Other This might sound random but I need some help

[KAOS]

I am to be a guest in three day event wedding. I wasn't exactly nervous till like last night when my husband made a mention of it and when I was going to put my but into gear into getting a dress. I was like, ohmygosh I'm going to a wedding with essentially millionaires and it's like in four days and I don't have a dress, I don't have makeup, I certainly need a hair cut. I live frugally and have not work makeup in probably ten years. I'm so out of the loop.

Friends, what is some affordable makeup for a medium skin girl? That's not like 98 dollars lol Also, any advice on where to shop for a curvy size 10-12? Affordable shape wear out there? Like, I should of been prepared. *smacks face hard* OWCH. Also like how fancy should I look? My husbands suit is like $300.00. Spending money gives me a heart attack so any advice is so welcome.


Have a great day everyone! *laughsnervously*

 

[davy]

Dresses cost less than suits of the same fanciness usually, I think. (Suit is more fabric, more specifically tailored, and typically gets a lot more reuse.)

A black or grey mid-length dress, or maybe navy, you'll probably be able to wear more times for other occasions since it's neutral colored.

Unfortunately I was never much good at girl things, so I can't really help on makeup and shape wear. I do wonder how the cost of getting makeup done at a salon compares with buying good makeup, since you might not have much chance to use it before it goes bad.

 

[KAOS]

Oh no hey any suggestion is really geat! Like when I mean I'm frugal is like I don't even shop for myself. I have my work uniform and then everything else is hand me down or like literally I pay five bucks for lol So this is really good

It's okay not to be good with makeup. I'm truly not either I may try to go as natural as I can.
OH But getting it done sounds really smart too

 

[davy]

Some of the women I know have done shockingly well with thrifted dresses, so if you have the time, a thrift shop marathon could be a starting point. Especially if you have time to do minor tailoring to improve the fit of what you find. In towns where rich people live, often you can find bridesmaids' dresses and prom dresses in a thrift shop, and the less blinged out ones would be suitable for a wedding.

I'm a trans guy, so now I'm totally fine not being good with makeup, haha. But I avoided it so much because I just can't stand having anything on my face, even lotion or sunscreen drives me mad. So I guess it's lucky I turned out to be the less-makeup-wearing gender. I think going natural or close to it is a solid choice - something my mom told me, is if you don't wear much makeup then people don't expect you to wear it and a little goes a long way.

 

[KAOS]

Ohmygosh your right. There are a few good thrift stores near by and I can't bring myself to spend money on luxury. It wouldn't even matter if I "had" the money lol
But your totally right I should thrift it up! Also totally agree. My skin feeling claustrophobic is why I stopped wearing makeup. It like my skin can breath and I'll throw on mascara.

Thank you so much! Ah maybe they will see me with eye makeup and be like "WHO ARE YOU!"

Thanks again this is good advice and reassurance I don't have to break the bank

Added: I'm not a trans guy but I'm certainly two spirit. I can't change that about me so I naturally look like I'm crossing two boundaries just existing lol
But it's subtle so I get the no makeup comment. So people may be very surprised if I put on mascara lol Even my husband baha

 

[davy]

Yeah, if no one has seen you in makeup you can wow everybody just by doing eyes or lipstick - or so I've heard.

Thrifting can also be super fun if you have any friends who like to shop, who haven't been able to do that with you since you're not a shopper.

I'm technically nonbinary, but rounding myself off to "guy" is often easiest. In-between is hard for people to understand, and there's no way to convey it quickly.

I just remembered - if you did go for minor luxury, Talbot's is where my mom took me when she wanted me to have a basic black dress for formal stuff and job interviews as a teen. (This was before 2010 and I didn't even know I was trans, she wasn't being mean to me or anything.) If I remember right, it's not *too* crazy, but it's the sort of thing upper middle class people buy to look nice in an understated way. My mom likes their clothes because they last a really long time. The employees try to help you shop, which can be a little intimidating, but they're super nice about it and there was no pressure. Thrifting is probably the more fun option, but I figured I should throw that out there in case you need a more expensive last resort. (And if you have one expensive dress, a black cocktail dress is a pretty good choice - wear it with colorful jewlery or scarf at a wedding, with a sweater or jacket at a job interview, etc.)

I hope you have a great time at the wedding, and on your quest for a dress.

 

[KAOS]

It's why I generally don't say anything, truly. Like, I just live my life, as invalid as it is and I accpet it.
A lot of people assume and expect if you identify as an in between you are lumped into being a radical and it's like..buddy I'm just existing.
For me, it's genetic. *shrugs* my dad came out as two spirit right before he died. I had been out for a while but I mean I don't make an effort
at explaining anything and I'm so not radical or political. I'm quiet the idiot *nods*

Also yes minimal is going to be best. I have some really really fancy pants I might wear with a nice top. To be honest then buy a random thrift dress for another day. It's three days. I keep forgetting. I need several outfits eihaohrao

 

[davy]

That's so valid though. You shouldn't have to fight for your gender and its okay not to.

Oh yeah, nice pants + top is good. And if you happen to find one, a blazer with unlined stretchy sleeves (= comfy) is a versatile item and can make an otherwise feminine outfit feel more gender affirming - or at least for me it does.

 

[KAOS]

Oh my gosh love blazers. I love them. And I totally agree super netural and very comfortable and versitle. See I'm leaning not more towards those fancy pants. (which are a little loud but whatever) a nice top and blazer. That way layers right!
Yeah see already getting a bit more confidant

 

[davy]

Yay!!!!

 

[KAOS]

So, update, my husband insists I wear a dress. I HATE being that person. I HATE IT. I hate being like.... I'd be more comfortable in pants... *words fade into the ether*
Its not even like can't do it. I can do it. But the dress he wants me to wear is a dress I got for a pink themed bridal shower. Which was literally the first pink dress I saw anywhere and it's HIDIOUS. Like I'm a pink beach ball with balloon arms. I try to be good. I try try so hard but its like your pushing me here. Pink balloon noooo wayyyyyy. I was like what about my fancy pants? And he's like my sister wants dresses only and I'm like okay whatever. Part of me is like. Okay, you all want me to go super feminine. Here it goes. Go all crazy and there like who are you? And I'll be like. I HAVE NO IDEA!

Seriously I'm half laughing through this whole situation because it's really just me being uncomfortable like a day. I can do it.

inner voice - butnotinapinkballoondress

 

[starboob]

ooof, i feel for you. irl i'm a butch lesbian and have definitely been positions where i was pressured to be more feminine -- obviously you and your situation are different, but i do feel for you. it's uncomfortable. it feels like wearing a costume. and most of all, you just don't feel as confident in clothes that do not match you.

if there's no pushing back on not wearing a dress, i would at least see if there's time to find one that is not a hideous pink balloon dress.

if you can find some time to go dress shopping at a thrift store in a ritzy neighborhood, i would recommend that and perhaps trying to find a floor length dress with a decent quality fabric to help elevate the look. and to start, i would think about your colors / the ones you feel most confident in. then once you have a base color or vibe in mind, thinking about whether or not you'd want to go with a pattern or smth solid, and finally what silhouette effect you'd be most comfortable in. depending on the weather, you could even throw on a shawl / pashmina -- having something to cover myself in always helped when i was told dresses were mandatory.

really sorry about this

 

[KAOS]

ooof, i feel for you. irl i'm a butch lesbian and have definitely been positions where i was pressured to be more feminine -- obviously you and your situation are different, but i do feel for you. it's uncomfortable. it feels like wearing a costume. and most of all, you just don't feel as confident in clothes that do not match you.

if there's no pushing back on not wearing a dress, i would at least see if there's time to find one that is not a hideous pink balloon dress.

if you can find some time to go dress shopping at a thrift store in a ritzy neighborhood, i would recommend that and perhaps trying to find a floor length dress with a decent quality fabric to help elevate the look. and to start, i would think about your colors / the ones you feel most confident in. then once you have a base color or vibe in mind, thinking about whether or not you'd want to go with a pattern or smth solid, and finally what silhouette effect you'd be most comfortable in. depending on the weather, you could even throw on a shawl / pashmina -- having something to cover myself in always helped when i was told dresses were mandatory.

really sorry about this

Oh my gosh thank so much for the support. I don't know, I mean I have curves but I'm also very muscular. So I mean I was actually thinking maxi floor length myself. It could give the protective feeling of pants. Oh yes a shawl! I'm doing that!

 

[KAOS]

It was nice to vent to my mother about it during our picnic today. I was like HE WONT LET ME WEAR MY FANCY PANTS!
And she's like BUT THEY ARE SO FANCY! We both agreed like maxi dress probably would be better.

I love my mom so funny but she speaks true they are very nice fancy pants

 

[davy]

Aaaaaa that sucks so much! Maxi dress sounds like a very good plan.

 

[mother of sorrows]

if you have the option of that, you could maybe check out if there are any companies that rent out fancier clothes for events? i know a lot of people that go with that option, since that's far less expensive than buying a brand new dress you might never wear again. 0: plus, full prices for fancy dresses could make someone faint tbh

 

[KAOS]

if you have the option of that, you could maybe check out if there are any companies that rent out fancier clothes for events? i know a lot of people that go with that option, since that's far less expensive than buying a brand new dress you might never wear again. 0: plus, full prices for fancy dresses could make someone faint tbh

Actually I might be doing this. I dunno people are taking me shopping tomorrow.

 

[KAOS]

I swear this story keeps evolvign into something more redicuous lol the maid of honor wants to take me shopping.
WHY WHYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
But whatever I'll let her get me everything and pay for it too nyahahaha

Seriously though. This is two days out of my life. I can sausage myself into anything for like four to six hours of my life. I can do this no problem.

ithinkicanithinkicanithinkican