Fantasy Sandwich Quest

[SirBlazeALot]

"I...I fucked up bad man. I pissed off Susuan, the Bisexual Queen of the Universe and SHE KIDNAPPED MY FRAINDS. MY PRECIOUS FRAINDS!!


My crime?


I ate her sandwich.


Now I must assemble a team, jump into the vacuum of space, and find the best ingredients the universe has to offer, and replace that sandwich!"


*Carry On My Wayward Son plays*


"But I can't do it alone!


I am Captain Io!


AND I WILL CREATE THE BEST SANDWICH THE UNIVERSE HAS EVER KNOWN."

 

[SirBlazeALot]

CAPTAIN IO VALZE

​

Today's the day folks. After relentless research, calling in phone calls and favor after favor, a Facebook message here and there, Captain Io Valze had finally managed to ascertain the location of the finest ingredients the universe has to offer, and assembled a crew of individuals who are...mediocre at best.


And here they all were. Chilling in Valze's teleporting ship Sadie. On the outside it looked like a giant tan 1993 Honda Accord. But on the inside, it's a giant dance floor complete with a DJ booth as the main console. Why?


"Because Omegas teleport with style!" Valze announced to his crew over a microphone hanging from the ceiling. "For all you fuckbois who don't know how teleportation works, watch how it's done!"


"TEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET!" The captain screamed and his voice cracked for his highly homosexual and underage sidekick as another mic descended from the ceiling. As he waited for Tet, he turned to the mighty man at the DJ booth, his "best buddy" in the entire universe.


"Mr. Miks, get us to Officeria III!"


For the fuckbois who don't know how the Omegas' teleportation worked, it's quite simple.


It's karaoke. You have to sing and or rap a song perfectly to rev up the engine and break the boundaries of time and space. Each planet has it's own song, Officeria's is...


[media]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GINRxvulm_g[/media]


Y'all thought it was Fuck The Police didn't y'all?


Well you was wrong.


"Somebody feed my Panda please," he mentioned offhand as he waited for Tet's dumbass to take the microphone.


@Suzumaki Arakai @mikko @theglassangel @Leaf Fi @s i m p l e @Kalin Scarlet @Zero Gravity @Amanda Rose

 

[theplasticdemon]

S U S U A N "G O D"

​

What is she even doing here? Why doesn't all powerful god Susuan summon up another beautiful and glorious sandwich?


Who the fuck knew..what a god, amirite?? But being god also means doing basically whatever the hell you want, even if it meant going on a magical adventure to find a sandwich. This was going to be the most fun she was going to have in a while. Susuan was magically moved next to the captain of the crew.


"This ship is disgusting, it's the ugliest ship I've ever been in. I could honestly do soooo much better." Susuan lazily shrugged, the girl was casually levitating around the ship, whining and complaining...as usual. "Can this be aaaany slower? I kind of want my sandwich. Like. Right. Fucking. Now. This is triggering me." She crossed her arms like a sassy little bitch, her whines echoing across the ship. Susuan... you're GOD. Do you not realize what you're doing right now??


@Suzumaki Arakai @mikko @SirBlazeALot @Leaf Fi @s i m p l e @Kalin Scarlet @Zero Gravity @Amanda Rose

 

[Suzumaki Arakai]

TET JUBILEE

Yeahahahahaha! Sitting on the ceiling of the disco van, was Tet the Great! No, not really. He can't do anything but talk to the wind, you see. Rocking back and forth with a smile slapped across his face, Tet studied every...last...move that Io-Senpai made. Once his name was called out in such a lovely, and seductive fashion, he fell from the ceiling, and landed like Spider-Man with a cocky grin. A Micheal Jackson pose was struck upon standing back up (I'll let you imagine whatever kind of pose, bud.) "Aye, Aye! Senpai!" Reaching up and grabbing a microphone, Tet smacked Io's ass with a wink, and jumped into the air. The small boy could now be seen sitting in mid-air, legs crossed, "Alright! Sometimes! I get a little sickly! I get a little dizzy! If only Io Senpai would love me, love me, love me!~" Loud laughter, and applause could be heard coming from no where as the boy bowed in triumph before planting his feet on the ground in a gentle manner, and wrapping his arms around Io's arm, fluttering his lashes up at him, "Oh, Io-Senpai! Did you like it!? Did you love my song!? Wa~! Wawawawa!" In case you're wondering, that's Tet's laugh.


As soon as Susuan began her rant on how horrible the thingy-majig was, Tet's expression change with the snap of a finger. He gave the girl a look at anger, and hate. "I'll murder her. I'll rip her lungs out, and shove them down Io Senpai's throat so I can watch him gag with a smile on my face!" Little did he know that his thoughts were sounding out loud...Tsk, tsk, tsk. The true Jubilee has come out! His second personality! Letting go of Io, Jubilee stepped towards the sandwich girl with a stupid looking glare on his face, pointing a finger towards her nose, "Don't. You. Talk. Bad. About. My. Io-Senpai! He's perfect! Unlike...sooome people! Look at you! Snob! You can't even make a sandwich on your own, can you!?" After that little...shit was over, Jubilee pulled a picture of Io from his pocket, gave it a kiss, then creepily walked towards the bathroom as his gaze darted back and forth between everyone.

@theglassangel @SirBlazeALot
​

 

[s i m p l e]

P R I N C E... P A N D A

Prince Panda sat on a chair in the side lines, staring innocently at all the people he didn't know. He kind of forgot how he ended up here, but they were taking care of him so he doesn't mind too much. He was hugging his legs as his lavender eyes looked around the room, examining all of them. The boy may seem rather hollow, but he understood much more than most give him credit for. Though somehow, he still can't take care of himself. He knows quite more than the average Pandian, since he spends most of his days locked up in his room on the Pandinet searching random facts, but still can't seem to feed himself, bathe, etc.


When Captain Io mentioned Panda, he perked up a bit, smiling a rather disturbing smile as he waited for someone to come and do what the Captain asked. After a bit, when no one did, a puzzeled expression appeared on the young boy's face. Were his crew unable to follow the simple orders so soon? It was a sad thoughts, but he didn't let it get himself down. Instead, he steadily stood up, and started his way over the the Captain.


On his journey to the man's side, he bumped into something and fell over, doing a back roll and landing on his butt, a 'still registering' look on his face, eyes widened slightly and a slight frown on his lips. He sat there for a few moments, still trying to process all that had just happened. He took his hands and placed them on his head, feeling the fluffiness of the panda hat her had on. Thankful that it didn't fall off, Prince Panda just sat where he was, waiting for someone to help him up since he was oh, so 'unable' to do so himself.


@Everyone
​

 

[mikko]

this started really nice and even sorta serious and then i happened

it was, alas, far from the first time miks had wondered what the hell he was doing on this ship. he was once a highly respected pothead, the proper genus of his species, but now he was simply reduced to a mere transport device. an attractive, well-written, intelligent transport device, to be sure, but a transport device no less.

alright so i'mma flash to now. miks was sitting on the disgusting upholstery of sadie, sipping from a container of apple juice as he scrolled through a tumblr blog boasting hot moms, wives, and matures, but was more than likely the cause of nightmares. his mouth was raised in mid-sneer at valze's time of calling, in which he sighed, nodded, began his work.

now, quite similarly to susuan, miks' main job on the ship was to bitch, moan, and hate valze. he was quite skilled at it, in fact! but when he wasn't whining and sauntering through the less than savory parts of the internet, he was being a smartass or assisting in navigating via fresh rhythm. which, obviously, is what this entire post is about. jesus christ, folks. what did you think he was gonna do? fist himself with the microphone? nah that'd sound nasty get that shit outta here.

of course, though, he wasn't using the microphone to spit hot fire. no, no. instead, he used the more refined choice. he did it all into his bottle of apple juice.​

@SirBlazeALot , and also lowkey mention of my bae @theglassangel @that disgusting tumblr blog @SirBlazeALot knows the one

 

[Orikanyo]

"Feed my panda."


"Feed my panda."


"Feed my panda."


From the kitchen came the sounds of a certain toaster, a god damn angry one, but the best damn toaster ever made, he has his mission.


"Yo I'll feed you panda, I'll feed him so hard he wont know what feeling hungry is! Get over here you doe eyed fluffy fur rug I'll feed yea the best god damn toast you've ever had, this toast will kick your sorry ass so hard you wont feel nothin down there for a straight god damn year I swear on my damn maker it will, now where the hell is my bread!?!" the toaster A.I once again started his spiel on how he was indeed the greatest ting that ever hit this universe, under his goddess of course, thought she wasn't a bloody toaster like he was. Could she toast bread? Yes, can she do it with the god damn love and care that it deserves? The damned finesse that it takes to make the greatest god damn toast this side of eternity?


No, that was his damn job, thats why he was put in this existence, to toast, like no one has toasted before. And now, now this Panda needed toast, food, sustenance, that hungry god damn panda needed him! And he wasn't gona let that panda down, oh no, nononono, ain't nothin gona stop him, that panda ain't gona be able to move once hes done with the sucker.


But before that, he must find his bread, ain't no toast without bread, bread is where it starts. But where is that god damn... "I see that smug look fridge, whatchyou hidin in there boy? You hidin' my bread boy? You think you smart suckah? I'll f*** you up man! Ain't nobody crossin me!" and thats when the battle began, the sounds of two clashing kitchen appliances echoed from the kitchen like the cries of a bloody war, meal on meal, toaster on fridge, it was a battle that was fought many a time...


@anybody, seriously, somebody help that fridge, it's gona die.

 

[Zero Gravity]

CHICHI


GREBITE

Of course, ChiChi was having a wonderful time, cheering softly every now and then as well as clapping along as Miks rapped to get them to teleport. Honestly, this was great to her. She was almost glad she left Desu Desu Land to be on this grand adventure. She was rocking back and forth until she heard loud classes and bangs coming from the kitchen. 'Oh great...we all know what this means...' She thought to herself, standing up and dusting off her cute yellow sundress. Yes, she is thirty seven. She snuck into the kitchen, peeking around the corner to see what was happening. That's when she noticed the talking toaster was beating up the fridge...for the second time this week. "CHI CHIIIIIIII CHOOOOOPPPPP~~~" The black-haired girl yelled, soaring straight up into the air and karate chopping the toaster on its nonexistent head. She then wiped off her hands, folding her arms across her chest. "That'll teach you bakadesu!" She laughed loudly, throwing her head back.

@Orikanyo


@anyone else

 

[Orikanyo]

With the swift chop to his frame the toaster stopped it relentless attacks against the inanimate object, for the woman had triggered his greatest weakness, unrelenting cuteness! His rage faltered as the toaster stood on the floor, silent as the grave... what could he do? He couldn't bad mouth such a creature, nay, it did not deserve it! He must do as he usually does for the Desu Desu land denisens... It is the only way... he must be...


Calm and sophisticated.


"Chi chi-chan, and is a pleasure to speak to you again, I apologize of disturbing you. Please forgive my outbursts, I am but a very passionate A.I, this ruffian has hidden away the most important part of the ritual of toasting. The bread, the holy wheat product that toast to utter perfection, it hides it from me Chi-Chi-chan, to no reason but to spite my very being." he spoke calmly and with and with an even tone, changing the mood considerably.


"I must ask of you a favor, of which, I fear to strain our friendship by asking it. But I have no choice, Chi-chi-chan! Please! Help me regain the precious bread so I may feed the starving panda prince!!!" he plead for her assistance in the way he knew no Desu Desu lander could turn down, over dramatics!!!


@Zero Gravity


(no coloring due to being on phone.)

 

[SirBlazeALot]

CAPTAIN IO VALZE


Wow what utter fucking chaos. Like really, Io was beginning to regret eating that sandwich. Yep, just now starting to. That was a sandwich made for the grandmaster of the universe. It tasted like sex mixed with the euphoria of 8 mollys after getting an A+ on an exam while simultaneously finding out you won the lottery. Who would regret that?


So if it meant he had to listen to Susuan bitch and moan, put up with Tet touching his butt and threatening to gag him before running off to bust a nut on a picture of him, associating with Miks the biggest fuccboi in the universe, and handling a psychotic toaster, then so be it.


Besides this was a great opportunity to see some tits and ass all over the universe. The song was done and Sadie was revvin up. Valze rubbed his spanked booty and went to go pet his panda. "I hate you the least," he said fondly. "I just wish you'd stay in sexy bitch form more often." There was a ding sound. "Teleportation complete, I'm uncultured," the ship announced.


"SWEET TITTIES!! LET'S GET THIS BACON LADIES!!"


@ i honestly don't feel like tagging all of you.


@s i m p l e @Orikanyo @Kalin Scarlet @Amanda Rose @Suzumaki Arakai @Leaf Fi @mikko @Zero Gravity @theglassangel

 

[Zero Gravity]

CHICHI GREBITE

"Hmm..." ChiChi gave a soft hum as she looked at the toaster, an overwhelming feeling overtaking her as his voice became much more dramatic about feeding the panda. "Okay, okay! I'll help you retrieve the bread, bakadesu!" She squealed, wanting to cuddle the toaster because she literally couldn't say no when he was in such a desperate need of help. She opened the fridge, immediately finding the loaf in front of her. "This bakadesu fridge can't hide the bread! Here you are! Now, don't go acting like a bakadesu and start beating up the fridge again, okay?" She asked, frowning, more like pouting, at the psychotic toaster. She then heard the call of teleportation and she stopped and looked around. "Time for that bakadesu bacon!" She chirped, pumping her tiny fist in the air.

@Orikanyo


@errbody else

 

[Amanda Rose]

((I'll reply soon! Im super busy! ;-;

 

[Orikanyo]

"I thank you, without you my quest would have been over long before it began." he solemnly thanked the woman, and then turned to the bread.


It was time.


Floating out of the bag by an otherworldly hand the bread snugly placed themselves into the toaster's awaiting slots(lewd).


"Please.... cover your eyes my dear, this is going to be bright..."


And with a blinding light bursting from his toaster body the power cable lashed out into the nearest plug like a striking viper, siphoning the power needed to create his next work, a masterpiece, like all the others he create... But he must not be careless, lest he forfeit his position. he worked hard, trained long to get where he is today... he shant let it go so easily.


"WHHHHHHHHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"


the toaster yelled into the world, gathering the world's chi into his very being, this life energy shall be used to grace this toast with the necessary energy to become it's true destiny, for it to must travel on a journey, the journey, to becoming crunchy... but still light, aromatic, but yet not in a offending way. He must balance all these things and more as these slices reside within his being, channeling all the power he commands into create this pure form of the world's life force.


From this energy the aura manifested, small kitchen appliances were blasted away as the toaster started to reach higher and higher levels of strength, it flowed so well today.. perhaps... perhaps he could... yes... YES! this is a moment hes been waiting for, the stars have aligned, today he shall create his magnum opus!


The God slice.


The kitchen floor started to rumble and shake under such a powerful presence of the pure condensed life energy, the aura of golden light circled him like a halo of pure golden energy, he truely was, the goddess's toaster.

 

[Kalin Scarlet]

[Kuro....]


Kuro sat in their transport with a smile of careless cheer, as he read through his weekly shonen jump!, as usual. He glanced up, watching as the others made a spectacle.


"Ah, the revels of the main characters... So cheerful, so passionate...so loud and annoying."





The music came to an end abruptly when a trio of large screws found their way into the system. Sparks flew from the machine as it suddenly started to play The Blue Song. However, Kuro simply flipped to the next page of his Jump!, as if he was oblivious to his own acts. Kuro hummed along to the song as he continued to read.





"Ah, that's much better for everyone involved, isn't it?"

 

[Zero Gravity]

CHICHI GREBITE

ChiChi did as she was instructed, closing her eyes tightly and holding her hands over them to make sure she didn't get blinded. She could honestly feel the whole place begin to shake and rumble with the forces of the toaster, and she wondered what in the world was going on out there. The black-haired girl slightly peeled her fingers apart once the shaking was over, only to see that the whole kitchen was a complete wreck.





"Woah...what did you make, bakadesu?" She asked, looking around to see what exactly the other created to arouse such noise and ruckus and to throw everything about. That's when she saw it. The God Slice. Susuan would most certainly be proud of the toaster, as he had began the most lethal part of their sandwich. It was like the structure to the building, the jelly to the jam, the meat to the burger. It was the most important thing to a sandwich. Without it, the sandwich would just be ingredients on a table. She gasped, grabbing the toaster in her tiny, child-like arms. "You go, bakadesu! You did it!"

@Orikanyo

 

[Guy]

He sat alone. Isolated. Polishing is monocle. He'd been forcible put into isolation for trying to fight pretty much everybody. But it wasn't his fault. If manners make'th man then these ruffians were so far removed from humanity it was no wonder they had been locked up never mind their general lack of human features. Inbreeding most likely, he figured.


As he sat contemplating his future he heard doors opening and closing, the jangling of keys and fast footsteps which seemed to be getting closer. Sure enough, he looked up to see a portly guard approach his cell and rap on the bars with his club. "Ah, Jenkins, there you are good fellow. Did you bring my tea? I rather fear I sent for it some time ago." The guard just looked at him, frustration on his face. "Look, for the final time I am not Bloody Jenkins!" He shouted "I'm officer Flyfield and you can get your own bloody tea!" Lord Charmsworth sat still for a moment then opened his mouth "Well that is no way to treat a guest of your...fine establishment!" He stood up "I would see the manger young man, I wish to make a formal complaint!" The guard just shook his head and opend the cell door. "What is the meaning of this Jenkins?" The guard took a deep sigh "It's my lucky day, somebody paid your bail. You are free to go".


"Well an upstanding gentleman such asmyself should not be in such a place anyway" he moved over to the bench and picked up his immaculate tail coat jacket and put it back on. Picked up his tortoise shell walking cane and used it to flip up his top hat onto his head. Tapping it down with two swift taps of his cane. Finally he placed his monocle over his right eye, adjusted it and casually strolled out of the cell and passed officer Flyfield. "Very good Jenkins, fetch my bags and call a cab would you?" Flyfield clenched his teeth and his fists and mumbled sweet murderous revenge through his teeth. Another officer appeared and began leading the way out of the holding area. Eventually they reached the front desk. "All okay Flyfield?" The desk seargent could see the anger beeming from his colleagues face. "It soon will be" he returned. The desk seargent smiled back, noting the difficult prisoner. "Just need you to sign him out". "Gladly" muttered Flyfield. He picked up a pen a signed his name then gave the pen to Buttermint. "Well I say" he remarked "one has never had to sign upon leaving a hotel before!" They all looked at him in bewilderment.The desk seargent moved first, quickly counter signing the release form. "Okay sir you are free to go but, oh, this was left for you by the person who paid your bail" the seargent produced a long, slim box with a note attached. "Please leave before opening that and umm... Have a nice day" he gave a fake smile and nod and went back to his paperwork. "Very good" replied Buttermint. He turned and tipped his hat to the the two guards "Gentlemen" he strolled toward the door and stopped turning his head slightly "And Jenkins, please Inform your manager that he can expect my formal complaint in writing". With that he strolled out into the early night. The three guards looked on, Flyfield full of relief "And so ends the worst hour of my life". "I'm confused" the other guard said "did he think he was in a hotel or what?" They all just looked on, no answers forthcoming.


Outside Buttermint stood in the dark awaiting the cab that Jenkins had no doubt ordered for him. As he did, he pulled the crumbled note from the top of the box, smoothed it out and read it outloud for some reason. "Dear Sir" it began. "Are you hungry?" He was somewhat peckish and he had missed high tea. "Are you keen for adventure?" He wasn't much up for it. "Do you repay your depts?" He did. It was a gentlemans honour. Paragraph 4 subclass 3 or the gentlemans code. "Then open the box and let us begin!" Without a second though he did. Prying open the small box he wasn't sure what to expect. A trlegraph system perhaps. What he pulled from the box, however, was long and limp and rather garish purple colour. He studied the device up close through his monocle before finding what looked like a switch with the word "on" and "off" written next to it. He pushed it towards on. In an instance the device came to life! "What the devil!" It began to shake violently in his hand, the vibrations running up his body and to his head. The world began to shake around him and then it began to changes fore his very eyes. What was once a dark high street shook violently into a metallic and fantastic structure befor his very eyes. As the image came into forcus the device began to slow itself eventually coming to a complete stop.


He found himself in a small room. With several faces looking at him in belwilderment. He dropped the device to the floor. He was shaken, sweaty and felt positively drained. He reached up and straitened his hat, placed his monocle back over his eye and then reached into his coat pocket. The faces watched him as he produced a small case from which he pulled a small, white stick. "May one procure a light?"