Melancholy Heart
New Member
If distance was able to kill, then the distance between them -in spite of sharing the same bed- would have massacred her and would let him leave to bleed out blood that would freeze the same moment it would step out of his system and into the wild, the coldness between them would turn it into crimson crystal.
He saw them, the stolen kisses, the secret glances at each other, he saw the longing for one another's heart and he knew, his heart was not the one she wanted, but despite his better judgment, he stayed. He saw the pain in her eyes each time he claimed what never was his. Dozen times daggers he had in his chest over the long time his life was now lasting long enough to be happy for even once.
He held onto her tighter in the bedroom, his kisses turned into bites, the collusion of their lips became a clashing and lost the rhythm of a dancer, each time she made flowers grow in his lungs and his ribcage, but the foul earth that was his soul wasn't enough to nourish them so they would grow and blossom, instead they died not even a heartbeat after they were sow.
She knew the rules of the game and she knew exactly whose heart she was playing with but none suffered more than her own.
All the games she had to indulge in, she mourned the necessity of this game, she never planned to hurt him, she never planned to break him and foremost, she never wanted this but the allure of the past and the allure of her heart's desire made her weak, she wanted back what she thought being long lost and when the autumn's storm swept across her and took her by her soul, she couldn't stay awake and couldn't end the game. The greed implanted in her veins maybe could have been erased, it was the need of every fiber that she felt by merely tasting his name on her tongue again that made it so difficult to flee.
She couldn't love him, no maybe she could but she didn't want to. She didn't love him but the thought of being loved by him without being indebted to return back anything.
The question was, why couldn't he leave? With a glance at her, he knew why. Everything within her was made to draw him in - she was a diamond, radiating, she was the sun, she was his everything. Not his, but /his/. The way she stood there, she was beautiful and he couldn't stare elsewhere, the day of love and she wore white, her red lips strawberries, her eyes gems and how they shone with guilt made them beautiful enough to hope for a moment, to hope about a victory, but it was a matter of time, he knew. He always knew~
Usually, when she speaks he doesn't listen, but tonight he had to, because he knew the game reached the end level.
They danced and when they danced, she looked into his eyes and his smile, she realised it should be cherished by someone worth his suicidal heart, because that is all what love is all about, who can damage you the most but still be the only cure, the only patch. Who can damage you and you still willing to sacrifice and forgive. Love is death, love is life, love is pain and pleasure, love is everything good and everything bad and when it doesn't hurt, then it isn't love.
At the balcony they stood, he leaned against the railing as his eyes tried to seek help in the darkness to find the words as if they are written with fire somewhere, burning bright to guide his way but there was no light, the only light was the smile on her mind that did not belong to him, the lips he wanted to kiss that were not his, the arms he wanted to feel that were not his.
"Listen ... I..."
"I know."
"I have to say it. I have to say it to make it real. I know that you do, but I have to say it. "
He took a breath, deep and painful and there they were the flowers again but this time they opened their petals and grew open, preventing him the oxygen he needed now as he stood there, with the hands tucked in the pockets of his tux.
"Say it then."
"I love him. I always did. All my life. I thought I ... I thought I could stop, but I couldn't. I can do everything but stop loving him. He is the poison that keeps me alive. I'm sorry."
For her betrayal, she expected death, tears brimming on her eyes like little seas waiting to create an ocean on her cheeks but they didn't fall yet, she looked into the cold stone face of a man whose heart she betrayed.
He looked at her, he could see her fear but what was this fear.
"Do you fear for your life now?"
"I fear to never see him again. "
"To lose him scares you more than to die?"
"I've died a thousand times a day, I do not fear death anymore but I only feel alive when we share the same air."
"Did you ever love me?" he said it softly so it did not sound like he was accusing her. And how could he blame her? It occurred to him for the first time that he was too caught up in their romance that he had forced her into marriage; that the only reason she said "Yes" was because she didn't want to break his heart.
"I adored you, adored the love you gave me. It made me forget."
Something inside of him was made out of glass; a dull pain started in his chest, but what mattered most to him was her suffering. And as a tear finally fell down from those long lashes that framed eyes that could strip down your soul by a second, this something fell to the ground and broke, it wasn't his heart because what had a dagger so often within wasn't whole to break, to begin with, but something broke and shattered all over the floor. He reached his hand out to her.
"One last dance."
He pulled her in close, held her for the last time, stroked the hair out of her face and pressed his lips against hers, committing her feel, her smell, to memory. It was a brief re-connection of bodies, a re-acquaintance of their hearts and minds. His forehead rested against hers but his eyes were wide open and tried to hunt down anything in her own eyes that was still dedicated to him. It was time for him to close his own game of the agony he served his own heart on a platter. He had to let go, not of her but the significance he held by her side in the third pair of eyes.
Chocolate-brown gazed into Blue skies with sad freedom in them. It was almost as if they were reliving their first separation but he knew that this time, she would not come back for him, and he would not wait for her.
"Go." He whispered before letting go of her hands. "– before I change my mind!"
He fought the urge to run madly after her, drag her back by her long veil. He bit his bottom lip as a single tear slid over his cheeks to rest on his pronounced chin.
"Hey!"
She turned abruptly, her skirts swishing at her movement. She looked panicked, almost as if she expected him to go back on his word. He threw her a pathetically tragic smile.
"No matter where you go, you'll always have a place here. With me."
She mirrored his smile, both aware that it would never be the same, even if she did return. With no other words to share, he helplessly watched her pick up her skirts and practically fly from his domain.
And he watched her go, her dress and the grace she inhibited in every step made it look like she was floating over the dancefloor, looking for what she had found so long ago.
Isn't it funny, how parallel to each other some gain sanity and other lose their mind?
He saw them, the stolen kisses, the secret glances at each other, he saw the longing for one another's heart and he knew, his heart was not the one she wanted, but despite his better judgment, he stayed. He saw the pain in her eyes each time he claimed what never was his. Dozen times daggers he had in his chest over the long time his life was now lasting long enough to be happy for even once.
He held onto her tighter in the bedroom, his kisses turned into bites, the collusion of their lips became a clashing and lost the rhythm of a dancer, each time she made flowers grow in his lungs and his ribcage, but the foul earth that was his soul wasn't enough to nourish them so they would grow and blossom, instead they died not even a heartbeat after they were sow.
She knew the rules of the game and she knew exactly whose heart she was playing with but none suffered more than her own.
All the games she had to indulge in, she mourned the necessity of this game, she never planned to hurt him, she never planned to break him and foremost, she never wanted this but the allure of the past and the allure of her heart's desire made her weak, she wanted back what she thought being long lost and when the autumn's storm swept across her and took her by her soul, she couldn't stay awake and couldn't end the game. The greed implanted in her veins maybe could have been erased, it was the need of every fiber that she felt by merely tasting his name on her tongue again that made it so difficult to flee.
She couldn't love him, no maybe she could but she didn't want to. She didn't love him but the thought of being loved by him without being indebted to return back anything.
The question was, why couldn't he leave? With a glance at her, he knew why. Everything within her was made to draw him in - she was a diamond, radiating, she was the sun, she was his everything. Not his, but /his/. The way she stood there, she was beautiful and he couldn't stare elsewhere, the day of love and she wore white, her red lips strawberries, her eyes gems and how they shone with guilt made them beautiful enough to hope for a moment, to hope about a victory, but it was a matter of time, he knew. He always knew~
Usually, when she speaks he doesn't listen, but tonight he had to, because he knew the game reached the end level.
They danced and when they danced, she looked into his eyes and his smile, she realised it should be cherished by someone worth his suicidal heart, because that is all what love is all about, who can damage you the most but still be the only cure, the only patch. Who can damage you and you still willing to sacrifice and forgive. Love is death, love is life, love is pain and pleasure, love is everything good and everything bad and when it doesn't hurt, then it isn't love.
At the balcony they stood, he leaned against the railing as his eyes tried to seek help in the darkness to find the words as if they are written with fire somewhere, burning bright to guide his way but there was no light, the only light was the smile on her mind that did not belong to him, the lips he wanted to kiss that were not his, the arms he wanted to feel that were not his.
"Listen ... I..."
"I know."
"I have to say it. I have to say it to make it real. I know that you do, but I have to say it. "
He took a breath, deep and painful and there they were the flowers again but this time they opened their petals and grew open, preventing him the oxygen he needed now as he stood there, with the hands tucked in the pockets of his tux.
"Say it then."
"I love him. I always did. All my life. I thought I ... I thought I could stop, but I couldn't. I can do everything but stop loving him. He is the poison that keeps me alive. I'm sorry."
For her betrayal, she expected death, tears brimming on her eyes like little seas waiting to create an ocean on her cheeks but they didn't fall yet, she looked into the cold stone face of a man whose heart she betrayed.
He looked at her, he could see her fear but what was this fear.
"Do you fear for your life now?"
"I fear to never see him again. "
"To lose him scares you more than to die?"
"I've died a thousand times a day, I do not fear death anymore but I only feel alive when we share the same air."
"Did you ever love me?" he said it softly so it did not sound like he was accusing her. And how could he blame her? It occurred to him for the first time that he was too caught up in their romance that he had forced her into marriage; that the only reason she said "Yes" was because she didn't want to break his heart.
"I adored you, adored the love you gave me. It made me forget."
Something inside of him was made out of glass; a dull pain started in his chest, but what mattered most to him was her suffering. And as a tear finally fell down from those long lashes that framed eyes that could strip down your soul by a second, this something fell to the ground and broke, it wasn't his heart because what had a dagger so often within wasn't whole to break, to begin with, but something broke and shattered all over the floor. He reached his hand out to her.
"One last dance."
He pulled her in close, held her for the last time, stroked the hair out of her face and pressed his lips against hers, committing her feel, her smell, to memory. It was a brief re-connection of bodies, a re-acquaintance of their hearts and minds. His forehead rested against hers but his eyes were wide open and tried to hunt down anything in her own eyes that was still dedicated to him. It was time for him to close his own game of the agony he served his own heart on a platter. He had to let go, not of her but the significance he held by her side in the third pair of eyes.
Chocolate-brown gazed into Blue skies with sad freedom in them. It was almost as if they were reliving their first separation but he knew that this time, she would not come back for him, and he would not wait for her.
"Go." He whispered before letting go of her hands. "– before I change my mind!"
He fought the urge to run madly after her, drag her back by her long veil. He bit his bottom lip as a single tear slid over his cheeks to rest on his pronounced chin.
"Hey!"
She turned abruptly, her skirts swishing at her movement. She looked panicked, almost as if she expected him to go back on his word. He threw her a pathetically tragic smile.
"No matter where you go, you'll always have a place here. With me."
She mirrored his smile, both aware that it would never be the same, even if she did return. With no other words to share, he helplessly watched her pick up her skirts and practically fly from his domain.
And he watched her go, her dress and the grace she inhibited in every step made it look like she was floating over the dancefloor, looking for what she had found so long ago.
Isn't it funny, how parallel to each other some gain sanity and other lose their mind?
