Journal RPNCOM (Not sure which forum to put this in, so I'll go with Creativity)

[Wrath Of Athena]

This is a little thing I decided to do to practice my writing, after I started naming my XCOM characters after RPN members. In case you don't know, XCOM is a tactical turn based strategy game where you defend earth from aliens.


I will not be completing this in one post, instead doing it in bits at a time. Gotta keep up the suspense.


Also, critiques about my writing would be helpful.


Dramatis Persona:


Civilian staff:


Commander: The Dark Wizard (Dark or Wiz)


Engineer: Grin (Grin)


Scientist: Elle Joyner (Dr Joyner)


The Squad:


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The Pooka


Silent Justice


Ashurbanipal


DescriptedEnd


And so our story begins...


The Commander, Codenamed Dark Wizard, paced back and forth as he was debriefed on the success of the previous mission by an anxious looking intel officer, who very clearly was upset that he was the one giving the Commander this information. "What the hell do you mean you don't know what killed them?!" He said, attempting to keep his cool. An entire squad of four, dead. They were elite. Some of the best. And they had been killed by... Whatever the hell these things were. "Who is available for recruitment?" The intern nervously handed him a sheet with four names on it. "These guys...? They've all proven to be completely unreliable! They haven't even worked together before!" The intern shifted in his seat and said "But they're all we've got left." Wiz sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. "Fine. Bring them in for the next mission." Dark Wizard left the room, and the intel officer sighed in relief.


Let me know what you guys think so far.

 

[Grey]

Oh, fun, I was thinking of doing this in my next Long War run.


I will be watching to see who dies horribly.

 

[Wrath Of Athena]

I'm new to XCOM, so probably everyone xD

 

[Grey]

Make sure you get Enemy Within when you can, it's great. And Long War mod when you've finished it a couple of times.


Also, if you want your writing critiqued I'll need to see more to form useful feedback, but as it is I feel like your sentences are a bit clunky, the word choice lacks impact, and the pacing is perhaps too fast - especially if you want to build up suspense. I reckon you've got potential, mind.

 

[Wrath Of Athena]

Now to continue the story...


Silent Justice stood in line with her three new squadmates. Of them, she had only met one before. Descripted End, whom she had met in training and befriended there. After they had both graduated, though, she hadn't seen him much. Then there was The Pooka. She had no idea what the hell his thing was, but he always had a kind of crazy, joyful grin on his face, and seemed to bounce whenever he walked. If she were judging him solely from what she'd seen of him so far, she'd say he was crazy, or maybe just overly happy. And finally, there was Ashur. He walked with an arrogant swagger, and maintained a cocky smirk, seeming to be the polar oppositeof Pooka's lighthearted nature.


Dark Wizard, her new commander, walked into the room. "I am Dark Wizard, your new commander," He said in a deep, commanding sounding voice. He seemed the perfect sort to be a leader, with his commanding voice and his stoic face. "But you should already know that, if you read the files we gave you." He said, looking them over. Justi looked over at the rest of her squad mates, and The Pooka looked a bit embarrassed. It seemed that he did not read his file. Too bad for him. "Now, I assume you're all wondering why you're here, and why we chose you to be in it." He coughed, then continued. "To be frank, we didn't choose you because of your skills. Or your intelligence. Or any of that. But because you are the only four left who actually meet the requirements for the XCOM program." Well, that certainly didn't make Justi feel much better about herself. At least it wasn't just her who was being scraped from the bottom of the barrel. "I'm sure I don't need to explain to you what the XCOM program is to you, since it was all in the files we gave you." Again, Pooka looked embarrassed. "Now, for your first mission, you will be going into a metropolitan area, where there have been several..." He seemed to try to find a good word for it, then gave up and said "Abductions, going on. We want you to investigate. Now, all four of you, to the Skyranger!" They saluted, then made their way out of mission control and to the hangar.