Three's a Crowd

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus pushed his tongue to his cheek as she said that it didn't matter, his room and his life. It didn't change how she felt but it wasn't about that. He loved Eva and he knew that she loved him too but he couldn't. He didn't deserve her and she didn't deserve all the baggage that came with him.


Atticus saw Eva lean over and for once, he did something that he never thought that he'd do. He turned away. He swallowed and bit down on his lip. "You need to be with him," He repeated, as if to remind himself why he was doing what he was. He couldn't even look at her because was on the edge of a horrible, horrible breakdown. He pulled the covers away from himself and pulled on some boxers before walking quickly to the bathroom.


He pulled open the medicine cabinet and started searching as if his life depended on it for something to take. Anything to ease everything that he was feeling at once. He tried his best to fight back the tears because they were impairing his vision when it came to looking at labels and bottles.

 

[kailey]

Eva couldn't believe what she was hearing. Did he not get it? His refusal to her kiss created goosebumps on her skin. She stared at him, mouth open incredulously.


Before she could say anything, Atticus pulled on some underwear and raced to his bathroom. She knew that look in his eye and it wasn't good. Hurriedly, the girl found one of his t-shirts and slipped it on. It was thankfully long enough to cover everything. Eva quickly made her way to his bathroom. He didn't lock the door.


Her heart was pounding as she entered only to find him searching through medicine bottles. She didn't think, only acted. Before he could pick one, Eva pushed herself in between Atticus and the counter, and she grabbed his arms, wrestling them down to his side. Or at least trying to.





"Atticus, stop please! Look at me, I'm right here. It's me Eva, please,"

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus could feel himself start to get all shaky and his heart started to beat faster. It happened more times than he'd like to admit to. He'd have anxiety attacks frequently enough to have him locked up in some physc ward so instead of that option, this is was he chose to do. He wasn't saying it was any better but at least he sort of got to live.


He couldn't even think straight enough to pick a damn bottle. His mind was racing, trying to piece together just exactly what was happening. It was like he was fighting two different sides of his mind. One, the completely rational one told him to stop and look at what he was really doing, and the other side, the fucked up one, yelled even louder, telling him to take more pills to drown out the other voice. It was a constant battle.


In the midst of the confusion, he barely even realized that Eva was standing in front of him. He swallowed and looked from the counter to her eyes. His jaw tensed and tried to blink away the tears but it was pointless. It was obvious that Atticus felt like he'd finally hit rock bottom.

 

[kailey]

Evangel knew that being forceful wasn't going to help anybody in this situation. She tried to remain calm the best she could, doing it for Atticus. Internally, though, she was screaming and crying and hiding in a corner where nothing evil existed and Atticus was smiling and happy. She was determined to make that happen.


She gently pushed him backward, toward the wall. All she was trying to accomplish was to get him farther away from the pills. She could tell he was having anxiety, she knew from years of knowing him. But gulping down random meds wasn't going to solve his problem.





"Atticus, look at me sweetie, look at me," her voice was soothing and gentle as she spoke to him. "You don't need those, okay? I need you to trust me."

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus heard Eva but his eyes kept flickering to the pills on the counter, trying to figure out which voice he was suppose to listen to.


Trust. He had to trust her. He did trust her, right? Yes. Of course he did. She was still here while he was losing his cool which had to have meant something.


His eyes moved back to Eva and he swallowed again. He wrapped his arms around her quickly and pulled her closer to him, lowering his head. His mind was still racing at a million miles an hour but he was trying to get a grip on reality and what was happening. It was hard though. All he knew was pills. Pills, pills, pills. It was the only thing that had ever gotten him through his anxiety for years.

 

[kailey]

As Atticus wrapped his arms around her, Eva shifted so she could rub his back soothingly. She put her other hand on the back of his head, playing with his hair to help calm him. She knew all too well from experience with him that it was pretty bad right then. He hadn't ever had a meltdown like that before, at least not in front of her.





"Relax Atticus, I got you, okay? You're safe." Eva murmured softly to him, attempting to snap him out of it and ease his anxiety.


Atticus was wrong. She didn't need to be with Jace. In that moment, she knew where she belonged and where her heart lie. With Atticus, right where they were, wrapped in each other's arms.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus took in a deep breath and tried to get his shit together for her sake. He knew that she'd seen him pretty fucked up before but never like this.


"I'm sorry," He breathed out quietly as he stood there. His hands were still shaking on her back. He wanted to calm down. He really, really did but he just couldn't. Once his mind stared racing and thinking and dwelling it seemed like it never stopped.


He let go of Eva and for a second he considered going for the pills but instead he walked over to his shower and turned it on, making the water really hot. He rubbed the back of his neck and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. He had to calm down. He kept telling himself but it didn't seem to be doing much at all.

 

[kailey]

Evangel let Atticus go toward the shower to splash some water on himself. She wasn't entirely sure what she should do. Quietly, she walked over and rubbed his back soothingly.





"It's going to be okay, Atticus. I've made my decision, so once you're feeling better we can talk about it okay?" Eva exclaimed in a calm, collected tone for his sake. If there was one thing she was good at, it was putting others above herself in situations where the both of them need help.


Evangel turned him around so that he faced her. "Hang in there, hang in there. Breathe. Relax. It's just you and me"

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus heard Eva but was too caught up in trying to his body to relax that he couldn't process it. His body would tense in pulses. Everything, his arms, his jaw, his legs. He wasn't sure why or what his body was tell him in doing so other than that he was freaking out.


He turned when she pretty much forced him to and tried to focus on her. He closed his eyes for a moment and took in a shaky breath before looking back to her.


"I'm going to sit in the shower," He informed her,"You can too, if you want." He was hoping that the hot water would maybe get his body to relax which would maybe help the rest of him relax too becase now he just felt completely out of control. What he really needed was pills but he knew that Eva wouldn't help him.


He stepped around her, stripped from the one piece of clothing that he had, then stepped into the shower and stood right under the boiling hot stream.

 

[kailey]

Evangel watched as Atticus thrashed about, confused and scared. She really didn't know what to do, but she couldn't let him have those pills.


Atticus informed her that he was getting in the shower, and that she could join if she wanted. After the kid removed his boxers and stepped inside, Eva sat there a minute before sliding his shirt over her head, and slipping into the shower.


She started as the steaming hot water made contact with her bare skin. It took her a few moments to get used to it. Evangel stared up at Atticus as the water poured over the both of them. "Hi sweetie. Everything alright, okay? I'm right here with you"

 

[PrincessKaty]

Once Eva had joined him in the shower, he turned to face her. He nodded as he listened to her words.


He'd once watched a documentary on people who had anxiety and they did the exposure thing in an attempt to get rid of it. Apparently, your body could only stay at such a high level of panic for a sort period of time so maybe he just had to sit with it until it went away.. If it went away. God it was so bad.


He felt like he was in a completely different world. His body was there, sure, but he felt like he wasn't there. As if having to give up Eva wasn't enough for his poor soul, his mind decided to start turning on and off memories of his childhood; the whole start of his anxiety in the first place.

 

[kailey]

Eva moved closer to him as the water trickled down her skin. She gently placed a reassuring hand on his arm an smiles up at him. She could tell that he was in a bad place, and she only wanted to help him.





"Atticus, what do I need to do to help you?" She asked him softly. Although they were both naked again in a shower, she didn't notice any of it but the look of panic and sadness on Atticus's face. It was tearing her apart to see him so vulnerable.


Her mind raced as the events of the day played over in her mind. It was overwhelming her, but she knew that it had to be put aside in order to help her best friend. They could get to her issues later once he was feeling better.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus just shook his head at her question. Not so much as a no, but as an 'I don't know'. He didn't he'd never had to deal with it before. Not like this was really bad.


His hands moved from his sides to the sides of her neck, trying to focus on her. He just had to sit with it. It would be over soon.. He kept telling himself that but none of it would stop.


"Please, Eva. You have to let me," He told her quietly, glancing in the direction of the counter top before looking at back at her. He felt bad asking, as if he was going to disappoint her or something but he didn't feel himself coming down from the attack anytime soon. He knew that the pills only silenced it all for a sort amount of time, but it was better than nothing.. Right? He didn't even know anymore. He just wanted to be better.

 

[kailey]

Evangel turned her cheek into his hand and closed her eyes a second, brooding on his question. She knew it wasn't good on him to rely on the medication to cure his anxiety, but at the same time... Nothing the two of them were trying was helping either.


With a sigh, the girl looked up into Atticus's sad eyes and gave a slight nod. She didn't know what else to do. Although reluctant to, she stepped away from him so he could grab what he needed. She remained in the shower, staring at the wall as it felt like she felt powerless to do anything.





"I'm so sorry... " she whispered not really to him in particular. She felt as if this whole ordeal over the past few days was her fault, and it probably was. She gulped and smoothed back her wet hair, taking deep breaths to keep herself calm. Focus on Atticus.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus gave Eva a sad look when she nodded. He felt terrible for doing it. It wasn't her fault at all. Or his either. It was his stupid mind tricking him.


He stepped out of the shower when she moved away from him and although he was dripping wet, he stood in front of the sink, searching for what he wanted. Where was it, where was it... A bottle of Valium. That would work.


He opened up the bottle with his shaky hand and took two without even blinking. It was so second nature to him to pop pills it was almost sad. He knew it'd take a minute to kick in but knowing that it would help him soon put him at ease a little bit.


He returned to the shower where he'd been before and looked down at Eva. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her close to him, feeling terrible. About everything. Not only his completely mental break but what he'd said to her. It wasn't that telling her to go be with Jace was taboo or something but it wasn't what he wanted and he wasn't sure if it was what she wanted either. He didn't know. He just felt bad.

 

[kailey]

As Atticus came back in, he wrapped his arms around her and she began to calm down a little. She felt safe pressed up against his chest. He was significantly taller than her, so her head only went to about his collarbone. She sighed deeply and wrapped her own arms around his middle.





"Please don't make me," she muttered suddenly, talking about Jace. She felt as if his breakdown had something to do with him telling her to leave and go to him, but she wasn't sure. She wasn't sure she could even face the football star after today. Maybe just... Running away was a good option?


Evangel had a logical mind, so she knew she couldn't just run from all of this. "I don't know what do do, Atticus, but I don't want to leave you" she murmured, her tone sounding determined. How could she just act as if none of that had happened and move on with her not so special life, constantly hiding her true self from the entire group of people she found herself around on a day to day basis. She would go insane if she had to keep it up any longer, and that wouldn't be good for anyone.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus shook his head a little bit. "I'm not," He told her quietly. He couldn't force her to be with Jace and he knew that. Part of him still thought that maybe it would be better if she was but she seemed pretty determined in sticking around and he was more than okay with it.


Things had been a lot better when she and him had hung out more regularly. He wasn't saying that he was completely codependent on Eva to make him feel happy or at ease but it helped, for sure. So even if, and it made him sick to think about, if she did decide to go back to Jace, he just wanted more time with her alone.


"Then don't leave me. Don't ever leave," He told her. He knew that earlier he denied her when she said something about staying here and hiding and although he knew she didn't mean it 100% seriously, he wouldn't mind it if she did. He just wanted her to be happy and if staying and being with him made her happy, then so be it. "Just stay until you know what to do."

 

[kailey]

Evangel nodded in response to Atticus, trying to think everything through. No matter what she did, the whole entire school would know. She couldn't just stay with Jace when Atticus, standing in front of her, made her feel so happy and wonderful and loved and everything she would ever need from someone. But it wasn't fair to Jace to just break up out of nowhere.





"Do I... Play it cool for a few days and kind of slowly distance myself from him?" She asked him. Maybe if she kind of transitioned into it, her leaving him wouldn't be too painful. Besides, she was sure that he would be able to find another prettier girl that fit his standards better than she did.





"I just wanted to make him see that he's more than some arrogant football star. I loved him, I really did but... Maybe I'm just not cut out for someone like that." Eva muttered quietly into Atticus's chest. She was saying her thoughts out loud so that maybe it would all come together for her. Things seemed so much more real when they were out in the open and not just in your mind.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus wasn't sure if he was the best for relationship advice so all he said was,"I.. Guess?" He didn't know the first thing about breaking up with someone. He'd never had any relationships. Hook-ups, yes. Atticus use to get with girls left and right and he had a few friends-with-benefits situations before but never an actual relationship. It was all for the same reason that he told Eva to go be with Jace instead.


He frowned, listening to her. As much as he hated the kid, he did feel a little bad for him. He was a bad situation and he couldn't help but feel part of it was his fault. He'd put Eva in this situation.


He looked down at her and put his hand on the side of her cheek. "I know you did. And It's not you.. He'll figure it out. Just on his own," He assured her, not wanting her to feel like she'd failed Jace or something. It was weird to be comforting her about him but he was her best friend and that's what friends did, right? His biggest fear at this point was Eva breaking up with Jace and then Jace having a come to Jesus about about much Eva met to him and then Atticus losing her again. He didn't want that to happen.

 

[kailey]

Evangel nodded solemnly and stared at a point beyond Atticus on the wall. That would be best, she decided. She hadn't ever had to break up with anyone either. The only other relationship she had been in was with some kid she'd known from a science class. He ended up breaking it off with her because he moved. She hadn't really liked him too much anyway, but this whole ordeal with Jace was different.


With a heavy sigh, Eva leaned against Atticus for support. She was emotionally and physically exhausted and he seemed to be the only thing she could count on in holding her up. "Are you feeling a little better?"she asked him as she glanced up at him. His anxiety breakdown had been terrifying for the both of them, but he appeared to be doing quite a bit better.


She knew these next few weeks would be hectic, but she wasn't sure if she was prepared for the onslaught of questions that would certainly come her way once her and Jace ceased to be a thing. A random girl in the shadows of social status doesn't just leave the school's precious quarterback without getting shit for it.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus nodded at her question. He was definitely starting to come down from it all. At least he'd taken something this time that was actually meant for anxiety. He could've done something worse.


"Yeah," He answered,"I'm really sorry.." He felt bad for having his break in front of her. He was usually really good at hiding his feelings and everything but sometimes it just got to be too much. People who didn't have anxiety wouldn't understand so he was use to apologizing for his actions. He was sure that it wasn't easy for her to watch him in that state.


He leaned down and kissed Evangel's forehead, then moved so that he was sitting down in the shower, figuring he might as well just chill if they were going to hang out in there. He should probably actually shower but that seemed like a really big task at the moment.


"You don't.. Regret it, do you?" He asked her, referring to sleeping with him. He knew this was really going to change things between each other but that was what he wanted.

 

[kailey]

Evangel smiled warmly at his response. Good, she wanted him to feel better. "There's no need to apologize, Atticus." She said softly as she joined him on the shower's floor. Even in his current state, he still was so damn hot. Eva sighed.


She quickly looked up at his question. Regret it? She absolutely loved it. And it was nice that there wasn't any awkward tension between the two even thought the whole thing was really unexpected. "Of course not," she responded, shaking her head. She suddenly became overcome by worry. Did he?





"Do... Do you?" She whispered quietly, not entirely sure if she wanted to know. Maybe that is what caused his breakdown. She cringed at the idea.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus leaned back on the wall and grinned over at Evangel.


"You know, all the times I thought about us in the shower together, it wasn't under these circumstances," He told her with a smile and a wink. At least his old self was coming back. His flirtatious, easy-going self. At least he was pretty sure that's how he came off when he was well, normal.


He shook his head quickly at her question. "No. God no," He answered her,"It was amazing and I'd do it again in a heartbeat. It was better than I thought it would ever be.. And yes, I thought about it."


He definitely wouldn't have done it if he thought that it may be regrettable later. He'd never want to put Eva through something like that.

 

[kailey]

At Atticus's shower comment, Evangel blushed deeply and looked at the shower floor, a smile forming on her lips. She glanced up and noticed how he was beginning to act more..well, Atticus. It made her smile grow.


She laughed gently as he mentioned how he had thought about having sex with her before. "Yeah, I'm not even sure what we're even still doing in here." She commented, switching back to the topic of showering. Although she said that, she didn't make any move to leave. She wasn't quite sure that she wanted to leave the shower yet.


Relief flooded over her that he didn't regret anything. It would've been very difficult if he had. "So... Now what do we do?" She was suddenly very aware of both of their exposed self's, just sitting on the floor of Atticus's shower.

 

[PrincessKaty]

Atticus grinned, glad to see Eva smiling at his stupid lines. He shrugged, looking up at the shower head. "It's warm," He answered. It wasn't a very good answer but the shower was relaxing and some-what comforting considering what had just happened to him.


"In general or right now?" He asked in a response to her question, wondering how he would go about answering. He wasn't sure about the whole in general thing because he was trying his best to forget about Jace for the time being. He hadn't had time alone with Eva in almost a month and he was going to make the most of it just in case, God forbid, anything change. As far as in the moment went, he could come up with a few ideas. It was still morning, considering she'd come over at five in the morning, so they still had a whole day ahead of them.