The Circus Family

[PunkPrince]

Ryan lifted their head from their pillow, running their hands through their chin length red hair with a yawn. They gazed around the trailer that had called home all their life, stretching to wake themself up. The trailer had once been shared with their mother. For Ryan's entire life, she had raised them there, along with Ivy and Lacey, the pair of conjoined twins she had taken in and treated as her own. Now the place was empty except for Ryan, with the twins now having their own trailer, though the three sometimes still shared the place when in need of company. Ryan didn't mind it being a bit crowded on these occasions. They loved the twins, and if anybody was going to make the trailer cramped, Ryan was happy it was them.


Their mother had lived amongst the circus, but her act was not the same as their own. Ryan was mostly just gawked at because they were–to put it simply–a freak of nature. Just one that could manage to do something interesting rather than just stand and be stared at for the simple fact that their body did not fit into the two neat categories, but rather spread into both of them. Their mother had been a fire eater and a sword swallower. If she wasn't playing with flames or eating a sword, nobody glanced at her. Everyone always looked at Ryan, curious as to what they were. Ryan never really had an answer for them.


Their mother had not wanted them in the show. She had worried about them being stared at. But Ryan had practiced. Ryan learned things that could make them interesting, with or without the ambiguity of their body, and eventually she had caved. What Ryan's father thought, nobody knew. Ryan hadn't a clue who he was. Their mother simply said that he hadn't been able to stay. But why not? Had he been someone she'd met in a city she had passed through? For a time Ryan had wondered if he had been one of the men traveling with them, but their mother had made it clear that that wasn't the case. She'd spoken of him sometimes. Rather fondly. Ryan had never minded the absent father. But they missed their mother. The past two years without her had hurt. Ryan cried for her a lot. It had been an accident. She'd lit herself aflame on accident, and in no time at all she was engulfed in them. The ringmaster had put her out. But she'd died. Ryan hadn't left their trailer for almost a month after that, unable to do anything but cry and stare at the ceiling, and Ivy and Lacey had had to coax them into eating.


Realizing that it was well past breakfast time, Ryan stood. They weren't really hungry, and had no idea who had been on kitchen duty that day. After the death of their mother, everyone had simply shared the responsibility of food, the task of cooking being passed around. All Ryan knew was that today, that wasn't their job. Good. Their entire body still ached from the previous night, when they'd pushed their body far beyond its limits with their acrobatics.


Ryan got dressed slowly, a tank top and a pair of shorts, along with a necklace that had once belonged to their mother. They ran a brush through their hair a few times and then ventured from the trailer, hopping through the tall head in search of something to do. They shuffled slowly into the big top tent. There was no show yet, it was far too early in the day, but they were bound to find someone practicing.


They did. Mara. The circus strongwoman was standing in the middle of the empty ring, holding a barbell that Ryan knew that they themself would never have been able to lift in a million years. She didn't notice them standing there, and Ryan let out a high pitched squeak and tumbled to the ground as she threw the weight and it passed within an inch of their head. Mara whipped around, her eyes wide, noticing Ryan standing there for the first time. "Ryan!" She darted over to them and pulled them to their feet without much effort, if any at all. "Did I hit you? Oh my god, are you okay? I'm sorry!" She spoke quickly, her voice suddenly filled with panic.


"I'm okay. You didn't hit me. I just fell when I was moving out of the way," Ryan said, wanting the woman to know that they were in fact, unhurt.


"You didn't hit your head or anything when you fell, did you?"


Ryan shook their head. Mara still fussed over them as if they hadn't aged past six. Most everybody did. Ryan was the youngest of the circus still, Lacey and Ivy being only a few months older. Everyone still worried for them constantly.


They knew why, of course. Ryan had grown up with them all, they'd all been close to Ryan's mother, and after she had died they had all grown more protective of them. Ryan suspected they were worried about Ryan going the same way. When they had been born, the whole troupe had banned together to protect them from people they knew might treat them poorly on account of their body. An ambiguous figure, coupled with a voice that was too high to be masculine, and just a tad too low to be hyper feminine. The group were protective of Lacey and Ivy too. But Ryan had always been fussed over more. They were happy to have been able to grow up the way they had. Amongst friends, rather then people that would fear them.


Mara sighed and pulled Ryan into a gentle hug. Ryan only reached her chest. At 6'8, Mara towered over everyone, Ryan included- they were only 5'9. "I'm sorry," she repeated softly. "I should have been more careful. I could have really hurt you. Why don't you go see if you can find the twins? They were looking for you earlier." Ryan nodded and left the tent again.


Later that night, Ryan headed back to their trailer to get ready for the show. They greeted the leopards in the pen as they passed it–the big cats were kept in a secure pen–with signs warning visitors to keep their distance–so that they have could get their exercise each time the circus moved. They were treated well, and as Ryan passed, one of them bounded up to the fence and gave a cheerful chirp. The circus had had elephants at one point before they were born, but they had gotten old and been retired, and now the cats took that place.


Slipping into the trailer, Ryan stripped down to their underwear and went over to the vanity mirror. Makeup compacts were scattered everywhere. Ryan regarded themself for a moment and then got started on carefully putting on makeup. Once satisfied, they quickly dressed and looked at their reflection. The outfit was revealing, but Ryan had never been shy about the way that they were. They slipped silently from the trailer. Ivy and Lacey had probably beat them there. Mara too.


They were correct. They slipped into the back of the tent and saw the twins, Ivy wiping one of her swords with a damp rag, stopping to give them a friendly wave. The sisters had been born joined at the hip, and shared no limbs or organs, and while separation was possible, neither twin wanted it. Ryan understood why, at least a little. They had grown up together. It was all they really knew. Being separate would be too foreign, too frightening. Not to mention the possibility of complications in surgery. If anything happened to one twin, they suspected that the other would no longer feel whole. Ryan doubted one knew how to exist without the other.


"You look nice," Ryan said, admiring the twins sequined corsets and dark skirts.


Lacey beamed. "See?" She said, looking back at Ivy. "She thinks we look nice. You complained when I pulled this out but we look fine. You whined for nothing."


Ryan's lack of a pronoun preference meant that everyone just used whatever pronouns they wanted for them. In Lacey's case, Ryan was almost always a she. They didn't mind it. Ivy only rolled her eyes at her sister's words, and Ryan laughed softly at the pair.


"You two always look good in sequins. Especially that color. Periwinkle flatters you. I wish I could pull it off that well."


Ryan sprawled out on a bench and watched the show from backstage. The trapeze artists almost always opened the show. Ryan never had. Their mother had never wanted them to, and after she'd died, they never really wanted to anyway. Then the knife throwers, and the big cats and so on. Some were, like Ryan, freaks of nature. Most were fairly normal, or didn't look to have an issue.


They watched, somewhat lazily, until the twins sword swallowing act. They ventured out and Ryan could hear the crowd's reaction to the pair. It never changed, even after the ringmaster announced them. Ivy picked up the sword Ryan had watched her shine earlier, and Lacey tipped back her head and opened her lips. Ivy, a very focused expression on her face, passed the sword down her sister's throat. She removed it, and then Lacey did the same to her, the pair repeating this with longer instruments each time, the crowd amazed at the performance.


When the twins had finished, Mara came out. Her skill was demonstrated by her ability to lift things and then hurl them as far as possible. Mostly barbells. She could probably throw Ryan clear across the tent if she wanted to.


When her act had finished, Ryan watched her return to the tent, but there was something in her face that they couldn't place. She glanced at Ryan and back toward the crowd again, but didn't say anything until Ryan questioned her.


"It's nothing," Mara said. "I just...thought I saw someone I knew. You go do your act." Ryan stood and headed out, glancing over their shoulder to watch Mara disappear out the back of the tent, likely looking for whoever it was that she thought she knew. Weird. Ryan shrugged it off and grabbed their torches.


The spot they now took had once been their mother's, and they had often performed together. They didn't pay attention to the way the ringmaster announced them anymore, he changed it so often. Half man and half woman was a common thing to hear. Ryan didn't mind it. Ryan stepped out, their chest partly exposed, as was usual, and lit the torch in their hands before starting the act.


(This is the closest I could find to what they'd be doing. [media]



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[Shiremaiden]

Jake hadn't been sleeping well lately, rent was due on his office and for his apartment. He was two months behind on the office's rent and had barely managed to pay for the apartment. Business unfortunately hadn't picked up much either, it wasn't romantic like they made it seem in the movies or books. He had only had two cases this month and wouldn't be able to pay rent on either property. It also didn't help that cheating spouse cases didn't really pay all that much to be honest. Solving robberies, murders, and missing persons cases very rarely made it private investigators desks. Jake could count those sorts of cases on one hand, and while those were great they couldn't keep the lights on forever.


He kept the money problems from his kids as they didn't need to know how bad things really were. They were after all just kids, well teenagers, and they had their own problems. Unfortunately it had gotten to the point were he couldn't keep it a secret for much longer. Jake's mother had passed away last summer, and his sister hated him for lots of reasons mostly for breaking her husband's nose but he deserved it. His brother on the other hand was almost worse than his sister. Constantly asking when he was going to grow up and get a real job like him, with his construction business. Hell, his brother had even offered him a job laying concrete cause a monkey could do it. Which just made concidering accepting the job now that much worse.


Tonight he wasn't going to worry so much about the future. It was one last night of fun for himself, and his kids as tomorrow he'd have to tell them they were going to have to move to a smaller place, there would more than likely be some other changes as well. Jake just wanted to give them one more night of run and of being kids. For himself he was secretly hoping that he'd be able to repeat for a night or two the romance he'd sworn never to repeat.


One that he'd had for a couple of weeks with a preformer at the very circus he was taking his children to. Of course he didn't tell them that he was going there in hopes of finding an old flame. Given the way his love had played out thus far, Caitlyn was probably married to the ringmaster or something. That and after Lillian died it was hard to find someone who was willing to date a single father with two kids, who pissed off the police on a semi-regular basis, and was basically broke almost all the time. So while he hoped that he'd see Caitlyn again he wasn't going to hold his breath that he'd actually be able to have a few nights of bliss.


It hadn't escaped the notice of Alice and Lucas that their father was acting odd lately. Which was why for the time being they agree to just go with whatever he wanted to do as he seemed to be going through some sort of mid-life crisis. So when told that tonight they'd be going to the circus they both agreed. Alice felt that they were more for little kids given they hadn't beend to a circus in nearly five years. Lucas wasn't fond of the idea of going to a circus given it was loud, and full of people. He spent the rest of the day hoping that there wouldn't be any audience participation. But they both said it sounded like fun, and it had been awhile since they had done something as a family.


The rest of the day the three went about their respective businesses and got ready for the circus that evening. Alice changed into a white shirt with a jean jacket, and blue jeans and made sure her make up was touched up. Lucas stayed in his long sleeved grey shirt and jeans. It didn't escape either of the teenager's attention that their father was actuallytrying to style his hair, and asked if he looked okay in his old black leather jacket and black shirt, with his one nice pair of dark blue jeans. This made Alice suspect that there was going to be a woman at the circus that her perpetually single father had developed a crush on, and he wanted to make a decent impression on. Lucas just chalked it up to his father realizing he wasn't as young as he used to be and was still tring to look both young and fun. But, neither commented on their theories, and just said that he did look nice. They didn't want to add to the craziness that he seemed to be in.


Finally they loaded into the 1969 G.T.O. it used to Jake's father's and he inherited it after he died. Jake kept the old car in good working order it was sort of like his third child, and a reminder that his father was keeping an eye on him. Granted his father hated P.I.'s but Jake was sure that his old man would have eventually forgiven his choice in career. Now however wasn't the time to be thinking about his father or the past. It was time for hoping that despite the fact that nearly 20 years had past since he'd been with the fire eating, sword swallowing woman, Caitlyn would still be with the circus.


Jake knew that it was the same circus from the name on the flyer, and it had a similar look to the old flyer he'd stumbled across all those years ago. At the very least perhaps he'd be able to find out where she was if she was no longer there. Caitlyn was someone who he'd moved from, but would always hold a special place for, and never be able to truly forget. How ever much he wanted her to be there he told himself that if she had moved on as well, and was with someone else, then he just say hi and leave things be. Jake was not a home wrecker, well he'd definitely helped in some cases, but that was because of others cheating not himself.


The trio arrived at the circus and while Jake and Alice were happy to converse with each other, Lucas was a nervous wreck and doing his best to avoid bumping into anyone. It was moments like this he wondered if his father was right, that it was a good thing he was more like his mother personality wise than his father. They got to the ticket line and Lucas took a deep breath as more people joined in. At last they got their tickets and Alice was pleased that at least there were a few attractive boys to look at so the whole evening wouldn't be a waste of time. Jake had been discreetly looking around the crowd to see if he spot any frimilar faces, though it had been nearly two decades so he was sure they would have changed somewhat.


Finally they entered the tent, the two teens staying close to their father, who would have been holding both their hands, if he could have it his way. Luckily he was able to find a spot a few rows back and sat on the edge. Lucas was pleased to find himself sitting between his father and sister not next to a stranger. He was sure the family next to his sister was very nice, it was just he didn't know them and that made him uncomfortable for some reason. Alice wasn't expecting much, but did try to see if her father was looking at anyone in particular. Though most of the women here were married with children, so maybe they were actually here because he was working a case or something.


The show started and the teens were fully captivated by the acrobatics, the knife throwers. Jake also was enjoying the show but he was waiting for one act in particular. He was slightly disheartened when it wasn't Caitlyn doing the sword eating, but the twins were exceptional. He could see why Caitlyn would have given up that part of her act. There was still, hopfully the fire eating, and when the strong woman made her way out he smiled slightly. She was definitely the same Mara he'd met all those years ago. If memory served she and Caitlyn had been close, so at the very least she might be able to tell him where Caitlyn was now if she wasn't here. Jake was fairly certian that Mara had both seen and recognized him. Upon hearing the name Ryan and the mention of fire eating he decided that it would probably be alright to dissappear backstage as it were and see if he couldn't find Mara for a little chat.


Jake caught sight of this new fire eater and yes half man, half woman, was an accurate description. It was definitely weird, but then again back in the day people like that in freak shows and made good money so if it helped this kid's act more power to him/her. He watched the act for a little while before whispering to his kids. "I'm going go to the bathroom, you stay here and keep an eye on each other." To which he got slightly nods from his kids who's eyes didnt leave Ryan, or the torches in his hands.


Jake got up slowly and left quietly so as not to distract from the act. He was impressed with this Ryan's skills and he kind of looked frimilar, but honestly that could have been because they passed each other on the street a few days ago, so Jake didn't put much more thought to it. Also he was now focused on finding the strong woman and seeing if she could tell him what had happened to Caitlyn. It seemed Mara wanted to talk with him as well given that she was in the back of the tent already. Jake smiled, "The new sword swallowers you have are pretty talented, and the fire eater quite the-" Jake paused, "character." He concluded not meaning it to be an insult, he just wasn't sure what to make of Ryan.


"But I'm hoping to find out some information about Caitlyn, the older sword swallower and fire eater, your friend I believe. It seems she might have retired." He said trying to not turn this into an interrogation. "It's been a long time, Mara. I'm not here to cause trouble I just want to talk with her is all." He added quickly putting his hands up in surrender, just to safe. He felt that he and Caitlyn ended on good terms, but she might not have felt the same. Also it was probably best to stay on the good side of a woman who could probably throw him around like a rag doll.

 

[PunkPrince]

Jake appeared in the back of the tent before Mara could head out to look for him. She smiled as she realized that the man had indeed been who she had suspected. "Hi," she greeted. "Nice to see you again."


She gave a small nod at the mentions of the twins and Ryan. She could tell he wasn't exactly sure what to make of any of them. They had learned Caitlyn's skills well at least, despite her reluctance to teach them.


He didn't know. He didn't know the horrible fate that Caitlyn had suffered and died from, didn't know about the child he had left behind. What was he doing back here? Looking for Caitlyn? That was the only explanation Mara could think of. She watched him for a moment. When she had seen him weaving through the stands in the tent, he had had children with him. Did that mean he was married now? If he was, maybe he wasn't looking for Caitlyn. He could just be taking his kids to the circus. But why this one? Why the one circus where it was likely he would bump into someone who knew him? Ryan didn't know him, nor did the twins, but everyone else would likely recognize his face. Parker, Vivienne, Stephen, and most of the others would likely easily pin him to Caitlyn if they saw him.


He mentioned wanting to speak to Caitlyn, and as he did, he quickly added that he didn't want to cause any trouble. He was afraid of her. She could tell. She had spent a good part of her childhood wishing that everyone else would allow her to forget about her size.


But they didn't let her. All her life she had been large, subject to stares and mockery by her peers. Her poor parents had worried about her, concerned about why she was so tall when the both of them were of fairly average height. But no amount of doctor's appointments, no amount of testing, could find anything wrong with her, or detect a cause for her height. Nothing life threatining. Her size made her into a social pariah, but it wasn't a side effect of something that might kill her. She had decided to be grateful for that part.


Mara took a deep breath as she thought about what exactly to tell Jake.


"Caitlyn's dead. She died last year." Mara was quiet for a moment. She wished she didn't have to tell him. She wished she would never have to mention her friend's death again. Every mention of it played it back in her head. Caitlyn's routine going as normal, a bit of her hair catching on a flame, going unnoticed at first. She noticed, a sheer look of panic filled her face. She fumbled with the torch, stumbled forward. The flame licked her chest and began to engulf her body. She'd been panicking too much to think properly. Someone struggling to turn the hose on, someone else searching frantically for the fire extinguisher that was not in its usual place. Mara shook her head and closed her eyes for a moment, trying to will the memory away.


"She...she lit herself on fire. It was an accident. By the time she got to the hospital it was too late to do anything for her. I'm sorry, Jake. I wish I didn't have to tell you this. I wish it wasn't true. I miss her. Everybody here does."


Caitlyn had never told him about Ryan. They had been long gone by the time she realized she was pregnant, and she hadn't wanted to burden Jake with the news. Mara stared at him for several seconds. She'd just told him Caitlyn was gone. Maybe he didn't need to know about his kid. She ought to just let him grieve. But on the other hand, he had gone long enough without knowing. Surely Caitlyn would have said something if she were still here to say it.


"She had a kid. Yours. The fire eater you saw. And she practically raised the twins too. I...I don't think she thought she'd ever see you again. She thought she would be bothering you if she told you, so she just...didn't, I guess. I think she'd tell you now if she were still here to do it. The kid used to ask about you all the time when they were little, but I don't think she ever said too much. Didn't want them to get attached to the idea of you and run off looking for you or something. What she did say was good. She loved you, even if she never saw you after that."


She reverted to the neutral pronouns on purpose. Though Ryan had no real preference, and Mara mostly stuck to male pronouns, she felt like the use of a binary pronoun might confuse Jake. Lead him to believe Caitlyn had had a son or a daughter when Ryan was neither.

 

[Shiremaiden]

Mara's greeting put him at ease for a moment, her tone didn't express any anger so odds were he'd leave unscathed, and not have to lie a about hitting himself with a door or pole to his kids later. He'd done that alot when they were growing up and he returned home with a black eye or split lip, he just didn't want them to worry about him or his job. However it didn't take to long for Mara's mood to change, it didn't seem quite like ager more like heartbreak when he mentioned why he was there. That made him a bit nervous again, and he did his best to wait for his answer. When he got it, it felt like he'd been hit by a bus, dead. She was dead too, why was it that the women he loved had to leave him in such a final way?


It wasn't fair, and she'd been dead for a whole year and he hadn't known about it. He got his hopes up, only to have them spit on and trampled. Jake would have yelled and probably started to cry, but he couldn't do that in front of Mara it wasn't fair to have her try and comfort him when he'd made her relive the death of her friend. Hearing how she died made him shiver and lose the color his face. She died in agony and he felt like he should have been there and then maybe she would be okay. "Damn it." He muttered, just what he needed already going through those damn five stages of grief again. Denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. He knew those all to well, went through them when Lillian died. At least he knew why he'd be angry for a month or two.


He took breath and looked up at Mara, "I'm sorry for making you go through that again, and I'm sorry you lost her too." He said and started to reach his hand towards her's but stopped instantly and just stared at her, when she mentioned Caitlyn had a kid and not just any kid, his. It took moment but his out stretched hand turned into a fist. He turned and punched on of the support beams for the tent, "Damn it!" He exclaimed pulling his hand back to his chest, it was like he was drowning and then someone threw him a baby. "She was always to selfless for her own good, and yes it definitely would have bothered me, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have wanted to know or help out a little I'm not that selfish!" He huffed and let out a sigh.


Jake took a few deep breaths and looked back at Mara, "Sorry, sorry I shouldn't have...I'm sorry." He said and took another breath it was hard to think straight with all the emotions swirling around in his head and his now throbbing hand.


He looked at the ground as he tried to process everything. "So, basically what you're telling me is Caitlyn, has left me with not just one, but three kids who don't know me, only know that I wasn't around at all, or took any interest in their lives." He said and let out a bitter laugh, "Well, that's what I get for trying to have one last night of freedom." He said half to himself and looked back up at Mara. "That's five kids in total, I can't do that by myself, hell I'm struggling with two. Now I come to find out I'm the worst kind of dad there is, on top of the fact that both the women I love are now dead, Alice, Lucas, and me, are going to have to move to a one bedroom apartment, and I'm going to have beg my brother to let me pour concrete just make ends meet... I just don't know what the hell to do."


Normally he wouldn't have let all that slip, but he was still spinning from finding out Caitlyn was gone, and that she had kept his kid from him. She knew he loved family and if she had his kid then she and the kid were his family, even if it wasn't an ideal time to find out. He had probably just married Lillian when Caitlyn had the kid, but it was hard to tell with the make up, but the new fire eater had to be close to 18 or 19. But he would have made it work in some way shape or form. Now knowing that he did have another child and basically two adoptive ones as well he couldn't just leave as if he'd never been there. It wouldn't be right they deserved to have a father, having lost his own he knew how hard it was growing up without one.


Jake couldn't make them grow up without a father and mother, sure most concidered you an adult at 18 but that was crap. You were still a kid and needed your parents, or at least one of them. He just didn't know how he could be there for all his kids without completely changing everything for everyone. It was impossible he knew that, but he had to try and be there for the fire eater and twins too. Not just for a couple weeks here and there either, he had to be a full time dad to all five. If he was stuck pouring concrete he wouldn't be able to do that. It just seemed like a lose, lose situation. Jake smiled, "I don't suppose you have any job openings huh?" He asked half joking.


Seeing as Alice and Lucas were going to have their worlds change anyway it seemed like he might as well ask. Odds were they didn't and he'd still be stuck in a rock and a hard place trying to figure out how to be there for all his kids. Though honestly at this point did Ryan, the fire eater need to know that he was their dad, perhaps they could just be friends and if he needed a kidney or something he'd donate anonymously. He honestly just didn't know how to go about being an okay father to his kids. With all this going on he hadn't taken any notice to the pronouns used to describe Ryan. The only that matter at this moment concerning Ryan was that Ryan was his kid. Up until now Jake thought he'd been a decent dad but to find out he'd basically just left one of his kids to fend for themselves made him feel even worse, he hated absent dads. Jake had to at least be there for Ryan and the twins too, for Caitlyn. If she took them in then that meant so did he, not that anyone else needed to know he was probably going to let his big heart kill him one of these days let alone that he had a heart at all.

 

[PunkPrince]

Mara frowned as Jake blurted out his situation. He was upset Caitlyn hadn't told him, and he had every right to be. She would be upset too if she were in his position. "You don't have to do anything by yourself," she told him. "They've pretty much been raised by everyone here, and they're close to being grown up. Ryan's eighteen and Ivy and Lacey are nineteen. If you want to be a part of their lives, you have all of us to help you, the same way that Caitlyn did." She gave him a small, slightly sad smile. She missed Caitlyn, but at least she still had Ryan around. The last piece of her friend that she had left was in that child.


She could tell that Jake was only joking when he asked about jobs, but she answered him anyway. "Well..." she said. "Technically we do need somebody to do the cooking around here. It...it used to be Caitlyn's job, but after she died we all just started rotating the responsibility of cooking between us. And some of us really can't cook at all. So...if you wanted that job I'm sure I could talk to the ringmaster for you. I'm sure Aiden would be glad to give someone the job."


"And it would mean you could stick around for the kids if you would want to. I'm not sure how up they would be to meeting you, particularly Ivy--she's never been the best with meeting new people." Ivy had always been the more introverted of the twins, and for good reason. She was constantly afraid of being stared at. Lacey disliked being stared at, but she was able to brush it off by now. Being stuck to her sister and the stares that came with it were just a part of her life at this point.


"I would probably have to talk to them first. Before you met them, I mean." It wouldn't be fair just to throw the three into the situation without telling them anything first. Especially Ryan.

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake sighed and looked up at Mara, "Eighteen and nineteen." He repeated. Let's be honest I'm not big on asking for help." He admitted, though he had known about this flaw for a while he'd just never been able to correct it permanently."I missed everything." He added and shook his head slightly. He missed the first steps, words, even the first poop filled diaper. All the firsts he had, had with Alice and Lucas, he would never get those with Ryan or Ivy and Lacey. Not that being there for every first was the most important part of being a dad, but they were all memories that he would treasure. Now he had come to find out he'd missed all those things with one of his own kids and two that might as well have been his.


"Of course I want to be in their lives I'm Ryan's father, and if Caitlyn took in the twins that that meant I would have been their dad too. They both had big hearts." He replied with a small smile, Caitlyn and Lillian. Even though Lillian would have been upset about it at first she would have skinned him alive if he didn't help Caitlyn and the three kids.


Jake couldn't believe his ears at the mention of a job here. "Yes, I'll take it, I've been cooking for seventeen years so I can in fact cook. But, if I do take the job then my kids Alice and Lucas would be part of the package and that's not negotiable." Jake said quickly. "I'd really appreciate it if you would talk with Aiden for me." He said sincerely. This was perfect it gave him a new job, and place to live. The only problem was he'd be changing Alice and Lucas's lives more than he'd planned. Then again kids were resilient, and if he explained everything to them he was sure that they would accept things even sooner.


That was going to be a hard conversation, but hiding things often had a way of blowing up in one's face. However he still wasn't to sure if I would be better for Ryan and Twins to know who he was or not. On the one hand Ryan especially deserved to know who his father was, and on the other he hadn't had a dad up till now, and that might make things worse for him emotionally. At the mention of meeting them Jake froze slightly it was sort of like being in the delivery room again meeting his kids for the first time, but this would be completely different. He bit his lip as he collected his thoughts, "I tell you what, why don't you just tell then you know where to find me, and if they want to meet me then they can, if not then I'll keep my distance." He suggested, as he felt it wasn't totally his decision they had a say too.


"I don't want to make Ivy uncomfortable, and I know I'm rough around the edges; so if she wants you to handle the introductions that's fine too. I do have a seventeen year old daughter, so I have some experience with teenage girls, and I'll try and be sensitive." He replied, after all the last thing he wanted to do was turn their worlds even more upside-down. That and if Mara talked with them first it would probably lessen the blow of the situation. If only he had someone who could do that for his kids other than himself. Granted there was no guarantee that he would get the cook job, but he wanted it and it would probably be a good experience for his kids as well.

 

[PunkPrince]

"I'll go find them and try to talk to them," Mara said. "And maybe you could go talk to your kids too. The show is close to over."


As she spoke, the curtain parted again and Ryan returned backstage followed by Edwina–the only other performer with acrobatic abilities and one of the few with no physical oddities. The pair had likely just finished a performance together. Ryan flashed Mara a grin and grabbed a towel to rub off the sweat before following Eddie from the tent. Ivy and Lacey were about to follow after them, but paused as Lacey stopped to look curiously at Jake.


Mara looked back at Jake for a moment before following the group. "Ryan!" she called, causing them all to stop and look at her.


"I need to talk to you," she said quickly, then turning to the twins. "And you girls too. It's important."


She pulled the three into Ryan's trailer, and she watched the three sit on the edge of the bed. "What?" Ryan asked. "Is it bad?" They stopped, and she saw their eyes go wide. "Is someone dying? Last time you dragged me in here like this somebody was dead."


Mara sighed. What had she been thinking? She hadn't realized. "No one's dead," she said. "Everyone is fine." She sighed and then delved into her explanation about their father and his children and their arrival and new job with them. She couldn't tell what Ryan was thinking as she spoke. Normally she could always tell, but the kid was unreadable now. The twins weren't much better. Ivy seemed nervous, and Lacey's eyes were darting around the room, looking at just about everything but Mara.


"Are you okay?" she asked.


"Yes," Ryan said.


"Are you angry?"


"No." Ryan sighed. "I don't know. I've gone my whole life without him. I don't know how to react to him showing up now. I think I would like to meet him at some point, but..." they trailed off and stared at the floor. They had spent their entire life with their mother, and though she had spoken highly of their father, Ryan had never met him. If anything, they would have liked to meet their father when their mother had still been alive, and the idea that they would more likely have to do so without her made them nervous and reminded them of how very not over her death they were. "I just would have liked to do it with my mother."


Ryan sighed. There was the whole issue of their body. There was bound to be an issue somewhere. The first question a parent asked was whether a child was a boy or a girl, the first question out of a sibling was whether they had gotten a brother or a sister, and though the people that Ryan had grown up with were accepting of the fact that they were neither–and that their mother had chosen to leave their body alone until they were old enough to decide for themself what to do with it, and that Ryan had chosen not to choose a box–they were well aware of the fact that the outside world and those who inhabited it were not as open. It was why their legal documents were marked with male, it was why they repeatedly checked that box on forms even though the title didn't fit. There was no box for Ryan, and you couldn't check off both.


"What about you, girls?" Mara asked. "Are you all right?"


"He's not our dad," Ivy said. "I don't see why he wants to meet us. I don't want to talk to him or anybody else." Her voice was cold, but Mara knew it was only to mask her fears of an unfamiliar face.


"But I do," Lacey piped up softly. "Caitlyn liked him. And if he was nice around here before maybe he would be nice to us too."


"Yeah, but his kids won't be."


"You're so negative."


Ivy only glared at her.


Ryan looked up at Mara. "I want to meet him," they said quietly. "I can change and then I can talk to him. Or try to, at least. Just give me a couple of minutes. But I want you to stay with me in case he reacts...badly to me."

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake nodded slightly, this was all happening so quickly, he was having a hard time keeping up with what he should be thinking and doing. The sooner he talked with Alice and Lucas the better. The longer this whole thing stayed a secret the worse it would be when the truth came out. He was about to leave when he saw the curtain open again and saw Ryan for the second time, that was when it hit him. The reason he looked frimilar was because he had some of his mother's features. It was hard to think about her going through raising a kid all by herself, yes she had help but he honestly felt that it would have been easier if he had been there during those sleepless nights. He was pulled from his thoughts when he felt someone's eyes on him, and he gave Lacey or Ivy he wasn't sure just yet, which was which a small smile.


He exchanged glances with Mara and after she went to follow the trio of kids, he went to go find his two, to explain things to them. Fortunately they were both waiting for him by the tent exit, so it was easy to find them. "Hey guys, sorry about that, I uh ran it someone I knew along time ago..." Jake started but paused as he tried to think of what to say next.


"I knew it, I knew there was some reason, why you wanted to come to the circus." Alice chimed before Jake to think of what to say. "Let me guess it was a lady and you thought you would try and make a good impression huh?"


"Yes I did run into a woman but, I wasn't trying to make a good impression. But this is hard to say and there is any easy way to say it. So, if you'd both just let me get through this I'd appreciate it." Jake started again and his kids nodded. With that he explained how they would have to move because work had been so slow and wanted this to be a night of fun for all of them, which brought him to Caitlyn. Jake didn't go into all the details about her just that he'd met her before their mother and he loved her, but they couldn't stay together because he had to take care of his mother and siblings and she wanted to stay with the circus. After that he talked about his run in with Mara and that Caitlyn had died, and that they had a half sibling. Then that he was going to take the job as cook for the circus. It was then that the kids knew why their father had been acting weird these last few months.


Alice was in shock for a few moments and didn't say anything for awhile. "No, that's not right, and I'm not going." She finally said. "How is that even fair? Why should I be punished for your mistakes?!" She demanded and folded arms, "It's not my fault you weren't careful. And it's my senior year you just want me to give up my friends and school like it's no big deal?!" She practically shouted. For starters no one wants to hear their father say they loved someone other than their mother, but then to find out that out of guilt he was going to force her to completely change everything was just to much.


Lucas was quiet and trying to process everything. He never knew his mother but he knew his dad loved her very much, he also knew it wasn't like his dad was only supposed to have dated his mom either. The thought of changing everything and being surrounded by strangers though that really bothered him. He honestly wanted to cry but, he couldn't do that in front of his dad let alone Alice, who was still yelling at their father.


Jake let Alice get it all out and sighed, "I'm not punishing either of you. Unfortunately there isn't anything other option if it wasn't joining the circus then it would be moving to a small apartment in a crapy neighborhood." He replied, "And trust me I'm just as shocked as you both are to find out that there is another member of the family and two adoptive ones as well." Jake said.


He and Alice went back and forth for awhile until they had both had enough and Jake told her she was his daughter and she was going to do what he said. After that, she stormed away, to go cool off in the car. Lucas sighed, he hated it when they fought, and all this was just overwhelming. "I'm not happy about it, but I guess I get it. I'll be in the car." He said in a shaky voice. "Thank you and I'm sorry it happened like this, I love you." Jake replied softly happy that one of his kids was thoughtful like Lillian was. Lucas just nodded in response and headed for the car wanting some time to be alone.


Once at the car Alice proceeded to vent and try to get Luon her side. He learned that when either his sister of dad were upset it was best to just let them get everything out and only talk to them when they had both calmed down. Finally Alice had to stop to catch her breath and Lucas shrugged, "It's not fair and it sucks. But, dad's whole life is changing too, and I'd rather have a dad who's trying to do the right thing for all his kids instead of just leaving like he never knee the truth." He said trying to stay calm. "Whatever." Alice scoffed, though after she had a chance to calm down and really think about this Lucas knew she would agree with him.


Jake had followed Lucas from behind to make sure that both his kids made it to the car and were safe. After all when he was upset that was usually when he made bad decisions. Thankfully Alice was a bit more thoughtful, and Lucas was actually pretty mature from his age and thoughtful, it made things a bit easier on Jake.


Once he knew they were safe he started back for the circus tent in hopes of running into someone else he knew or Mara so he could find out how it went with Ryan and the twins. Also so he could find out about the job and what he'd have to bring and what he should leave behind. Then he'd have to try and find away to explain things to Alice better. He was nervous though similarly to when Lillian went into labor both times, worryingabout the baby and whether it was healthy, and would he be a good dad, mostly though would his child hate him?

 

[PunkPrince]

Mara left the group alone, and Ryan drifted over to their closet, not bothered by changing in the presence of their sisters. "It's not like you won't run into him eventually," they pointed out as they slipped out of their stage clothes and continued rummaging through the closet. "If he's gonna take my mom's job he's gonna be around here a lot."


"Well I don't know him," Ivy said. "And I don't trust him."


"Maybe that's why you have no friends," Lacey suggested.


It was obvious that Ivy wanted to snap at her twin, but she didn't. She remained silent.


It was unusually cold, and Ryan pulled on a navy and white striped sweater and a pair of leggings, debating on shoes for a moment before going with a pair of heeled sandals, pausing to look at their reflection in the mirror. They had their mother's facial shape, same color and shape eyes, the same chin, the same lips. Their hair was even similar aside from the color.


"He's not gonna be like Bruce," Ryan said reassuringly to the twins. "My mom loved him. At least I'd guess she did."


"Yeah well, she "loved" Bruce too."


Bruce had been their mother's previous boyfriend. She hadn't had many. Bruce had seemed nice at first, but he hadn't exactly been kind to them when their mother was absent. Ryan had only been about twelve at the time.


He had made constant jabs at them for their features, and smacked the twins around a good amount, frowning upon Ivy's shy nature and Lacey's over-exuberance. He had tried numerous times to get them to agree to be separated, though they never agreed, and he had become violent in an attempt to get his way, to get the twins to be "normal."


And then there was what he had done to Ryan, which was, in some ways, worse. He had known that they had originally been marked as male when they had been born, and the name was boyish too. He had wanted Ryan to behave as such, and had frequently beaten them in an attempt to get them to "butch up." And of course, Ryan never did. Not really. They had, for a time, attempted to. But Ryan was Ryan, and they just weren't masculine, no matter how hard they tried to be.


Shortly after they had met, Ryan had started their now usual monthly cramps and occasional bleeding, which had, most of the time, left them in pain and confined to the trailer. Their chest also started growing. It hadn't been expected, nobody had really known what to expect from Ryan during puberty. Even the doctors had told them they could only wait and see what happened.


This had only made Bruce even angrier, and when Ryan had been confined to the trailer--already in enough pain--he had fought with them and, more than once, punched them as hard as possible in the abdomen and then kicked them between the legs, saying, "If you're not a man, that shouldn't hurt you." Ryan had lied to their mother when she returned to the trailer and found them on the ground, saying that they had fallen.


Caitlyn had finally realized what was happening when she had accidentally walked into Ryan's room while they were getting dressed, Ryan having failed to close the door all the way. Ryan had been only in a bra and a pair of jeans, so the dark bruises on their body were exposed. She had gone to the twins, too, and of course, they had been hiding their own bruises. The three had, at that point, burst into tears and confessed everything to her.


Ryan was quiet for a moment as they reached up to the top of the wardrobe to grab their favorite hat–a black bowler cap. "I'll go by myself then," they said. "And I'll tell you how it goes. You can meet him later." They didn't bother with the fact that Mara would be there. After all, she'd been there when they'd met Bruce too. And she'd kicked the crap out of him once she'd found out what he'd been doing to them.


Ryan looked back at the twins for a moment. Lacey smiled at them, seemingly apologetic for her sisters nerves. Ryan slipped out the trailer door, the screen creaking behind them, and walked over to Mara. "I'm ready, they said, following the woman back the way she had come.


Jake was already back when she returned. "Ryan, this is Jake," she said. "Jake, this is Ryan."


Ryan gave the man a small smile as they stood next to Mara. "Hi."

 

[Shiremaiden]

As he walked back to the tent he couldn't help but feel overwhelmed with all sorts of emotions. Angry that, one he hadn't been told about his child and angry at himself that he hadn't been there for his baby. Whether he liked it or not, no matter how old Alice and Lucas got, that's how he saw them. He was sure, that despite not being there he'd see Ryan the same. He was also nervous, afraid, as well as a bit hopeful, and excited. This wasn't a bad thing, it would give him a chance to not necessarily make up for the eighteen year absence, but to be a part of Ryan's life, and the twins too. Provided they actually felt the same way about him as he did them.


Jake did he's best to calm his nerves and only focus on the good things about the situation. He now had a part of Caitlyn that he could enjoy on hopefully a regular basis. Much like he did with Alice and Lucas. Also now he had a chance to be around more, for all his kids with this new job. That meant he could be a better dad to all them. Granted him asking for help would probably be the last thing he'd do, but it was here if he needed it. Also if memory served he hadn't pissed off anyone to badly the last time he was here either. Therefore he was already in better standing with the preformers and crew than he was with his own family which was a bit sad but he didn't dwell on that. As long as no one insulted the women he loved, his parents, or his kids then he wouldn't break anyone's nose.


He saw Mara return and behind her Ryan, only Ryan. He could understand the twins not coming right away, he technically wasn't their father and given what Mara said about Ivy he wasn't suprised they didn't come. Well at least he knew that Lacey was considerate of her sister's feelings. So he figured that at the very least he'd hopefully be able to tell the twins apart from eachother. As they weren't the same person, and they did look slightly different from one another. As well as have different personalities too, so hopefully he'd be able to pick up on who was who even before they met properly and could make a good impression.


Jake took one deep breath just before Mara and Ryan came. Lillian always had to remind him to breath when he was stressed, as it helped give him a clear head, and made him well nicer. Apparently he was easier to deal with, as she said, when he was clamer, and didn't look like he was some crazed lunatic. There may have been something to that, but he figured everyone was nicer when they weren't stressed, not just him. This situation however was going to be full of all sorts of emotions on both sides.


Mara and Ryan both thankfully spoke first as Jake found himself inadvertently checking to make sure Ryan had all ten fingers, it was something he'd done when Alice and Lucas were born. Not that it really mattered, but it was oddly important in that instance for whatever reason. He smiled at the greeting, it was short and smiple, but it wasn't angry so that was a bonus. Jake extended his hand, he was going to give Ryan a good frim handshake. According to his father you could tell everything about a person from their handshake. "Hi." He replied not really sure if he should apologize right off the bat or if he should just focus on getting to know what made Ryan tick. Jake could see Caitlyn in some of the facial features much better now and that made him slightly more at ease.


It was at this point though that Jake realized that he wasn't sure if Ryan was boy or a girl. The ringmaster had said half man and half woman, but that couldn't be completely true. Ryan had a softer voice and did have breasts so Ryan must have been a girl right? "So, I'm guessing you have some questions for me, and I have some for you, so why don't we chat and get to know each other a bit better." He suggested, feeling that this was the best approach. He'd be able to explain why he was just now showing up, and that he would be involved as much or little as Ryan wanted. Though he wasn't above keeping an eye on her if he felt she needed, he was an over protective father at times.

 

[PunkPrince]

Ryan could see it the minute Jake looked at them. The same way everyone looked at them. It was no longer a surprise. It was just everyone trying to figure out exactly what they were. The man extended his hand to Ryan, and Ryan shook it. "It's nice to meet you," they said. "I've heard a lot about you. From my mom, I mean."


When Ryan had been younger, they had constantly bothered their mother for any information about their father at all. She had indulged it on occasion, but as Ryan grew older and realized that they were different from other people, they had stopped asking. They had just figured that their father–being outside the circus–would react to them the same way that everyone else outside the circus did. That fear, although faded, was still present now.


They looked at the man in front of them for a moment. They could pick out some of their features in his own face. They shared the same ears and the same nose, among other things. It was, for some reason, oddly reassuring to Ryan to know where some of their other features had come from.


"I'm sorry the twins aren't here," they added. "Ivy didn't want to come. She's not the best with new people. I'm sure she'll warm up to the idea eventually. If it helps, Lacey would have liked to come."


At the mention of chatting, Ryan stepped back toward Mara, who now stood behind them. "Um, yeah," they said quietly. "I think I'd like that." The subject of their gender was bound to come up, but they looked up to speak to Mara anyway. "You can go now," they said, which Mara knew meant 'You can go, but stay close in case I need you.' The woman nodded and flashed a smile towards Jake, gently caressing Ryan's cheek for a moment before she turned and headed off.

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake smiled slightly as he shook Ryan's hand for the first time. "It's nice to meet you too." He replied, not sure how exactly he should feel about what Caitlyn may have said. "I wish she would have told me about you, it would make this less awkward." Jake said softly.


He watched as Ryan rook in his features and he could see some of his own mixed with Caitlyn's. Jake shrugged at the mention of the twins, "It's okay I get it. I'm technically not their father. No need worry about me, I've got a pretty thick skin. But it's nice to know that Lacey did want to meet me." He replied. "You can tell them both hi for me later, and when Ivy is ready to meet me I'll be around." Jake added, he wasn't going to force the girl to do something she wasn't ready for. After all you were someone else while preforming, as you weren't exactly you on stage or in this case in the ring.


However it seemed as though he may have made Ryan a bit uncomfortable already with the mere mention of talking. Jake smiled when Ryan agreed and told Mara she could go. It would give them more of a chance to actually get to know one another better without having to worry about someone else over hearing things. Jake gave Mara a nod as she left, then turned his full attention back to Ryan.


"Listen, I know that you don't know me that well, but I want you to know that I am here for you if you need anything. And I'm really sorry about your mom, I was about your age when my dad died, so if you want to talk about it I'm willing to listen, or we can juse sit in silence too." Jake said sincerely. The sighed softly, "Sorry I'm not really sure what to do I've never done this before. Uh, why don't you tell me a bit about yourself, and then you can ask me whatever you want to know about me. From there I guess we can just see where the pieces fall." He said, as he was trying to plan out this conversation and what was and wasn't okay to say and do. He probably shouldn't hug her just yet given the circumstances, and he probably shouldn't mention Caitlyn again unless Ryan brought her up.


It was just hard not being sure what was okay to do with his child. Jake had always been able to hug Alice when she was going through something, and he had been able to do the same for Lucas as well up till now. He'd never being in a situation were his own kid, was a complete stranger. Jake didn't know what to talk about, be it reading, school work, their friends, or what they wanted for dinner. He didn't even Ryan's favorite food, color, if she had boyfriend, or any of the things he knew his other children. All he knew was he'd be playing a bit of catch up for awhile.

 

[PunkPrince]

Ryan stood almost perfectly still as Jake spoke to them, their face mostly expressionless. Why the hell had Ivy had to mention Bruce? The entire ordeal had been years ago, and they had all, for the most part, recovered from it. Ryan had a few scars that hadn't faded, but they had scars from a lot of things. Sometimes even good ones–like the time they had stood in to help Parker practice his knife throwing act. The knife had nicked their ear when they had moved suddenly. Their poor mother had thrown a fit.


Ryan absently fingered the small scar on their ear as they listened to their father's repeated apologies. "Thanks," they said. They shouldn't have let Mara go. They suddenly felt like their throat was going to close. "Um..."


Jake asked Ryan to tell him about themself, and Ryan had to stop themself from shrinking away from him. He needed to know. It wasn't like he wouldn't find out about Ryan eventually, if he hadn't started trying to piece things together already. They looked back over their shoulder, wondering how close by Mara was. Or anybody else, really. They picked up on the sound of things being moved toward the front of the tent–probably everyone cleaning up. Good. If anything bad happened, somebody would most likely hear it.


"I'm not a boy," they blurted quickly. "Or a girl. I'm...both, kind of?" It came out as a question. Ordinarily, Ryan wasn't afraid to talk about being the way they were, but this time was different, and they had forgotten how they told people before now.


Their muscles tensed, mostly because they were just trying to keep from shaking. "I mean–It's part of the reason my mom didn't tell you anything. She marked all of my stuff as male because she had to pick one, and the doctors were trying to get her to let them do surgery on me but she left....she left me alone."


They quickly took a step backward as they finished speaking, the words having been coming out at what felt like a million miles a minute. They let out a sigh, relieved to finally have that part done and over with, but didn't meet Jake's eyes again.

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake wasn't exactly sure why all of sudden things seemed to get really tense. He wasn't asking for Ryan to tell him anything she didn't want him to know. But then again this was a high emotion situation so he couldn't be to suprised for things to change on a dime. He was shocked at what Ryan blurted out, of course she wasn't a boy. Then though that's what really confused him Ryan wasn't one or the other, that wasn't right was it?


He could see how terrified Ryan was, he wasn't sure if there was one reason behind the child's fear or several. He wanted to stop Ryan and ask all sorts of questions, even if they were dumb. But he bit his tounge literally, so Ryan could finish their explanation. Jake wasn't exactly sure how to respond he, or what he was supposed to do with Ryan. Yes he did lots of "boy" things with Alice and did some "girl" things Lucas, but those were fore their own good. This however was a whole other game in a different country.


Taking breath allowed him to gather his thoughts a bit more, and looked over at Ryan who was now a bit further from him. "For now I'm just going to ask you two questions, are you healthy, and are you happy?" He asked gently. Thankfully his paternal instinct had kicked in those two things were the most important. What pronouns, and things Ryan liked to do could come later, along with relationships. It was going to be a learning process for Jake and he hoped he wouldn't screw things up to badly.


He sighed, "Screw it." He said under his his breath and stepped towards Ryan and pulled them into a hug. "It's okay, I'm your dad and I'm not gonna lie, I don't have any clue about be around you, other than as your father, and I don't understand this. But, uh, if you are patient with me I'll try my best to understand." He said and squeezed Ryan a bit tighter before he let them out of the hug. "I guess I do have other questions, but those can wait for now." He said softly. He was also going to have to chat with Mara again to get more insight into Ryan and Caitlyn's thought process behind the whole male thing and not having surgery.


Then there was also the matter of how Alice and Lucas would react to this when they found out. It seemed like Jake was just getting more and more to pile on them, maybe they'd be able to understand Ryan better than him, or maybe not. He certainly hoped they'd be pretty understanding, if not he just wasn't sure what he'd do.

 

[PunkPrince]

Ryan could feel their heart in their throat as they waited for Jake's response. They stood, still tense, against the support beam of the tent, waiting for something, anything. Anger, disgust, acceptance, anything at all, though disgust and confusion were two things they had grown to expect over the course of their life.


But the reactions Ryan expected did not come. Only two simple questions. As far as Ryan knew, they were healthy. Their indeterminate sex was an oddity, but posed them no health risks. The only real problem they ever had was around their time of the month, which was always accompanied by cramps so severe that Ryan was left unable to move, and several flu-like symptoms that kept them exhausted and then vanished without a trace before the end of the week. But that was something common in women too, maybe not to Ryan's extent, but still.


And they knew they were happy. They would be happier if their mother were still around, but otherwise, they were happy and surrounded by people who loved and supported them. So they nodded and softly said, "Yes."


And then came the hug–something that surprised Ryan to the point where they jumped slightly. After a moment or two they allowed themself to relax. "I...thank you," they said quietly.


Thinking back on the man's earlier question, Ryan said, "I just thought I should tell you before anything else. But..." they shrugged, suddenly not sure what to say about themself. "Um, I play the piano. I like musicals, and video games, and jewlery–mostly anything shiny, actually. My favorite movie is The First Wives Club, and my favorite musician is David Bowie."


Ryan's love of musicals was a trait shared with their mother, as well as the jewlery hoarding habits. The inside of their trailer was plastered with old posters from Broadway shows and musicals that they had liked–as well as some they hadn't but Caitlyn had, and the jewlery box they had once shared with Caitlyn still rested on their dresser, filled to the brim with things of their own and those that had once belonged to their mother. On occasion they would wear something of hers. Caitlyn had once said that she wanted them and the twins to divide it amongst themselves, but the trio had never been able to after she had died, and the entire box was now shared between them.

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake relaxed slightly hearing that Ryan was healthy and happy. Those were any parents main concern about their children the rest could come later. He'd try to not offered Ryan with his questions which would probably be either stupid, or insensitive but he was learning and hopefully they'd get through it together. The hug may have come to soon but, it felt right to Jake even though it seemed to startle Ryan a bit. "You're welcome." He replied though he wasn't really sure what he was being thanked for, perhaps the hug and not pestering them with all sorts of questions right off the bat.


He couldn't help but smile as Ryan listed some of their favorite things, some it seemed they shared with their mother. "Your mother liked musicals and jewelry, it's nice that someone else will probably try to culture me." He chuckled softly, it wasn't that he didn't like musicals pre se, he just didn't really have the time to sit for more than an hour. So he had seen most.of the shows Caitlyn liked, but he enjoyed listen to her tell him all about each show. Jewelry he wasn't the best with that either, but he could do shiny. Alice was similar, she liked jewelry too, as long as it wasn't to flashy.


"The First Wives Club, was pretty good if memory serves, and I like alot of the stuff Bowie put out." He commented. "I like alot of the music from the eighties, and I don't have a favorite movie, but my favorite books are Sherlock Holmes, and the Jack Reacher books." He replied, stake outs were boring so he'd read to help pass the time. "You'll have to.play the piano for me sometime, I can't read a note to save my life but someone has to be in the audience right?" He smiled, and looked at Ryan. "Any boyfriend or girlfriend I should know about?" He asked curiously, though he'd more than likely turn into over protective dad if Ryan was seeing anyone.


He couldn't help it, he just hated the idea of any of his kids getting their heart broken or being taken away from him. Realisticallyhe knew that they would eventually have to go through that but he wanted to put it off for as long as possible, especially since he wasn't sure how he'd do with the emotional part that went along with first love and heartbreak. "You're a talented preformer, that I know you got from your mother. I never really liked the spotlight unless the situation was right and for me it usually never ends well so lucky me the situation rarely is right." He said and shoved his hands in his pockets.


"Was there anything you wanted to know about me or your half siblings?" Jake asked, "I'm an open book and they pretty much are too. My job sort of made us that way I think, for better or worse." He added, hoping that this trait would help the three of them get settled and make friends faster than if they did keep things to themselves.

 

[PunkPrince]

Ryan blushed slightly when their father asked if they were seeing anyone. "Oh, um, no," they stammered. They had basically grown to accept the idea that it was highly unlikely that they would find anybody that could accept their body the way it was. And while they had taken interest in a few people throughout their life–mostly boys–they never really seemed to be very interested in Ryan.


They had to smile when Jake complimented their performance. "Thank you," they said quietly. "My mom didn't want me to perform but I eventually badgered her enough that she caved, and before that I was already learning all my acrobat stuff from Eddie." They had started learning from Eddie when they were about nine or so, around the time the other acrobat–a Russian woman named Maria–had decided to retire and settle down. Eddie had been heartbroken. Maria was the closest thing to a mother that she had ever had. But on the bright side, they all still saw her when they passed through Virginia, where she had settled after leaving. And every time she commented on how tall Ryan was getting.


They had to think when Jake asked if there was anything they wanted to know about their half siblings. Ryan wasn't sure what to say. They had gone their entire life unaware of these siblings, and they didn't really know how to react to them now. "I don't know," Ryan said. "I mean, I think it'd be good to know at least some general stuff, but I'm not really sure what I want to know. Anything, I guess."


"Is there anything else you want to know about me?" Ryan asked.


(I'm sorry it's so short! I haven't been feeling well lately.)

 

[Shiremaiden]

Jake nodded thoughtfully, he was in a way glad that at least for now Ryan wasn't seeing anyone. It would just add to the list of things he hadn't been there for, as well as another person he'd have to keep his eye on. "Well there's no need to hurry into a relationship. I've been single most of my life, and it's not the worst thing in the world." He replied. Jake had a few girlfriends before Caitlyn but even if you added his time up with them it would have been about a year then there was two weeks with Caitlyn. After that about two and a half years with Lillian, finally a few months here and there after she'd passed away. So in his whole life maybe four years total were spent in romantic relationships while he cared for the women at the time it was a significant amount of time being with someone in that capacity. He'd been a father longer than he'd been someone's boyfriend and husband.


He smiled, "You're welcome." He replied and listened intently to how Ryan had gotten their start in preforming. "I'm sure she was just trying to protect you, there are wolves in the world. And even though we probably shouldn't do it, all parents try and keep that fact from our kids for as long as possible. Being in the spotlight just makes it easier for the wolves to find you." He said softly and shook his head. The day his kids found out that not everyone was nice broke his heart, it was a harsh lesson but one that everyone needed to learn.


"Well is suppose you should know Alice is alot like me, very stubborn and a bit of a hothead so just give her some time and eventually she'll calm down and come to her senses. She wants to be nurse so she's working hard for that. Lucas is shy, and not like me at all thank goodness, he's like his mother more calm and thoughtful. He doesn't really know what he wants to do yet, and he's not the best with strangers but if you give him some time hell eventually open up." He answered and thought about what else to ask Ryan, as the answer was he wanted to know everything, like when they first walked, said their first word, what they dreamed about being.


"Well I'd just like to get to know the whole you really. I mean I missed a lot and I know I can't make up for that, but I'd like to know what makes you tick, and the way you think. As well as why you think those things. Which I know is deep and intense and I'm a stranger and I don't have any right to know those things yet. So how about you tell me what the best part of preforming is and is this the career you'd like to have?" Jake asked curiously.


(It's okay, I've got a sinus infection right now and it's hard for me to focus right now.)

 

[PunkPrince]

Ryan smiled thoughtfully at Jake's question. "I think," they said, "I just like showing what I can do. I like the rush performing gives me. I guess it probably sounds conceited, now that I say it out loud. But I do like entertaining people. I like showing that I'm more than what other people think of me as." They looked down at themself for a moment and shrugged. "But I think this is the career I'd like to have, yes. I don't think I could do something more typical even if I wanted to. I'm used to moving around and seeing new things. Stopping in one place just wouldn't feel right for me."


They supposed that they performed, in part, for the same reason a lot of their fellow performers did. To show that they could still accomplish great things despite their oddities. For some of them–like Mara–the thing that others simply considered strange was actually an asset to them.


Ryan had been walking as they spoke, and for a moment they stopped at a cooler near the side of the tent, leaning down to pull a can of Pepsi from it. They popped the tab to open it and took a sip, looking over at Jake to acknowledge that he was welcome to something if he chose.


"Aiden will probably let you have that job," they said suddenly as they lifted the cooler and carried it to a nearby trailer. "I don't think anybody likes the current way we have to shift around cooking duties. You never know if breakfast is going to be amazing or make you gag."


They opened the trailer door and stepped inside. Unlike most of the other trailers, this one was solely a kitchen. It had once been their mother's workstation for all her meals. She had taken great pride in the place back when she was still alive.


They opened the refrigerator and began transferring the drinks from the cooler. Most of the ice in the cooler had melted already, and the drinks had begun to get warm.