Slatnemele High

lool, i like it when we wrote loads. :DD And how did you get that Crazy Fangirl thing under your name?? :OO


I nodded. I did need some shielding. These runes were so mysterious. I giggled at Tai, Soul, and his other friend talking about Ai Min. She did sound perfect. I waved goodbye to Aoibheann as she left. After this lesson at lunch I would go to Aoibheann and learn how to shield myself, and have lunch. I sighed.


"Jessica, can you come too? Aoibheann did say I could bring others too. I don't want to go alone." I pouted.
 
Jessica smiled and nodded


"Yeah sure! But I better get lunch becuase if I dont I'll get sick to my stomach"


(( yeah but its super anoying to read all of it. and when your busy one day you miss a whole lot and you dont feel like reading all of it. ))
 
(( yeah ik. :33 ))


I smiled back at Jessica. "Don't worry, Aoibheann said we could have lunch with her. You won't be sick." I nudged her playfully. "Now let's listen to the teacher. I think he's getting annoyed we're talking." I winked at Jessica, and looked at the teacher, pretending to pay attention.
 
Jessica giggled and turned her attention to the teacher. David was easdroping on the conversations, making sure Soul wouldnt flirt with Jessica anymore.
 
Jessica sighed as she felt eyes bore into her head. She turned around and gave David a glare, who was staring at her longingly. She mouthed to him


"Quit staring at me you freak" David blushed lightly and looked away from Jessica. Jessica rolled her eyes and turned back to the teacher.
 
I watched as Jessica glared daggers at David and sighed. I leaned in to Jessica and whispered, "Hey, aren't you a bit too harsh on David?"
 
Jessica rolled her eyes and wispered back


"Like I told you. Hes a player. He'll be over me in a week. And even if he's not I dont like him. So he'll have to get over me sooner or later and he might as well do it sooner."
 
Jessica sighed


"Crystal. I do not like him. It would not be fair to him or me if I go out with him. I dont have feelings for him. Point black period."
 
I sighed, then shrugged. I really didn't get it. David wasn't in fact that bad. Sure, he did look like a rebel, but I knew he was soft at heart. "Well, if you say so. I'm not forcing you or anything." I quickly turned to look at David for a split second. His face was crumpled up a bit, and I knew he was hurt.


I looked back at the teacher and sighed again. I was so bored. I took out a piece of paper from my notebook in my bag, and a pen, and took notes. They could come in handy.
 
Aoibheann marched through the halls with purpose. No one really stopped anyone if they looked like they knew where they were going and had a perfectly valid reason for being there. She made her way to the kitchens and rang the bell. Several workers looked up then away but soon Tasmeen, a loyal servant in her father's household appeared. She was small but wise and had a touch of Earth and Fire, which made her an excellent governess to one such as she. "Tasmeen," She smiled and gave the woman a hug. Even more so than her mother this woman raised her, schooled her, disciplined her and had seen to her from her first days. Aoibheann loved her mother but she would do anything for Tasmeen. "I'm going to need lunch brought to my rooms. I don't know how many will be coming but we'll have the chicken special that's on for today. There's a new girl, a Dragon and she has no idea how to shield so I'm going to show her." She then pulled out the envelope with the runes on it. "I think a Fae is trying to break through her instinctive controls because she's been making ogram runes and she has no control over it. I was wondering if you could get these sent to Nan or someone to take a look see."


Tasmeen took the envelop and could feel the power inside. "You were right to come to me with this dear, I'll see to it that it gets to the right people. You had better go to class now, I'll make sure a luncheon's ready for when you're done. Go on now, you know how your father feels about you skipping class."


Aoibheann bobbed a curtsey from years of habit. "Yes Ma'am."

the problem with one liners is that you don't get any character development. If you put down more, such as how a person is feeling, what they're thinking compared to what they're saying, how they feel about what someone has said then your character gets more defined and you understand the character better and they go from being very flat to being something that is fun to write. This is why I never write just one line. I like to describe what's going on, it also makes reading it that much more fun.
 
(( i get the character development but when someone is gone and they come back to all the writing, they arent going to want to read it. Well i dont. I get anoyed and agravated because there is so much there to read. And alot of the time its a bunch of extra stuff you honestly dont need. ))


Jessica giggled and rolled her eyes


"I really dont like anyone.....I mean....if i head to choose.....maybe Soul.....hes super sweet but....I dont know!"
 
Idk. :// If you had to go, maybe you could actually be taken out of the role play for how long you are gone. For example emergency family holiday or something. Then you wouldn't have to worry about all the writing when you came back.


I nodded, and giggled. "I knew it, you and Soul do look good together." I said this in a hushed voice so David didn't hear. "And Soul does flirt with you a lot, admit it!" I giggled again.
 
Her attention was divided. It wasn't exactly her fault because Earth simply didn't do anything for her and she would much rather be elsewhere doing something else. She forced herself to focus. All she had to do was figure out if there was a seed in the pot of earth. She grumbled because she wasn't supposed to use Fire. How was she supposed to figure this out if she couldn't use what came naturally to her? This was embarrassing and she fumed silently. There was no way she was ever going to be able to call upon an earth spirit nor even a fire spirits as that'd be too obvious.


She moved the pot around and realized that earth had heat, and all life had its heat. She could sense that heat and follow it, see if there were any voids in the pot. It was using her nature but not actually using fire. She felt like a moron for not thinking of it earlier. Slowly, carefully, she sent her awareness into the pot, feeling the tiniest pocket of warmth. She continued to turn the pot, seeking, searching. She encountered worms and a slug or two but still she searched. Her initial thought was that there wasn't a seed in there or else she'd have found it but she was had a feeling the teacher wasn't above being tricky. She warmed the soil, adding heat to it. A seed held the potential for life, so it wouldn't produce heat on its own.


And then she saw it. It wasn't just one seed but hundreds of teeny, tiny little seeds. She hadn't a clue what they would be but she knew they were there. "Mrs. Harper, I found them!" She was excited now, she had finally managed to do something with earth.


She wrote up what she had done to turn in at the end of class and, when the bell rang, rushed out of the room to prepare for lunch.

I'm curious then, what about it isn't necessary? The descriptions of emotions, the description of thought, of scenery, of the stuff that fleshes out a story? If you read some of the classics you'll notice that most character introductions are done via someone observing something and remarking on it. JK Rowling did that very well, giving details of Hogwarts, not by having dialogue or even describing it by showing how Harry reacted to it, how he felt about it.


It's one thing to write: 'I don't like him, he's annoying.' But that doesn't add anything to the character.


By adding action you get a bit more: She inched away from him as if his presence was an affront to her sensibilities. "I don't like him," she said petulantly, "he's annoying."


Now you understand more about her, she's probably a bit childish and whoever 'he' is, is probably someone who doesn't put up with it and so she doesn't like him.
 
(( well i was just out with my dad yesterday but that went terrible because i couldnt stay awake. I was trying to hard but my eyes just would not stay open. ))


Jessica giggled and blushed


"Yeah i know he does....but I only think hes doing that becuase hes trying to convince me that David isnt the only douchbag in the school. But I know better."
 
I shook my head with vigor. "No, he actually likes you! You should ask him out. I mean as you said the sooner David gets over you the better, and if you start dating Soul he's bound to get over you right?" I put my pen down with which I was making notes and stared intently at Jessica, waiting for an answer. Suddenly, the bell rang. "Come on Jessica, we need to go to Aoibheann's room!" I packed my pen and notes away into my bag, and dragged Jessica out of the room into the corridor.


"Now, where is Aoibheann's room?"
 
(( well i forget what my teacher called it but it was something about unessasarry discriptions. I will admit, i am not the best writer and my discriptive language and imagery needs work but too much discriptive language can get anoying to read. Do you understand now? ))
 
Jessica giggled


"I dont know. Why dont we go to the front office and as the secretary?" She smiled at Crystal and led to her the main office at the front of the school.
 
"Aah, okay." I shrugged. How far could the front office be? I smiled at the people that looked at me oddly as we walked to the front office. When we got there, I knocked on the door to the front office meekly, and opened it. I asked the woman sitting there, who obviously was the secretary: "Excuse me, where is Aoibheann's room?"
 
The lady looked up at Crytal


"May I know who is asking. You dont look like any of Miss. Aoibheann's realtives." Jessica piped in


"She invited us to her room to help with sheilding durring lunch. But we dont know where her room is." The secratary noddded and gave them her dorm room number.


"There you go." Jessica smiled


"Thank you." She looked at the number and smiled


"Oh I know exactly where this is. " She giggled and grabed Crytal and proceeded to drag her off once more.
 
I nodded along with Jessica. I sighed, relieved when she gave us her number. I sighed again as Jessica dragged me off. I would never have found Aoibheann's room if i came alone.


"Thanks Jessica, you being with me really helps." I smiled at her.
 
Everything was, as usual perfect. She sat down on her bed and sent out feelers for Crystal. She assumed the Dragon would have anyone else she wanted to be with her with her so she didn't focus on anyone else. She found Crystal's heat signature and warmed the floor enough so that they'd be able to feel the heat through their shoes. It wasn't so hot that it'd burn their feet, just a nice warmth to let them know where to go. She sent that heat through the hallways until it found the girl. It was just a matter of time until she- they- arrived.

Ahh, I see what you're saying. And yes, your teachers are correct, there can be too much detail. Unfortunately the only way to learn if too much is too much is to just go for broke and write detail. You should be encouraged to write as much detail as you think is necessary and then ask someone to look at what you've written and show you what is necessary and isn't.


And it also has to do with what effect you want the reader to get. Do you want something to remain a mystery? If you do then it's possible that you have given too much detail, or maybe not enough. One nice thing about RP Dom is that this is a really good place to experiment. Babe, go wild in your descriptions, just go hog wild and then ask. Ask me, as anyone else on the staff if you've written too much. Explain the effect you're trying to give. Heck, I've got no life, send me a PM with a sample of something you've got to turn in for your English class and I can walk you through something. Just don't be scared of too much, you're just now learning about the discipline and you shouldn't be so worried about too much detail that you cripple your own creativity. And, I've been writing for ages and I can tel you this: I use far too many commas (they're my friends), I sometimes get off track, and I'm often a bit too wordy. But that's why we have people edit important things so that we can see what others see in our writing and then we improve and, ultimately, we improve as writers.
 
Yeah, I know what you're talking about. And do I use too much commas, because sometimes I feel I do. :OO


I suddenly felt heat under my feet. There were two forks coming up in the corridor. I turned right, and the heat suddenly disappeared. I went left, and it was still there. I went straight, and again, it disappeared. I grinned to myself. "This way!" I dragged Jessica to where the heat was showing me. I smiled to myself again. Aoibheann is awesome, I thought to myself with a smile on my face.


I stared at Aoibheann's door as I stood in front of it with Jessica. I knocked on the door with a smile on my face, waiting for Aoibheann to open the door. I thought it rude to just burst in.
 
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