[Shards of Immortality] (The Awakened) Zero: Matriarch of Chaos

Zerohunts

" Zero " | Shards of Immorality
Since im new to this im gonna go ahead and submit my character in this thread, so i can learn what i can and cant do etc.

----- Zero -----




----- The Lightfooted-----




Vitals


Name: Iseah Duncan - Name unknown by other characters


Title:The Lightfooted


Race: Tiefling


Physical Age: 23


Gender: Male


Sexuality: Heterosexual


Posting Colors: Orange


Appearance


Height: 6'2"


Weight: 235lbs


Hair Color: Light Brown


Eye Color: Green


Notable Characteristics & Distinguishing Marks: Face is always covered with a cloak and white cloth mouth guard, only eyes are exposed.


Description: Tall, mysterious, slightly taller than the average male. Zero stands 6 foot 2 wearing a white hooded leather cloak that has gone grey with dirt and blood stains over the years that drapes to his ankles into two coat tails, a cloth bandana like mask guard pulled up over his nose also greyed with age, a "utility" belt with 4 pouches along his waist, a loose chainmail chest piece with sleeves that has a small flap in front and back draping under the under the utility belt, dark "dirty" brown fabric pants, worn leather military style boots and matching leather gaunlets.


Personal


Opinion on the Overlord: The dissapearance of the Overlord has left Zero with a feeling of emptiness, rivaling that of his banishment from his home kingdom. Unassured of his feelings he seeks to find the Overlord and recover the power that has been lost, not only immortality but rule in this chaotic world.


Opinion of the Generals: Zero sees other general as the only few people that can truly call themselves powerful, and proudly sees them as commrades.


Opinion on Friendships: Friendship is for the weak. Those who have gotten closest to Zero have done show by showing remarkable strengths. Though, deep down he sees those people as friends therefore leaving him vulnerable.


Opinion on Relationships: Zero seeks physical lust. Watching those closest to him die around him, he sees no point in giving an enemy a barganing chip.


Opinion on Races: Zero sees other Tiefling as the dominant race, but has no negative feeling toward other races. Each race has its own strength.


Education: Zero is well versed in many languages, needing to do so to adapt in a struggling world. He spent his childhood learning the ways of his people, trade skills, phisical ability, magics of the ancients.


Motivation: Zero seeks power. He envies the abilities of the Overlord. He's seen the impact his name alone has had on civilizations across the material plane, and he wants it for himself no matter what the cost. He wishes to fill the void left in his soul, to erase the feeling of weakness he felt during his banishment.


History


Upbringing: An only child, Zero was chosen among many of his peers to study in the aincient ways. His father Rolan, overseer of his village and the ancient tomes, cherished his son and saw much potential in him. He watch and molded Zero into a warrior, a gentleman, a seeker of knowledge. Zero spent majority of his life with his mother and father and those of the inner circle learning all he can from everyone he knew about the world beyond the walls.


Most Important Event: The inner circle of Zero's village witnessed his abilities, and feared him. He was a paragon and merely a child, capable of great things but they saw darkness in his heart. They convinced themselves that a demon had made its way into the soul of this child manipulating his mind and abilities. Zero adapted to the abilities he aquired from the ancient tomes (Xaran en Nafarus - The book of empowerment Volumes 1-8) far too quickly and the inner circle feared he would bring devistation upon the village. Each volume contained strong abilities including Augmentation, Healing self or others, Increasing strength and speed exponentially for breif periods of time, Casting energy - focusing energy to a specific piont and releasing it, and summoning light - illuminating the dark for periods of time. During a dark and stormy night, the night he turned 13, the three strongest warriors of the village were instructed to kill Zero as he slept. Unaware of the betrayal, zero awoke as the intruders broke into his home. He tried to flee but was savagely beaten. Before the final blow was struck his father stepped in to defend him, only to fall at the end of their blades. Zero watched as his father was slain before him. Seeing his father breathe his last breath broke something inside of him. It was as if a seal had been broken within him. Zero was engulfed in light, an explosion of purity which burned hotter than a thousand suns. In the blink of an eye everything was in flames, the intruders vaporised, his father's corpse unscathed, collapsing immidiately after the light faded. When he came to everyone in the village was surrounding him, petrified with fear. The inner circle claimed Zero had murdered his own father in search of power and marked him evil as they found him next to his fathers corpse and a blade berely inches from his unconsious body. The inner circle banished Zero from the village never to return, forced to walk the material plane for all of eternity never to reveal his face for he has discraced his father, his teachings, his village. Zero's heart turned dark as the gates of the village closed behind him. He took one look back and his eyes met with his mothers. A tear fell from her cheek as she turned away, unable to look at the child that murdered her husband. A tear began to fall as zero turned away and began walking, leaving his heart and soul behind him.


Before Immortality: Zero spent ten years wandering the material plain alone never revealing his true name, going from village to village learning new skills and putting his trade skills to good use. He earned a nick name for himself working as a blacksmith in one village he passed through during a sparring match with another blacksmith. he then became well known as a gifted swordsman, taking on odd jobs retreiving criminals and putting others to death. Eventually he joined a band of mercenaries and his name began to strike fear into others. A mission came along, one that offered great power as reward. The leader of the mercenaries decided to take this job and sent every memeber of his crew. The mission was to invade the Overlord's tower and bring back a legendary weapon. Legend stated the core itself provided ultimate power, and the sword drew power from the core making it capable of ultimate destructive capability, so they set off to retreive it. It was all for nought, the defences of the tower were too strong and one by one each mercenary fell. Zero was the only one remaining and the only one to reach the towers doors. Surrounded by countless enemies zero felt overcome, weak, helpless. This feeling triggered a memory, watching his fathers last moments, which in turn triggered the power within him. Zero's eyes turned white, his very skin started to glow, and the ground beneath him gave way as he erupted into a flash of light burning everything around him except for the tower. No enemies remained as zero fell to his knees and lost conciousness. When he awoke he lie bound at the feet of the Overlord. The overlord saw his display of immence power, and saw the darkness within his soul. He needed such power in his army so the overlord made a deal, to remove the memories, the pain, offering great power if Zero pledged his soul to him. Zero agreed, wishing to forget his past and obtain great power. The overlord placed his hand upon Zero's chest and changed him. The overlord had erased all of his memories, of his past, of his family, of his studies in the ways of light, and corrupted the light that burned within him. The fire that onced burned with the power of the ancients had been sealed away an in its place lie darkness of greater power. Zero had become a tool of destruction.


As a General: Zero commanded armies, pillaged villages, invaded and conquered cities, yet instinctively never revealing his face to anyone for a reason he no longer knew. Zero had become known as the bringer of chaos, for wherever he tread lie ruins.


Your Defeat: Zero fell at the ethereal blade of a collosus, a towering monster from the ether plane standing 30 feet tall weilding a blade that seemed to be aflame. His final battle with the collosus was in the GREAT HALL just past the front doors of the tower. In his final moments Zero felt weak and helpless again, a feeling which int he past has unlocked great power but didnt in this moment. Zero fell to his knees as the collosus swung his mighty blade, trailing flames in its wake, barely striking him but the wake burned through his flesh and left his charred leaving nothing but the mask on his face.


Equipment


Personal Mementos: A small coin, with the symbols of his village engraved in it, that once belonged to his father.


Weapons: A custom made steel sword of average length, magically engraved embued with the power of light (a technique he learned in his studies) and a custom developed magnum courtesy of the mercenaries he worked with.


Armor/Clothes: a white hooded leather cloak that has gone grey with dirt and blood stains over the years that drapes to his ankles into two coat tails, a cloth bandana like mask guard pulled up over his nose also greyed with age, a "utility" belt with 4 pouches along his waist, a loose chainmail chest piece with sleeves that has a small flap in front and back draping under the under the utility belt, dark "dirty" brown fabric pants, worn leather military style boots and matching leather gaunlets.


Other Items to Note: Nope


Quest Items: None at the moment


Skills


Disadvantages:



Disadvantage

: Limited to close range combat, carries a gun but only fires short range blunt shots.

Effect

:

Leaves him vulnerable to long range attacks, magics, and potentially being over powered by larger groups of enemies. Pistol tho built for long range has been modified (kinda like a sawed of shotgun) to fire short range for finishing off an enemy or pointing it behing him when being attacked from behind while in combat with his sword.



Disadvantage

: Only defence is light chain mail.

Effect

:

Can easily be pierced with a sharp enough blade, no magical protection against opponents casting magic abilities.



Disadvantage

(Optional): Has the inherit ability to read people, revealing character flaws and subtle notions that someone may be lying.

Effect

: Leaves him with trust issues, second guessing decisions leading to over thinking even the smallest situation.



Disadvantage

(Optional): His unexpected revival has awakened the ancient power lying within him, and the corruption bestowed upon him by the overlord has lifted in his disappearance.

Effect

:



Subject to moments of weakness, reliving unwanted memories, a once focused warrior now a scrambled mess potentially awakening the ancient power in moments of extreme danger.



Explination:

The power within him is an unstable force that he's never learned to control. The overlord sealed away this untamed power so zero became a focused vigorous killing machine. Since the seal is gone, zero experiences emotion again (fear, loneliness, sadness, etc) his once ruthless and fearless nature is now replaced by hesitation, regret, and even in the midst of combat will relive memories once forgotten crippling him on the battlefield. even bringing him to his knees.



And to explain the awakening in moments of extreme danger think baby gohan from dragon ball z, scared crying crippled etc, but going all super saiyan like vegeta

Orange Skill Slots (Basic Skills & Proficiencies):

  1. Swordsmanship - Unsheathing his blade to take on enemy foes. standard melee combat using a sword.
  2. Gunslinging - Using his pistol to attack close range targets, or objects. (parrying a sword attack and pulling out his gun in combination to defeat an enemy) Limited to 6 shots before needing to reload.
  3. Silver Tongue - Using his multilingual abilities to charm/influence weak minded individuals. Commonly used for bartering.


Green Skill Slots (General Skills):

  1. Ether Burn - The engraved augmentation to his sword alows magic to flow from his hands into his sword, unleashing an orange flame that can kill weak ether enemies easily or severely damage stronger ether enemies. If the attack kills an enemy from the ether plane it absorbs its life energy making it stronger.


Purple Skill Slots (Ultimate Skills):

[No Slots are Unlocked]
 
We've reviewed over your characters, and these are the things we have noted from reviewing it.


Name: Is your name actually “Unknown”? - You can’t have an Unknown field in your Bio. You can have a character’s name that is not known by others but you still would have to write it down, and state that people do not know it. People are suppose to separate their Player knowledge from the characters. So please actually put down a name for your character.


Matriarch & Gender: There is some confusion there, as Matriarchs are Female... Patriarchs are the Male equivalent. This title is not explained ether, how did you receive it and why do people call you it?


Upbringing & Most Important Event: A lot of this seems similar to what many of the Tiefling bios have experienced, and seems rather more in their territory than a regular Human. Unless there is some demonic influence over you from the Nether. I feel some things need to be explained as to why the Inner Circle of your village wanted you to die more than just your excellent abilities at magic. I feel having something more than a “Dark Soul” can suit you better, as Demons are known to torment, invade the minds of and possess those on the Material Realm (especially lesser Demons).


You might also want to talk about which ancient tomes you read over and what topics they were about.


Before Immortality - Your mission to get something from the Core is entirely possible however to get a “Shard” as it would be, you would have needed to break it or damage it. Its not something you can easily retrieve.


As a General & Your Name in General - I feel the forgetting of your name is a little bit much. I can understand not want to tell people your name because you honor the banishment and hiding your face. But forgetting your face and your name may be pushing it. I don’t feel its a realistic attribute of a character. You could also add more to the “As a General”, what are you famous for, what did you do in the army, what did you specialize in, etc.


Your Defeat - I feel you should expand upon this, add more details on how you died and what exactly happened.


Your Disadvantages:

Limited to close range combat majority of the time.

- This disadvantage seems rather weak. If he unable to do any range combat whatsoever it might be more effective. However the Majority portion makes it no longer really a disadvantage and more of a preference. Also there is no explanation as to why.



Only defence is light chain mail.

- This has been stated several times in many bios. Armor is not considered a disadvantage because you can switch it out. Unless having heavier armor or something that constricts your limits your powers (like it requires movements). Then it won’t be considered a Disadvantage. I suggest you try to find something more unique and original than just the Armor Disadvantage though. Everyone loves that one was an easy one out.



Has the inherit ability to read people, revealing character flaws and subtle notions that someone may be lying.

- This is more of a Skill with a Downside, not a Disadvantage. It gives him an ability, not hinders him. If he was Delusional or always thought people were lying when they weren’t, then it would be considered a Disadvantage, etc.



His unexpected revival has awakened the ancient power lying within him, and the corruption bestowed upon him by the overlord has lifted in his disappearance.

- I think you should try to explain this more. I can’t really judge its validity as a Disadvantage because its not really explained. I think if you expanded upon it, or may even be more specific with it, it might turn into a good disadvantage.

Orange Skills:

Gunslinging

- This conflicts with his Disadvantage



Silver Tongue

- I think this needs more explanation, as it doesn’t really fit with your character’s bio. It just seems like one of those cool abilities to have.

The bio has potential but it needs to go more in depth. There is a lot of things happening and not much explained to make a full individual. Adding details and some possible events into the history might help. As well adding explanations as to how the Skills and Disadvantages relate to your character might assist as well.
 
ill have to finish editing this after work. just finally found it, never got an update that it was revised -_-
 
Zerohunts said:
ill have to finish editing this after work. just finally found it, never got an update that it was revised -_-
:( ....I look forward to your edits then!
 

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