Shit I Write

[Doc]

So I just wrote this poem randomly. I haven't proofed it with any of my friends, just posting it up here to see if anyone like it. It's late. Whatever. Tell me what you think. 


Stay Away


Stay away.


Oh stay away.


Stay away, Love.


Stay away,


For you have brought me pain.


Stay away,


Evaporate like the rain.


Stay away,


You who has brought me joy.


Stay away,


For I am not your toy.


Stay away,


I do not want your bliss!


Stay away,


I do not want your kiss!


Stay away!


Do not return again!


Stay away!


Do not take my pen!


Stay away!


This pains me to my core!


Stay away!


My heart can’t take it anymore!


Stay away…


You are not wanted here.


Stay away…


Do not come near...


Stay away,


Because of you she took everything.


Stay away,


Because of you I have nothing.


Stay away.


Oh stay away.


Stay away, Love.

 

[TPBx]

Kind opinion, great effort, wow, good job.


Honest opinion. I see what you were trying to go for, but it runs on like a certain Rihanna song that repeats the same word 50 times. Variety is the spice of life, especially with words. If this was going to be a catchy, house music style song then you certainly have the lyrics for it. But if you were aiming for it to be an impactful poem, then I would suggest you revise it.