Trevor B Harper
๐ฏ๐ฝ๐ ๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฝ๐๐๐น๐พ๐๐๐๐'๐ ๐๐๐๐ ๐๐พ๐๐
Right, first of all, I'd like to apologize to everyone who may find this offensive in any way possible as I do not mean to offend you or anyone. The meaning of this post/rant is to get it off my shoulders and there isn't a single person in my life who I can talk to that would actually listen, however, I'm sure some of you are generally good people and do care about others, even if they're complete strangers from a far away land.
Let me start by saying that I'm a seventeen year old adolescent now and my life, as much as I hate it sometimes, has gotten slightly better. But the story I will tell you still haunts me to this day. It keeps coming back to me in these scenes where I remember certain events or facts of/about my life and I hate that I can't tell that to anyone because they will just reject me forever. Since you guys don't even know who I am, I guess it's safe to tell you.
It all started when I was but a simple child. I was born into a family of a drunk mother, an alcoholic gypsy stepfather and two other brothers out of whom only one is normal. You'll know why from later on. The five of us lived in a very small two room "apartment" out of three in that house and it had no water, no sewage system, nothing. All it had was a simple fireplace. I had a father when I was born, however, he died when I was seven months old, thus came the stepfather change. I had a stepdad named Ignas for about a year (I was told about this from my brother's stories), but he was killed by my eldest brother Albert. Well, not directly, however, he didn't call an ambulance on purpose when Ignas was feeling very bad thus he died. He was a good stepfather as Mindaugas, my older brother had told me. After Ignas came Leonov, the alcoholic gypsy stepdad who stayed in our family until I turned seventeen. You'll see why later.
So, my childhood years went by with a family like that and a house that was so abandoned that there was dirt and filth everywhere. I'm surprised we carried on for as long as we did. Up until I was about the age of ten, our family made money by washing cars in our yard. It was quite a good business to keep our mother drunk. Literally. All the money they used to get went on cigarettes and alcohol, and my brothers used to work at different families and ask them for food to feed me. As well as washing cars, our family also had a whole lot of farm animals they took care of - rabbits, goats and chicken mostly. Somewhat during the period of me being 7-12 years old, I don't exactly recall when, the eldest brother left us to live with someone else and every time our parents would leave, I would be sexually abused by my own brother. We were both guys and he liked to get pleasure from me... I didn't like it, however, he would use me anyway, he would buy me, and since I was a child in a very poor family, a dollar used to do a lot back then...
When the car washing business failed, we went on to illegal stuff - selling home made vodka. It was as embarrasing as it gets. Not only I used to have to wash myself in a bucket or a big bowl, I also couldn't have anyone over as a child because my home was dirty and we had cockroaches, and my mom would sell stinking vodka to the local drunks. She personally knew every last one of them after a year...
My eldest brother, Albert, got locked up when I was about twelve years old his first time for stealing and beating people up. His second time was when I turned fifteen. It was fun to have a brother like that... NOT. Since the age of eleven or so, my mother stopped drinking, it was only my stepfather then. He was a full on asshole. He would yell at me for every single fucking thing. I was even afraid to get some food from the fridge because I didn't want to fucking get yelled at. Even my mom cried at night because she had to sleep with him in the same bed when he was stinking and hadn't washed his feet or face for several weeks...
At that time my brother was still studying, so not one our family member had been working. We lived off the money we got from the government for the death of our father and our mother's inability to work because of her back. That was like 300 dollars a month... My brother started working at night when he turned eighteen, and since then he would go away every summer to work abroad for a little bit more money, however, every single time he would come back he would put all of that money to pay debts to friends and family... When I was about fourteen, I broke my arm in a terrible failure while trying to parkour with my friend. My arm literally broke in HALF and I had to wear a cast for nine whole months. Up to this day I still have troubles controlling it and it hurts often. I was sixteen when he finally finished his studies and started only working, but that was also the year my mother died. About a month from now will be a full on year since the death of my mother. This event left only me, my brother and our gypsy stepfather living together. My brother had found a normal, day job, and about a month ago we kicked the stepdad out. He hadn't been home for three days that week! He had been drinking with his new... Girlfriend, I suppose.
I forgot to mention that five years before our mother died, our grandma came to live with us, and two years after she came she bought a place next door, but she came to our place because she couldn't walk anymore and our mom had been taking care of her. She died two months after our mother in a hospital...
Now it's just the two of us living in separate apartments next door to eachother. Next summer we're gonna repair our homes to get the water and sewage systems, get a proper shower, a bathroom, so we wouldn't have to do it in a bucket, we're starting to repair our home a little bit each month by tidying up and doing other things, and life's getting a bit better. And I have a very loving girlfriend. And even though I don't have much money, she still stays with me, because we love each other. I don't have much friends, but those I do have, I treasure with my life.
Even though I sometimes live in a house where it's only like +5 warmth celsius, I am still glad I have my brother, even if he abused me as a child... He's the only TRUE friend I have...
I thank everyone who read this all the way through because this really helped me.. I needed to let it all out... Have a good evening everyone. And remember, treasure your parents even if you think you hate them. I used to fight with my mom a lot, but now I would take it all back if only I could see her again...
Let me start by saying that I'm a seventeen year old adolescent now and my life, as much as I hate it sometimes, has gotten slightly better. But the story I will tell you still haunts me to this day. It keeps coming back to me in these scenes where I remember certain events or facts of/about my life and I hate that I can't tell that to anyone because they will just reject me forever. Since you guys don't even know who I am, I guess it's safe to tell you.
It all started when I was but a simple child. I was born into a family of a drunk mother, an alcoholic gypsy stepfather and two other brothers out of whom only one is normal. You'll know why from later on. The five of us lived in a very small two room "apartment" out of three in that house and it had no water, no sewage system, nothing. All it had was a simple fireplace. I had a father when I was born, however, he died when I was seven months old, thus came the stepfather change. I had a stepdad named Ignas for about a year (I was told about this from my brother's stories), but he was killed by my eldest brother Albert. Well, not directly, however, he didn't call an ambulance on purpose when Ignas was feeling very bad thus he died. He was a good stepfather as Mindaugas, my older brother had told me. After Ignas came Leonov, the alcoholic gypsy stepdad who stayed in our family until I turned seventeen. You'll see why later.
So, my childhood years went by with a family like that and a house that was so abandoned that there was dirt and filth everywhere. I'm surprised we carried on for as long as we did. Up until I was about the age of ten, our family made money by washing cars in our yard. It was quite a good business to keep our mother drunk. Literally. All the money they used to get went on cigarettes and alcohol, and my brothers used to work at different families and ask them for food to feed me. As well as washing cars, our family also had a whole lot of farm animals they took care of - rabbits, goats and chicken mostly. Somewhat during the period of me being 7-12 years old, I don't exactly recall when, the eldest brother left us to live with someone else and every time our parents would leave, I would be sexually abused by my own brother. We were both guys and he liked to get pleasure from me... I didn't like it, however, he would use me anyway, he would buy me, and since I was a child in a very poor family, a dollar used to do a lot back then...
When the car washing business failed, we went on to illegal stuff - selling home made vodka. It was as embarrasing as it gets. Not only I used to have to wash myself in a bucket or a big bowl, I also couldn't have anyone over as a child because my home was dirty and we had cockroaches, and my mom would sell stinking vodka to the local drunks. She personally knew every last one of them after a year...
My eldest brother, Albert, got locked up when I was about twelve years old his first time for stealing and beating people up. His second time was when I turned fifteen. It was fun to have a brother like that... NOT. Since the age of eleven or so, my mother stopped drinking, it was only my stepfather then. He was a full on asshole. He would yell at me for every single fucking thing. I was even afraid to get some food from the fridge because I didn't want to fucking get yelled at. Even my mom cried at night because she had to sleep with him in the same bed when he was stinking and hadn't washed his feet or face for several weeks...
At that time my brother was still studying, so not one our family member had been working. We lived off the money we got from the government for the death of our father and our mother's inability to work because of her back. That was like 300 dollars a month... My brother started working at night when he turned eighteen, and since then he would go away every summer to work abroad for a little bit more money, however, every single time he would come back he would put all of that money to pay debts to friends and family... When I was about fourteen, I broke my arm in a terrible failure while trying to parkour with my friend. My arm literally broke in HALF and I had to wear a cast for nine whole months. Up to this day I still have troubles controlling it and it hurts often. I was sixteen when he finally finished his studies and started only working, but that was also the year my mother died. About a month from now will be a full on year since the death of my mother. This event left only me, my brother and our gypsy stepfather living together. My brother had found a normal, day job, and about a month ago we kicked the stepdad out. He hadn't been home for three days that week! He had been drinking with his new... Girlfriend, I suppose.
I forgot to mention that five years before our mother died, our grandma came to live with us, and two years after she came she bought a place next door, but she came to our place because she couldn't walk anymore and our mom had been taking care of her. She died two months after our mother in a hospital...
Now it's just the two of us living in separate apartments next door to eachother. Next summer we're gonna repair our homes to get the water and sewage systems, get a proper shower, a bathroom, so we wouldn't have to do it in a bucket, we're starting to repair our home a little bit each month by tidying up and doing other things, and life's getting a bit better. And I have a very loving girlfriend. And even though I don't have much money, she still stays with me, because we love each other. I don't have much friends, but those I do have, I treasure with my life.
Even though I sometimes live in a house where it's only like +5 warmth celsius, I am still glad I have my brother, even if he abused me as a child... He's the only TRUE friend I have...
I thank everyone who read this all the way through because this really helped me.. I needed to let it all out... Have a good evening everyone. And remember, treasure your parents even if you think you hate them. I used to fight with my mom a lot, but now I would take it all back if only I could see her again...
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I have already forgiven my brother, it's just that I feel uncomfortable every time his name comes up in a conversation... Thank you for reading this. ^^
