Nanahara Loto, Heroic Mortal

[Ralodoc]

I will apologize right now, since this is my first character written to be critiqued by others.


Nanahara Loto


Heroic Mortal


Nature: Visionary


Concept: Martyr King


Attributes: Str 3, Dex 5, Sta 3, Cha 3, Man 1, App 2 , Per 3, Int 2, Wit 2


Abilities: Archery 1, Martial Arts 3, Thrown 1, Bureaucracy 1, Linguistics 2, Ride 2, Sail 1, Socialize 2, Athletics 3, Awareness 2, Dodge 2, Occult 1, Endurance 2, Presence 2, Resistance 1


Specialties: MA: Multiple Opponents 2, Opponents in Armor 2


Advantages: Willpower 7, Essence 1


Virtues: Compassion 2, Temperance 2, Conviction 3, Valor 3


Backgrounds: Followers 5, Influence 4, Resources 4, Mentor 1


Description: male, 26 years old, red hair, green eyes. 5'6" tall, weight 140. Athletic build, pale complextion. Perfers to wear clothes that do not stand out from the populous since, despite his position, he does not feel above his people.


Nanahara grew up poor as the son of a blacksmith in the town of Noble. Shortly after Nanahara turned 13, his father was forced to sell his shop to pay the tax of living on the Blessed Isle, leaving the family stranded in the streets. At age 15, his father gave him away to a noble family Loto who were loyal to the captain of the Guardians of Sion, Oak, and taught him basic martial arts and a way to live without the teachings of the Immaculate Order. He soon took their family name as his own and devoted his life to finding ways to topple the Dragon Blooded Gods that ruled over the Blessed Isle and parts of the rest of Creation. He found followers of his family's beliefs among the poor and outcaste of the Blessed Isle, and found a way to transport most of them off of the Island. Nanahara then led his people to the edge of the forests of the Kingdom of Halta and built the township of Sonne. The town is now only 4 years old, but for it's small size (only 700 people currently reside in the town, and more still come) it is quite efficient and formidable. Nearly every person in the town is willing to die for their small home, and they are willing to follow their leader to the ends of the earth. They do their absolute best to separate their town from that of the neighboring countries, and especially that of the Dragon Blooded nobility.

 

[Flagg]

This character has more than 3 dots of Specialties in one Ability.


-S

 

[Forn Clakes]

Advice is a tricky subject sometimes, but i'll try.  


The way i see it, there are never bad characters just bad character descriptions.  Try and go over every aspect of Nanaharo, from his Nature to his Backgrounds, and elaberate on each part, because even though it may be clear in your mind how Nanaharo thinks and acts, the rest of us can only visualize what is written.  


This is something that i myself used to do, alot    


Start with the simplest: Why is he a Visionary, what is it that makes him view the world in a different manner from the rest of Creation?


Another good series of points are to detail his Backgrounds: Who are his Followers, and why follow him? Who is his Mentor and what do they teach?


Don't fret on writing huge stories since a few sentences is all that is needed.


Other things include his Attributes in his description and the way he acts.  For example, so far he has an "athletic build", which is fine, but with a Strength of 3 and Dexterity of 5, a little more can be given.  Maybe his limbs are long and sinewy, with each graceful movement a delicate extension of his suppleness.  All it takes is a little thought.  Also, with Attributes, think on why they are that many dots, and attempt represent the numbers into a brief desription that comes across in his backstory.


Please don't scrap the character altogether (something else is was guilty of  :roll: ) because every character concept is a good one, full of wonderful ideas, just as long as a little time and effort is spent covering some basics.


~FC.

 

[Ralodoc]

good advice


Good advice that will be seriously noted. I'll see on fleshing it out a little better in the near future. As far as the specialty, I believe it was an oversight on my part. On the actual character I played, I changed it to three dots in multiple opponents, none in Armored Opponents.

 

[Forn Clakes]

Cool, hope to see a more fleshed out Nanahara Loto  


~FC.