Nurturing Hands

[random5656]

I found that posting my writing online created this weird paranoia in me that keeping it on here left me unsettled.





So, Ima just delete it to the best of my abilities.





Peace. (o'v'o)
​

 

[Grey]

Lake's Reflection, if a bit obtuse, has a lot of potential.


A Mirror's Image Cracked is, well, it starts strong and then descends into cliche. But there's a reason the same themes come up over and over again in this forum.


I'm Sorry, You Deserved more is reminiscent of Plath, and this is only a good thing. But it would benefit from more discipline.


Still, you're actually being educated in the medium, so that's encouraging. This might be useful.


I'll come back in a while, after digesting, to provide more actually useful feedback. But keep it up.

 

[Poe]

I completely agree with @Grey on I'm Sorry, You Deserved More being reminiscent of Plath. You have so many brief moments of really strong images, particularly your more morbid, brutally honest ones. One of the best pieces of advice I ever got was to stop trying to 'sound like a poet.' It's when you accept strange images (like the bug in I'm Sorry, You Deserved More) and allow yourself to make your language unique to you does it ring poetic.


I would really recommend reading more of Sylvia Plath's works (particularly Lady Lazarus, Daddy, and Mad Girls Love Song -- though I would urge you to just read anything by her). They're very minimalistic in the sense that, much like your poetry, you tend to stray to shorter stanza poems.


I hope some of this helped, I'm probably rambling.

 

[ClaveVesari]

You'll find the ways to improve and subside that feeling of not knowing what's missing, or what's wrong; our Art grows with us. It is up to your judgment what you feel is missing, or needs to be taken away. I liked both of them, deep thoughts. Keep on sending em.

 

[Grey]

Adoria is sweet, but the word choice and metre are a little off.


I’m Drafting Love and It’s Not Good Enough is a great title, and it's very clear what you're doing. I think @Dusky might have something to say about it. I feel like it might be the ending, or perhaps the bluntness of the whole thing that reduces it - but Clave isn't far off in suggesting it's up to you to see the way forward.


Help Me Find a Happy Poet is a nice idea, but the execution is flawed. Every single word really needs to count - but a few drafts and it could be really special.


Keep it up!