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May unlocked the door to their little apartment in paradise and moved inside. She placed her bag down and stretched. It had been a rather long day of food prep and service. She expected Tav to be home. She’d sent him a rather ominous text about needing to discuss some important things with him. She had rehearsed this in her head a lot of times but the words had left her, and she still felt unprepared. Tavon felt a certain way about people who had done her harm. And her dad? He’d done her more harm than anyone else could hope to do. He’d left her home alone, sometimes for the whole night. She wouldn’t eat some nights, she didn’t bathe. Whenever she spoke to him he was critical of her tone or dismissive of her needs. Her uncle had picked up a lot of his slack. He’d come over when her dad was drunk or missing, had tended to her when she hurt herself. But he had his own life and in the end, well it wasn’t enough. When they came to take her out of her his care, he’d let them, and he hadn’t come back. Her uncle, being a student, simply could not afford to adopt her, so she ended up losing both of them.
But Mei had also been hard to deal with. Constant meltdowns, intrusive stimming, expensive support needs and constantly in need of his attention. Her father had tried at first but over time he just gave up. He never spoke about his grief but she caught him sobbing into his pillow several times. Mei was grieving herself but did not show it in a normal way, so to him she must have seemed to not care. She kept her sisters things neat and tidy, lined up all her favorite toys. She displayed her mum’s jewelry, and cleaned it like she used to and she also tended to her mum’s veggie garden. Little things like that were her way of grieving. They just made her father angry. She couldn’t understand why at the time. If they could… come to an understanding… have a relationship. Maybe they could both move on? There were just so many maybes.
Her heart was beating loudly in her chest. Not only was she suggesting moving to a new city to visit her father but, they had an apartment, they had savings, they had jobs here. It would mean ending all of that and taking a great risk. They could perhaps afford to live in Vegas for a while on their savings and work on finding a job, especially since she’d be renting from a good friend. That was her tentative plan, anyway. She’d also been researching the local university there. If she was going to brave school once more it would be nice to have some familiar faces. She had mentioned uni a few times to Tav, but no where specific. She'd had the dream to become a veterinarian running around her head for a couple of years, but, vet schools. Well they were hard to get into. And they had a nice, comfortable little life here. She hadn't been willing to take any big leap of faiths... until now that was.
And then just this week Jordyn had lost her mother. They'd had a very long teary phone call about it. Jordyn had inherited her mothers house, but she had admitted to May that she was starting to fall behind in the mortgage repayments. She had asked May if she had any interest in becoming her roommate for a bit. It all seemed to... line up.
May smiled with her eyes and mouth when she saw her Tavon, despite all the anxious racing thoughts she was having, she was always so happy to see him. “Hey Tav” she said softly as she crossed the small room and reached out for him. She placed her small hands gently around his torso into an embrace and rested her head against his chest, eyes closed. "love you.." She mumbled into his chest. She could have just stayed there forever, not started this tonight, put it off again. He was safe, warm, comfortable. She wanted him to wrap his arms around her, pulling her into him before she pulled back to meet his eyes. If he did not, she would pull back anyway. She felt that there was a distinct possibility that he might not come with her, despite how confident she’d sounded about it when she spoke to Jordyn. She would not blame him for not wanting to uproot his life for her.
“I have several really important things to discuss with you. I need you to listen to it all before you speak, okay?” she asked him. When she did so, her expression showed both anxiety and stubborn determination. She know what he would think already, she knew the way he would say it was probably going to hurt her feelings too. Regardless, she was determined to have her say on this, she’d been ruminating and planning for weeks now. She wasn’t going to dance around the topic either. That just wasn’t how they communicated. But there was an order to all the things that had to be said.
“So, as you know… Jordyn’s been living in Nevada, Las Vegas with her mother… well she passed away recently.” She began, “So, Jordyn has been there on her own. She’s.. struggling with the mortgage, so she needs roommates” She continued “I’ve been tentatively looking into the local college there as well since she moved away… there are some programs I meet the pre requisites on thanks to those classes I’ve been taking at night.. and did you know the Pima Medical Institute in Las Vegas… they do a veterinary assistant certification… Only takes 9 months” she trailed off, “But, that aside, I’ll get to the main reason”
She sighed and ran her hands through her hair. She had to get to the main point now. “Recently my father… my real father sent me a letter.” She began feeling the neatly folded paper burning a hole in the pocket of her trousers. “And he gave me no specific details but, he alluded multiple times to… his time being limited.” She felt the lump in her throat and forced the tears back down. Crying would not serve her here, she needed to show Tavon that she meant business, that he wasn’t going to talk her out of it. “He says… how much he regrets everything. He wants to… reconnect with me before it’s too late” she paused and then connected all the dots with one little sentence “He is also… living in Las Vegas.” She finished “My uncle lives there too… I was going to reach out to him”
Absentmindedly she had begun fidgeting with the corner of her shirt, slightly shifting her weight back and forth between her feet and chewing on the inside of her cheek. “I think you know where I’m going with this now…” her eyes were anywhere but his “My intentions are to move to Las Vegas, move in with Jordyn and go and sus out the situation with my dad. And decide from there. That’s… this is with or without you Tavon. I… I wont beg you to uproot your life for me. But I just need to do this.” The lump in her throat came back, threatening to choke her. That felt so bad to say. She didn't want that at all. She wanted to beg him to come with her. She felt her resolve not to cry wavering so she started reaching into the back pocket of her work pants.
She sighed producing the letter and glancing over it again. It was in Chinese but May had carefully written the English translation below in her neat and tidy handwriting. “If you want to read it you can” she said offering it to him, if he didn’t take it she’d put it away in her pocket again. “Ok, that’s all of it” she breathed she looked at him expectantly, bracing herself for his response.
To my dear Chua Li Mei
My daughter.
This letter is very hard to write, but as I find myself short on time, I must get it out to you. It has taken me an age to figure out where you are to contact you.
You must be finished your schooling days by now. Have you turned into a beautiful young woman? How many years I have missed out on due to my own selfishness… I wish I could have given you the love and support you needed durin our shared grief. I was so lost without your mother’s gentle touch, she was so good with you when you were little. I would always be too short with you and your sister. I know I should have been a better father to you both. I hope you were able to continue your therapy’s. I hope the family who adopted you have treated you well. You were always such a bright little girl, I hope you have flourished.
Daughter, I don’t blame you if you don’t want to hear from me. I will never be able to undo what I have done. But I write, maybe selfishly once again, in hope that we can reconnect. I want to see you one last time before it is too late.
If you want to find me, my address and my phone number is as follows:
2038 PALM ST SPC 167 LAS VEGAS NV 89104-4810 USA
702-768-8518
I hope to see you soon.
With all of my love
Your father.
My daughter.
This letter is very hard to write, but as I find myself short on time, I must get it out to you. It has taken me an age to figure out where you are to contact you.
You must be finished your schooling days by now. Have you turned into a beautiful young woman? How many years I have missed out on due to my own selfishness… I wish I could have given you the love and support you needed durin our shared grief. I was so lost without your mother’s gentle touch, she was so good with you when you were little. I would always be too short with you and your sister. I know I should have been a better father to you both. I hope you were able to continue your therapy’s. I hope the family who adopted you have treated you well. You were always such a bright little girl, I hope you have flourished.
Daughter, I don’t blame you if you don’t want to hear from me. I will never be able to undo what I have done. But I write, maybe selfishly once again, in hope that we can reconnect. I want to see you one last time before it is too late.
If you want to find me, my address and my phone number is as follows:
2038 PALM ST SPC 167 LAS VEGAS NV 89104-4810 USA
702-768-8518
I hope to see you soon.
With all of my love
Your father.
May
code by birth of venus.
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