Lemonl
Rematch! ( ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾
This is a place you can post your original character and get feedback. I hope you participate! uwu
Opinion Review my OC
- Thread starter Lemonl
- Start date
ParadoxicalMotion
Commissar Cat-Birb
I'll bite! Forgive me it's been ages since I've made a character sheet, and this is done on an existing, freeform character. The character and setting he is in are inspired by rainbow six siege, with a top secret agency dealing with a return of magic to the world. (Name Redacted) is used for my partners character. I'm kind of going for a blend of character sheet and agency dossier here, so pease let me know what you think, what you like and what could be improved.
Agent Eric "Faust" Greene
Age: 38
Appearance: Eric is 5'11 190lbs, Caucasian with dark brown hair that has began to grey around the temples and is kept in a "high fade" style. He has dark blue eyes and a lean face with medium cheekbones, a straight point(but slightly crooked) nose and a somewhat pointed chin which he keeps shaved, as well as thin lips. He has been described as "handsome but unremarkable". Of Polish and German descent.
Body shape wise he has a medium build due to weight-lifting and cycling, opting for functional strength over asthetics.
Credentials: US Army MP, US Army CID, CIA Field Operations, Bureau of Occult, Demonic and Supernatural Activity (ODSA) (Current)
Loadout: FMG-9 SMG, Sign Sauer P-230 Handgun, Silver Plated combat knife, 2 magazines handgun, 2 magazines SMG, 2 high density smoke grenades, Ballistic Armor(From none to full tactical gear depending on operation)
Gadgets: TrueSight Optics: A high tech pair of sunglasses that can switch between limited thermal, low light and obscured(smoke) modes, also offering protection from flashes as well as providing a HUD and ranges out to 100m. Controlled by watch(based on Warden)
Targe System: A sleek smart watch with a number of features. Has GPS and Panic button, controls TrueSight Optics, functions as a comlink and recording device, as well as dataport.
Black Hand: A small gauntlet with a slot for a magical Crystal and conduits to the index and middle finger for applying the effect, as well as the back of the hand. Can only hold one Crystal at a time.
Ember Crystal: allows the user to project a tight beam of thermal energy from his fingertips up to 1 ft I. Length. Most often used as a cutting torch. 3mins of charge.
Null Crystal: Allows the user to nullify many spell effects,or project an anti-magic shield the size of a viking round shield. Use varies depending on power of opposed spell. Anywhere from 1-5.
Warp Crystal: Allows the user to fire a somatic burst which can incapacitate humanoid targets. 5 charges.
Bolt Crystal: Allows the user to deliver a nasty, touch based electric shock. Charges vary on strength of shock. 1-5 uses.
Background: Growing up, Eric had a rather normal childhood, excelling in sports and joining the Military at age 20.
His time in the service saw him start off as a Military Police officer, deploying to Iraq during the early days of the war and attaining the rank of Staff Sergeant before transferring to the Criminal Investigation Division.
After the Military, Eric obtained his Bachelor's in Criminal Justice with a minor in Communication.
Eventually, he found himself working under the banner of the CIA, spending a number of years as a field agent before he was promoted and placed in charge of a CIA blacksite investigating strange happenings in Pakistan.
(Top Secret) During his time in Pakistan, Agent Greene was faced with a Demon threat, now know to be a Lesser Demon of the Archaeopteryx variety. During this encounter Agent Greene and his team managed to banish the demon through firepower and clever use of a emplaced gun, although the casualty count was quite significant, with the CIA detachment reduced to 30% effective strength. Despite passing numerous Psychological Evaluations, it cannot be ascertained how much lingering trauma endures in his psyche. Oversight is recommended.(/Top Secret)
Due to the events of his operations in Pakistan, he was contacted by ODSA to lead a detachment dubbed Strike Team Salem, a 14 person squad dedicated to rapid intervention, peacekeeping and Counter-Paranormal activities. He was also placed in charge of (Name Redacted), A known Class 3 Evoker and former thief-turned-consultant. His current whereabouts are highly classified.
Psychological Profile: Eric Greene is generally regarded as a stoic, hard to read man. He isn't one to rush to judgement, and prefers to out maneuver an adversary rather than engage them head on. This attitude has led to some of his constituents to regard him as cold and unfeeling, but this is not completely accurate.
Due to his extensive training, Eric has been known to be quite skilled at adopting alternate persona's depending on what he is looking to accomplish, often having to spend long periods of time undercover. These personas are not perfect however, and a person familiar with him will be able to spot the difference.
Among friends he is known to have a very sarcastic sense of humor, quite dry and bordering on nihlistic, though his usual "stick up the ass" demeanor seems to evaporate when in the presence of close friends, who have described him as honest and charming in his awkward attempts at being "off the clock", where he demonstrates a love for whiskey, witty conversation and the occasional drunken antic or two.
His hobbies include physical fitness, dual-sport motorcycle riding, camping and collecting various patches. He also has been known to sing but, this has not been verified as to the frequency or quality.
Closing remarks: Agent Faust clearly sees himself as the first line of defense Los Angeles has against the chaos brought about by the reawakening of magic, and he wears that mantle's weight with both pride and caution. Despite his initial concerns with (Name Redacted) the two have began to form a strong bond, seeing each other as partners rather than reluctant allies, and his entire team stands behind him.
Despite facing literal nightmares, Faust has managed to mostly retain his humanity, and even without magic of his own is willing to continue going into harm's way to protect the unaware. His bond with (Name Redacted), as well as Strike Team Salem have been tested and come out strong. Whenever there is an incident of Supernatural nature, or when a demon is causing havoc, we can rest assured that Faust and his team will do everything in their power to minimize damage and neutralize the threat. He has earned our highest recommendation.
-Director F. Lassen, ODSA
Agent Eric "Faust" Greene
Age: 38
Appearance: Eric is 5'11 190lbs, Caucasian with dark brown hair that has began to grey around the temples and is kept in a "high fade" style. He has dark blue eyes and a lean face with medium cheekbones, a straight point(but slightly crooked) nose and a somewhat pointed chin which he keeps shaved, as well as thin lips. He has been described as "handsome but unremarkable". Of Polish and German descent.
Body shape wise he has a medium build due to weight-lifting and cycling, opting for functional strength over asthetics.
Credentials: US Army MP, US Army CID, CIA Field Operations, Bureau of Occult, Demonic and Supernatural Activity (ODSA) (Current)
Loadout: FMG-9 SMG, Sign Sauer P-230 Handgun, Silver Plated combat knife, 2 magazines handgun, 2 magazines SMG, 2 high density smoke grenades, Ballistic Armor(From none to full tactical gear depending on operation)
Gadgets: TrueSight Optics: A high tech pair of sunglasses that can switch between limited thermal, low light and obscured(smoke) modes, also offering protection from flashes as well as providing a HUD and ranges out to 100m. Controlled by watch(based on Warden)
Targe System: A sleek smart watch with a number of features. Has GPS and Panic button, controls TrueSight Optics, functions as a comlink and recording device, as well as dataport.
Black Hand: A small gauntlet with a slot for a magical Crystal and conduits to the index and middle finger for applying the effect, as well as the back of the hand. Can only hold one Crystal at a time.
Ember Crystal: allows the user to project a tight beam of thermal energy from his fingertips up to 1 ft I. Length. Most often used as a cutting torch. 3mins of charge.
Null Crystal: Allows the user to nullify many spell effects,or project an anti-magic shield the size of a viking round shield. Use varies depending on power of opposed spell. Anywhere from 1-5.
Warp Crystal: Allows the user to fire a somatic burst which can incapacitate humanoid targets. 5 charges.
Bolt Crystal: Allows the user to deliver a nasty, touch based electric shock. Charges vary on strength of shock. 1-5 uses.
Background: Growing up, Eric had a rather normal childhood, excelling in sports and joining the Military at age 20.
His time in the service saw him start off as a Military Police officer, deploying to Iraq during the early days of the war and attaining the rank of Staff Sergeant before transferring to the Criminal Investigation Division.
After the Military, Eric obtained his Bachelor's in Criminal Justice with a minor in Communication.
Eventually, he found himself working under the banner of the CIA, spending a number of years as a field agent before he was promoted and placed in charge of a CIA blacksite investigating strange happenings in Pakistan.
(Top Secret) During his time in Pakistan, Agent Greene was faced with a Demon threat, now know to be a Lesser Demon of the Archaeopteryx variety. During this encounter Agent Greene and his team managed to banish the demon through firepower and clever use of a emplaced gun, although the casualty count was quite significant, with the CIA detachment reduced to 30% effective strength. Despite passing numerous Psychological Evaluations, it cannot be ascertained how much lingering trauma endures in his psyche. Oversight is recommended.(/Top Secret)
Due to the events of his operations in Pakistan, he was contacted by ODSA to lead a detachment dubbed Strike Team Salem, a 14 person squad dedicated to rapid intervention, peacekeeping and Counter-Paranormal activities. He was also placed in charge of (Name Redacted), A known Class 3 Evoker and former thief-turned-consultant. His current whereabouts are highly classified.
Psychological Profile: Eric Greene is generally regarded as a stoic, hard to read man. He isn't one to rush to judgement, and prefers to out maneuver an adversary rather than engage them head on. This attitude has led to some of his constituents to regard him as cold and unfeeling, but this is not completely accurate.
Due to his extensive training, Eric has been known to be quite skilled at adopting alternate persona's depending on what he is looking to accomplish, often having to spend long periods of time undercover. These personas are not perfect however, and a person familiar with him will be able to spot the difference.
Among friends he is known to have a very sarcastic sense of humor, quite dry and bordering on nihlistic, though his usual "stick up the ass" demeanor seems to evaporate when in the presence of close friends, who have described him as honest and charming in his awkward attempts at being "off the clock", where he demonstrates a love for whiskey, witty conversation and the occasional drunken antic or two.
His hobbies include physical fitness, dual-sport motorcycle riding, camping and collecting various patches. He also has been known to sing but, this has not been verified as to the frequency or quality.
Closing remarks: Agent Faust clearly sees himself as the first line of defense Los Angeles has against the chaos brought about by the reawakening of magic, and he wears that mantle's weight with both pride and caution. Despite his initial concerns with (Name Redacted) the two have began to form a strong bond, seeing each other as partners rather than reluctant allies, and his entire team stands behind him.
Despite facing literal nightmares, Faust has managed to mostly retain his humanity, and even without magic of his own is willing to continue going into harm's way to protect the unaware. His bond with (Name Redacted), as well as Strike Team Salem have been tested and come out strong. Whenever there is an incident of Supernatural nature, or when a demon is causing havoc, we can rest assured that Faust and his team will do everything in their power to minimize damage and neutralize the threat. He has earned our highest recommendation.
-Director F. Lassen, ODSA
PhoenixMire
ᛚᚨᚦᚢ:ᚹᛁᛞᚢᛉ:ᛖᚱᚦᛟ
Pretty sure there’s a specific forum dedicated to this already - character feedback
Just thought I’d let you know so you can ask for character advice over there c:
Just thought I’d let you know so you can ask for character advice over there c:
Lemonl
Rematch! ( ˃̶͈̀ロ˂̶͈́)੭ꠥ⁾⁾
Oh coolio didn't know that, oof.
PhoenixMire
ᛚᚨᚦᚢ:ᚹᛁᛞᚢᛉ:ᛖᚱᚦᛟ
It's fine! Just figured I'd let you know. It's a helpful place for getting feedback
