Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
~ Between the Photographs ~
An unlikely friendship, a haunted past, and everything in between.
Between myself and @Bumbling Bee
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Between the Photographs [private]
- Thread starter Little
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~ Between the Photographs ~
An unlikely friendship, a haunted past, and everything in between.
Between myself and @Bumbling Bee
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
“Jake and Claire. Greg and Sebastian. Katy and Al─” The voice continued to drone on, seeming to be pairing up people randomly and with no thought at all, but Dallas knew better than that. Mr. Atkins never did anything by accident, and if he did accidently do something, he never wasted the opportunity to turn it into a lesson. But even if he hadn’t already known this, he would have been able to tell by the way a small spark ignited in his eyes each time he read the names off the list that he had hidden behind the podium. To everyone else, it looked as though he was calling names off the top of his head, giving to the illusion this was all by random and chance. Halfway into the class period though, he saw the slight flicker of the man’s eyes downwards, quickly moving across sideways, which could really mean only one thing. He’d already thought of the pairings beforehand─last week or that very morning, he would never know─and written them down. It was clever, but not clever enough to slip past the one and only Dallas Chambers.
“Annnnd, last but not least, Dallas and Tasia.” He looked up from where he’d spaced out and blinked. “Now, I expect everyone to at least have brief ideas for location and what not by tomorrow. Do what you must. Exchange e-mails or whatever you kids use these days and get done what needs to get done by the end of this month.” And with that, he left everyone to pair up with their partners and get to work. Dallas on the other hand was left in his seat feeling dazed, all the while he tried racking his mind to remember what the assignment actually was or more importantly, the due date. He always found out when the due date was for projects and homework, and approximated how much time he could spend slacking off until the last possible minute. For one thing it meant he was almost never stressed until last minute, which of course was only briefly, and for another it meant a decent grade. Sure, he probably wouldn’t ever have his name on the roster for honor roll, but what did a guy like him care?
Guys like Dallas Chambers didn’t care anything about themselves. Guys like him never got too involved in anything or anyone. And most of the time it wasn’t their fault; they’ve been shitted on by everything and everyone for so long they stopped caring and stopped trying. Like Dallas. Maybe he was a little different─instead of caring too little about everything, he gets worked up by just about everything and lashes out─and maybe that wasn’t such a bad thing. For one, it pushed away anyone he didn’t need or anyone that only used him. For another, it allowed a release of all the pent up frustration and anger he harbored in most of the time. While the outbursts and lashes were infrequent, they worked. Dallas couldn’t care any less if they made people avoid him─hell, it was what he wanted. But sitting there in that classroom, he didn’t feel it like he normally did. The kids around him didn’t squirm uncomfortably when he walked by. Didn’t avert their eyes when he glanced at them. And then there was Mr. Atkins. The only teacher on the entire school campus that didn’t write him up when he purposefully disobeyed him or some other crap. Mr. Atkins only calmly asked him to be quiet if he was not going to participate, and that was that. If anything, it confused Dallas more than anything and made him wonder what went on in that head of his; he, just as any teacher did at this point, had the right to hate his guts and send him out at every chance he got. But he didn’t. For a reason he would probably never know, the man kept him around when no one else would.
Just last week, Mr. Atkins had written Dallas up for the first time he’d had him as a student. He’d been dozing off in class as always when the man had been struck with an idea. And while Dallas was too caught up in his irritation at the teacher to realize that this too was by no accident, Mr. Atkins knew what he was doing when he wrote him up every single week. Dallas didn’t go to detention like normal teachers would have sent him to. Hell, Dallas preferred detention next to what Mr. Atkins had him do during his time after school; nothing. Quite literally, they did nothing but talk in the empty classroom once the final bell rang. If Mr. Atkins was in a good mood, he’d even show the boy a few of his students best work that won prizes and crap like that. If not, he’d quietly work away at his desk while Dallas did… well, whatever. As long as he was in the room after school each week, Mr. Atkins didn’t seem to mind what he did. Even if it meant he paced in the room, bored and silent and irritated.
Dallas held the pink slip he’d been given at the near beginning of class when he’d been caught stuffing paper balls in the kid’s hood that sat in front of him. He’d been bored and really had nothing better to do─but something within him prompted him to deliberately be caught so he could be handed that same pink slip from Mr. A. Something inside of him almost wanted to be forced to stay after school with the man for yet another day. It was more odd than it was sad; or so Dallas told himself as he stared down at the slip, oblivious to everyone getting out of their seats around him and moving towards their partners, presumably to start discussing possible locations and all that boring crap Dallas didn’t have time for. Instead, he leaned farther back into his seat, stretched out his legs and stifled a yawn through his hand, finally taking his eyes off of the slip and flickering around the room. Who had he gotten, again? It was someone with a T. And then he saw her─and walking inexplicably towards… him? Trying his best not to grumble under his breath, he tensed and sat up a little straighter in his seat before folding his arms over his chest. It took everything in him not to scowl as he gave her a once over─another preppy girl that was probably nothing more than a shallow wallflower found only to exist in sappy movies or sappy books.
He didn’t say anything as she took a seat next to him, and certainly didn’t want to make the first move. Dallas didn’t know her, for one thing. And for another, he couldn’t really bring himself to care about this stupid assignment, so why should he have to be the one to do all the carrying? She didn’t look like the type to do anything for herself, so already he felt annoyed and unmotivated to do an iota of work. And so, he sat there with his eyes forward and his mouth snapped shut, waiting, praying for the bell to ring. It didn’t.
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nepenthe.
you are the universe ☆
Tasia
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Dallas didn’t say anything for a while, just sat there and let her talk to her heart’s content. He couldn’t bring himself to answer her, seeing how happy she was, because he knew that no matter what he’d say, he’d just take it away. Because that’s what people like him did. Take everyone else’s happiness away, make them like him. So, he reasoned sometimes it was better not to say anything at all. He feigned a glimmer of interest in the pamphlet she’d been excitedly babbling about, but he didn’t put up with that for long. It irritated him, looking at brochures like that. The ones with pictures of happy people on it, seemingly perfect and lost in their happy, happy worlds. But he knew why they were smiling, laughing; they were told to. Were people ever really happy like that? Maybe Tasia was, but Dallas knew he wouldn’t ever be like that. Wouldn’t ever grow as old, as happy as the people in the picture did. So he swiped the pamphlet away with a small scowl and folded in on himself even tighter than he had before, intent on getting as little involved as he could with this girl. She didn’t need him in her life, and he didn’t want her in his life, so he did what he did best; he pushed her away.
“Sure. Whatever,” he said distantly, his eyes vacant, distracted as they wandered elsewhere. Of course, from the outside you couldn’t ever tell what was going on in that head of his. Maybe that was the reason why no one wanted to be around him; they didn’t know half the time if he was going to blow up or walk away. He kept them on their toes like that, kept them guessing. It was a way he deflected any doubt he had about himself, even if it was cheap on his end. It was a way to ensure he was the one in control, and no one else. Because if he was the one in control, no one could hurt him. If he was the one in control, he could take care of himself the same way he’s always taken care of himself. That was just Dallas being Dallas, whether people liked it or not, whether it made him hurt or not.
He didn’t look at the pamphlet because he knew what he’d find. Just like any other brochure or pamphlet, it had a picture on front. Happy people, posing for the camera that they pretended wasn’t there. Putting on a smile even if it wasn’t real, even if it was just for the camera. Pretending. Maybe that’s why he was so upset when he found out he was placed in photography this year; he couldn’t stand people pretending. And in photography, or at least from what he’s seen, that’s all there is; pretend. The shots might be real, but how real are the objects, the people behind the lens? He was the lens, in a way. He saw things for what they were, called all the shots that no one else was willing to make. Everyone else… well, they just happened to be around. He had yet to meet another person like him, which was probably a good thing. The town could only handle one Dallas Chambers around here, never mind two.
So Dallas sat there, listening to whatever Tasia said, nodding his head whenever he was prompted with a question of what he thought. Whatever, he would say. Whatever you want, he would say. Because it didn’t matter. None of this would after it was over, so why bother going into the detail when they could be doing… anything else? There it was again, that thought. A dream, really. A daydream that once crossed in his mind, wouldn’t go away as he fidgeted in his seat. He needed to get out of here. He wanted, needed to do something with his hands. It was hard to breathe, feeling like he was a useless waste of air. Feeling like he was wasting precious, precious time when he could be out there working, out there making memories. Out there living. But he was in here.
He couldn’t take it anymore, listening to her babble and talk and see her smile. Actually smile. As if that was even possible. So, Dallas said what was on his mind instead of passively nodding and going along with it all. Because he couldn’t go along with it anymore. It was too much to handle in one day, and especially now that he had that daydream lurking in the back of his mind.
“Can you please just shut up?” he exploded, his face reddening as he looked at her, anger burning in his eyes. “Did you sniff too much freaking glue as a kid or something? It’s pretty fucking obvious that I. Don’t. Care. So please, for the love of God, shut your goddamn trap. I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do. Just shut up. Jesus.” A pocket of silence fell shortly after he blew up─and not just between them. The whole classroom was looking at them, peering if they dared to see what Dallas would do next. But that’s the thing; he didn’t do anything. He simply sat back into his seat as if nothing had happened, and fiddled with his pencil until the normal chatter returned. Mr. Atkins hadn’t batted an eye. Didn’t move to write him up─again─but just… looked at Dallas, smiling like he knew this would happen all along.
When Dallas got up from his seat, taking his backpack with him, and stormed out of the room, Mr. Atkins was still smiling.
The teacher, once the wooden door was completely closed, got up from his own seat and began making his way to the girl whom he’d paired Dallas with. He offered a soft, sympathetic smile as he reached her desk─the one next to it now empty. “I’m awful sorry about him, Tasia. If you’re willing, you could come after school and meet with him in here? He won’t have much of a choice other than to stay, so you can continue discussing your plans then. I’ll extend the deadline for you two until this Friday if he proves to be… difficult,” he finished with a smile. Then he stood up and walked on over back to his desk, and kept doing what he had been doing.
@Bumbling Bee
“Sure. Whatever,” he said distantly, his eyes vacant, distracted as they wandered elsewhere. Of course, from the outside you couldn’t ever tell what was going on in that head of his. Maybe that was the reason why no one wanted to be around him; they didn’t know half the time if he was going to blow up or walk away. He kept them on their toes like that, kept them guessing. It was a way he deflected any doubt he had about himself, even if it was cheap on his end. It was a way to ensure he was the one in control, and no one else. Because if he was the one in control, no one could hurt him. If he was the one in control, he could take care of himself the same way he’s always taken care of himself. That was just Dallas being Dallas, whether people liked it or not, whether it made him hurt or not.
He didn’t look at the pamphlet because he knew what he’d find. Just like any other brochure or pamphlet, it had a picture on front. Happy people, posing for the camera that they pretended wasn’t there. Putting on a smile even if it wasn’t real, even if it was just for the camera. Pretending. Maybe that’s why he was so upset when he found out he was placed in photography this year; he couldn’t stand people pretending. And in photography, or at least from what he’s seen, that’s all there is; pretend. The shots might be real, but how real are the objects, the people behind the lens? He was the lens, in a way. He saw things for what they were, called all the shots that no one else was willing to make. Everyone else… well, they just happened to be around. He had yet to meet another person like him, which was probably a good thing. The town could only handle one Dallas Chambers around here, never mind two.
So Dallas sat there, listening to whatever Tasia said, nodding his head whenever he was prompted with a question of what he thought. Whatever, he would say. Whatever you want, he would say. Because it didn’t matter. None of this would after it was over, so why bother going into the detail when they could be doing… anything else? There it was again, that thought. A dream, really. A daydream that once crossed in his mind, wouldn’t go away as he fidgeted in his seat. He needed to get out of here. He wanted, needed to do something with his hands. It was hard to breathe, feeling like he was a useless waste of air. Feeling like he was wasting precious, precious time when he could be out there working, out there making memories. Out there living. But he was in here.
He couldn’t take it anymore, listening to her babble and talk and see her smile. Actually smile. As if that was even possible. So, Dallas said what was on his mind instead of passively nodding and going along with it all. Because he couldn’t go along with it anymore. It was too much to handle in one day, and especially now that he had that daydream lurking in the back of his mind.
“Can you please just shut up?” he exploded, his face reddening as he looked at her, anger burning in his eyes. “Did you sniff too much freaking glue as a kid or something? It’s pretty fucking obvious that I. Don’t. Care. So please, for the love of God, shut your goddamn trap. I’ll do whatever it is you want me to do. Just shut up. Jesus.” A pocket of silence fell shortly after he blew up─and not just between them. The whole classroom was looking at them, peering if they dared to see what Dallas would do next. But that’s the thing; he didn’t do anything. He simply sat back into his seat as if nothing had happened, and fiddled with his pencil until the normal chatter returned. Mr. Atkins hadn’t batted an eye. Didn’t move to write him up─again─but just… looked at Dallas, smiling like he knew this would happen all along.
When Dallas got up from his seat, taking his backpack with him, and stormed out of the room, Mr. Atkins was still smiling.
The teacher, once the wooden door was completely closed, got up from his own seat and began making his way to the girl whom he’d paired Dallas with. He offered a soft, sympathetic smile as he reached her desk─the one next to it now empty. “I’m awful sorry about him, Tasia. If you’re willing, you could come after school and meet with him in here? He won’t have much of a choice other than to stay, so you can continue discussing your plans then. I’ll extend the deadline for you two until this Friday if he proves to be… difficult,” he finished with a smile. Then he stood up and walked on over back to his desk, and kept doing what he had been doing.
@Bumbling Bee
nepenthe.
you are the universe ☆
Tasia
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Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
[SIZE=14.6667px]Dallas didn’t greet Mr. Atkins when he walked in; couldn’t even stomach a quick glance towards the teacher because he was so mad. More than anything, he felt betrayed by Atkins, as if by him pairing Dallas with a girl he [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]knew [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]would hate had let him down in some ways words couldn’t quite describe. And it had, in ways only Dallas could see or explain. Because in his mind, he had actually begun to… [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]trust [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]Mr. A. And worst of all, he had allowed himself to fall into the tragic illusion that Mr. Atkins had only wanted to help Dallas, even if by small, seemingly insignificant ways. And look how that turned out for him. He couldn’t decide who he was angrier at; himself, or Mr. Atkins. Finally peering at the dark haired man in the corner of his eye, he decided then that he was more angry with himself. But Dallas, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]the [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]Dallas Chambers, couldn’t ever show that flaw, that weakness, now could he? No. He couldn’t because then that’d mean he was hurt. Dallas Chambers had stopped getting hurt by people a long time ago, when [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]he [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]decided with rationality who or what to trust, not his pathetic little [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]feelings[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]. So, he pretended he wasn’t mad or hurt or confused until he believed it.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]I’m not mad. I’m not hurt. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]It became his mantra until Tasia broke through the class door and the heavy silence behind it. Dallas couldn’t remember why he’d been mad anymore, looking at her. The anger and bitterness and resentment was replaced by something else when she avoided his gaze. Something far heavier, far worse than any of those things he’d been enveloped in before. Guilt. It was his turn to avert his eyes and his turn to squirm. Since when did Dallas Chambers feel something so petty and so sad as guilt? Certainly not over someone he’d quite literally just met, someone he hadn’t known existed a few days ago. It was stupid and made him feel stupid, having this mushy [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]thing [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]lodged in his stomach. It made him remember why he’d been so mad, and only further frustrated and confused him all at once. His head was spinning by the time she sat down because there simply too many thoughts and emotions─sappy crap, as he so fondly called stuff like that─taking him by storm. He wondered if this was how normal people felt things, if this happened to happy, perfect people like Tasia. Probably not. Happy people couldn’t─wouldn’t─let anything happen to their happy little worlds. The thought made him want to laugh. Maybe he really had lost it this time, now thinking about happy people and what they were like, and crap.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Dallas quietly examined her up and down before seriously saying, “I don’t know, you seem more like the marijuana type to me, but you do you.” He shrugged and let the subject drop, afterwards letting a small laugh escape from him. It wasn’t much, but he figured it would be a start. He wanted, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]needed, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]to get rid of that guilt, and if that meant laughing every now and then, he’d be damned if he didn’t. The next sentence, however, caught Dallas off guard. Fumbling for words, he looked at her with that desperately confused look of his he felt he’d been wearing all day long, making him even more flustered and frustrated than he was before. Why the hell would she even have to “slow down” for him? And what the hell was that supposed to mean? Blood poured to his face before he could figure it out for himself. Because the way he took it, slow meant speaking in dumber terms. Making him dumb. He shot out of his seat for the second time that day, his jaw clenched and his fists tight. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he snapped, recoiling away from Tasia. “That I’m slow, or some bullshit? Well here’s news for you, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]sweetheart[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]. Just because I don’t have straight A’s like some stuck-up prick like you doesn’t mean I’m [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]slow [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]in the goddamn [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]head[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px].” He was staring at her now with those sharp eyes of his, chocolate brown when not provoked but a bitter dark coffee when enraged, like they were now. His normally beautiful piano fingers─something only his mom had ever remarked on─were clenched angrily, and whatever resolve he had left to be better around Tasia was gone. Just like that. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]Poof[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]. He knew what he had done was wrong, but he didn’t have it in him to hurt his pride anymore than it already had been that day. Didn’t have it in him to be hurt anymore, or at least show that he was hurt. Because the truth was, he [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]was [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]hurt. Hurt by the fact he had, even mistakenly, concluded that Tasia, no different than everyone else, thought he was nothing more than some washed up loser with no brain. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]I’m not hurt. I’m not mad. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Cooly, he sat back down in his seat, placed his arms back where they’d been before and calmly glanced at her. He wasn’t mad anymore. Or, at least, didn’t look mad anymore. The black coffee in his eyes were gone, replaced by neutral milk chocolate. His piano fingers weren’t clenched, returning color back to his previously white knuckles. Even his expression relaxed a little bit, but he still managed to scowl, even if by slightly when he said, “Whatever. Let’s just get this stupid thing over with.” It had come out as a tired, exasperated sigh. His body sunk a little bit into the chair when he grew silent, trying to ignore Mr. A’s gaze fixed on them. He had used what little fight he had in him, the very last of it, on Tasia. Of all people. He felt like laughing again. Why did he even bother anymore? With anyone? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Jaw clenched again─not because he was mad─he refused to say anything. More or less, it was anything but an act of defiance. It was an act of resignation. Because to him, nothing showed more surrender than silence when he could be filling the void with sarcastic comments, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]mean [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]comments. He just hoped that Tasia would see it that way, and not take it to mean he was being snotty by being reserved. He tried to communicate that to her through his milk chocolate brown eyes. She probably didn’t see it, like most people wouldn’t, but they couldn’t say he didn’t try because he did. As tired as he was, he tried. Maybe not in the right, normal way, but it was the only way he knew how and nobody, goddamn [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]nobody [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]could ever take that away from him.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]“So… where was this again? I think I’ve been there before.” His voice was black coffee, but the words were milk chocolate. He decided that milk chocolate wasn’t so bad, given the right person in the right circumstance. And right now, he was with the right person in the right circumstance. Tasia wouldn’t notice or care. She wouldn’t rat him out to the others that he wasn’t really everything they thought him to be. That he wasn’t everything he thought himself to be, either.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Mr. Atkins perked up from where he sat at his desk, collected a bunch of papers, stacked them neatly into a folder, and stood. “I’ll be right back. Gonna make some copies.” Casual, quick. Maybe even a little forced, but the man was gone before either could put their two cents in. Dallas felt flustered again─he didn’t show this, of course. He played it cool, shrugging nonchalantly, doing all the right things outwardly while he scrambled to make it match inwardly. As usual. Dallas didn’t even really notice anymore, if he were being honest. And why would he have to notice something that didn’t really effect him? It was a waste of time, if you asked him. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]@Bumbling Bee[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]I’m not mad. I’m not hurt. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]It became his mantra until Tasia broke through the class door and the heavy silence behind it. Dallas couldn’t remember why he’d been mad anymore, looking at her. The anger and bitterness and resentment was replaced by something else when she avoided his gaze. Something far heavier, far worse than any of those things he’d been enveloped in before. Guilt. It was his turn to avert his eyes and his turn to squirm. Since when did Dallas Chambers feel something so petty and so sad as guilt? Certainly not over someone he’d quite literally just met, someone he hadn’t known existed a few days ago. It was stupid and made him feel stupid, having this mushy [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]thing [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]lodged in his stomach. It made him remember why he’d been so mad, and only further frustrated and confused him all at once. His head was spinning by the time she sat down because there simply too many thoughts and emotions─sappy crap, as he so fondly called stuff like that─taking him by storm. He wondered if this was how normal people felt things, if this happened to happy, perfect people like Tasia. Probably not. Happy people couldn’t─wouldn’t─let anything happen to their happy little worlds. The thought made him want to laugh. Maybe he really had lost it this time, now thinking about happy people and what they were like, and crap.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Dallas quietly examined her up and down before seriously saying, “I don’t know, you seem more like the marijuana type to me, but you do you.” He shrugged and let the subject drop, afterwards letting a small laugh escape from him. It wasn’t much, but he figured it would be a start. He wanted, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]needed, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]to get rid of that guilt, and if that meant laughing every now and then, he’d be damned if he didn’t. The next sentence, however, caught Dallas off guard. Fumbling for words, he looked at her with that desperately confused look of his he felt he’d been wearing all day long, making him even more flustered and frustrated than he was before. Why the hell would she even have to “slow down” for him? And what the hell was that supposed to mean? Blood poured to his face before he could figure it out for himself. Because the way he took it, slow meant speaking in dumber terms. Making him dumb. He shot out of his seat for the second time that day, his jaw clenched and his fists tight. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]“What the hell is that supposed to mean?” he snapped, recoiling away from Tasia. “That I’m slow, or some bullshit? Well here’s news for you, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]sweetheart[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]. Just because I don’t have straight A’s like some stuck-up prick like you doesn’t mean I’m [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]slow [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]in the goddamn [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]head[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px].” He was staring at her now with those sharp eyes of his, chocolate brown when not provoked but a bitter dark coffee when enraged, like they were now. His normally beautiful piano fingers─something only his mom had ever remarked on─were clenched angrily, and whatever resolve he had left to be better around Tasia was gone. Just like that. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]Poof[/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]. He knew what he had done was wrong, but he didn’t have it in him to hurt his pride anymore than it already had been that day. Didn’t have it in him to be hurt anymore, or at least show that he was hurt. Because the truth was, he [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]was [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]hurt. Hurt by the fact he had, even mistakenly, concluded that Tasia, no different than everyone else, thought he was nothing more than some washed up loser with no brain. [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]I’m not hurt. I’m not mad. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Cooly, he sat back down in his seat, placed his arms back where they’d been before and calmly glanced at her. He wasn’t mad anymore. Or, at least, didn’t look mad anymore. The black coffee in his eyes were gone, replaced by neutral milk chocolate. His piano fingers weren’t clenched, returning color back to his previously white knuckles. Even his expression relaxed a little bit, but he still managed to scowl, even if by slightly when he said, “Whatever. Let’s just get this stupid thing over with.” It had come out as a tired, exasperated sigh. His body sunk a little bit into the chair when he grew silent, trying to ignore Mr. A’s gaze fixed on them. He had used what little fight he had in him, the very last of it, on Tasia. Of all people. He felt like laughing again. Why did he even bother anymore? With anyone? [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Jaw clenched again─not because he was mad─he refused to say anything. More or less, it was anything but an act of defiance. It was an act of resignation. Because to him, nothing showed more surrender than silence when he could be filling the void with sarcastic comments, [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]mean [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]comments. He just hoped that Tasia would see it that way, and not take it to mean he was being snotty by being reserved. He tried to communicate that to her through his milk chocolate brown eyes. She probably didn’t see it, like most people wouldn’t, but they couldn’t say he didn’t try because he did. As tired as he was, he tried. Maybe not in the right, normal way, but it was the only way he knew how and nobody, goddamn [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]nobody [/SIZE][SIZE=14.6667px]could ever take that away from him.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]“So… where was this again? I think I’ve been there before.” His voice was black coffee, but the words were milk chocolate. He decided that milk chocolate wasn’t so bad, given the right person in the right circumstance. And right now, he was with the right person in the right circumstance. Tasia wouldn’t notice or care. She wouldn’t rat him out to the others that he wasn’t really everything they thought him to be. That he wasn’t everything he thought himself to be, either.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]Mr. Atkins perked up from where he sat at his desk, collected a bunch of papers, stacked them neatly into a folder, and stood. “I’ll be right back. Gonna make some copies.” Casual, quick. Maybe even a little forced, but the man was gone before either could put their two cents in. Dallas felt flustered again─he didn’t show this, of course. He played it cool, shrugging nonchalantly, doing all the right things outwardly while he scrambled to make it match inwardly. As usual. Dallas didn’t even really notice anymore, if he were being honest. And why would he have to notice something that didn’t really effect him? It was a waste of time, if you asked him. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.6667px]@Bumbling Bee[/SIZE]
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nepenthe.
you are the universe ☆
Tasia
Tasia was glowing, she felt like her heart was dropped into soft, simmering water and her heart was swelling and warming up. It was weird to her, how happy and excited she got when he made that little joke back, and let out that little laugh. However small, for whatever reason it meant the world to her. It made her happy. Maybe it was the fact that she painted him to be this big bad guy, Nancy went out of her way to call him a ‘dink’, and he had made her cry...but now she managed to get a joke out of him! A laugh! Of all the accomplishments of humanity, Tasia had obtained the most highest achievement and accomplishment in the history of the universe. She made Dallas Chambers laugh. And so what did she do? She began fiddling with the ends of her shirt and giggled, a real giggle with a grin spread so far across her face that her eyes got all squinty and most of her face consisted of her smile. It seemed like her body had been tensed up like a wrung up wash cloth, but once she laughed and her expression lightened, her wash cloth-like body was unfurled and the tense and nervous kinks inside her were smoothed out.
“Yeah -- I tried marijuana but, you know what? It was just a little too tame me. I wanted something more hard,” Tasia piped up with a joking smirk, speaking freely and calmly and comfortably with him - like they were friends. For whatever reason, she seemed to believe that if anyone laughs at a joke of hers and makes a joke back, it automatically makes them friends and all hard feelings go through the window. Because, throughout her life, she had never really met a person who disliked her genuinely before, someone who was really mean to her before and really meant it. So unfortunately for her, she didn’t know how to really deal with it. Any shift in mood that leaned towards something positive, well, she just ate it up. And in her mind, if you start acting more positively towards her then no more hard feelings right?
Well, obviously, she was wrong.
The atmosphere changed so quickly, changed on a dime, and she couldn’t help but feel shock. She couldn’t help but lean back in her seat, away from him, in fear as he shot up and yelled and clenched his fists angrily. At her. She felt embarrassed, embarrassed that she had tried so hard to try to lighten the mood and make things better between them. That she felt pride for accomplishing it, even if it lasted for a matter of one minutes. And that she even agreed to coming after school to discuss their project together. Tasia could be with her best friends right now. She could be supporting her friend’s brave act of confessing to his crush. She could be sitting in Tam’s with a milkshake laughing and joking with people who loved her, people who didn’t yell at her over a misunderstanding.
But instead she sat there in her chair, shrinking and withering away underneath Dallas’s bitter dark coffee, as she blinked away tears. As she blinked away her hurt and tried to hide the painful feelings he had stirred up inside her. She didn’t want people who hurt her to have power over her, and she didn’t want to think that they could do it again. But that’s the thing about Tasia. She likes to say and think all these powerful things, but rarely executes them.
She took a deep breath and edged back into her seat, debating quickly in her mind the best way to respond to this situation. Should she roll over or be mean? Maybe a little bit of both? Maybe this maybe that maybe maybe maybe. She wasn’t good with this kind of stuff.
Finally, she took a deep breath and clasped her hands tightly together in her lap in an effort to conceal the fact that her hands were trembling slightly. “For your information, sweetheart, I wasn’t calling you slow. Maybe instead of snapping at me like a total asshole, you could ask what I meant by that?” Tasia replied with an attitude tinging her voice. It was strong and firm, just like Nancy told her. As she said this, though, she didn’t look at him in the eyes, and kept her gaze on the top of the desk. Her eyes were glazed with a film of forming tears. Her eyes would have totally made her strong front look like a joke.
But she couldn’t keep her feelings at bay for too long -- even if he was being an ass to her, she didn’t want him to misread her intentions by that statement that turned his eyes into coffee. If she meant what he thought she meant, she would have let it go and left it at that. But she didn’t mean it like that. Not at all.
Her voice dropped a couple of octaves and her voice was soft, the corners of her mouth twitching downwards and her heart hurting.
“I didn’t...I didn’t mean it like that. I just...I just meant that...I get that I can be a little...too much when I get excited. I don’t think you’re slow,” Tasia murmured quietly, an abashed look crossing her lightly freckled face. It was a bit painful to admit, but she knew it was true, and if she had to admit and realize that she was a overzealous and annoying when it came to the things she was excited about things to make her and Dallas feel better then...she’d just have to put herself out there on the line. Though she put on a strong front at first, her true self was coming into play again. She was like a toasted marshmallow. She tried to burn and roast her outsides so her insides couldn’t get hurt, but soon her insides tore away that fake toasty shell and revealed what she really felt. She was ooey and gooey and soft. Even if someone hurt her.
However, she didn’t say anything after that. She didn’t try and make another joke and she didn’t try to jump into an excited rant about ‘THE OLYMPICS’ again. Tasia sat quietly in her seat, with her heart thrumming anxiously against her chest. She didn’t say anything for two reasons. One, if she spoke anymore she’d probably end up crying again like the big cry baby she was. And two, what was the point right now? She tried once, she got hurt. She tried again, she got hurt. He obviously didn’t care about her or the project. So maybe it was just better for her to lock herself up in her head and be excited by herself, hype herself up. Maybe then she could be happy and adventurous about the project again. And she wouldn’t be hurt.
But then she heard some milk chocolate words. Still staring at her desk, she blinked in surprise. Surprise that his words seemed to feign an interested and that he was actually asking questions. However, instead of acting like a puppy, who pants happily at their owners - even after they had just been punished - Tasia held back her excitable personality and cast her eyes downwards. She wasn’t going to ignore him, but she wasn’t going to let things be fine and happy again. She was done trying. If he wanted things to be better, then he would have to try this time.
“It’s The Olympics. Out by the freeway, on the I-25,” Tasia replied bluntly, softly. Not making an effort to make conversation, and not giving him the relief of not feeling guilty. Tasia had buried herself in a stubborn rut. If he wanted her to fine and nice with him[like she wish she could], then he would have to address what an ass he was. Maybe even apologize.
Tasia looked up at Mr. Atkins and smiled and nodded at him as he walked off, friendly towards her teacher -- and not devastated that he was leaving the pair alone. She didn’t even really think about it, all she could think about was how wounded and frustrated she was.
@Little Birdy
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Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Whatever happy, lighthearted fun had been in his eyes moments ago was gone, replaced by something foggy and dark. The bitter coffee was drowning whatever milk chocolate that she had brought out of him was left. And after pulling what he had, there was barely any left at all. His mouth now a thin, tight line, he sat forward with his hands, no longer clenched or white-knuckled, placed gently on the desk and his fingers back to drumming against the surface, like they had when she first came in. Funny, how things could change in an instant. Not that Dallas really cared nor noticed. He would say he was used to it and he wouldn’t be lying at all. If anyone knew about his past, they would understand. They would get why he wasn’t fazed by things changing in an instant anymore. Because years and years ago, in an instant, he went from a normal, dare say even sweet, four year old boy, to… something else entirely. His eyes flickered away before he let that thought travel any further.
“I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I just meant that… I get that I can be a little… too much when I get excited. I don’t think you’re slow.”
“Whatever,” he said quietly. As much as a part of him wanted to believe her when she told him he wasn’t slow, he just… couldn’t. Couldn’t even bring himself to look at her even though he technically was in the wrong. Because he knew. Knew that even if she really did believe he wasn’t mentally slow, a part of her probably believed he was emotionally slow. Why else would she say she might be a little “too much” for him, what with the excitement and crap? She believed, just like everyone else, he was emotionally stunted. Or some shit like that. And the scariest thing was, he believed them. Believed that what they said was true. That he didn’t feel anything, and the only reason he ever lashed out was because somewhere deep down, he was a monster. An emotionally stunted and emotionally slow monster. They said other crap like how he wouldn’t ever be capable of loving somebody. And how he wouldn’t ever be loved by anyone other than himself.
Dallas couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think about this shit anymore. He had to say something, anything to make it stop. Make this feeling fucking stop. Please make it stop. PLEASE, STOP.
“Can you just stop?” he snapped, slowly bringing himself back to reality. “I’m not some fucking damaged little puppy that needs to be goddamn housebroken with fucking feelings. So please… stop,” he finished, suddenly out of breath. “Just please... not you too.” His voice slightly cracked with the last sentence. His eyes hardened and his whole body went rigid as he looked away, falling into silence. He needed to breathe. He needed more air. No, what he needed was a goddamn cigarette. Calm his nerves. This is all just nerves, he told himself over and over and over. Just nerves, nothing more. Just nerves. His piano hands were jittery as they fumbled around in pockets of his jean jacket for his Camels, his eyes everywhere but her.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered under his breath, flustered as he rummaged through his backpack until, at last, he found the pack─his last one─and his lighter along with it. His hands still trembled as they pulled out a cigarette, bringing it to the corner of his mouth where it would dangle. He didn’t light it, knowing full well what the fire code was and shit like that. He’d done it before. Got three weeks worth of detention along with a long lecture about how he endangered the lives of everyone in the building and blah blah blah. Bullshit stacked on more bullshit, as Dallas liked to say.
Slinging his backpack on one shoulder, he stood up and made his way to the door. Just before going through the threshold of the door, he said over his shoulder, “I think better out in fresh air.” It was barely anything, but it was something. If anything, it was a excuse to get out of that stuffy classroom and out into the fresh air, just like he said. And plus, he wouldn’t get into trouble with Mr. A. for lighting up in his room. Dallas really, really needed the cigarette, and whether or not she would come with him he would goddamn well have his cigarette. “See you outside, sweetheart." His voice sounded sad, like he didn't expect to see her outside at all. And then he was gone for the second time that day.
Outside, Dallas could breathe. Away from her too, he could at last breathe. The cigarette helped too. He stood underneath a large oak tree in front of the school, his eyes distant as they watched cars whizzing by, counting the seconds until he could leave. If she didn't show for a while, he'd take off. Go to work early, maybe get a late shift along with it. Either way it was a win win. The cigarette dangled out of the corner of his mouth as he exhaled loudly, stuffing his hands inside his pockets as he slid down against the bark, now sitting with his legs pulled closely to his chest. He closed his eyes, taking another long drag in of that sweet, sweet nicotine. He breathed. His hands didn't shake anymore, and his breaths were soft and even now. Like he was asleep. He couldn't remember the last time he got a good nights rest. He took another drag in, watching the smoke disappear into the air.
@Bumbling Bee Milk Chocolate + Marshmallows = Hot Chocolate.
“I didn’t… I didn’t mean it like that. I just… I just meant that… I get that I can be a little… too much when I get excited. I don’t think you’re slow.”
“Whatever,” he said quietly. As much as a part of him wanted to believe her when she told him he wasn’t slow, he just… couldn’t. Couldn’t even bring himself to look at her even though he technically was in the wrong. Because he knew. Knew that even if she really did believe he wasn’t mentally slow, a part of her probably believed he was emotionally slow. Why else would she say she might be a little “too much” for him, what with the excitement and crap? She believed, just like everyone else, he was emotionally stunted. Or some shit like that. And the scariest thing was, he believed them. Believed that what they said was true. That he didn’t feel anything, and the only reason he ever lashed out was because somewhere deep down, he was a monster. An emotionally stunted and emotionally slow monster. They said other crap like how he wouldn’t ever be capable of loving somebody. And how he wouldn’t ever be loved by anyone other than himself.
Dallas couldn’t breathe. Couldn’t think about this shit anymore. He had to say something, anything to make it stop. Make this feeling fucking stop. Please make it stop. PLEASE, STOP.
“Can you just stop?” he snapped, slowly bringing himself back to reality. “I’m not some fucking damaged little puppy that needs to be goddamn housebroken with fucking feelings. So please… stop,” he finished, suddenly out of breath. “Just please... not you too.” His voice slightly cracked with the last sentence. His eyes hardened and his whole body went rigid as he looked away, falling into silence. He needed to breathe. He needed more air. No, what he needed was a goddamn cigarette. Calm his nerves. This is all just nerves, he told himself over and over and over. Just nerves, nothing more. Just nerves. His piano hands were jittery as they fumbled around in pockets of his jean jacket for his Camels, his eyes everywhere but her.
“Fucking hell,” he muttered under his breath, flustered as he rummaged through his backpack until, at last, he found the pack─his last one─and his lighter along with it. His hands still trembled as they pulled out a cigarette, bringing it to the corner of his mouth where it would dangle. He didn’t light it, knowing full well what the fire code was and shit like that. He’d done it before. Got three weeks worth of detention along with a long lecture about how he endangered the lives of everyone in the building and blah blah blah. Bullshit stacked on more bullshit, as Dallas liked to say.
Slinging his backpack on one shoulder, he stood up and made his way to the door. Just before going through the threshold of the door, he said over his shoulder, “I think better out in fresh air.” It was barely anything, but it was something. If anything, it was a excuse to get out of that stuffy classroom and out into the fresh air, just like he said. And plus, he wouldn’t get into trouble with Mr. A. for lighting up in his room. Dallas really, really needed the cigarette, and whether or not she would come with him he would goddamn well have his cigarette. “See you outside, sweetheart." His voice sounded sad, like he didn't expect to see her outside at all. And then he was gone for the second time that day.
Outside, Dallas could breathe. Away from her too, he could at last breathe. The cigarette helped too. He stood underneath a large oak tree in front of the school, his eyes distant as they watched cars whizzing by, counting the seconds until he could leave. If she didn't show for a while, he'd take off. Go to work early, maybe get a late shift along with it. Either way it was a win win. The cigarette dangled out of the corner of his mouth as he exhaled loudly, stuffing his hands inside his pockets as he slid down against the bark, now sitting with his legs pulled closely to his chest. He closed his eyes, taking another long drag in of that sweet, sweet nicotine. He breathed. His hands didn't shake anymore, and his breaths were soft and even now. Like he was asleep. He couldn't remember the last time he got a good nights rest. He took another drag in, watching the smoke disappear into the air.
@Bumbling Bee Milk Chocolate + Marshmallows = Hot Chocolate.
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nepenthe.
you are the universe ☆
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]
She closed her eyes slowly and gently, the corners of her mouth turned down tightly -- kind of like how you’d imagine a prudish old rich lady would frown at her children splashing around in mud while dressed in their Sunday clothes. Her eyelids twitched slightly and she took a deep breath, quietly though. Making sure not to make a spectacle of herself. Because quite embarrassingly, she was starting to cry a little bit. She could feel the warm tears try to push their way onto her cheeks and she could feel that tell-tale feeling of her heart, that feeling of someone grabbing it into their hand and giving it a tight squeeze. Tasia wasn’t going to start sobbing, no, but if she were to allow it a few tears would escape and that was all. It’s just...she was hurt. She was so tired of trying and being energetic, then she was called a druggy. She tried to offer the idea of her being less of a loon, and then she was yelled at. She tried apologizing for something she didn’t even mean, and she was snapped at again. Not only is it hard to try and try and try, only to fail...but it’s also hard being yelled at in such a way. Treated in such a way. She’s simply not used to it, as haughty and privileged as it might see Everyone either didn’t have the heart to be cruel to her -- or they feared Nancy too much. So though she tried to muddle through this situation, she was struggling. Though she wanted to be strong, she could feel herself start to cry.
Tasia tilted her head upwards ever so slightly to try and get her tears to fall back into the sockets of her eyes so they would absorb back into her tear ducts...or whatever happens when you managed to blink tears away. She didn’t want to show him how much control he, a stranger, had over her. Not only did she not want to be embarrassed, but she didn’t want him know what he’s done and feel a sense of power and control. Tasia didn’t want him to think that every time he was annoyed with her he could just scream and yell until she cries and shuts up. What good would that do, especially if they had to keep working together for a while?
Tasia then froze stock still, her eyes suddenly opening. She could feel her cold, wet eyelashes tickle the bottom of her eyebrow as she stared ahead of her, at the chalkboard. The sad cracking of his voice was definite, and there was no doubting it. It surprised her after his passionate spouts of rage, it surprised her to hear something melancholy...something that seemed longing and desperate and tired. Tasia quietly took his series of words in without barely taking a breath, without doing much but sadly blinking and looking down at her desk or the corners of her mouth twitching. Outside, huh? Sweetheart huh?
She didn’t say anything as he walked out of the room, she didn’t look his way. Instead she waited until the empty echoes of his footsteps in the hallway grew further and further. And finally, when she could no longer hear them she leaned forward and put her head down into her arms, which were crossed on the desk. She let out a loud sigh, which was a mixture of ‘uuuuuurrrghhhhhhhhhhh’ and ‘muuuuuuugggghhhh’. She squeezed her hands into tight fists and squeezed her eyes shut and tapped her feet on the ground in an almost fit. Her whole body scrunched up really really tight like she thought if she made her body as taut as possible, all the bad feelings would wring out of her like wringing the water out of a wet towel. It was like she was throwing a temper tantrum. A teenage tantrum.It lasted a mere ten seconds before her whole body slumped against the desk, her arms flopped over the sides like noodles and her shoulders slumped and her head rested instead of angrily shaking. Now, it looked almost as if she were sleeping. Tasia took a couple of slow, deep breaths before she opened her eyes again and peeked over her arms to the door that Dallas had just left through.
This guy confused the hell out of her.
One minute she’s cursing his name and his family and his happiness and his pet rock from his wee days. Next minute, she’s feeling sad for him and wants to chase after him.
“What the hell am I gonna do?” She groaned quietly.
Tasia adjusted the strap of her backpack as she stood at the front doors of the school, looking outside at the warm light that the world outside was bathing in. Such a warm light was pooling inside the building from it’s tall windows and it decorated the otherwise monotone walls and floors with a warm yellow -- the color of butterscotch. Tasia had made her decision back in the classroom and left a little post it note for Mr. Atkins as to why they were gone [a simple: ‘needed some fresh air’ was a she wrote]. However, she was still nervous. Still a bit scared. Though he said some fresh air might help, what if he still flipped out? What if was actually even worse? Well, whatever happened, Tasia was determined to at least get some sort of plan together for their project.
And hell, while she was at it maybe she could figure out what ‘not you too..’ meant.
The young lady tapped her toe on the floor and lifted her head in mock confidence, then opened the doors to the outside world and to Dallas. A soft breeze was what met her first, the trademark nippy breeze that greeted the people in town every time they were on the cusp of autumn. Trees were already starting to embody splotches of soft yellows, warm oranges, and toasty reds. The air was crisp and clear and clean and the light of the setting sun pierced through the air, though in a way that it was not a bother. It demanded its presence to be known, but because of it’s pleasant and soft light you begged it not to leave [especially since it helped warm you up]. Tasia looked around the campus, shielding her eyes with an open-palmed hand, in an effort to find the cigarette smoking partner who ran out on her. She hoped maybe he’d be relaxed out here, because the sunshine was already putting her in a sleepy and cozy state. Finally she spotted him, out by the big oak tree kids studied under, and she made her way towards him -- her heart thudding and her mind screaming at her to seem as nonchalant and casual as possible. Like she wasn’t just on the verge of tears a couple minutes ago.
“Hey. Got room for another person under there?” Tasia called out. Obviously there was room for twenty people, especially under oak trees of that size. But it was a perfect way to gauge his new mood. If he responded with something like ‘sure’ then they were okay maybe. A ‘no’ or ‘what does it look like’ or ‘obviously’ would send warning sirens off in her head. And a joke well...that would be lovely and preferable. What she would prefer most is an apology but...she wasn’t going to get choosy.
Tasia came to a stop next to him, but at a reasonable distance. She wasn't about to let their shoulders touch, or even be close enough to see the individual hairs on his head. She wasn't trying to be rude, no. But it was just...awkward. She offered a small smile, but otherwise looked off into the horizon to watch the bus of football players file into the bus. Or to study the crow that had hopped onto the fountain in the middle of the quad. Or to admire the soft light that was filtering through the thick leaves of the oak tree. In other words, she was ready to be chill and relaxed and peaceful, but she wasn't there to kiss his ass and smile and beg him to forgive her for...whatever she did. Which was why she didn't start he conversation. He invited her out right? So it was his job to start this off...right? Or because she came out and joined him should she start it off? Or would it be better if he got something off his chest???? Nervously, Tasia fiddled with the ends of her brochure, unsure of what to say.
Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
Dallas didn’t look her way when she called out to him. He didn’t respond right away either, partly because he wasn’t sure how he felt in that moment and partly because he wanted to snap at her. Obviously there was room for one more person, what the hell does it look like? Did she forget to grab her stupid glasses on her way out, or something? But one glance towards her told him everything he needed to know. Some of her mascara was smudged at the corner of her right eye, like she’d been crying. She didn’t let it show, though. She still wore that small hesitant smile on her lips when she came to a stop by him, probably waiting for him to say something. Dallas instead took a long drag, knowing he would need it for later.
“Sure. Whatever.” It made it sound like he didn’t care if she stayed or go, even though it was the exact opposite. He did care if she stayed or left, but he wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. The Dallas Chambers he knew didn’t care if he was left alone. He’d been living alone for practically his whole life so it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to handle being alone. So what was it then? Dallas sneaked a look at her, trying to figure it all out. In the end, however, he gave up. It was too frustrating to deal with right now, and if he was being honest, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know why it was she kept coming back to him even though he tried pushing her away. He didn’t want to know why it was he kept hoping, wishing for her to keep coming back even as he pushed her away. Because it was a dangerous thing, hope. It was dangerous to grow attached. He knew this already, so why was it that when he was around her that he didn’t want to know this?
Even his dilemma put aside, Dallas still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to behave around her. For God’s sake, he made her cry. It wasn’t his first time making a girl, and probably wouldn’t be his last. But this time somehow felt different. The girls he’d made cry in the past never hid the fact he hurt them. They went as far as egging his house or spraying vulgar graffiti on his locker to let him know how much they hurt and how much they hated him. Tasia didn’t do any of those things. Or, at least, he thought she wouldn’t do any of those things. She didn’t seem like the kind of girl that went crazy, even if that’s the kind of girl he’s ever really known. The crazy ones. It confused him, but he couldn’t let that show, could he? Like hell he would.
“Let’s just get to the point,” he began, cigarette wobbling up and down in his mouth as he spoke. “We’ll meet up at the Olympics, or whatever that park is, whenever I’m off work and you’re free from studying, or whatever it is you do.” It was barely a idea, let alone a plan. But he didn’t really care. They still had more time before their ideas were due, let alone the actual photos. They had time to burn through, and Dallas wouldn’t worry about anything until he had to.
Looking at her through the smoke, he blinked. Why was she still standing there? He’d told her what they’d do, even if it was a half-assed plan, or whatever you want to call it. Dallas looked at her with brows furrowed and his nose scrunched a little like it does when he’s confused and trying to figure it out. “You can like, leave,” he said as a matter of fact, staring at her now like she was a puzzle. He was giving her a get out of jail free card now. No one turned those down like, ever. Especially not from people like him. But here she was, standing underneath a tree with him like she was waiting for something to happen. It was almost cute in a sad sort of way─mostly sad and pathetic, considering the company she was keeping underneath said tree, but almost cute─but Dallas didn’t think about that. He just kept waiting for her to walk away, leave like they all did. Hell, a part of him wanted her to leave. It would make his job pushing her away a whole lot easier.
“Look, just so we’re clear, this isn’t gonna become a regular thing. I have a lot of shit to do during the week, and this isn’t one of them. Just don’t get confused or mad or whatever if I can’t show up because my boss is pissed off. So. This won’t be a regular thing. I have better things to do than sit around at school after school ends.” He took another long drag, letting the sweet smoke fill his lungs. He wasn’t sure if he’d been talking to her, or to himself. Maybe both. He let the cigarette slide between his fingers, dropping onto the ground before smashing it with his foot. Dallas didn’t meet her eyes, instead staring out into the forest. The lighting sure was beautiful, but he didn’t think about that. What he did think about was how he’d hear her footsteps soon enough, getting farther and farther away. How he’d see her figure grow smaller and smaller, away from him. Dallas forced himself not to care, instead care about the things that mattered; getting the bills paid, making sure he was okay before anything else.
After a while it became clear she wasn’t going to leave. Dallas felt frustrated by this, and he wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was true. Maybe he did want her to leave, and the fact that she stubbornly wouldn’t pissed him off. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was reaching in his pocket for another cigarette. His hands were shaky, but he clenched them in a tight fist to make the quivering stop. In the corner of his eye, he saw Tasia watching him, waiting for him to say something. And then, when he couldn’t stand the tension and the silence anymore, he spoke. “I get off of work usually around six for an hour,” he started, cupping his cigarette with a lighter before continuing, “We can meet up on whichever day works best for you, I really don’t care.” He didn’t care. He just wanted, needed her to stop staring at him. Needed her to stop expecting things from him. Dallas hated every second of it. He was willing to do almost anything to make it stop. Almost anything. “Just… whatever.”
@Bumbling Bee
“Sure. Whatever.” It made it sound like he didn’t care if she stayed or go, even though it was the exact opposite. He did care if she stayed or left, but he wasn’t ready to deal with that yet. The Dallas Chambers he knew didn’t care if he was left alone. He’d been living alone for practically his whole life so it wasn’t like he didn’t know how to handle being alone. So what was it then? Dallas sneaked a look at her, trying to figure it all out. In the end, however, he gave up. It was too frustrating to deal with right now, and if he was being honest, he didn’t want to know. He didn’t want to know why it was she kept coming back to him even though he tried pushing her away. He didn’t want to know why it was he kept hoping, wishing for her to keep coming back even as he pushed her away. Because it was a dangerous thing, hope. It was dangerous to grow attached. He knew this already, so why was it that when he was around her that he didn’t want to know this?
Even his dilemma put aside, Dallas still wasn’t sure how he was supposed to behave around her. For God’s sake, he made her cry. It wasn’t his first time making a girl, and probably wouldn’t be his last. But this time somehow felt different. The girls he’d made cry in the past never hid the fact he hurt them. They went as far as egging his house or spraying vulgar graffiti on his locker to let him know how much they hurt and how much they hated him. Tasia didn’t do any of those things. Or, at least, he thought she wouldn’t do any of those things. She didn’t seem like the kind of girl that went crazy, even if that’s the kind of girl he’s ever really known. The crazy ones. It confused him, but he couldn’t let that show, could he? Like hell he would.
“Let’s just get to the point,” he began, cigarette wobbling up and down in his mouth as he spoke. “We’ll meet up at the Olympics, or whatever that park is, whenever I’m off work and you’re free from studying, or whatever it is you do.” It was barely a idea, let alone a plan. But he didn’t really care. They still had more time before their ideas were due, let alone the actual photos. They had time to burn through, and Dallas wouldn’t worry about anything until he had to.
Looking at her through the smoke, he blinked. Why was she still standing there? He’d told her what they’d do, even if it was a half-assed plan, or whatever you want to call it. Dallas looked at her with brows furrowed and his nose scrunched a little like it does when he’s confused and trying to figure it out. “You can like, leave,” he said as a matter of fact, staring at her now like she was a puzzle. He was giving her a get out of jail free card now. No one turned those down like, ever. Especially not from people like him. But here she was, standing underneath a tree with him like she was waiting for something to happen. It was almost cute in a sad sort of way─mostly sad and pathetic, considering the company she was keeping underneath said tree, but almost cute─but Dallas didn’t think about that. He just kept waiting for her to walk away, leave like they all did. Hell, a part of him wanted her to leave. It would make his job pushing her away a whole lot easier.
“Look, just so we’re clear, this isn’t gonna become a regular thing. I have a lot of shit to do during the week, and this isn’t one of them. Just don’t get confused or mad or whatever if I can’t show up because my boss is pissed off. So. This won’t be a regular thing. I have better things to do than sit around at school after school ends.” He took another long drag, letting the sweet smoke fill his lungs. He wasn’t sure if he’d been talking to her, or to himself. Maybe both. He let the cigarette slide between his fingers, dropping onto the ground before smashing it with his foot. Dallas didn’t meet her eyes, instead staring out into the forest. The lighting sure was beautiful, but he didn’t think about that. What he did think about was how he’d hear her footsteps soon enough, getting farther and farther away. How he’d see her figure grow smaller and smaller, away from him. Dallas forced himself not to care, instead care about the things that mattered; getting the bills paid, making sure he was okay before anything else.
After a while it became clear she wasn’t going to leave. Dallas felt frustrated by this, and he wasn’t even sure why. Maybe it was true. Maybe he did want her to leave, and the fact that she stubbornly wouldn’t pissed him off. Before he even realized what he was doing, he was reaching in his pocket for another cigarette. His hands were shaky, but he clenched them in a tight fist to make the quivering stop. In the corner of his eye, he saw Tasia watching him, waiting for him to say something. And then, when he couldn’t stand the tension and the silence anymore, he spoke. “I get off of work usually around six for an hour,” he started, cupping his cigarette with a lighter before continuing, “We can meet up on whichever day works best for you, I really don’t care.” He didn’t care. He just wanted, needed her to stop staring at him. Needed her to stop expecting things from him. Dallas hated every second of it. He was willing to do almost anything to make it stop. Almost anything. “Just… whatever.”
@Bumbling Bee
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nepenthe.
you are the universe ☆
Well. It wasn’t like she was hoping for him to grin and laugh and start shooting back jokes of his own so...it’s not like she could be really disappointed or anything. She wasn’t about to flop down on her bum and start sobbing or jab a finger in his face and call him a giant asshat with no sense of humor who’s rude and full of crap. Sure, she would have liked it if he at least made a wisecrack like he did earlier with the weed but quite honestly...she was content with it. Dallas didn’t snap at her, he didn’t growl in disgust at her, and he didn’t totally reject her. That was at least a step in the right direction right? So with that, a small smile found it’s way on her face and she let her head tilt back slightly and welcome the warmth of the sun. It was a little chilly under the shade of the tree, and the random appearance of sunshine was warm and welcome. That part was over, them finally greeting each other, she could check that off of her list of her agenda for their little outside-of-the-school escapade.
Next was the harder part, next was...continuing whatever they were talking about in the classroom. The parts that didn’t consist of sassy remarks and yelling. So. They were completely starting from scratch. Which is admittedly easy for Tasia, she could start from scratch with the snap of her fingers and a wink, she was good with thinking on her feet. But the hard part was that she didn’t know quite what to do. Should she start it off if he didn’t say anything? If he doesn’t say anything, should she walk off to join her friends with an angry ‘humph!!’ trailing behind her? Should she yell at him if he doesn’t speak a word? Should she punch him and call him an idiot? Should she stomp on his foot and say ‘IM NOT YOUR PARTNER ANYMORE SCUMBAG!!!’
Tasia’s nose screwed up in distaste at the smell of his cigarette.
She stood there silently, mulling her options over as she look anywhere but him. And then something she didn’t think of came into account. He spoke to her. And not only that, but he was laying out plans and talking about times and sure, even though he wasn’t saying ‘let’s meet out by the [insert place] at [insert time] and we’ll drive out there for a good hour and a half tops!’. But it was something. And Tasia was grateful. She was grateful that he was putting an effort, however small, and she was glad that she didn’t have to scream at him to do so. She was like an open book, because when he finished his little plan a grin spread across her face, the look of excitement she felt earlier during class seemed to be revealing itself again and she was starting to feel better. Even if it was just a little bit, a little bit is better than nothing right? Most definitely, she wasn’t the ball of excitement and energy like she was earlier, but inch by inch she was getting back into it.
Her mind started turning and churning again with all the possibilities that they could run into, and the beautiful plants they could find and the wildlife they could randomly stumble across and how the sunset would look when the sun disappeared underneath the treetops in just the right way and how the world would look with they eyes and the little viewfinder of her camera.She nodded silently to herself as she verified her own thoughts in her own head, having her own little conversation with herself...while a living and separate human being stood right next to her. Tasia was so deep in her sweet thoughts that she almost didn’t hear him when he basically told her to leave. Her head snapped up, and she opened her mouth to say...something. Something she couldn’t think of. Maybe how she had to wait for her mom to pick her up anyways? How she would actually just walk since it would be awkward to just wait there while he was there?
But then an idea struck her. Earlier, when she didn’t say anything, he stepped up and made some [sort of] plans, right? So what if she kinda used that to her advantage? Just like...what if she held off from leaving for a bit or saying anything and he made some more plans? If he gave her more to go off of? So she stayed silent, and waited around for something else to happen, anything. She was going to be even more stubborn.
And she got what she wanted.
Tasia smiled and looked over at Dallas again. Now she had a time. Perfect. She opened her mouth to start gushing about how at that time she and her friends were at Tam’s so they could meet there and who would drive and how she had to double check with her parents and blahblahblah just like in the classroom. But instead, she took a metaphorical step back and nodded instead of acting like a kid on Christmas morning.
“Sure, after 6 sounds awesome. I’m any day, tomorrow’s most preferable actually. I’m not studying that day, or whatever it is I do. Where d’you want to meet up?”
Ah, yes. Nonchalant. Cool. Collected. Smooth. Everything Tasia was...not. But hell, maybe it’ll win her some brownie points.
You could tell she was holding back, even someone standing a mile away could tell. But if it meant less of a fight and more progress well...she'd just have to push her tendency to get overexcited down all the way to the tips of her toes. It was weird, how she was. She was so obsessed earlier with making sure he didn't know that he had power and control over her by hiding it when she was starting to cry, but the moment he starts acting someone friendly and he makes her just a little bit happy...well, she was just a bundle of smiles breeziness and she didn't care much about what he did and didn't know.
So in the end, as hard as she tried he affected her more than anyone else has. Oddly enough, there was something she respected and admired about him. Everyone was afraid to hurt sweet Tasia's feelings, even if it meant hiding their anger. He was straight up with his anger and disappointment and irritation.
She didn't get that from anyone else.
@Little Birdy
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Little
lil trash-heaping goblin
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Dallas hadn’t thought [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]that [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]far into his plan, if you could even call it that. How did she expect him to know where in the hell to meet up? In case she hasn’t noticed already, he didn’t have much time to spend [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]socializing [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]and doing things like [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]getting out[/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px], or whatever. He was too busy for mindless shit like that, and if he was being honest the fact that Tasia had the nerve to even ask if he had any goddamn idea where he wants to meet up pissed him off. But he knew she was just trying to take care of business, even if she didn’t think things through enough before speaking. He took a long drag and drowned in silence for a while before answering, at least a little more composed now that he had time to cool off.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I don’t really know where the hell is a good place to meet up,” he told her bluntly, frowning. He wasn’t angry, really. Just a bit frustrated that he was bloody useless when it came to crap like this. “You know the car shop on 5th street? I work there most days, so maybe we could meet up there after I finish work one day, or whatever. Hope you don’t mind grease monkeys.” She probably did mind, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that the plan sucked. It probably didn’t deserve the name of plan. But it was the best he could come up with. His work schedule wasn’t set in stone, and God knew his school schedule wasn’t either given he got into trouble frequently and detention often varied with time. So after work would have to do, whether she liked it or not. She probably didn’t like the idea of meeting up at some grimey, greasy car shop on the shitty side of town, but he hadn’t chosen to meet up there just because he worked there often. He lived five minutes away from the shop, two minutes if he used the car. This week money was tight, so he needed to pick some place he could just hop on a bike and ride there, and the shop was the only place he could think of. He figured her parents probably paid for her gas money, so that was probably fine to make her drive way the hell into town, to the shitty side he called home.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]With one last puff from the cigarette, Dallas sighed, glancing over his shoulder to look at her. “Anything else you wanna discuss, or are we done here?” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]For the love of God, please tell me we’re done [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]was what he had wanted to say. But he didn’t want to make her cry again. It wasn’t that he really [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]cared [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]if he made her cry, but rather the drama that came after that. They were partners. Stuck together. Whatever. For a whole goddamn month. And within that month, Dallas would like to avoid as much drama as he could. He already dealt enough with that shit at school; he didn’t need to be getting it after school either. So if he had to play “nice”, or at least decent, then so be it. Dallas really didn’t care. She probably wouldn’t notice anyway, being so perfect and undamaged as she was. His “nice” would be in her eyes nothing more than an “asshole”. The thought lingered in his mind, why even bother if she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference? He didn’t care to answer. He had enough on his mind this week anyway.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Smashing the last cigarette of the day underneath his boot, Dallas exhaled quietly, his eyes looking everywhere but her now. Was it possible to hate and love silence at the same time? Most of the time he welcomed silence, hell even wished for silence. At home, it was always quiet with exception of a few distant barks and angry yelling, probably from a few houses down. At school, it never was quiet even when tests were being handed out. And now, it was quiet as ever and he hated it. It made him squirm, frustrating him if anything. Why the hell did silence bother him so much when he was with her? And more importantly, what the hell was she doing to him to make him this uncomfortable, or whatever? Dallas folded his arms tightly over his chest, trying to get a sense of normality. It didn’t work, of course. His hands ached, wanting to hold another cigarette. Goddammit. What the hell was she doing to him, and why? Did she, just like the everybody else, hate him so much that she couldn't just leave him be, leave him the hell alone? God, this fucking bitch. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]@Bumbling Bee[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]“I don’t really know where the hell is a good place to meet up,” he told her bluntly, frowning. He wasn’t angry, really. Just a bit frustrated that he was bloody useless when it came to crap like this. “You know the car shop on 5th street? I work there most days, so maybe we could meet up there after I finish work one day, or whatever. Hope you don’t mind grease monkeys.” She probably did mind, but that didn’t matter. What mattered was the fact that the plan sucked. It probably didn’t deserve the name of plan. But it was the best he could come up with. His work schedule wasn’t set in stone, and God knew his school schedule wasn’t either given he got into trouble frequently and detention often varied with time. So after work would have to do, whether she liked it or not. She probably didn’t like the idea of meeting up at some grimey, greasy car shop on the shitty side of town, but he hadn’t chosen to meet up there just because he worked there often. He lived five minutes away from the shop, two minutes if he used the car. This week money was tight, so he needed to pick some place he could just hop on a bike and ride there, and the shop was the only place he could think of. He figured her parents probably paid for her gas money, so that was probably fine to make her drive way the hell into town, to the shitty side he called home.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]With one last puff from the cigarette, Dallas sighed, glancing over his shoulder to look at her. “Anything else you wanna discuss, or are we done here?” [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]For the love of God, please tell me we’re done [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]was what he had wanted to say. But he didn’t want to make her cry again. It wasn’t that he really [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]cared [/SIZE][SIZE=14.666666666666666px]if he made her cry, but rather the drama that came after that. They were partners. Stuck together. Whatever. For a whole goddamn month. And within that month, Dallas would like to avoid as much drama as he could. He already dealt enough with that shit at school; he didn’t need to be getting it after school either. So if he had to play “nice”, or at least decent, then so be it. Dallas really didn’t care. She probably wouldn’t notice anyway, being so perfect and undamaged as she was. His “nice” would be in her eyes nothing more than an “asshole”. The thought lingered in his mind, why even bother if she wouldn’t be able to tell the difference? He didn’t care to answer. He had enough on his mind this week anyway.[/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]Smashing the last cigarette of the day underneath his boot, Dallas exhaled quietly, his eyes looking everywhere but her now. Was it possible to hate and love silence at the same time? Most of the time he welcomed silence, hell even wished for silence. At home, it was always quiet with exception of a few distant barks and angry yelling, probably from a few houses down. At school, it never was quiet even when tests were being handed out. And now, it was quiet as ever and he hated it. It made him squirm, frustrating him if anything. Why the hell did silence bother him so much when he was with her? And more importantly, what the hell was she doing to him to make him this uncomfortable, or whatever? Dallas folded his arms tightly over his chest, trying to get a sense of normality. It didn’t work, of course. His hands ached, wanting to hold another cigarette. Goddammit. What the hell was she doing to him, and why? Did she, just like the everybody else, hate him so much that she couldn't just leave him be, leave him the hell alone? God, this fucking bitch. [/SIZE]
[SIZE=14.666666666666666px]@Bumbling Bee[/SIZE]
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