Other The end of RPN for me.. but the beginning of a new me

[KissMyAsh]

Hello Everyone

I hope this message finds you well. After almost 8 months with RPN ( had another account but had to delete it ) I have sadly logged on to delete my account today. After so much drama, stress and just self hatred, I realized that I need to start doing something for myself. I have to start focusing on myself and healing myself. I've been through so much these 8 months, including; but not limited too, getting kicked out and disowned by everyone I knew and loved, losing scholarships, failing friends, losing my job, getting sick, making horrible mistakes that I don't quiet regret just yet, failing assignments because I couldn't pull myself out of a pit to get them done. In the end I realized it was too much for one 18 year old female who just graduated High School and College to handle. I focused so much on helping others I didn't see myself fading into this dark abyss, and because I was always smiling and putting up an act, no one saw it either. Did I ever hit rock bottom? No. But seeing what I did, dealing with what I did, rock bottom is not a place I ever want to hit and it wont ever be.

"A million thoughts in my head
Should I let my heart keep listening
'Cause up 'til now I've walked the line
Nothing lost but something missing

I can't decide
What's wrong, what's right
Which way should I go"​

I spent my days hoping for a better life and future but I never took the first step. Change cannot and will not happen if you don't get up off your ass, dust yourself of and take a step. A step backwards, sideways, diagonal, is still a step. When you hit a roadblock you don't stop and give up right there. You turn around and find a different way, or you go back to where you knew things where right and chart out your next path, with plan a-z. Just because you don't fit societies mold of doing things the way they want you too doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. You are doing it your way, the right way for you. Don't ever change your path or who you are for others. In the end it will never bring you happiness.

"Well, you almost had me fooled
Told me that I was nothing without you
Oh, but after everything you've done
I can thank you for how strong I have become "​

I wasn't dealt a fair hand in the card game of life. But that doesn't mean I have to let that control me. That doesn't mean I can't change what the cards say. Get a new perspective if you need too. It is your life, not your mothers, not your fathers, not your friends, not anyone else. It is yours. YOU are the only one who can make your choices. You can't control what happens to you most of the time, but you CAN control your REACTIONS, and your EMOTIONS, and your ACTIONS.

I know none of this may make sense to those reading it. But if it did and you realized something or felt something, don't ignore it, listen to your gut, even if its telling you to go against the current of everyone else around you. You will be looked at, as different, and crazy and weird. But in the end, I would rather be those things and happy with who I am, than just like everyone else and unhappy. I wish you all the best in life, and maybe when I return... you can tell me about your experiences and how you lived your life the best you could.

"It's been a long day without you, my friend
And I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
We've come a long way from where we began
Oh, I'll tell you all about it when I see you again
When I see you again "


-Xion​

 

[N-On-E-Mus]

(Mods pls don’t delete)