Marcus McHenry
Otaku Shut-In
So I've decided to write a short story and I want to know what "you" think so far, since I'm not very good with grammar and I've never actually written anything before, please tell me what I should consider revising or anything else.
The story is about a young teen that lives through a tragic moment in his life, and all the while he has dreams as a secondary storyline that correspond to the main story.
Prologue
The sound of water rapidly raging in the creek below woke Sam. I must have fallen asleep. Sam propped himself up with one arm and noticed that he had fallen asleep on his precious novel;From White To Black. He cursed himself for ever falling asleep, its cover was bent and the dirty wood of the tree house had tainted the pages. He got over the aggravating incident and made his way down the tree house ladder to the cold ground. it is getting pretty cold outside, how long was I sleeping, the sun is starting to set. Sam's heart had dropped once the thought had crossed his mind. I better hurry back or else mama will be cross with me again. As Sam made his way through the forest that only he had known his way around, he began thinking about the story he was reading before he had fell asleep, trying to recall what had happened last.
The main protagonist Peyton, a scared young adult, was about to kill everyone a large amount of people he loved,though I, the reader do not have a clue why. Sam tried to figure out why the character of this story would do such a thing out of the blue. The author is most likely holding a large amount of information from the reader and will reveal it later for dramatic effect. "I'll just find out next time I read." He whispered. Sam saw his house in the distance; a white colored house that was two floors was very easy to see from such distance. He made his way up to his house and got onto the porch, it began to rain. He loved the rain because he enjoyed the sound of it hitting the glass of the window in his room. His mother greeted him at the entrance offering him a towel in case he had gotten wet, but he made it just in time. She must not be too worried about me getting in a little late. "Dinner is almost ready, it will be about half an hour."
"Kay. " He said softly while making his way upstairs to his bedroom. He opened the door which was white and had a glass doorknob. A cold breeze flown out of the room, the window was open from earlier when the house had gotten somewhat hot and humid. He closed it and then examined his room carefully. There was a bed in the center, a desk in front of the window since he liked looking out of it often when working or reading, and three bookshelves, each one containing the maximum amount of books it could hold. Sam absolutely loved reading and going into town to get new novels. especially books of fiction and ones that held tragic and heartfelt meanings. He put the book that he had brought back on his desk and threw himself on the bed ready to sleep again.
KNOCK KNOCK.
Sam had fallen asleep.
"Sam, dinner is ready."
"Okay I'll be down in a second." He yelled drowsily. He got up and noticed it was dark outside and light had no longer lit up his bedroom. He made his way downstairs and made himself a plate at the dinner table, it was him and his mother. Father had died before he could remember. I wonder what type of person he was...
"Sam." his mother said cautiously.
"Y-yes?" he responded as quickly as possible. Mother never talked during dinner, what could it be?
"Would you happen to remember Lexi?" she asked.
"Of course, She's my own sister." he said defensively.
"No, I mean remember her when she was still with us." she asked again.
"Oh. No not really, why?" he asked nervously and curiously.
"I have been notified that she is well enough to come back, I know you haven't been able to speak with her for so long and I have so, I'll fill you-"
"When!?"
"She will arrive tomorrow, but she may not remember you, so I just want you to get along since I'm relying on you to take care of her. She is still going to be weak for a while."
Mom seemed to be more mellow earlier before dinner. I wonder if she worries for Lexi? Or was upset for the situation itself. I know the scene will be somewhat depressing tomorrow, I'll be happy but at the same time sad. And she asked if I remember her from back then. The only thing I remember is how she looked unfortunately. I guess I didn't value those memories.
A long silence hung in the air and mentally for Sam. He got comfortable in bed and turned off the lights. The moonlight shone through the window and the trees in the distance were white. The rain must have turned to snow. Several minutes passed and he finished the thought. How beautiful.
Chapter 1
Sam walked through a dimly lit forest dressed in a long white wool cloak with the hood upon his head.He held his sword firm for anything and was keeping an eye out into the distance. He continued down the path towards the town of Ardony. He knew he stood out with the bright color of appearance but he doesn’t mind at all, he enjoys the color white and he imagines himself as a somewhat heroic godly being. Sam is sixteen years old and has left his hometown in search for fortune and meaning in his life, since the one he left behind had been shoddy enough as it was.Which was worse? He thought. dying a coward in an easy to live home. Or to die a hero in a battlefield. He had no idea since he thought both as pretty bad endings to a story or novel. Sam enjoyed Tragedies and complex endings to a story, ones that had consequential meanings, ones that he had no doubt in, had given thought to.
The town was barely visible in the distance and he picked up the pace a little. He had finally found a meaning, he was to find work to journey and venture on. He made his first steps into town and it was raging with people, buildings towering high so when he looked at them the sun was visible in the background and burnt him. The sound of a minstrel playing a violin was heard from a behind a building not far, the sound of chatter layered over it like an artfully made painting.
End of what I have so far.
The story is about a young teen that lives through a tragic moment in his life, and all the while he has dreams as a secondary storyline that correspond to the main story.
Prologue
The sound of water rapidly raging in the creek below woke Sam. I must have fallen asleep. Sam propped himself up with one arm and noticed that he had fallen asleep on his precious novel;From White To Black. He cursed himself for ever falling asleep, its cover was bent and the dirty wood of the tree house had tainted the pages. He got over the aggravating incident and made his way down the tree house ladder to the cold ground. it is getting pretty cold outside, how long was I sleeping, the sun is starting to set. Sam's heart had dropped once the thought had crossed his mind. I better hurry back or else mama will be cross with me again. As Sam made his way through the forest that only he had known his way around, he began thinking about the story he was reading before he had fell asleep, trying to recall what had happened last.
The main protagonist Peyton, a scared young adult, was about to kill everyone a large amount of people he loved,though I, the reader do not have a clue why. Sam tried to figure out why the character of this story would do such a thing out of the blue. The author is most likely holding a large amount of information from the reader and will reveal it later for dramatic effect. "I'll just find out next time I read." He whispered. Sam saw his house in the distance; a white colored house that was two floors was very easy to see from such distance. He made his way up to his house and got onto the porch, it began to rain. He loved the rain because he enjoyed the sound of it hitting the glass of the window in his room. His mother greeted him at the entrance offering him a towel in case he had gotten wet, but he made it just in time. She must not be too worried about me getting in a little late. "Dinner is almost ready, it will be about half an hour."
"Kay. " He said softly while making his way upstairs to his bedroom. He opened the door which was white and had a glass doorknob. A cold breeze flown out of the room, the window was open from earlier when the house had gotten somewhat hot and humid. He closed it and then examined his room carefully. There was a bed in the center, a desk in front of the window since he liked looking out of it often when working or reading, and three bookshelves, each one containing the maximum amount of books it could hold. Sam absolutely loved reading and going into town to get new novels. especially books of fiction and ones that held tragic and heartfelt meanings. He put the book that he had brought back on his desk and threw himself on the bed ready to sleep again.
KNOCK KNOCK.
Sam had fallen asleep.
"Sam, dinner is ready."
"Okay I'll be down in a second." He yelled drowsily. He got up and noticed it was dark outside and light had no longer lit up his bedroom. He made his way downstairs and made himself a plate at the dinner table, it was him and his mother. Father had died before he could remember. I wonder what type of person he was...
"Sam." his mother said cautiously.
"Y-yes?" he responded as quickly as possible. Mother never talked during dinner, what could it be?
"Would you happen to remember Lexi?" she asked.
"Of course, She's my own sister." he said defensively.
"No, I mean remember her when she was still with us." she asked again.
"Oh. No not really, why?" he asked nervously and curiously.
"I have been notified that she is well enough to come back, I know you haven't been able to speak with her for so long and I have so, I'll fill you-"
"When!?"
"She will arrive tomorrow, but she may not remember you, so I just want you to get along since I'm relying on you to take care of her. She is still going to be weak for a while."
Mom seemed to be more mellow earlier before dinner. I wonder if she worries for Lexi? Or was upset for the situation itself. I know the scene will be somewhat depressing tomorrow, I'll be happy but at the same time sad. And she asked if I remember her from back then. The only thing I remember is how she looked unfortunately. I guess I didn't value those memories.
A long silence hung in the air and mentally for Sam. He got comfortable in bed and turned off the lights. The moonlight shone through the window and the trees in the distance were white. The rain must have turned to snow. Several minutes passed and he finished the thought. How beautiful.
Chapter 1
Sam walked through a dimly lit forest dressed in a long white wool cloak with the hood upon his head.He held his sword firm for anything and was keeping an eye out into the distance. He continued down the path towards the town of Ardony. He knew he stood out with the bright color of appearance but he doesn’t mind at all, he enjoys the color white and he imagines himself as a somewhat heroic godly being. Sam is sixteen years old and has left his hometown in search for fortune and meaning in his life, since the one he left behind had been shoddy enough as it was.Which was worse? He thought. dying a coward in an easy to live home. Or to die a hero in a battlefield. He had no idea since he thought both as pretty bad endings to a story or novel. Sam enjoyed Tragedies and complex endings to a story, ones that had consequential meanings, ones that he had no doubt in, had given thought to.
The town was barely visible in the distance and he picked up the pace a little. He had finally found a meaning, he was to find work to journey and venture on. He made his first steps into town and it was raging with people, buildings towering high so when he looked at them the sun was visible in the background and burnt him. The sound of a minstrel playing a violin was heard from a behind a building not far, the sound of chatter layered over it like an artfully made painting.
End of what I have so far.
