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Fantasy Tales of Ristafel

"T-to huddle? But that is...!".


The archivist's heart shone with the force of a thousand suns, Usually, Laria would have tried to hide her excitement with her hands, but in this case they were already trying to cover the red in her cheeks. Such propositions this early in their relationship?


"T-that is too lewd!", she finally managed to utter.


But the exotic knight's embrace didn't last for long, as Beltway swiftly stepped between them. From their side, all she could do is watch the sparks that emanated from this tense clash. Yes, they were fighting for her. For her love. It was exactly like in her romantic novels.


Thousands of exciting thoughts, some more pure than others, passed by the librarian's mind at the speed of light. Sadly for the poor Etherborn, her delicate gem heart could not keep up with the pace of her head, and not without a sigh of passion and a tad overacted movement of her right hand to her front, her body fainted and fell into the ground with the grace and gentleness of a feather.

[...]




Ragnvald and Ajax stood in a small grove, too insignificant to even be considered a tiny forest.


But there was a problem. Most of these trees were short, very short. In fact, some of them were even shorter than the giant monk. At most, only two of these trees seemed to be able to get close to the other side of the hole, but they definitely weren't large enough by themselves to be able to construct a bridge.


Although maybe something could be done with them.

[...]




Pressmaster Crawley continued the exploration of the dark cave with his recently found but already faithful oil lamp.


Inside the room with the tools, behind the two giant piles of iron, he was able to find a really long coil of rope and what seemed to be some sort of foldable ladder made of a series of small wooden planks tied to two old ropes. The coil seemed in a fairly good state (or at least, for something that had been in a cave like that for so long), and it was approximately 30 meters long, more than enough to cross the gap twice. However, not the same could be said about the ladder; of almost half the size of the rope and in much worse conditions, Crawley was lucky it didn't crumble on touch. Perhaps it could still be used to make a quick bridge to the other side, but it was probably not a good idea.


Besides the tool stand, he also found five large iron rods of unknown utility, as long as two and a half meters each one. One of the extremes of each one of these poles was sharpened into a dangerous tip, so pointy they could even be used as lethal spears if it wasn't for the fact that they were too heavy to be practical.


Crawley also tried to venture a little into the depths of the main tunnel. As expected, it was a narrow hole with obvious man-made chunks carved out of the wall, probably from the places where there used to be iron veins. The only thing he could hear down there were his own footsteps. The shaft was fairly straight, with only a few bifurcations that very obviously led to dead ends. Indeed, it was a straight tunnel, much straighter than what the Pressmaster ever was. There was no way of getting lost in those tunnels unless you were blind, deaf and lacked arms and legs, but luckily the ambitious seaman was none of those.


But he walked and walked, and the mine kept adventuring itself into the depths of the mountain. There seemed to be no end to it. Perhaps it would be a good idea to go back before it is too late.
 
With a samurai's swiftness, Hachi sidestepped around the bard, deftly maneuvering the flat librarian into a princess carry.


"How like you barbaric foreigners to cause a girl such fright and exhaustion with your mere presence." he spoke, turning around, "I suppose it falls upon men like myself to support our weaker comrades."


"....By the way, we should get smelling salts when we next enter town. If this keeps up, we'll be lost without a guide."
 
"Aye yer a good'un." Pressmaster Crawley noted while carrying the lamp as he continued his venture through the mines. Whatever the rest of the crew was doing back there, was not really of his concern at the moment. Especially if they were going to do something that was an incredible waste of time, such as possibly fighting over a girl. Pressmaster Crawley thought of it for a moment, before he burst into laughter.


"Bwahahahaaa! Aha ah." He held out his lantern further as he wiped a stray tear from his eye. Ah, that subject of amusement never grew old. Fighting over an object of affections, it was one he had seen on plenty of shore leaves. It tended to lead to some funny results. Crawley blinked as he noticed something of use.


With a smirk plastered on his face, Crawley stroked his beard with his free-hand. "Well, well, well. What 'ave we 'ere?" He held out the lantern as he examined something that stood out behind the iron. While iron was useful, there was not enough time to forge it into ammunition for the cannons. However, they were not near port at all, nor the ship no less. So the iron, really wasn't as useful here as before. But what was useful was the coil of rope and the make-shift ladder.


Crawley peered at the ladder intently as he poked at it. The device seemed, unstable to say the least. The wood which held it looked rotting to the point where it'd snap upon even the least bit of actual pressure upon it. "Hn. Ain't fit fer a deck." He shook his head as he made a few tsking noises. His mood was brightened as he noticed the coil. Holding the lantern up, he proceeded to visibly inspect the rope. It was a long coil, looked sufficient and well-maintained. Truly it was a boon that the rope survived as long as it did.


And Crawley wasn't one for wasting resources. He pondered on whether or not to stuff the coil in his backpack. But he decided against it as he grabbed the coil from its current position and kept it in his free-hand. "A good fine." He muttered out to himself, as he continued onwards.


For a brief moment he examined the iron rods. They were prestigious looking, with a nice size girth to them. Beyond that they had their points sharpened into a fine tip. He placed down the worn lantern for a brief moment as he picked up one of the rods. "Aye hefty piece o'work are ye? A big tool o'men past. Oh I can think of uses fer such a tool, perhaps t'same thing t'men who used it before would use it for." He glanced at the rod as he proceeded to move it in his hand.


After holding it for a fair period of time, he decided against bringing it with him. After all, he already his marlin spikes in his backpack. They were a superior tool than those heftier ones anyway. Crawley gingerly picked the lantern back up, as he glanced around the room once more.


Finishing up the exploration in this particular room, he decided to go down another pathway. It was a nice shaft, but something seemed off about it. It was too straight. Surely the miners who worked in these chambers had to have carved out some deviancy to this straight tunnel. But, as it currently appeared, this tunnel was just as straight as it seemed.


It was a strange thought. Crawley continued his expedition down the tunnel for sometime before a thought dawned upon him. Well besides the hope that the tunnel would eventually become curved further on. Well, I've got t'rope. It's long enough fer getting past that chasm back up thar. With that revelation, Pressmaster Crawley decided to head back up towards where he had left the crew.


-----


As Crawley began heading back upwards, he found that a mood of merriment struck him. He licked at his lips as he held up his trusty lantern, and kept a tight hold of the coil of rope. Walking along back the path he came, Matthew was whistling out a tune. Eventually he broke out into singing it proper.


"'Twas Friday morn when we set sail/


And we had not got far from land/


When t'Cap'n, he spied a lovely mermaid/


With a comb 'n a glass in 'er hand./"


He paused in the song for a moment as he began chuckling. "Ah but not this'ere Cap'n." Crawley said to himself, as he returned to humming the tune. Soon enough he would get back to the crew back up in the higher up section of the mines. And when he got there, they could finally start preparing to get over that little problematic hole that was there. After all, this problematic hole wasn't going to solve itself. Crawley would have to solve it, and make its passage past available for all.
 
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Satisfied with the pickaxe's durability and weight, Lily slid its shaft under her belt, pleased by the solid feel of it at her side. She had no idea why she was taking it when she had a perfectly usable axe and no knowledge of mining, but she took it anyway. After all, it seemed nobody was coming back for it.


Following the pressmaster's investigations, Lily found the pointed iron rods. Instantly curious, she hefted one and was surprised by the weight. Something like this would break through my scales and just keep going! she thought. It must certainly have been useful in breaking through hard stones. Impressed, she slid the rod into her bag, taking care to have the pointed end down. Pointy thing goes in up, pointy thing comes out up, and pointy things hurt.


She wasn't done with the iron rods, though. No no, she had to try them. It was no good to just keep one handy if she didn't know what she could do with it. Grabbing another rod as close to the balanced center as possible - perhaps a bit behind the center, away from the pointed end. With no other good targets in sight, she took a step toward the pile of iron ore and heaved the rod at it like a javelin. Toward the pile it flew, its aim quite true. After all, the target wasn't very far away from her.
 
Beltway scoffed. To think that this brash foreigner knew anything of his actions was foolish, but even Hachi should have recognized just who Laria fainted over.


"Tis not surprising to see a foreigner ill of mind. Mine actions have had nonesuch an effect as thine have. What felled the beauty? 'Tis thy lewd nature! Steeple thyself, and know the benefits of restraint!"


Beltway drew his dirk, and presented it to Hachi. At the same time, he drew his other dirk. Beltway had fought plenty of duels in his time, though the idea of it being officially documented was alien to him. Nonetheless, he realized that wounding and possibly murdering a companion in the middle of the wilderness rarely looked good to the rest of the party.


"Lay the fair lady down, and prepare me a writ of combat, foreigner. We shall fight to the first rose, and none further! Whosoever succeeds shall own the heart of thy victim! Thou shalt taste my blade's kiss, and know the consequences of thy transgression!"
 
Amused by the tune, he decided he would continue on with it as he headed back towards the chamber in which the rest of the group probably was. Since they didn't go out with him to explore the cavern for supplies; Matthew simply assumed they were wasting time. Well it was shore-leave, but even he decided to go loot this tomb. And before that, they needed supplies to get over that hole. Hopefully there were at least a few members of the crew which were somewhat competent, and would not just goof around without scrounging. Well at least from the mine group. Didn't that hulking monster and that apeman decide to go take trees? After finishing a few quick thoughts he returned to singing.


"Up spoke t'Cap'n of our gallant ship/


And a brave old skipper was he/


'This fishy mermaid has warned me of our doom


We shall sink to t'bottom of t'sea'"


After finishing the lyrics, he had a smile on his face as he whistled a bit. Pressmaster Crawley continued to keep a good hold of the coil of rope, and the lantern as he continued his expedition back. "Perhaps, I should sing of t'good ship 'n crew next." He mused to himself.


And that was when he returned back to the room of tools he had passed through earlier. And, it appeared that the disobedient one, Lily, out of all of them was here. Pressmaster Crawley swaggered on up as he began laughing. "Och-aye! Least y'have sense fer scroungin' supplies! Bet t'rest of t'crew ain't doin' nothin' o'use, while we are. Granted, it be shoreleave, a non-serious time. And we be on land fer lootan a tomb, and not at sea." He paused for a moment, "Fellow fan of t'rod?"
 
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"Eager, are we? Just promise you won't back out like the last foreigner." Hachi said, leaning Laria against the wall. He pulled out a scroll and brush, and began to write.


"Okay. You challenged me, so put those kitchen knives away. If you want it nonlethal, at least use wooden swords." he said, pointing to a pair of rusted pickaxes. Stepping away from the paper for a moment, he yanked the handles free of the iron heads, and presented one to Beltway.


"You challenge me, so I pick swords. It's nonlethal, so it's best we use something blunt. Yes?" he explained, and went back to writing.


"Okay. The place and time is here and now. Sign here. This is the death waiver. It says that in the event either of us die, no vengeance is to be sought by our friends and family. In this way, clans aren't destroyed over a mere duel." he pointed at his strange moon runes, pointing to an empty space.
 
Ajax shrugged, snorting like a bull. He'd only worked up a light sweat and didn't seem to be at a loss for air despite having crossed three kilometers in such a short time. He smirked at the green-skinned monk, whether it was friendly or not it was hard to say but Ajax had been quite peaceful since they'd actually started the quest. "You're not just big huh. Pretty good, much better than the loser with the squeaky shoes. Yes, always good to know the crew's reliable". Yes indeed, Ajax might just have to fight this man when all was said and done. He looked like he'd be worth the time.


As for the trees, well, he hadn't really paid attention to them on the way over, so he had no idea that they'd be too small to work. He scratched the back of his head as he stared at the rather miserable timber available, noticing only two even looked like they might be good for anything. "So...one each?", he proposed. It'd be a good way to see just how strong this Ragnvald was. Sides, he wanted to get back and examine the cave as well, mines weren't just emptied out like that for no good reason. There must be something fun in there.
 
Vallen observed the goings on as he was told, his face turning to an annoyed and tired expression. He found himself muttering under his breath, fists clenched. "Back out? Of course he'd think I was a coward... I only obeyed Emeralds wishes for no bloodshed..." After a while of this, he turned back to El Saldo, speaking quietly so his words hopefully are not overheard and don't cause more conflict. "I think it's entirely unfair to Laria, certainly. She isn't even awake, and there's been a duel declared for 'ownership of her heart.' Hachi needs to mind his overbearing forwardness, true, but I'd say Beltaway is just as keen on taking advantage of Laria's innocence. I would have intervened myself if I had not just arrived, but as an excuse to show that overconfident helmet-faced fool that I'm not afraid of him, not to woo poor Laria like that womanizing bard."
 
Beltway eyed the unwieldy, rotten hunk of wood Hachi had decided to use as this duel's "weapons" with a contemptuous glare, but opted to take it anyway.


"A blunted blade is hardly useful for drawing blood, good sirrah. So long as thou art accepting rules for this engagement, I have some of mine own. No blows below the belt or neck, of course. No armor, for thou art clad in fine steel and I in leather. I will sign thy waiver, though death shall not visit this house tonight!"


As Beltway signed Hachi's death waiver, that thuggish 'monk' from before muttered to himself about how he isn't a coward for caving to an acquaintance's wishes and backing down from a fight started over said acquaintance. It was hardly a rare occurence to see someone justifying anything to themselves, so Beltway paid it no heed.


"Art thou ready? Though this handle is scarcely useful as a weapon, it shall be enough to split thy ego in twain!"


Beltway briefly put his handle down as he wriggled out of his studded-leather hauberk. Now shirtless, he flexed his biceps and picked the handle back up with a fanciful flourish.


"Now, who shall start this fight?"
 
El Saldo sighed, content to watch the mayhem happen. In fact, he almost let himself chuckle a little bit. Almost. It wasn't every day that you got to see two complete strangers from strange lands fight. He would learn a great deal from this glorious battle. But first, his student required answers, and El Saldo was obliged to give them... in his own roundabout way.


"Their cultures differ, and you are not familiar with them. Observe them further," he requested of his student. "And view the grander image. This is your first true lesson. Tell me, what are they truly fighting for? Answer me this question when their fight is done. For now, watch, observe, and enjoy."


The foreign pilgrim was indeed keen to watch. He perched himself on the edge of one of the wheelbarrows, arms crossed in front of him. "Oh, my student, while they fight I have another question. Why do you believe the innocent young lady reacted the way she did?"
 
Lily lifted another rod as the pressmaster entered the room. This one she set across her shoulders, hanging her arms from it as she turned to face him. "I'm a rogue. Getting supplies from those who don't need them is what I do." She shrugged, the rod rising and falling with her shoulders. "And these rods wouldn't make very good fans. They'd be better for stabbing people because they're long, hard, and pointy, though they're a bit too unwieldy for most."
 
Pressmaster Crawley just stared at Lily for a moment. He looked a tad flummoxed as soon as she talked about the rods being used as a fan. Was she a foreigner, or did he just not explain himself properly? The thoughts roamed in his mind for a brief passing moments. "Fer t'rod, was askin' more if y'liked 'em." He then racked his mind as he remembered he used the rods a fairly short time ago. "Aye they be good tools. But ain't as concealable as other tools like it. Got some on me, but it prolly be best fer me ta be gettin' back wit' t'rope. So t'crew can finally get o'er t'hole."
 
"I don't think even the tallest trees here are gonna reach, man. ...We're gonna have to take more than one each if we want to do this in one trip."


He crouched down, reaching as low on the tallest tree as he could, inhaled deeply, and with a loud cry began chopping at it with his hands. Bark and wood chips were flying off like sparks from a forge with each strike, leaving a visibly larger indentation each time.


"The *thwack* master *thwack* at *thwack* the *thwack* mon *thwack* as *thwack* tery *thwack* had *thwack* us *thwack* do *thwack* to *thwack* gather *thwack* firewood. "


He stopped to remove a few large splinters from his hand.


"Said that using our hands would make us appreciate the ingenuity of tools more. Just made me realize how much an axe weighs."
 
Ajax rubbed his hands together and cracked his knuckles loudly, more out of nearly unconcsious habit than for any real meaning or purpose. As the monk went about chopping the tree down, quite impressive truth be told, Ajax had a simpler approach. He crouched as well, knees bent and back straight, but rather than drive his hands into the wood he instead circled them around the trunk in what almost appeared to be a hug. And then he drove his fingers into the bark. With a loud crunching noise, he used his grip strength to push his digits deep into the wood.


"See, in my case it was more..." he stopped talking for a moment as he tensed his body up, making sure he had a good grip and footing. "Trees are big, heavy, tough. They don't usually put up a fight but they're a good way to train, lots of uses for a good tree" he continued as he began to tug up. The tree groaned and strained against this assault, but Ajax would not be denied and soon its roots had to relinquish their hold or snap apart. With a series of sounds not unlike those of a living animal being slaughtered, Ajax heaved and uprooted the tree, holding it aloft.


"I figured we'd be good with just the two big ones".
 
Hachi threw off his armor's overcoat, and started to undo the ties and such holding his armor together. First his gauntlets fell to the ground, then his cuirass followed with a loud clack of the iron plates. Next, the samurai removed his shirts, revealing a torso wrapped with tight, ropy muscle. With slow, deliberate movements, he rolled his arms, cracking the joints in his shoulders, elbows, wrists and fingers.


Lastly, the samurai reached up to his chin, and undid a small cord around his chin. Slowly, he lifted his helmet, revealing a short mane of black hair matted to his head. Running both hands through it, he ruffled the tufts, tousling the hair into place.


Hachi opened his amber eyes, and stared at Beltway. His metal faceplate was still attached to his mouth.


"Is this adequate, or shall we simply fight naked?"
 
Beltway studied Hachi's body. It wasn't a surprise that such a bold warrior had such a toned body. However, his insistence on wearing that faceplate was unusual. Perhaps he was scarred hideously? In that case, keeping him away from Laria would be a boon for both her and himself.


"Nay, good sirrah, thy trousers and thy disguisement may remain; thou hast taken what I requested in good faith, and now 'tis time to show thy good skill."





Beltway gripped his pick-handle tightly, his white knuckles layered with sweat and flecks of cave moss. Beltway exhaled deeply, relaxing his muscles and clearing his mind of stress. He went over any number of potential strategies taught to him by old Spikes "Harvey" Rotten, the armsmaster of the Unceasing Narrative; most of them were based around mutilating the opponent's digits and sensory organs. With a sly grin, he looked to Hachi, and pointed the end of his handle at him.


"Match thy blade with mine, ere we match blade to flesh. May thy strikes fly fast but untrue, and may this fight be told for ages to come!"
 
"The two big ones it is, then. Let's head back."


The monk stomped out the ashes of the fire that never quite got started, returning his teapot to his pack before finishing felling his tree with a mighty kick. He dusted his hands off before slowly raising the tree to his shoulder.


"You know, the gliding leap thing tends to freak people out. They think I'm some kind of punchwizard."
 
And so, Pressmaster Crawley with his rope and his lantern shook his head. "Well best be off." He noted to Lily, as he gave a parting nod. "Hole won't fix itself." With his rope and marlin spikes, to secure said rope. It would serve as a fine method of getting past the hole. And so, he headed out of the room and through the mines.


Passing by, he noticed the main chamber in which, something was going down. Perhaps a sparring match. It was shore-leave tradition to engage in such merry fighting. But, Crawley wanted to get through with this quickly and did not stop to watch the festivities that were sure to go down.


So he left the mines, while whistling a tune to himself. Once out of the mines, he headed back to return to the source of the predicament. The hole, while it was frightful and stopped many, it would not stop Crawley.


For he would master it, and build the way across so he could finish the silly diversion and return back to where he truly belonged. The ship was waiting for him after all.
 
"Er, I don't particularly LIKE rods. They're useful and are part of life, but they're nothing special. I mean, many men carry them, but they're only a tool." Lily had no idea why the man wanted to know if she liked rods, but she saw no reason not to answer. It was an innocent question, after all.


Lily shortly followed the pressmaster out of the room, figuring the man had looked over the path further along and had returned because there was nothing of interest. The room she was in had nothing else of interest to her as well, so there was no sense in staying anyway. Unlike the seaman, though, she stopped when she saw the duel starting. She had been wondering what the samurai was like beneath his armor, and was impressed by his build. She was also interested in seeing how the bard fared in combat, and she wouldn't let the opportunity go to waste.


Or maybe, just maybe, she was simply distracted by the two.
 
Ajax adjusted the tree so it sat squarely over his right shoulder as well and snorted at the monk. "Travel around enough, fight enough and things stop being surprising. Are you actually a wizard? If you are my opinion of you just went down drastically, but it's still not very strange to me all things considered and you haven't been an insufferable little shit like some other people, so you'd still be sort of okay". Even with the trees, it shouldn't take either of them very long to return to where the others were and Ajax idly wondered if there'd be any fun to be had in the cave.
 
"Nah, I'm all about the training. I mean... yeah, there's a lot of crazy shit that comes from seeking spiritual perfection, but it ain't magic any more than learning how to fish. Keep your balance well enough and you can stand on water, keep pushing the air with your legs and you jump stupid distances, that sort of thing."


The two began lugging the trees up the mountain, Ragnvald stopping about halfway up to adjust the tree after his shoulder started to cramp up.


---


"...And anyway, that's when the monks opened the windows on the box, and it turned out the baby was actually a sack of meat and tiger hormones. So I was protecting a sack of nothing from a bunch of frustrated tigers. The training was all ABOUT bullshit metaphors."
 

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