kandlelite
New Member
Scary. Intimidating. Old. Boring. Stupid. Weak. Coward. Broken. Useless. Worthless. The words were stacking up. Higher and higher over his head, pulling at his neck, tightening the noose around it. It was suffocating. More often than not, he spent countless nights awake at night, his heart beating straight out of his chest, and the words churning inside, haunting him. He'd toss and turn, but he couldn't escape them. The only time he would break free of the words was when he played volleyball, but now, even that was a field of landmines closing in on him.
He hit a serve, but the ball simply caught in the net, falling flat to the ground. Much like he wanted to. He'd lost his touch. The power in his arm. All he could see was the iron wall, closing in on him. He mumbled an apology that the team rebounded, but their forgiveness didn't reach him. He shuffled to the back of the line, waiting for his turn again as he stared at the ground. Nothing he did went right. He was so worthless.
Not even your soulmate wanted you. He glanced over at their libero, who easily served the ball over the net. You weren't worth it. His fist clenched at the painful memory, of shaking hands with the libero on his first day of volleyball practice. He'd felt a head to toe shiver run down his spine, in which his entire being felt shaken to the core. He'd watched as Nishinoya Yuu gave him a wide grin and with a firm grip shook his hand, introduced himself, then... moved on.
Everyone had a soulmate, and the way they find out manifests differently between every pair. He's heard of some who have identical birthmarks, that help them recognize each other. Others have an emotional connection, where they can feel each other through a link. Daichi and Suga experience the same pains, or rather an echo of each other's pain. For him, the bond had been silent. At least until he shook Nishinoya's hand, but then it had gone quiet again. Maybe it had been a mistake. He'd never asked Nishinoya about it. Never had the courage to.
Practice ended early, as everyone's energy levels had dropped since their loss. A broom clattered against the wall as Nishinoya slammed it against the wall, "Damn it! I was worthless out there! Couldn't save a single blocked ball."
The rage and self hatred boiled up quick, how could he say that? It wasn't the libero's fault. It was his! "Nishi! Why won't you blame me for this?! I am the one who cost us the game! Even if you could have saved one, it would have been pointless because I couldn't make them count!"
Daichi's voice interjected, but it was far off in the distance. All he could see and hear is Nishinoya's angry face, and the tone of his voice. Nishinoya's eyes were furious, cutting through him. "What exactly do you mean by pointless. And while we're at it, why didn't you call for the ball at the end?" Yeah, that was more like it. Nishinoya should be angry with him. As everyone should be. Nishinoya egged him on further, "Come on, you were in the perfect position." Yeah, he was, but none of it mattered. He wasn't good enough. No matter how perfect the set might have been.
Suga called, worried, "Hey, lay off of him, Nishinoya. I was my fault for sending him too many sets in a row." No, not Sugawara too. Don't cut him so much slack. It was his fault because he wasn't good enough.
"Even if you did Suga, it wouldn't have mattered anyway." He retorted.
Nishinoya's hands grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and he wondered if he'd imagine the whole thing when they first met. This wasn't how soulmates should be, was it? Nishinoya's face was scrunched up in anger. "You never know until you hit the damn thing. You know that. The next spike might be the one to break through! Don't you ever give up on a ball. Not while i'm keeping it in for you." He felt the broom stick snap under his foot and it might as well have been his heart. Yeah, this would never work out. He must have imagined it all.
Tanaka pulls Nishinoya off of him, "Noya, take it easy!"
Nishinoya is on the verge of tears, and Asahi feels a pressure building around his neck, making it hard to breathe, to think. It breaks him to hear Nishinoya's desperation. "I'm the libero. I'm the last defense. The team needs me! But, i can't score us points and I can't even attack either. So i don't care how many spikes get blocked, I'd never blame you for that, but quit, and I'll never be able to forgive you."
Then don't. He didn't deserve the forgiveness anyways. He kept his head down as he left the storage room. He was a failure. As an ace. As a person. As a soulmate.
He hit a serve, but the ball simply caught in the net, falling flat to the ground. Much like he wanted to. He'd lost his touch. The power in his arm. All he could see was the iron wall, closing in on him. He mumbled an apology that the team rebounded, but their forgiveness didn't reach him. He shuffled to the back of the line, waiting for his turn again as he stared at the ground. Nothing he did went right. He was so worthless.
Not even your soulmate wanted you. He glanced over at their libero, who easily served the ball over the net. You weren't worth it. His fist clenched at the painful memory, of shaking hands with the libero on his first day of volleyball practice. He'd felt a head to toe shiver run down his spine, in which his entire being felt shaken to the core. He'd watched as Nishinoya Yuu gave him a wide grin and with a firm grip shook his hand, introduced himself, then... moved on.
Everyone had a soulmate, and the way they find out manifests differently between every pair. He's heard of some who have identical birthmarks, that help them recognize each other. Others have an emotional connection, where they can feel each other through a link. Daichi and Suga experience the same pains, or rather an echo of each other's pain. For him, the bond had been silent. At least until he shook Nishinoya's hand, but then it had gone quiet again. Maybe it had been a mistake. He'd never asked Nishinoya about it. Never had the courage to.
Practice ended early, as everyone's energy levels had dropped since their loss. A broom clattered against the wall as Nishinoya slammed it against the wall, "Damn it! I was worthless out there! Couldn't save a single blocked ball."
The rage and self hatred boiled up quick, how could he say that? It wasn't the libero's fault. It was his! "Nishi! Why won't you blame me for this?! I am the one who cost us the game! Even if you could have saved one, it would have been pointless because I couldn't make them count!"
Daichi's voice interjected, but it was far off in the distance. All he could see and hear is Nishinoya's angry face, and the tone of his voice. Nishinoya's eyes were furious, cutting through him. "What exactly do you mean by pointless. And while we're at it, why didn't you call for the ball at the end?" Yeah, that was more like it. Nishinoya should be angry with him. As everyone should be. Nishinoya egged him on further, "Come on, you were in the perfect position." Yeah, he was, but none of it mattered. He wasn't good enough. No matter how perfect the set might have been.
Suga called, worried, "Hey, lay off of him, Nishinoya. I was my fault for sending him too many sets in a row." No, not Sugawara too. Don't cut him so much slack. It was his fault because he wasn't good enough.
"Even if you did Suga, it wouldn't have mattered anyway." He retorted.
Nishinoya's hands grabbed him by the front of his shirt, and he wondered if he'd imagine the whole thing when they first met. This wasn't how soulmates should be, was it? Nishinoya's face was scrunched up in anger. "You never know until you hit the damn thing. You know that. The next spike might be the one to break through! Don't you ever give up on a ball. Not while i'm keeping it in for you." He felt the broom stick snap under his foot and it might as well have been his heart. Yeah, this would never work out. He must have imagined it all.
Tanaka pulls Nishinoya off of him, "Noya, take it easy!"
Nishinoya is on the verge of tears, and Asahi feels a pressure building around his neck, making it hard to breathe, to think. It breaks him to hear Nishinoya's desperation. "I'm the libero. I'm the last defense. The team needs me! But, i can't score us points and I can't even attack either. So i don't care how many spikes get blocked, I'd never blame you for that, but quit, and I'll never be able to forgive you."
Then don't. He didn't deserve the forgiveness anyways. He kept his head down as he left the storage room. He was a failure. As an ace. As a person. As a soulmate.
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