Other [removed]

[hemovore]

[removed]

 

[Lady Odyssey]

These poems are absolutely beautiful. I really loved them all equally even though they each differ from the next. I'd love to read more of your poetry--I think you're amazing at it and I hope you continue doing it if that's what you love. c:


─Runner♥

 

[Melix]

Your poems are really impressive, especially of someone of that age! Please post more if you have any- I enjoyed them greatly. They rhyme so well...that never happens! They have poem books, you know. Of all teen-submitted poems. I suggest you enter.

 

[Grey]

You got anything more recent? As the others have said - for 12, not bad (I've seen people in their thirties with less grasp of structure), but the divide of time renders critique largely meaningless - if you haven't learned from these ones already, nothing I or anyone else says is going to benefit you.

 

[Skelo10]

Omg these poems are so perfect 3

 

[Grey]

"Drowning"


Meeting your eyes

From across the lake


That is you

Stepping in

The shallow waters


I come to you

Getting closer

You pull away


Backing slowly in a corner

Finding it difficult

To make my way


To you as the water deepens

Pushing hard

I swim to you


To hold you in my arms

Crying out

You slip inside


Of the blackness

Calling your name

I dive in after you


To rescue you from yourself

Swimming to shore

I hold you close


And wish your demons away

Hm, I don't recognize that form - please do enlighten me!


It's a bit... direct. There's nothing beautiful about the use of language, no clever metaphor (or rather, the metaphor is underexploited, you might say). Kind of lacking in emotional impact - I feel like you could cut nearly half of it and the result would be more effective.


Ah, but like me you're a dabbler, so maybe these criticism is less desirable.

 

[Grey]

I wouldn't call the older ones better, per se. Rhyming is a long way from enough - and often hurts the quality of a poem where it's contrived.


Smile Like It's Raining doesn't seem to mean anything, for example.