olidabothe
New Member
I peel the paint in between my fingernails, that has dried recently, but nonetheless long ago. If that really makes any sense, I guess nothing does anymore. I started a sunflower today, I used some finger painting techniques, which reminded me of grade school. I also seem to be more sad rather than the opposite. Rather than what normal people feel. Perhaps I paint for my self-interest and skill, rather than how I feel. Which is ironic considering my favourite artist is the man himself, Vincent Van Gogh. Maybe it's also ironic that I happened to be painting sunflowers. That's ridiculous, do you hear me? I'm not sure what you think of me, or how I think of myself anymore.
I feel so lost in a world of fear. Not to take away from the people suffering, if I could take all the pain away from them I would. So I'm sorry if these next parts sound selfish, but I miss the past. Not how now we desire the future. We have a purpose for disliking the past, like racism, sexism, history gone wrong. I mean I miss my past, the past that I was living in. I miss laughing and sitting at school tables discussing and supporting each other. Now that I tend to cry at the most inconvenient times, I miss my annoying teachers. How they could get on my nerves and challenge me to strive for more. I have no purpose in this new world. Besides painting, reading, and summer school. I feel like a character within a movie, who knows they are a character within a plot.
So if there is anyone listening or at least halfway interested in this, never take anything for granted. Do brave things when this ends, ask out that cute individual, flirt with your crush, try something new, be nice to others. I used to dislike most of my life, like how we usually tend to find ourselves thinking about how long the days were. If I could go back right now, I would. The days feel faster but brutal and unproductive. I would rather have importance than nothing to do.
I feel so lost in a world of fear. Not to take away from the people suffering, if I could take all the pain away from them I would. So I'm sorry if these next parts sound selfish, but I miss the past. Not how now we desire the future. We have a purpose for disliking the past, like racism, sexism, history gone wrong. I mean I miss my past, the past that I was living in. I miss laughing and sitting at school tables discussing and supporting each other. Now that I tend to cry at the most inconvenient times, I miss my annoying teachers. How they could get on my nerves and challenge me to strive for more. I have no purpose in this new world. Besides painting, reading, and summer school. I feel like a character within a movie, who knows they are a character within a plot.
So if there is anyone listening or at least halfway interested in this, never take anything for granted. Do brave things when this ends, ask out that cute individual, flirt with your crush, try something new, be nice to others. I used to dislike most of my life, like how we usually tend to find ourselves thinking about how long the days were. If I could go back right now, I would. The days feel faster but brutal and unproductive. I would rather have importance than nothing to do.
