had been sent back to her unopened. The letters were filled with nervous apologetic ramblings and expression of love for the girl she hadn't watched grow up, splatters of ink from her pens and scribbled out sentences. She missed that kid so much.


Tammie stirred beside her and sat up. "Hey," Tammie said softly, leaning over to kiss Marilyn's cheek. She pulled Marilyn up into a sitting position and gently stroked her hair. "You look awful, honey. Didn't you sleep?"


"No," Marilyn mumbled. "I'm freaking out. I couldn't sleep. It's been so long. I don't know what's gonna happen when I see her again. I feel so bad. I practically abandoned her. I know she doesn't know it, but I feel horrible. I just...I wish I could've kept her."


"You did what was best," Tammie said gently. "You didn't abandon her. You weren't allowed to talk to her. You did what you could. She grew up best because you gave her up. What if she had stayed and something had happened to us? Or her? What then? We weren't exactly stable in the way we lived. It wasn't a good way for anyone to grow up. I loved her too, and I wish we could have kept her and raised her together. You'll have her back soon enough. I know you're nervous, I am too. But we're all she's got right now."


Tammie stood up and began to dress herself. "I'll go downstairs and make breakfast while you get yourself ready. Take your time. Try to calm down and then come down whenever you're ready, Kitten." She pecked Marilyn on the lips and then she was gone.


Once she had showered, Marilyn stood in the bathroom looking at her reflection in the mirror. She ran her fingers gingerly over her face, which she had just finished shaving. It was smooth. For now at least. Her hormones had redistributed her body fat–given her hips and a more feminine figure, and she had slowly begun to develop small breasts. Tammie, who had been on hormones for much longer, had larger breasts and a feminine figure. She just about passed by this point. Hormones had not, much to their displeasure, eliminated their body hair. It had made it thinner, but the only way to be rid of it was laser hair removal. It had not changed Marilyn's broad shoulders, nor affected her height–nearly six feet tall–and it had not changed her voice. It had never been particularly masculine, but it had always had a bit of a boyish huskiness to it.


She thought about what Tammie had said as she did her makeup. Deep down she knew her lover was right. She'd done what was best. But God damn it did she miss that kid. All those letters in her closet were proof. She wrote a new one every few days. She had never gotten to have any real contact with Evelyn after she'd left. The most she'd been allowed was to send small packets of the girls favorite candy. She did it on holidays, and the girl's birthday of course. She wished she could have afforded to buy her real presents.


Tammie was in the kitchen making french toast on the stove. It was Marilyn's favorite, and she hoped that maybe the meal would help destress the other woman a bit. She knew Marilyn had missed Evelyn. After the girl had been adopted Marilyn had spent about a week and a half alternating between sobbing and sleeping. Tammie had had to coax her into eating, and even then it was always only just a few nibbles.


Tammie looked up as she heard a knock on the door. She was hesitant to answer. She didn't know anything about the girl, and the girl knew nothing about her. Tammie wasn't even sure if Evelyn knew she and Marilyn were trans. Stepping away from the stove, she walked over to the door and opened it, smiling as she saw the girl standing there. "Hi," she greeted. "You must be Evelyn." She stepped aside to let the girl in. "I'm Tammie. Marilyn is upstairs getting ready. Come in."

 

[amybri18]

Evelyn hadn't slept all night, and she wasn't tired at all. No, she was too nervous to be tired at the same time. Today was the day she would meet her new parents. Today was the day she would move away from her grandparents. Today was the day she would move away from her friend.


Sighing, she turned over and looked at her clock. It read 2:30am. Eve got out of bed and walked to the window, groaning. It was still dark outside, and the streetlamps were still on. "Looks like I have a few more hours to wait..." she whispered to herself, getting back into bed.


Silently, she looked up at the glowing stars on her ceiling. Her grandmother had put them there because it comforted Eve. This meant that, at night, she wasn't completely scared, or anything like that. It also calmed her down, let her sleep like she should, without interruptions. Now, looking at them, made her less nervous, and let her peacefully drift off the sleep...


A few hours later, Evelyn awoke to the sound of her phone beeping. It seemed like her best friend, Lily, had texted her:

Lily

them

Hey E! Just saying good morning, I no u leave 2day, so I'll c u l8ter. -L

Evelyn smiled and laid back in bed, holding her phone above her. It was now 8:00, so it was perfectly fine for her to be up and about. Silently, she texted Lily back, trying not to make any noise so she didn't wake up her grandparents.

Lily

them

Hey E! Just saying good morning, I no u leave 2day, so I'll c u l8ter. -L

me

Hey L! Good morning! So sad I must leave... [/SIZE] :( [SIZE=18px] I guess I'll c u l8ter... Bye! -E

Eve sighed and got out of bed. She walked over to her closet to get dressed. As soon as she opened it, she realized her grandparents had already packed for her, because there was only one dress left. An aqua-blue one, covered in sequins. Her favorite.


Smiling, Evelyn pulled out the dress and got unchanged. She put on the beautiful dress, then walked out her bedroom to the kitchen. She was in a bungalow, so no stairs, unfortunately. As soon as she stepped into the room, a girl came running up to her and hugged her, squeezing Eve tightly.


"Hey! Get off!" Eve exclaimed, moving away. It was Lily, her best friend. "Lily! What are you doing here?" she asked, looking around. Her grandparents were already up, cooking breakfast. "Well, it's not like I'm going to sit at home and forget about you! I just came with my parents: they are taking you to your new family," Lily replied, smiling. Eve smiled back.


After a delicious fry-up, Eve hugged her nan and grandad good-bye and ran after Lily, who was getting in the car. "So, do you know who's going to be looking after you?" Lily asked, as Evelyn got in the back of the cherry-red ferrari. Eve nodded, looking over at Lily. "Yes, but not very well..."


Around 30 minutes later, the car pulled up outside the house which Eve's new parents lived in. "I guess this is goodbye..." she muttered, before getting out the car. "Promise you'll write to me!" Lily exclaimed. Eve smiled. "Promise." And with that, Evelyn ran up to the building and knocked on the door.


A woman answered the door. She smiled, before saying hello to Evelyn. "Hi, you must be Evelyn. I'm Tammie. Marilyn is upstairs getting ready. Come in." Eve smiled at Tammie, and walked inside. "Hello," she greeted Tammie.

 

[PunkPrince]

Marilyn was standing in her bedroom doorway, fully dressed with her hair still just slightly damp. She could see them, but they couldn't see her. She had to go down there. She couldn't just hide in her room forever. And she really did want to see her daughter again. God, she'd gotten so tall. Even from a distance she could see that the two of them looked alike, particularly in the face. Marilyn took a deep breath before slipping out of her bedroom and walking down the stairs.


"Hi," she greeted, smiling at Evelyn as she spoke. "Sorry it took me so long." What she really wanted to do was hug Evelyn, shout, "I've missed you!" and never let her go. She didn't though. It took all her willpower not to.


Tammie grinned at her. "There you are," she said. "I thought you'd run off." Tammie moved to stand next to Marilyn. She was the smaller of the two at 5'8.


"Are you hungry?" Tammie asked Evelyn. "I made french toast. It's not as good as the stuff Marilyn can make, but I don't think it's bad." Without waiting for an answer she bounced off into the kitchen. Marilyn laughed softly and gave Evelyn a smile before following Tammie.


Tammie had moved the pieces of french toast onto three seperate plates. She put the plates on the table and pulled the syrup out of the cabinet. Once they were all sitting around the table Marilyn looked over at Evelyn. "Is there anything you want to know about us?" she asked. "Or anything you want to tell us about yourself?"

 

[amybri18]

Evelyn smiled as Marilyn walked downstairs. She was slightly startled by her appearance, with those big, pink lips and that bright blonde hair. It looked as if she was trying to be a girl, but failing dreadfully. "Hi!" Eve greeted, "I-It doesn't matter how long you took, as long as I'm with you now." She didn't know why or how, but Eve felt connected to Marilyn in a strange way, as if she was long-lost family, but that couldn't be true, could it?


"Are you hungry?" Tammie asked, just as Eve wa moving closer. She nodded silently, before looking up at Marilyn and following her. Tammie seemed like the happy-go-lucky type: she was carefree and happy all the time.


Eve watched Tammie place the french toast onto the different place. She put them on the table, so Eve sat down, picking up a piece and eating it quietly. "Is there anything you want to know about us? Or anything you want to tell us about yourself?" Marilyn asked.


"Mhmm. Sorry, I don't want to be rude or anything, but why do you two live together? How did you meet? Is there something you want to tell me?" she asked the adults.

 

[PunkPrince]

Marilyn was drowning her French toast in powdered sugar and syrup when Evelyn spoke. Tammie looked over at her and laughed. When Marilyn responded with a playful glare, Tammie said, "Whatever. As long as you eat it. You can't take your medicine unless you eat." Tammie could give herself estrogen injections first thing in the morning, but Marilyn couldn't until after she'd gotten some food into her. Not doing so beforehand made her sick, sometimes enough to vomit.


"Why not?" Tammie answered with a shrug. "She's my girlfriend. Sometimes people live with their partner. We split the cost of the house when we bought it." She remembered the day they had finally scraped together enough money for the place. They'd just held one another and cried because as far as they were concerned at the time, they had finally made it. She smiled at the memory.


"We met almost ten years ago," Marilyn said. "I'd hurt my leg and was crossing the street trying to go home. She pushed me out of the way of a semi truck. I was too exhausted to even notice it coming at me." She paused. "She fixed my leg up too. Carried a damn first aid kit in her purse." She laughed. She remembered how odd she'd found it when the woman had had a purse with her when all Marilyn had carried for her work was a pocketknife. She left out any mention of work. She wasn't proud of the way she'd been forced to live.


Tammie grinned. "You made fun of me then, but your leg didn't end up infected. I win." She put another forkful of French toast in her mouth. She looked back at Tammie. "We're both transgender women," she said. "I'm not sure if you know what that means, but if you're going to live with us, it's probably something you should be aware of."

 

[amybri18]

Girlfriend? Did Evelyn just move in with a same sex couple? To be honest, she thought that Tammie and Marilyn were just friends who happened to live together. Perhaps not everything is as it seems? Still, Eve didn't mind. As long as they took care of her, that was fine by her. Sighing, she took another piece of the french toast and placed it in her mouth.


So, they met when Marilyn was nearly run over? Tammie saved her life! That proved Tammie was a good person to be around; she was a life saver! As well as that, she fixed Marilyn's leg? She helped her... even though they had never met... that was so... heartwarming. "Wow..." Eve muttered under her breath. "She's a life saver..." If it wasn't for Tammie, Evelyn wouldn't be here today, so, deep, deep down, she was incredibly grateful.


Last of all, they were transgender woman? What did that mean? Evelyn had never heard of that term before, and had no idea what on Earth it meant. "What's a transgender woman?" she asked, curios.

 

[PunkPrince]

Marilyn laughed softly. "She is," she said.


"Marilyn gave me a place to stay though," Tammie said. "That was our exchange. It was right after my mother died and I wound up homeless." Of course, living with Marilyn had been crappy too, with the motel with its broken lock and dirty paint chipped walls. But they'd had each other at least, and it was still better than sleeping on a bench.


"Transgender people are people who are a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth. Like with Marilyn and myself, the common thing to hear is that we were born boys." She shrugged. "I don't like the way that sounds. Nobody ever asked what I was. I was only a boy because somebody looked at me and decided it for me before I could say anything."


Tammie shrugged as she spoke. It wasn't something that was hard for her to talk about anymore. When she had first come out her mother had been around to protect her, she had even paid for her hormones for a time. After she had died, Tammie had had to do things herself. Marilyn was staring at the floor. Normally she could say things herself, but Evelyn's presence left her nervous.


Marilyn continued eating slowly, watching Evelyn's reaction to Tammie's words. She didn't want Evelyn to hate her. That would kill her. She had missed her daughter so much. It had been so long. Marilyn couldn't bear to lose her again.

 

[amybri18]

Evelyn was surprised that Marilyn and Tammie had heard her speak, because she had spoken so quietly. As well as that. she was surprised by their response. Tammie's mother had died? That actually sort of comforted Eve. Sure, it was sad, but she had been through that before. That meant that they knew how each other felt, they knew what each other had been through.


"Transgender people are people who are a different gender than the one they were assigned at birth. Like with Marilyn and myself, the common thing to hear is that we were born boys. I don't like the way that sounds. Nobody ever asked what I was. I was only a boy because somebody looked at me and decided it for me before I could say anything." So that's what transgender's were. People who changed their gender. Was that correct? "So... transgenders are people who changed their gender?" she replied.


Well, not only had Eve moved in with a same sex couple, she had moved in with girls who weren't girls. Was that a good thing? It was different, for sure, but that didn't mean it was for the best, did it? So many questions, so little answers. How was Evelyn going to live with the fact her new 'parents' were both the 'mother'? How was she going to live with the fact that her 'mothers' were, in reality, her 'fathers'?


Evelyn felt her phone vibrate in her pocket, then she heard a beep. "Sorry, that's my phone..." she explained, pulling out her blue mobile. It looked like she had a text from Lily...

Lily

them

Hey E! Just saying good morning, I no u leave 2day, so I'll c u l8ter. -L

me

Hey L! Good morning! So sad I must leave... :( I guess I'll c u l8ter... Bye! -E

them

Hey E! Just checking to c how u r doing with ur new parents! Don't reply to this in detail, send a letter. :) -L