Tidnas
Flopper
"The Prince of the Light... Ireland's Child of Light... Son of Lugh... The Hound of Ulster... He goes by many names. But Cú Chulainn - the Hound of Culann, is his most widely known one. Some respect him, some hate him, some fear him, and some desire him. A body so strong, no one can hurt it. A soul so pure, no one can corrupt it. One thing is for sure... nothing will stop this man." - A random storyteller.
- Name: Cú "Sétanta" Chulainn
- Also known as: "Puppy"
- Age: Unknown. Appears to be in his late twenties.
- Gender: Male
- Personality: Cú Chulainn is extremely carefree and somewhat lazy, showing interests in a great variety of things. He now travels here and there after having finished his duty as the heroic figure of Irish mythology. Though his godly powers remains intact, he himself does not wish to have any conflicts, and would prefer resolving one in peace. He is very friendly, so friendly that he could easily forget all the bad stuffs people do to him. He enjoys being petted and having his dog ears scratched would make you the best of his friends.
...Cú-chan is also pretty childish.
- Bio: Cú Chulainn was an unstoppable warrior hero in Irish legend who was renowned throughout the British Isles for his unmatched prowess in combat, his superhuman deeds, his Justin Timberlake-like good looks and his infamous "Warp Spasm" - a violent bloodthirsty berserker rage which caused his face to contort into hideous positions, made his hair to stand up on end, and prompted one of his eyes to bulge out of his head, making him look like the sort of like the "pwned" face while he totally flipped out, felt no pain and cut down his enemies like a lawnmower hacking up grass at a country club for rich jerks.
As a young man, Cú Chulainn was a champion at Hurling, the traditional Irish sport where a bunch of guys take these big-ass shillelaghs and whack lead cannonballs at each other's heads (think field hockey meets baseball meets 17th century nautical warfare). But Cú Chulainn wasn't the sort of guy who would be satisfied just by being the Michael Jordan of the National Hurling League, so one day he headed out to join the illustrious order of warriors known as the Red Branch Knights. Well his first day on the job he was supposed to go to a party at the home of this guy named Culann. Culann was well-known throughout the island as having the biggest, meanest, most ferocious and fearsome guard dog in all of Ireland, sort of like Clifford the Big Red Dog crossed with a starving Pit Bull and a food processor. Well Cú Chulainn showed up late to the party, and this dog completely flipped out and started trying to tear him a new esophagus. In self-defense, Cú Chulainn swung his hurling stick and killed the fucking crazy dog. When everybody saw what he had done, they gained considerable respect for Cú Chulainn's strength but were understandably pretty upset that this kid had just moked out their friend's dog. Cú Chulainn volunteered to act as Culain's personal guard dog until he could train a replacement, and he proved to be one of the best guards Culann ever had (Cú Chulainn actually translates to "The Hound of Culann", a nickname that our Cú-chan loved so much he used as his own personal name from this point on).
For the next few years, Cú Chulainn rose through the ranks of the Red Branch Knights. He was young, beardless, and by all accounts one of the most attractive men in the country, so obviously he had all these chicks falling all over him all the time. Since most of the guys around him were starting to a little jealous (and a little worried that he was going to pull a dickbox on one of their desperate housewives), they told Cú Chulainn that he needed to hurry up and get married. Cú Chulainn eventually fell in love and decided he wanted to marry the beautiful princess Emer, daughter of Lord Forgall the Wily. Well when Cú Chulainn finally got up the sack to ask Emer for her hand in marriage, she was all like, "Yo I ain't want no scrubs", and told him he wasn't distinguished enough to be her man, and that she also couldn't marry someone who wasn't at least a Level 10 Fighter with +1 to beard growing.
So Cú Chulainn headed off to Dunscaith, the Fort of Shadows, on the Isle of Skye in Scotland to train with the badass warrior goddess Scáthach. He passed several tests in his effort to brave the countryside and reach her, leaping gorges, climbing mountains and fording rivers. When he finally got to her, she agreed to train him in the art of warfare. For many years he studied under her, learning all he could about combat and finally being trained in the use of the legendary Gáe Bulg - the Crimson Spear of Gouging Death.
The Gáe Bulg was a huge barbed spear constructed from the bones of a giant sea monster, and served as Cú Chulainn's personal weapon from this point on. He would swing it around, and then kick it at his enemies. As soon as it penetrated a man's skin, thirty barbs would shoot out of it, killing the person instantly. Since the barbs sort of made it act like a hardware anchor, the only way to remove it from a person was to cut it out of their dead body with a sword. Now that's hardcore.
Now towards the end of Cú Chulainn's training, Scáthach's bitchy sister Aífe showed up on the island to battle her as part of their never-ending blood feud. Cú Chulainn offered to help fight Aífe, but Scáthach didn't want to risk it. Aífe was the most dangerous fighter in the world, and Scáthach knew that Cú Chulainn wouldn't be a match for her in combat. So on the day they were supposed to have their duel she slipped a bunch of NyQuil into Cú Chulainn's coffee to make him pass out and sleep through the epic clash that was about to take place. Well Cú Chulainn had a CON of like being 17, so this shit didn't work on him. He woke up right as the contest was starting and rushed out to defend his master. Cú Chulainn and Aífe dueled for several hours, before Cú Chulainn finally bested her. He offered to spare her life if she swore to end her feud with Scáthach, which she did. Then he seduced her and they got busy. Booya.
With his training complete, Cú Chulainn headed home on his war steed, Grey of Battle. As he reached his homeland of Ulster he found it under attack by the warriors of Nechtan. Seeing his kinsmen fighting for their lives set Cú Chulainn off into his Warp Spasm and he started flipping out like a ninja, decapitating Nechtan warriors all over the place and lacing them in the gut with the Gáe Bulg. Even after the enemies were all killed, Cú Chulainn continued to flip out like a psycho and attack anything that moved, so King Conchobar of Ulster sent like 100 hot naked babes to go chill him out. Now we all know that no man worth his flipping-out ability would attack a hot naked babe for no reason at all, and when Cú Chulainn saw all these topless babes running towards him he decided to put his weapons away and maybe stop using so much Tag body spray.
Now that he had proven himself as a war hero by fucking up the Nechtans, Cú Chulainn went back to the castle of Forgall the Wily to ask again for Emer's hand in marriage. Lord Forgall did not approve of Cú Chulainn at all, but Emer was in love with him and agreed anyways. Forgall heard this and flipped the fuck out. He locked Emer in a castle tower and started trying to marry her off to other nearby lords. Well this shit didn't fly with Cú Chulainn. He stormed the castle like Sir Lancelot in Monty Python and the Holy Grail, killing twenty-five guards and knocking Forgall the Wily off the castle walls with a Bruce Lee style front kick. Cú Chulainn broke into the tower, rescued Emer, and then sacked Forgall's treasury just for the fuck of it before riding off into the sunset and marrying the girl of his dreams. Now if that isn't awesome then I don't know what is.
A few years later, the men of Ulster went to war with the armies of Queen Medb of Connacht. The Queen put the Ulstermen under a spell that would make them feel pains constantly, and while women are tough and can handle physical pain like eyebrow plucking and waxing their bikini lines and birthing and shit, men are total pussies when it comes to that stuff. So the Ulstermen were all rolling around crying and complaining and doing nothing, and Queen Medb sent her forces in to invade the now-undefended land of Ulster.
Now Cú Chulainn was still very young and still very beardless, and for some unexplained reason this meant he was unaffected by Queen Medb's bizarre ability to simultaneously kick every single man in the nation of Ulster directly in the balls over and over again. Driven by his duty to protect his homeland, he alone marched out to meet the Queen's forces. When he finally came face-to-face with the Connacht army, he challenged them all to a Rite of Combat. He boasted that he would battle one champion from the Connacht forces each day in the ford of the River Dee. The Queen agreed that her army would not invade Ulster as long as Cú Chulainn controlled the ford, and she would send one of her greatest warriors out to duel him every single day until he was finally defeated.
For roughly two weeks Cú Chulainn slaughtered all challengers he faced. At one point, Medb actually sent the Druid Calatin and his twenty-seven kids out to face him. All the Druid's kids poisoned their spears, but Cú Chulainn was still able to defeat all of them, thanks to a timely run-in by his foster father Fergus.
Finally, Queen Medb got sick of this shit and sent her greatest fighter out to battle Cú Chulainn - the knight Ferdiad. Ferdiad and Cú Chulainn had trained together as boys and were good friends and blood brothers. They dueled for three days straight before Cú Chulainn finally dropped him with the Gáe Bulg. Unfortunately, the battle had left him so drained and wounded that he could not continue to defend the ford.
The next morning, as things were looking their worst, the men of Ulster snapped out of their curse and formed up for battle. In the ensuing fight, the men of Ulster were able to defeat Medb's army and drive them out of their homeland. Cú Chulainn had saved the day, single-handedly holding off the Connacht army until reinforcements could arrive.
Many years later, Cú Chulainn inadvertently pissed off the goddess Morrigan by refusing to boink her when she showed up at his front door wearing nothing but a silk robe and some sexy lingerie. She was so pissed at him that she tricked him into breaking his lifelong oath never to eat hound meat, and then sent a group of Druids out to murder him. Cú Chulainn fought the Druids, killing several of them, but eventually was mortally wounded by a magical spear. Dying, Cú Chulainn stumbled over to a large rock and tied himself to it so that even in death he could face his enemies standing. His death was later avenged by Conall the Victorious.
Cú Chulainn is considered by many to be the greatest hero of medieval Ireland. He was brave, strong, and knew how to flip out and kill people when he had to. He got all the babes, he had a crazy magical weapon, he rescued the girl from a castle tower and he single-handedly defended his country against an entire army. He even had his death avenged. That's everything you could ask for from a medieval badass.
Even after his death, his badassery did not stop just right there. He teamed up with other spirits from various myths, including King Arthur, Sigurd, Nimrod, Karna, Heracles and an unknown hero in a war against another party with Mordred, Vlad III, Arjuna, Sun Wukong, Fenrir, Gilgamesh and Nidhogg... and COMPLETELY wrecked the entire other team up during the first few hours with Gáe Bulg, soloed both Vlad and Sun Wukong despite the latter being superior in durability and withstood thousands of bloody pikes smacking his body. Then, after he was finally put down, he found himself in the Dreamland.
- Sexuality: Heterosexual
- Class Type: Lancer (Duh)
- Weapon: [Gáe Bulg Taranis: The Belly Spear that Induces Inevitably Absolute Death]
- Skills:
"One strike to your own death, Gáe Bulg---TARANIS!"
Cú Chulainn is an extremely accomplished warrior with the art of spear that could give Karna a fair run for his money whose techniques and skills had reached so far into the realms of gods and every of his strikes all seem to be 'violating the reality'. He wields Gáe Bulg - a cursed spear made from the bone of a sea monster, the Coinchenn, that had died while fighting another sea monster, the Curruid. It was given to him by his martial arts teacher Scáthach and its technique was taught only to him. A very competent fighter, he drove back the armies that invaded his homeland single-handedly and even defeated his foster brother Ferdiad - the one that was taught by Scáthach as well. His physique and traits are abnormal, but not entirely impossible for existences similar to him. He uses his bestial agility and his top-tier skills over the spear to close the gaps then outmaneuver his enemies, employing fighting strategies similar to what a normal Cú Chulainn would do. He is an expert in disengaging, thus restoring all fighting conditions back to the first square for both him and the enemy. His speed is not reduced at all even when he is equipped with heavy armor. His Gáe Bulg - while lacking the 'two features' of the normal Gáe Bulg, possesses what seems to be a 'combined version' of those two. The spear itself is very durable, capable of taking on the force that Cú puts into it, virtually incapable of being bent, broken or altered by any means due to the magical enchants placed upon the spear; one of which being that 'to always return to Cú Chulainn's hands even when they are worlds apart from each other' and 'cannot be slipped out of hand unless the wielder wants it to be'. It can also cause wounds unable to be healed, and just like in his legend, pierces the opponent's body with barbs filling every joint once its fully enters the body.
For unknown reason, the original function was sealed.
+ [Gáe Bulg Taranis: The Belly Spear that Induces Inevitably Absolute Death]: An ability extracted from his legend; Cú Chulainn hurls the spear after a 100-meter dash and backflips backward for another 100 meter (The fu...?). Being thrown with every ounce of strength he has, that greatly increases the power and area of effect; dodging the spear in time or parrying it is likely impossible under normal circumstances (ex. being repelled by the same amount of force or power, or if there is a shield powerful enough to block it). The spear's tip would split into 30 barbs before landing, impaling anything below before it explodes. The technique attacks all enemies in a carpet bombing fashion to raise massive destruction.
+ [Lunar Thirst: The Wolf that Barks at the Moon]: Under the effect of his world-crossing travel, he was mystically transformed into a werewolf. He could handle the transformation relatively well, but would forcibly transform whenever he sees a full-moon. He would lose his consciousness and the ability to use Gáe Bulg Taranis is lost as well, however, in return, he would gain an immense boost in strength and speed, allowing him to casually overpower even the most physically mighty beings. He is strong enough to deal mountain-shattering blows, and fast enough to cross an entire field full of obstacles in merely a blink of an eye, likely teleportation. His regenerative abilities are strong as well, comparable to that of a true vampire. He could heal limbs and important organs faster than he could be attacked and could still advance forward while shrugging off constant assaults from all directions.
- Relationship(s):
+ King Arthur: "We're just friends. She's caring and nice and beautiful, but not really my type."
+ Sigurd: "I wish to get to fight alongside him again. The guy is insane... in a good way."
+ Nimrod: "The guy with the Barbie tower? Hmm... I don't think I like him."
+ Karna: "The son of the Indian sun god, Karna the great Hero of Charity! I think he's good, even better than Arjuna."
+ Heracles: "He wrestled with Fenrir. I rate that 9/11."
+ Unknown hero: "Uhm, let's see... that man... Alexius. He was the youngest among us, but always thriving to do things greater than any of us could imagine. It's a shame that he had to die under the curse of my spear..."
+ Mordred: "Fierce, independent and rebellious... I think I fell in love."
+ Vlad III: "Hero of Romania, the original Dracula... I personally don't think bad of her but... just wait until you see her in a fight..."
+ Sun Wukong: "He clearly was holding back. Seriously, the War's result could have been decided within the first moment by that guy should he try to fight seriously. Even with all seven heroes' might combined on our side, we still couldn't have won..."
+ Arjuna: "Sun of a beach took me down with his Indian magical nuke crap Pashupalalalala... Glad that Karna took him down and settled the score between them."
+ Fenrir: "She's a wolf. No, I don't mate with her..."
+ Gilgamesh: "An arrogant goldie bastard. Glad that he got his mouth shut."
+ Nidhogg: "Not a fan of dragon. You should ask Sigurd about that matter, really, not me..."
- Quirks:
+ Too LAZY.
+ Does not take things seriously.
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