Jet
Uncultured
There are many RPN members and each falls into a niche or three. Which one(s) are you in? Know of one I didn't mention? Post it up and I'll add it in. Please remember this is all in good fun. I fall under some of these umbrellas as well as everyone else. It's about moderation, or a lack there-of.
See that cacoon on the tree, that little green fucker? That's the self inserter fresh off the press. Here to power trip or attention grab they've yet to explore real writing and keep making clones of themselves. These clones will often fall under one of three sub-types, but there are many others. The "big three" are --
A. The demigod who is here to shit on your soul.
B. The attention pit who is here to absorb pity, sympathy, or some other form of attention. It's easiest to grab attention with those two though, because it plays on our goodwill.
C. The rogue, echoing their irl doomer outlook. The self-insert rogue will often be grizzled with a thousand yard stare. It's the ex marine in the zombie apocolypse who's only hard counter is his own trusty .45 when he decides "God damn it, I've seen too much of this shit" . These characters manifest in other ways such as the wayward loner, or the disconnected character who never interacts with others. Bank on these writers complaining when they're ignored.
Self inserters are young creatures, still standing shaky. Just look at them wobble on those shitty fledgling legs! So don't crack down on them, we've all been there before..... Some longer than others but we've all been there at one point. So show them the light, guide them to it.... Or be doomed forever IC by their infinite dodge speed, attention seeking behavior and lack of interaction.
He's the Michael Jordan of your RP; and not because he's the best writer of all time. It's because every post (like every game MJ played) is game seven of the NBA finals. He's here to dominate, to write 1457 word posts that most people tune out of and skim because they don't have time for this shit. He's a god damn artist and you'll pay him some fucking respect you shitty subpar animal. Your posts don't even hit 1000 words.... You pathetic waste of life you. I bet you crap in urinals with post lengths like that? 980 was it? Lmao what a short busser.
The Autor is convinced they are the best at what they do. Sure their IC dialogue comes in unrealistic monologue paragraphs and they use redundant observations to pad their writing. I know I know, their characters behave unrealistically and force others into non-action because of how long their interaction posts are, but did you see how many syllables he had in word #1847?
Being an Autor in moderation can be a good thing. Allow it to go unchecked and you have a menace of the RPN streets.
These hanger ons might be fantastic writers. They might be great assets to your RP in general.
But what are they best at? Simping! May god have mercy on Casanova's soul.
If you ever see me post, STAY AWAY! Interacting with me IC is like getting captured by Al Queda. You might live to see sunlight one day, but youre gonna spend a lot of fucking time locked up, unmoving and trapped underground talking to cave rats. Sometimes I say I'm gonna post then ghost OOC all week because "my house burned down"
Oh shit wait, I said that last weekend too? Ummm.....
Yeah just a terrible run of luck I guess, back to back houses.
Bonus points if I'm toxic to RP management. LOL ITS SO FUNNY! Imma hang out in your server, contribute nothing and then critique how you run things!
These fools really write like fifteen words and dip out, they don't explain shit... ever.
These Mansonites want the world to burn, and now they're in your discord server. This nihilistic force of willpower will write edgelord characters with such dark-steeped backgrounds its actually impressive. It's best to leave this unique animal alone, you don't want them to rage at you because rhey might DM you a cursed image.
8. The moisture farmer
They're George Bush, your tears are Arabian oil. Prepare your eyes to get sympathy fucked by a cruise missile of terrible news, tragic characters, abuse, orphanages and psychopathic manipulation. This person is out for one thing and it's not blood. It's your attention. I mentioned this before under self insert but this is an entire archetype in and of itself. The moisture farmer is probably dealing with some IRL shit so give them some slack, but DAMN SON. If you need therapy they got therapists, people on RPN aren't here to feel bad for you or you by-proxy of your tragic ass characters that you continually talk about.
Look Farmer, we got your back but we don't exist to have your back. Stay strong my child.
Rules are made to be tested, GMs meant to be broken. No rule is hard and fast, nothing is sacred or holy. The boundaries you set for your RP are dogshit, and the habitual line stepper will inform you of this. Without being disrespectful enough for the boot, the Habitual Line Stepper (known scientifically as HLS) will push and prod and poke the GM to get the desired outcome. Even more troubling is their tenacity, when denied it won't stop them. No-no stupid GM trying to run a fun RP, HLS is ready for the hard block. They might ignore it, forcing you into a tough position. They might try to re-word it or sneak it through. They might try and get the same goal through a different approach entirely. Coming at it from a new angle you may not know is connected.
HLS is the #1 leading cause of GM death. Nothing demoralizes/annoys GMs more than this plague. If you experience symptoms of HLS issue a warning and then boot when they flaunt it. Don't be a statistic, help us fight HLS. You are the difference!
Who cares if it's a match made in "Will it blend"? This player will force it like a toddler slamming circle on square. Attempts to talk down Shoehorner (let's call him SH) will result in the answer "But it's a RP I can make whatever character I want" even if it's a cyborg in 1820. Something something time travel, yada yada yada. Combine this archetype with the Habitual Line Stepper for maximum fireworks.
As discussion section people we all have a little Wine Critic in us, but keep it contained. Dont become the dude on the elephant brain chair.
The BBCode addict lives for the thrill of shiny boarders and mid post tabs. Nothing is more satisfying than the feeling pressing "post" on the DaVinci code and seeing some hallmark ass shit pop up. The content inside of the code is secondary, the code is all the matters. These cultists demand code from those around them as well, and if GMing they will demand poor Timmy and Billy use code even if they're on a 1998 Nokia flip phone. This person is the student who color coded the drawers holding their color coding markers. The motherfucks who spent more time on the outline than the paper. Here's an exclusive inside look at one of these coding experts at work....
Its absolutely magnificent to watch isn't it? I love a good code user, the gymnastics they go through to put my eyes through gymnastics is incredible. Best of luck to mobile users who have to deal with this rare breed of RPN member. Well... Rare these days anyway. At one point almost half of all RPs required coded character sheets. Thank God it was a short lasting fad. What a dark time in this website's history.
Cyka Blyat pussy, I run this RP and you're lucky to be here. The Stalin is an authoritarian GM who fails to understand that they need the players as much as the player needs the GM. Ol' Stalin over here will shut down anything that doesn't fit their narrow view and loves nothing more than blocking player requests at the rim. At least Stalin is a hard counter for Habitual Line Stepper, but with everyone else the Stalin is disaster comrade. RPs require give and take, and commadore over here is all about the take, plus redistribution to their own ego after they lock you up like prime Bill Russell.
Look Stalin, maybe you should go write a book if you want 100% creative control. We aren't your slaves and your story isn't winning Pulitzers so stop with the ego trip and let people create a little.
Then you check the RP's OOC discord, and there it is. Every week for the last seventeen years the IHG has posted about the RP as if it never died. IHG is a curious beast, a sad beast, a mildly obsessed with the RP beast who can't call it.
He's been asking about the next arch since 1962 like the Japanese soldier who lived in the jungle until 1970 because he thought WW2 was still happening. He's convinced that the GM and everyone else is on a five month hiatus, so he sits waiting like an abandoned dog. It's fucking sad man, and not in a mean way. It's legitimately sad, someone build the heart to tell him she's dead and gone.
Bringing us to the Unicorn Collector, a person who must have an entirely unique character with no parallel to anything. They will do whatever it takes, from climbing the Himalayas to trawling the most obscure sections of furry pinterest for the one character that no one in history has made. This often ends with a mutated looking bastard with some fringe ability or unreal history, all for the sake of originality. A+ for effort but listen Collector, you're gonna have a fucking heart attack by 20 if you keep going like this. Everything has been done, the originality lay with the writing.
1. The Self Insert
See that cacoon on the tree, that little green fucker? That's the self inserter fresh off the press. Here to power trip or attention grab they've yet to explore real writing and keep making clones of themselves. These clones will often fall under one of three sub-types, but there are many others. The "big three" are --
A. The demigod who is here to shit on your soul.
B. The attention pit who is here to absorb pity, sympathy, or some other form of attention. It's easiest to grab attention with those two though, because it plays on our goodwill.
C. The rogue, echoing their irl doomer outlook. The self-insert rogue will often be grizzled with a thousand yard stare. It's the ex marine in the zombie apocolypse who's only hard counter is his own trusty .45 when he decides "God damn it, I've seen too much of this shit" . These characters manifest in other ways such as the wayward loner, or the disconnected character who never interacts with others. Bank on these writers complaining when they're ignored.
Self inserters are young creatures, still standing shaky. Just look at them wobble on those shitty fledgling legs! So don't crack down on them, we've all been there before..... Some longer than others but we've all been there at one point. So show them the light, guide them to it.... Or be doomed forever IC by their infinite dodge speed, attention seeking behavior and lack of interaction.
2. The 'Autor'
He's the Michael Jordan of your RP; and not because he's the best writer of all time. It's because every post (like every game MJ played) is game seven of the NBA finals. He's here to dominate, to write 1457 word posts that most people tune out of and skim because they don't have time for this shit. He's a god damn artist and you'll pay him some fucking respect you shitty subpar animal. Your posts don't even hit 1000 words.... You pathetic waste of life you. I bet you crap in urinals with post lengths like that? 980 was it? Lmao what a short busser.
The Autor is convinced they are the best at what they do. Sure their IC dialogue comes in unrealistic monologue paragraphs and they use redundant observations to pad their writing. I know I know, their characters behave unrealistically and force others into non-action because of how long their interaction posts are, but did you see how many syllables he had in word #1847?
Being an Autor in moderation can be a good thing. Allow it to go unchecked and you have a menace of the RPN streets.
3. OOC Casanova
No woman in the discord is safe from his uncomfortable advances. Every day the OOC Casanova looks up "When will VR sex over the internet be invented?" because he wants them digital cheeks. It matters not that he can't actually get them, you're female and he's laying ethernet cable. No it's not a coincidence that he only talks in the server when female RPers are around. No it's not platonic when he wants to ship with your characters. No it's not reasonable to ask "RPNGirl87" what her address and SSN is.
These hanger ons might be fantastic writers. They might be great assets to your RP in general.
But what are they best at? Simping! May god have mercy on Casanova's soul.
4. The person that doesn't actually RP
Fuck writing, bitch. What's more important is that my pet iguana has diabetes. Let me tell you all about it instead of writing my first post three weeks after I joined the RP. I'm basically here for socializing, idk how I'm even here or why. At some point I felt like writing and maybe next month I will but fuck if I will now, or tomorrow, or the next day.
If you ever see me post, STAY AWAY! Interacting with me IC is like getting captured by Al Queda. You might live to see sunlight one day, but youre gonna spend a lot of fucking time locked up, unmoving and trapped underground talking to cave rats. Sometimes I say I'm gonna post then ghost OOC all week because "my house burned down"
Oh shit wait, I said that last weekend too? Ummm.....
Yeah just a terrible run of luck I guess, back to back houses.
Bonus points if I'm toxic to RP management. LOL ITS SO FUNNY! Imma hang out in your server, contribute nothing and then critique how you run things!
5. SHIPPER
The shipper is an odd creature. They often have many more characters than the usual, and every one will be paired with someone. Shippers can be an asset at times, a curse at others. The shipper is almost an auctioneer, advertising fictional sex wares like a traveling merchant. Shippers are often great people who love romance but they can also be complete creeps, perverts, erotic writers looking for partners or desperate for affection. It's a mixed bag of parts and who knows what you'll get from this enigmatic creature. Whatever the case is, they see the attractive FC you posted and they know a character wanting to pipe.
6. The one liner
These fools really write like fifteen words and dip out, they don't explain shit... ever.
7. The OOC psychopath edgelord
This weird example of humanity gone wrong often says shit that's banned by the Geneva convention. They watched Naruto when they were eleven, saw Sasuke acting like a little bitch and said to themselves -- "THAT RIGHT THERE, IMMA BE THAT!" this product of Zumies and Hot Topic can be found at the mall looking for bumperstickers. No they don't have a car, it's for their mirror or dresser. They hate God, hate you, want to see you die and their characters are 2008 cringelords.
These Mansonites want the world to burn, and now they're in your discord server. This nihilistic force of willpower will write edgelord characters with such dark-steeped backgrounds its actually impressive. It's best to leave this unique animal alone, you don't want them to rage at you because rhey might DM you a cursed image.
8. The moisture farmer
Look Farmer, we got your back but we don't exist to have your back. Stay strong my child.
9. Habitual Line Stepper
Rules are made to be tested, GMs meant to be broken. No rule is hard and fast, nothing is sacred or holy. The boundaries you set for your RP are dogshit, and the habitual line stepper will inform you of this. Without being disrespectful enough for the boot, the Habitual Line Stepper (known scientifically as HLS) will push and prod and poke the GM to get the desired outcome. Even more troubling is their tenacity, when denied it won't stop them. No-no stupid GM trying to run a fun RP, HLS is ready for the hard block. They might ignore it, forcing you into a tough position. They might try to re-word it or sneak it through. They might try and get the same goal through a different approach entirely. Coming at it from a new angle you may not know is connected.
HLS is the #1 leading cause of GM death. Nothing demoralizes/annoys GMs more than this plague. If you experience symptoms of HLS issue a warning and then boot when they flaunt it. Don't be a statistic, help us fight HLS. You are the difference!
10. The shoehorning bastard
You made your RP last week. It's a nice fantasy setting with all the typical trappings. Bows and arrows, swords and staffs, dragons and a time traveling celebrity singer from 2027? That's right! Because nine years and fifty five weeks ago (ten years before you invented your RP) the Shoehorner made his character. He loves this character and he loves your RP, but both together? That's fucking money, who cares if the marriage makes no sense? Basically, fuck your immersion, it's a free country
Who cares if it's a match made in "Will it blend"? This player will force it like a toddler slamming circle on square. Attempts to talk down Shoehorner (let's call him SH) will result in the answer "But it's a RP I can make whatever character I want" even if it's a cyborg in 1820. Something something time travel, yada yada yada. Combine this archetype with the Habitual Line Stepper for maximum fireworks.
11. Wine Critic
WC has never mashed a grape in his fucking life but will tell you why your grapes suck. This hyper critical member of RPN is looking for things about your RP to call terrible. WC is a rare specimin, 1/1000 but (grizzled sailor voice) "Aye, they exist laddy". WC is not to be confused with Grammar Nazi, who will be touched on next. The wine critic is looking for structural stuff, big picture things from lore to logistics and RP setup. You can find this Pokémon bouncing around discussion threads with extremely high expectations. Yet they never host a god damn thing.
As discussion section people we all have a little Wine Critic in us, but keep it contained. Dont become the dude on the elephant brain chair.
12. The BBC (code) Addict ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
The BBCode addict lives for the thrill of shiny boarders and mid post tabs. Nothing is more satisfying than the feeling pressing "post" on the DaVinci code and seeing some hallmark ass shit pop up. The content inside of the code is secondary, the code is all the matters. These cultists demand code from those around them as well, and if GMing they will demand poor Timmy and Billy use code even if they're on a 1998 Nokia flip phone. This person is the student who color coded the drawers holding their color coding markers. The motherfucks who spent more time on the outline than the paper. Here's an exclusive inside look at one of these coding experts at work....
13. Stalin
Cyka Blyat pussy, I run this RP and you're lucky to be here. The Stalin is an authoritarian GM who fails to understand that they need the players as much as the player needs the GM. Ol' Stalin over here will shut down anything that doesn't fit their narrow view and loves nothing more than blocking player requests at the rim. At least Stalin is a hard counter for Habitual Line Stepper, but with everyone else the Stalin is disaster comrade. RPs require give and take, and commadore over here is all about the take, plus redistribution to their own ego after they lock you up like prime Bill Russell.
Look Stalin, maybe you should go write a book if you want 100% creative control. We aren't your slaves and your story isn't winning Pulitzers so stop with the ego trip and let people create a little.
14. The Irrational Hope guy
The date is October 15th, you look at the RP page and the last post was June 12th. It's been seventeen years of internet time since the grass stirred..... And yet something calls. You check DMs and it's clear, you check Twitter and FB and it's clear, you check your voicemail and it's clear. What is it that's calling to you????????????????????
Then you check the RP's OOC discord, and there it is. Every week for the last seventeen years the IHG has posted about the RP as if it never died. IHG is a curious beast, a sad beast, a mildly obsessed with the RP beast who can't call it.
He's been asking about the next arch since 1962 like the Japanese soldier who lived in the jungle until 1970 because he thought WW2 was still happening. He's convinced that the GM and everyone else is on a five month hiatus, so he sits waiting like an abandoned dog. It's fucking sad man, and not in a mean way. It's legitimately sad, someone build the heart to tell him she's dead and gone.
15. The Unicorn Collector
I don't have a meme for this one, fuck u, you'll take DieHard.gif and like it you cave dweller. The Unicorn Collector is a person who is obsessed with having Unicorn characters. If you don't understand this concept watch more NBA content (shoutout The Jump on ESPN with Rachel Nichols). A unicorn is a once in a lifetime player who has a completely unique build and skillset. A 1/1,000,000,000 person.
Bringing us to the Unicorn Collector, a person who must have an entirely unique character with no parallel to anything. They will do whatever it takes, from climbing the Himalayas to trawling the most obscure sections of furry pinterest for the one character that no one in history has made. This often ends with a mutated looking bastard with some fringe ability or unreal history, all for the sake of originality. A+ for effort but listen Collector, you're gonna have a fucking heart attack by 20 if you keep going like this. Everything has been done, the originality lay with the writing.
I will be adding more, stay tuned if this entertained you.
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