She Is Dead

[Ashaficent]

Few things I'd like to clear:

1. I know this will suck.
   
2. This dark stuff, so if you can't deal with it - LEAVE.
   
3. Constructive criticism is appreciated.
   
4. Okay, that's it! Thank you ~
   

She sat alone


She cried and cried


But no one saw her tears


As they dried


She took a blade


Dragged it across her skin


The pain took over


Soon her blood ran thin


Her lifeless body lay on the floor


Drowning in a pool of red


You never heard her, you never saw her


Congratulations society, she is dead.

 

[BuddhistDracula]

I don't think it sucks I like it in a way I'd find it even more interesting if it was from the girl's point of view...


I was sad, I sat alone


I cried and cried and cried


Was shiv'ring to my bone


when slowly, one by one, tears dried.


I took a blade


I cut my skin


Mad the pain me made


And soon, my blood ran thin.


Lifeless, I was laying on the floor,


Drowning in a pool of red,


No one heard, no one came, not even opened the door


Congrats, society - now I'm dead!

 

[Ashaficent]

I don't think it sucks I like it in a way I'd find it even more interesting if it was from the girl's point of view...
I was sad, I sat alone


I cried and cried and cried


Was shiv'ring to my bone


when slowly, one by one, tears dried.


I took a blade


I cut my skin


Mad the pain me made


And soon, my blood ran thin.


Lifeless, I was laying on the floor,


Drowning in a pool of red,


No one heard, no one came, not even opened the door


Congrats, society - now I'm dead!

Thank you! And wow, you're right O.o


It is quiet interesting from the girl's point of view

 

[BuddhistDracula]

You're welcome


I was inspired by "Don't Go" by Terminal Choice, by the way

 

[Ashaficent]

Oh, is that a song?

 

[BuddhistDracula]

Yup it's about someone who gets murdered, and he tells his story...

 

[Ashaficent]

Ah, I see. I'll check it out some time When I'm not feeling too lazy to search in YouTube xD

 

[BuddhistDracula]

Hehe, I feel ya, bruh^^

Spoiler

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[Ashaficent]

Thank you xD


You feel can feel a fellow lazy person's pain (:3)

 

[BuddhistDracula]

You're welcome

 

[Ashaficent]

It's great! The perverted things I watch tho.

 

[BuddhistDracula]

And as a title, I'd find "Deadman's Town" or "Tales of a Dead Man" interesting...

 

[Ashaficent]

I find anything that circles death interesting... And thus, I like those two names too

 

[BuddhistDracula]

Thanks


"She is dead" sounds... not like something interesting, tbh...

 

[Ashaficent]

You're welcome


And, ikr? I wanted to change the title before I posted it, but it was too late *cringe*

 

[BuddhistDracula]

That's okay I actually thought it was a working title rather than a 'real' title... and working titles sometimes can be awkward. 'The Vampyre', I just say. I think that 'Dracula' would be far less famous if Bram Stoker had really called it 'The Vampyre'...

 

[BuddhistDracula]

And Dracula, by the way, originally was supposed to be named Count Wampyr. Not a great name either... Dracula - 'son of the dragon' (or some also translate it as 'son of the devil') - sounds much better.

 

[Ashaficent]

Oh, really? Didn't know that. And I agree, 'Dracula' sounds much better than 'Count Wampyr'... That does sound very awkward.

 

[DreamBeat]

This poem reminds me that society, although it pretends to care, doesn't really care as much as it says it does. Society let's us live, yet it can be the death of us.


Mm.... Sorry if I said something weird here. Your poem was pretty good (does not suck at all -.-)

 

[Ashaficent]

This poem reminds me that society, although it pretends to care, doesn't really care as much as it says it does. Society let's us live, yet it can be the death of us.
Mm.... Sorry if I said something weird here. Your poem was pretty good (does not suck at all -.-)

Thank you so much! And I can relate to what you're saying. Society... Well, it's the enemy of each individual, whether they realise it or not.

 

[BuddhistDracula]

'Society' is only an enemy if we let it be one...

 

[Ashaficent]

I... Guess??

 

[Dropintheocean]

This poem is amazing. I like the darkness it has, it's really well written.

 

[Problematic Pixie]

This poem gave me chills... Beautifully written! (:3)